Issue w/playdate

[dismom2005]

Hi - I've got a question and I just wanted to get some advice. I am posting under my DIS alias because i've got pictures in my regular signature and I didn't want anyone in Real Life to see my question because I know some other people who DIS.

Anyway, my 5 year old son went to our neighbor's house for a playdate last week. We are relatively new to the area and get along great with all of our neighbors. This is not the first playdate with this little boy, who is also 5.

It's hard getting the whole story out of my 5 year old, however we found out that this other little boy asked my son to pull his pants off, and his underwear. My son then said he did it. He then said the little boy said that he can't tell anyone and that if he does he'll get in trouble.

Ok - that's the story. I know this other little boy is the same age, and it seems as if that is all that happened. DS5 said nothing else happened. I honestly think the whole situation is innocent, and I know that it's normal for kids to play "doctor" and things like that but I know that it bothered DS because of how he mentioned that he didn't want to take his pants off.

I don't want to pretend this incident didn't bother me, but I don't want to blow something out of proportion. DH and I said that if this issue is brought up again during another time the little boys play then at that point we'd have a talk with the child's parents. Does this seem reasonable?

 

[kdibattista]

I would definitely bring it up with the other parents now. I know it's perfectly normal to "explore" with other children but the part about "keeping it secret" makes me think that there might be something inappropriate going on with the other child.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would address this IMMEDIATELY, with the parents and the 5yo present.

#1...Your son will be affirmed in the fact he can come to you will the most uncomfortable thing and get resolution, aka, "you got his back". Afterall we hammer this info into their heads to "come to you", well, now what?

#2...A 5yo perspective is "off" and you do not know the number of times this has happened or how deep the rabbit hole goes.

 

[TheDisneyTraveler06]

I would definitely bring it up with the other parents now. I know it's perfectly normal to "explore" with other children but the part about "keeping it secret" makes me think that there might be something inappropriate going on with the other child.

 

[cinmell]

I would definitely bring it up with the other parents now. I know it's perfectly normal to "explore" with other children but the part about "keeping it secret" makes me think that there might be something inappropriate going on with the other child.

 

[swanmom]

I agree with the prvious posters and would add one thought - be sure to compliment your DS on his ability to recognize that you don't have to keep 'bad' secrets and that, if something makes you feel wrong or uncomfortable, that it's always OK to tell an adult. That's a very difficult concept for a kid his age and not an easy thing to do - he should definitely hear from his parents that he did the right thing. You should be proud of him.

 

[dismom2005]

Thank you to everyone for your good advice.

 

[dismom2005]

I agree with the prvious posters and would add one thought - be sure to compliment your DS on his ability to recognize that you don't have to keep 'bad' secrets and that, if something makes you feel wrong or uncomfortable, that it's always OK to tell an adult. That's a very difficult concept for a kid his age and not an easy thing to do - he should definitely hear from his parents that he did the right thing. You should be proud of him.

I completely agree. I wish I thought of saying that as you phrased it above right after he told us. I will reiterate that again to him, however he's not brought it up again and I don't want to make this issue larger than it was or upset him in any way.

I will start a conversation with him separately about bad secrets and how he can always come to us and tell us what's going on.