Is not allowing your child to nap child abuse?

[NikitaZee]

I know someone who has a baby that just turned one year old. She does not allow the child to take a nap during the day because she wants her to go to bed at 8:30 at night. The child is obviously tired, rubbing her eyes, laying her head down on the couch, yawning, etc. but she snatches her up and gets her moving so she does not fall asleep.
I asked her why and she says if she takes a nap, she won't go to sleep until 10 or 11 at night. So she is making her stay awake all day just so she does not have to deal with her at night? I was thinking that it was probably a phase the baby was going through when she would not go to sleep at night after a nap - my kids all did that.
What do you think? My sister says it's child abuse because she won't let her baby sleep when she is obviously tired.

If the baby was able to be distracted, over and over, and went to bed and slept all night I'd think what mom was doing was fine. If the baby was falling asleep, being woken right up, crying, trying to get to sleep over and over, crying over and over etc - I'd think it was irresponsible, selfish and depriving the baby of sleep she obviously needed. So I guess it would depend on how the baby handled it.

 

[luvmy3]

the OP said the baby is obviously tired. if the baby is obviously tired, then he/she probably needs a nap. i think keeping a baby up all day long is probably not best for the baby. IMO

in response to other posts, none of my kids were the type who could fall asleep anywhere. they'd just get cranky until we put them in their crib. the only exceptions to that were if they were in the car or in their stroller.

Yes she is obviously tired so either she would fall asleep anywhere or she would be cranky and then go to bed earlier than 10 or 11 PM.

When my kids needed sleep, they fell asleep. I have some cute pics of my one ds asleep standing in is exersaucer, and my other one sound asleep standing in his jolly jumper.
I don't know how the mom's baby in the OPs story is, but if a baby needs sleep, that baby will fall asleep. I don't mean just being plain old tired, I mean being sleep deprived and exhausted. Keeping a baby awake when he or she is tired isn't cruel IMO, no more cruel then shlepping them around Disney parks overstimulating them all day, anyway

 

[fairestoneofall]

Yes she is obviously tired so either she would fall asleep anywhere or she would be cranky and then go to bed earlier than 10 or 11 PM.

When my kids needed sleep, they fell asleep. I have some cute pics of my one ds asleep standing in is exersaucer, and my other one sound asleep standing in his jolly jumper.
I don't know how the mom's baby in the OPs story is, but if a baby needs sleep, that baby will fall asleep. I don't mean just being plain old tired, I mean being sleep deprived and exhausted. Keeping a baby awake when he or she is tired isn't cruel IMO, no more cruel then shlepping them around Disney parks overstimulating them all day, anyway

the OP said the baby IS cranky. that's the point. i can distract my baby to a point. he still shows signs of being tired. it may keep him from falling asleep for a little bit, but it doesn't really get rid of the crankiness.

and truly, not all kids can fall asleep anywhere. mine can't.

again, i am not a witness to the situation, so i can't say 100%. i can only speak from my own personal experience with my kids. i'm also wondering how late the baby sleeps every morning.

we took a lot of breaks on our recent WDW trip. i've never spent so much time at our resort! frankly, if my baby is cranky, it makes me cranky. i'm just being honest! and no, we don't usually do everything centered around him. but if i could take him back to the room and let him sleep (while everyone else stayed in the parks and had fun), it didn't hurt anyone and certainly helped him.

 

[FigmentFinder]

16 hours of sleep at 1? Can somebody tell my daughter that's how much she needs. She sleeps 10 hours at night (9-7) and maybe 1 during the day.

I won't let her nap if she wants one too late, say after 3. I would keep her up until closer to a normal bedtime. But I'm also evil enough to wake my toddler up from a nap during the rare times she sleeps for too long. Sorry, but I agree with the OP's friend. I am not chasing a toddler around my house until midnight for the sake of daytime sleep.

 

[Sabrefan]

16 hours of sleep at 1? Can somebody tell my daughter that's how much she needs. She sleeps 10 hours at night (9-7) and maybe 1 during the day.

