That's precisely what was meant about it being a benefit to both halves to agree on things like that. I don't however think it's beneficial for one half to continually come up with explanations of why their desires are in fact a need. That generally sows seeds for trouble that bloom at really inconvenient times. ETA It's also notable that you're advocating that your upbringing is a valid reason for your preferences. Many responses here take the view that OP's future SIL should simply get over anything from his past. Sauce for the goose . . .