Is RSVPing a thing of the past? Vent inside....

[disney4us2002]

Last night we had my son's 8th birthday party. We hand-delived most of the invitations about 10 days beforehand. This was a party at a rather expensive indoor place geared for kids. It's not a national chain but I'm sure there are similar places. It has a huge climbing structure, rock climbing walls, video games, and laser tag. Kids love this place and it's always packed. Anyway, the smallest party package is 8 kids and includes all of the things I mentioned plus dinner (choice of pizza, chix nuggets, hamburger, etc), games, and a cake. We invited 12 kids knowing it's summer and many may be vacationing, etc. Only 3 kids rsvp'd, 2 yes and 1 no. Out of a possible 15 kids (12 plus my 3) there were 6 kids at this party. We still had to pay for 8 so my crazy hubby climbed the rock wall and played laser tag as well. I could tell my son was somewhat disappointed even though he didn't say as much.

So, is it too much to ask for a parent to pick up the phone and say "I'm sorry we can't make it."? I should also mention that Michael (birthday boy) has been to this place for at least 6 other parties so it's not like the parents don't realize it's expensive and you pay no matter how few there are. I'm feeling bummed for him because this seems to happen frequently to him with a summer birthday. Maybe I should start having an 'unbirthday' party for him sometime during the school year, lol.

 

[snoopy]

That is just so sad that only 25% of the people you invited were good enough to RSVP. I gotta say, I am just at a loss for words over this, and its not the first tme I have heard a story like yours.

We have always had family parties for our kids -- they have so many cousins on each side that we're never lacking in kids to play with -- so we have not encountered that sort of rudeness. I think I would be tempted to ask the parents who didn't respond why they didn't feel it necessary. I don't know if I would actually do it, but I'd be tempted.

I'm sorry that your son's bday party didn't have as many people as planned, but I'm glad to hear you and your DH made it fun for him anyway.

 

[lightningcoach]

Yes RSVP is a thing of the past. I used to think it was because people are too busy in their lives, but I really think it's a lack of etiquette knowledge. Now I try to do parties that involve only 1-2 good friends for DD. She has more fun and we have more money to do cooler things.

 

[pjlla]

I hear you!! Not only is RSVPing a thing of the past, but just general manners have seemed to disappear! We always end up with a few people that we have to call when I have my childrens' parties. We have also had people who didn't RSVP show up unexpectedly!! Fortunately I always make up a few extra goodie bags. I have also had (uninvited) siblings brought to parties, expecting to be able to fully participate and receive goodie bags and prizes...but again, I have learned to be prepared. (And I know that was the subject of another long thread!) I understand the need of having to bring along other children, but a word of warning to the party host is in order I believe.

I have run into the problem of the child (age 5 or 6) telling my DD or DS that they will be coming, but no phone call from an adult, so I am never sure if they are really coming! And I've even had adults not RSVP adult parties... so it not just children's parties that are the problem.... like I said, it is just general manners that are lacking today..... oh well. Just my .02 worth.............P

 

[vald1977]

The last pary my son attended the mother told me I was the ONLY person who called to RSVP! This was at McDonald's so it was a pay per child type of party too. I just don't know why people don't RSVP anymore .

 

[jkovick]

My sister's wedding was in May and she got less than half of the RSVPs back. She had to literally guess a number for the caterer.

 

[HollyJoy]

I've wondered this too. We had my DD's party last month at our community pool. There were only a couple of kids who didn't RSVP, and out of those, only one showed up. Luckily, he was a member of the pool, so I didn't have to pay for him. However, I had to make sure that I had goody bags for all of the kids I didn't hear from, just in case they showed up. So aggrivating!

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Originally posted by disney4us2002
So, is it too much to ask for a parent to pick up the phone and say "I'm sorry we can't make it."?

I have found from my similar frustrating experiences with RSVPs for kids parties, that it evidently IS too much to ask for a parent to be considerate enough to call...

My rule is that we call within 2 days of receiving an invitation-then I won't forget. AND I think it is REALLY rude to hang on until you think something better might show up. If someone is nice enough to invite us to a party, we will respond-yes or no...That is just common courtesy, and I don't see any reason why someone can't do it.

This is a real "hot button" for me, don't get me started...

I just don't get it..

HollyJoy, those are the most beautiful girls I have ever laid eyes on!!

 

[CEDmom]

I have to say I am astounded by the amount of people that don't think it's a big deal not to RSVP and don't even get me started on not sending thank you notes.

I'm sorry your DS didn't have a better turn out. I hope he had a great time anyway and I bet he loved having his dad participate.

I understand about summer birthdays though. DD's is at the end of August and we're not having her party until the middle of Sept.

 

[Dan Murphy]

If people showed up without responding, I would tell them they would probably not be eating as we had not planned on their being there. Rudeness is not acceptable.

 

[auntpolly]

For my DD's graduation party, I got on the phone and called them if they didn't RSVP. I felt like an idiot. And I probably made them feel the same. But I needed to know whethere they were coming or not! It wasn't an open house - I needed a number to tell the caterer!

I don't understand this current trend - didn't all of our mothers teach us to RSVP and send thank you notes????

 

[powellrj]

I have given up on the whole RSVP thing. I will only have parties that it doesn't matter how many people show up. This year for my DD we had a pool party at the gym, so it didn't matter how many came, it was a set price. I made cupcakes and had little cups of ice cream and juice pouches so everything could be used at home if everyone didn't show up. I did include our phone # on the invatation in case there were any questions. Well several people did call and RSVP, but the problem was...... these were the people that didn't show up......AFTER they called and said they would be there..... like I said, I give up on RSVPs.