I won't let her nap if she wants one too late, say after 3. I would keep her up until closer to a normal bedtime. But I'm also evil enough to wake my toddler up from a nap during the rare times she sleeps for too long. Sorry, but I agree with the OP's friend. I am not chasing a toddler around my house until midnight for the sake of daytime sleep.

 

[MichelleVW]

16 hours of sleep at 1? Can somebody tell my daughter that's how much she needs. She sleeps 10 hours at night (9-7) and maybe 1 during the day.

I won't let her nap if she wants one too late, say after 3. I would keep her up until closer to a normal bedtime. But I'm also evil enough to wake my toddler up from a nap during the rare times she sleeps for too long. Sorry, but I agree with the OP's friend. I am not chasing a toddler around my house until midnight for the sake of daytime sleep.

Seriously! I work in the infant room of a daycare and I don't think we have any kids that sleep 16 hours total a day. (well...we do have one that in our opinion sleeps a little too much, but I don't think even she sleeps 16 hours a day!)

 

[lovin'fl]

I find it strange. I remember looking very much forward to the 2 hour break during the day when my kids would nap...the longer the better (of course, in 1999, I had 3 kids who were 2 and under). I'd much rather have that break and have my kids up until 10PM than have to deal with a grumpy kid all day who goes to bed at 8:30. When my kids were about 3 or 4, I remember keeping them from napping in the afternoon because they, at that age, would like to nap around dinner time and then they'd be wide awake way past 10pm. But 1 is way too young for that. Poor baby!!!

 

[cornflake]

I find it strange. I remember looking very much forward to the 2 hour break during the day when my kids would nap...the longer the better. I'd much rather have that break and have my kids up until 10PM than have to deal with a grumpy kid all day who goes to bed at 8:30. When my kids were about 3 or 4, I remember keeping them from napping in the afternoon because they, at that age, would like to nap around dinner time and then they'd be wide awake way past 10pm. But 1 is way too young for that. Poor baby!!!

Yeah but the problem can be if they then want to stay up til 10 and then will sleep until 10am but you all have to be out of the house by 8 or whatever. That sounds like the issue the woman is trying to avoid.

 

[cornflake]

Seriously! I work in the infant room of a daycare and I don't think we have any kids that sleep 16 hours total a day. (well...we do have one that in our opinion sleeps a little too much, but I don't think even she sleeps 16 hours a day!)

Heh a friend of mine would probably sleep close to that now if you leave them alone to do it, and, as a baby, was freakishly sleepy. To the point that the parents kept forgetting the existance of said baby and leaving it in the house inadvertently because it was always quietly asleep while the elder siblings were causing a ruckus.

Some people don't need a lot of sleep, some do, heh.

 

[luvsJack]

Babies are very adaptable in their scheduling. Parents live and work all kinds of schedule and their children CAN adapt without ill effects.

Its just a matter of getting them on the schedule that is needed and maybe that is just what this mom is trying to do.

Some babies take late naps, stay up later and sleep late in the mornings. Some are one the "normal" schedule of mid day naps, bedtime at 9 or so, and rising early. Some babies take no naps, go down for the night fairly early and get up early. None of these schedules are wrong or bad and its not wrong to get your baby's schedule to match what is needed or is best for your life.

Of my own children, oldest took 2 naps a day until he was 18 months old. Younger ds was down to one nap before 12 months and completely stopped napping soon after. Both went to bed at night around 8-9. Oldest slept later in the mornings, younger was up with the sun. I didn't work the first couple years of their lives, so I went with the schedule they each fell into.

DD was different. I had to be at work at 5:30 a.m. (child care so she went with me). She was down for the night by 7:30 and up around 4:30. She took a nap at the center around 11:30, at most for an hour. When the naps started interfering with the early bedtime, they were shortened. It was necessary for her to go to bed early as we had to get up very early and to have a happy little girl that early, she needed to get her sleep at night.

