is it rude to make an ADR for our 1st night, if there is a chance we'll cancel it?

your intention is to go but you just want to ensure should you not be able to get to the ressie are you OK to cancel.

in my eyes this isn't rude but rather considerate to know the possible reality of traveling with kids. Make the reservation but cancel asap once you know if it's a no-go.
 
Here's the answer from the Dining FAQ page.

http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/faq/dining/#subCategory5


What if I need to cancel my Walt Disney World Resort restaurant reservations?

Each Walt Disney World Resort restaurant maintains its own cancellation policy. When making your arrangements online or by phone, be sure to check the restaurant′s cancellation policy. This will help avoid charges that may apply for cancellations or no shows.

Hope this helps...
 
-Cinderella's Royal Table (I think it will be a full princess dinner by the time you're there, but it would be a shame to have to cancel that one!)

Be careful with this one if you choose it for your arrival day. I believe it has to be cancelled a minimum of 24 hours in advance or they charge your credit card. So if there is a chance that you will want to cancel the ADR the day of arrival I wouldn't book this one for that day.

As for your original question...no I don't think it's rude. You have kids, you need to feed them dinner by all means make the reservation. If you decide the kids are too tired and just aren't up to it cancel. As a diner I would rather you cancel then push the kids and have them have a melt down at dinner. That's not fun for the kid, you or the people dining around you.
 















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