 

[BrerMom]

Summer birthdays are hard, but DS' isn't much better. His is the first week of January. People don't want to come because they're tired from Christmas activities and here, there's always the threat of a blizzard.

I am seriously thinking about sending out invitations, but not put the location. You don't RSVP? You don't know where the party is.

Birthdays are little compared to weddings. How in the world do brides tolerate the lack of RSVPs???

 

[zakatak]

BrerMom! That is BRILLIANT! Yes, I like that idea... no address unless you RSVP!

For my youngest dd's birthday in June (she turned 4), one Mom rsvp'd then one week before the party left a message on my machine (I saw her at preschool) saying they had "forgot" a previous engagement and wouldn't be able to attend. I don't believe for a minute or else she would have had the courtesy to tell me to my face. She had to hide behind the answering machine because "something better came up".

I end up inviting a couple kids to the house along with family. That way, I don't end up paying an arm and a leg for kids who don't show up. I am also cutting off parties at 9. When you turn 9, you can have a couple friends over for a sleepover pizza party, no gifts necessary. I think in third grade that would be more memorable and fun anyways.

My dd(5) has a birthday coming up in August. I am going to personally call some of her friends, one week before hand and invite them. This way, I'll keep calling friends until I have 3 for sures. Skip the whole RSVP invitation thing totally!

Karen

 

[Patabel]

It's appalling, I agree. It's gotten so bad that its created a new industry. When DD got married last year, we discovered that there are companies you can hire to make those follow-up calls to non-rsvp'ers. Not one or two companies to choose from, but dozens! How sad is that?!

 

[j's m]

I always thought it was just the rude people in my town, but it looks like everywhere from this thread.

My DS has an August birthday and EVERY year we go through the same thing. Our response rate is about 50 % and that includes responses from best friends included. To get the minimum 8 for bowling parties, basketball parties,etc we need to invite usually double the amount.

A few years ago, I tried calling to follow up, but all I got during the summer were answering machines and the kids themselves. I usually assume that if they don't call, they aren't coming, but I always have enough goodie bags in case they do come.

But the biggest problem I have, are the ones that RSVP and don't show up! We even had one call the morning of the party, apologize for not RSVPing on time, say they're coming and then no show up.

But my biggest worry is that one of these times, no one will show up and we won't know until the party starts. How can you protect your dear child feelings from this?

 

[suzannews]

We just went through this in May for my DD 9th bday. Sent out 33 invites 2 weeks before, no RSVPs. Started calling, emailing and had her teacher write a note on the board where the kids copy homework. The ice cream shop where we were having the party was looking for a number so they could buy the plates, cups, etc in the Hello Kitty theme my DD picked. I finally just said buy everything in plain solid colors so you can use them for another event. A few days before we got a few responses, the day of we got two calls saying they would be there. Whatever. I told my daughter that next year, she could pick 2 or 3 friends for a movie and pizza.

 

[Amberle3]

I haven't sent out wedding invitations yet (wedding is almost a year away) but I'm anticipating going through this then. It bothers me to no end when people don't RSVP. And it's not just personal things that people "forget" to RSVP for. I run a tour company and I allow people to book seats and then send payment in later. It works fine 99% of the time, and then you get people who book, and then either "forget" they've booked and commit themselves to something else, or "forget" about the other commitment. Most of these people call to cancel, but you'd be surprised at the number that don't call at all. I've started calling them and saying "Gee, it's a good thing I called you because we do have a booking contract and your deadline to cancel was 3 days ago. But I'll be nice and let you cancel without penalty this time, otherwise you'd still have owed the full amount even if you couldn't go."

And I agree about thankyou cards, don't even get me started on those. My cousin lives in another province and I have had to call them to make sure they received gifts, since otherwise I would have had no way of knowing. I think they got the hint, since for the last little while we have at least had some kind of "thanks", although at christmas it was a generic "thank you for the gift" that - since it made no mention of the gift or the sender - I suspect was actually sent off as a form letter to several people.

For the wedding, my plan is to call each and every person that does not RSVP. We're having to pare the list down enough as it is due to the limited capacity of the venue, and then of course having the dinner catered, that I want to know *exactly* how many people will be attending. Yes, I'm a stickler for details. And I know I'm bound to make myself unpopular with some of the inlaws.

The biggest problem I forsee is the extra, uninvited people previously mentioned. We're printing the invitations ourselves (since the list is relatively small) and I plan on putting each name on the response card with "will / will not" attend. I've been through the various etiquette books/sites and have found that "and guest" is not appropriate, that you're supposed to know the names of everyone you're inviting to the wedding. Fine with me, I can get the names. But for the Cousin Joe's who date a different person each week - nope, they don't get to bring DotW to the wedding. And I am perfectly okay with calling them and politely saying "Hi there Cousin Joe, nice to talk to you. We're so glad that you'll be able to make it to the wedding. Unfortunately, because of space limitations, we're only able to fit just those that were invited, and we really aren't able to accommodate any extra people at the wedding, so unfortunately we just don't have room for DotW. Sorry". And if that's enough to make Cousin Joe say "Fine, I'm not coming then" well that's okay by me.

And since it is a destination wedding, and we'll have to fly there, and then back home again after, and then off to the honeymoon a few days later, I am seriously thinking about bringing the thankyou cards with me and doing those on the plane on the way home. That way people won't have to wait too long to receive them.

 

[buzzlady]

I agree that it is rude not to RSVP. That being said, I guess I was one of them this past school year. The last few days of school, my DS cleaned out his desk and brought the contents home. Inside the papers was an invitation that he had had in his desk for a long time.

 

[Mimi Q]

I don't even bother putting RSVP on DD's invitations anymore. No one ever bothered to respond. It does make planning a little more challenging.