 

[Colleen27]

If you know you have to wake them at a certain time to get to work then it would be a good idea to get them to bed at a reasonable time so they get that sleep.

Nobody said the kid is the center of the universe but if you can't alter your life to adjust to their needs maybe you need to re think having them. Infants/toddlers/young kids have certain needs in regards to sleep and nutrition..if you are unwilling to do what is needed for them and/or can't see outside your own wants/schedule/needs and making them fit it and as a result do not do what is in their best interest yes that is selfish.

But isn't that what this mom is trying to do? Adjust her baby's sleep schedule so that the baby is getting his/her needed sleep at the same times as the rest of the family?

Most people really don't have a lot of ability to alter their sleep/wake patterns to accommodate a child's whims, and I really don't understand how something as simple and time-tested as keeping a baby/toddler awake during the day so he'll sleep at night has somehow become controversial to the point of being labelled abusive. If you'd suggested to our parents' generation that they should have let us sleep when we felt like it, wake when we felt like it, and just "adjusted" their schedules to accommodate that they'd have fallen over laughing.

 

[Hannathy]

But isn't that what this mom is trying to do? Adjust her baby's sleep schedule so that the baby is getting his/her needed sleep at the same times as the rest of the family?

Most people really don't have a lot of ability to alter their sleep/wake patterns to accommodate a child's whims, and I really don't understand how something as simple and time-tested as keeping a baby/toddler awake during the day so he'll sleep at night has somehow become controversial to the point of being labelled abusive. If you'd suggested to our parents' generation that they should have let us sleep when we felt like it, wake when we felt like it, and just "adjusted" their schedules to accommodate that they'd have fallen over laughing.

Heck go back 35-50+ yrs and babies didn't even eat on their own schedule!!
Can you imagine the uproar now if a baby was made to wait to eat at a certain hour on the clock?

 

[sookie]

I know someone who has a baby that just turned one year old. She does not allow the child to take a nap during the day because she wants her to go to bed at 8:30 at night. The child is obviously tired, rubbing her eyes, laying her head down on the couch, yawning, etc. but she snatches her up and gets her moving so she does not fall asleep.
I asked her why and she says if she takes a nap, she won't go to sleep until 10 or 11 at night. So she is making her stay awake all day just so she does not have to deal with her at night? I was thinking that it was probably a phase the baby was going through when she would not go to sleep at night after a nap - my kids all did that.
What do you think? My sister says it's child abuse because she won't let her baby sleep when she is obviously tired.

Makes no sense. The baby needs a nap developmentally. Would probably still go down at 8:30PM with the nap. What time does she get up with her?

 

[Mermaid02]

If my baby was up until 10 or 11 if they napped I wouldn't be letting them nap either. Sounds to me like the Mom is just adjusting the child's sleep pattern and I see nothing wrong with that.

 

[Hannathy]

Makes no sense. The baby needs a nap developmentally. Would probably still go down at 8:30PM with the nap. What time does she get up with her?

No they don't need a nap developmentally, it depends on the child. My DD never napped and was up to 10 even without napping and she has developed just fine!
When she was 1 she would be up from about 8 AM till 10 PM. On the rare occasion she would nap -fall asleep in the car, although I tried my best to prevent it, she would be up till midnight easily. So No the child may not go to bed at 8:30 even if she napped.

 

[Coconut36]

No they don't need a nap developmentally, it depends on the child. My DD never napped and was up to 10 even without napping and she has developed just fine!
When she was 1 she would be up from about 8 AM till 10 PM. On the rare occasion she would nap -fall asleep in the car, although I tried my best to prevent it, she would be up till midnight easily. So No the child may not go to bed at 8:30 even if she napped.

I had non nappers too but if a child is trying to sleep/showing signs as it was implied in the OP the child wanted to sleep but was being forced to stay awake then that particular child needs a nap and it is developmentally necessary/appropriate for them.