Is it lying if you omit details?

[Skywalker]

If it was intentionally withheld then yes it is a lie...the intent to deceive is there. That is not the same as an "oh gee whiz it was so inconsequential I didn't even think to mention it" type of thing. Common sense will always tell you which one of those it really was!

 

[Andy B]

I don't see why you are asking this, it seems that he did in fact tell you he met her and it seems he has to when picking up children, you seem to know who walked to who but do you expect een more level of detail? It seems he has to have some contact with her despite the court order but I do not think he should be recounting any conversation word for word.

What is the motive of your question?

 

[livie1205]

just a warning if she called the cops and said they spoke even if she came over to him HE can be arrested for breaking the restraining order ....my dh worked in warrants for years and they also handled those...her talking to him does not viod anything....now if she is calling him and stuff he should take it back to court and get it dropped.

 

[FredinFL]

Lying by omission is still lying. Plain and simple.

 

[msjprincess]

What is it that he left out exactly?

 

[tlbwriter]

Yes, it's lying by omission. If he's lying to protect himself I'd be upset. If he's lying to protect me (knowing it would upset me, and there's nothing I can do about it) I would not be bothered.

 

[pioneer89]

Lying by omission is still lying. Plain and simple.

I think the key point in this thread is that it's not "Plain and simple".

Here's something that happened to me IRL a few years back: I saw an ex-girlfriend at the mall, and she says "you know, I really miss you, want to go out later and try to patch things up?" I told her I was happy with my current GF, and we would not be getting back together. Was I lying when my current GF later asked: "Anything interesting happen today?" and I told her "Nope, not much"?

Maybe it's a guy thing, but I don't like manufacturing drama. If something happened, but it's resolved and done, dredging it up later so all my moves can be nit-picked is not high on my agenda.

I find it hard to come up with an example of a "lie of omission" that can't be better described as simply a lie.



But it's an interesting though exercise. Back to my example, if I would have said "I ran into Andrea today at the Mall." and my GF said "What did you talk about", and I said "nothing important, just chit-chat". Would that have been a lie of omission? I left out the part where the ExGF asked me out, but if that truely was not important to me, was it a lie?

 

[smb6]

To me - lying is decieving someone. So omiting facts can certainly be lying IMHO.

 

[tlbwriter]

But it's an interesting though exercise. Back to my example, if I would have said "I ran into Andrea today at the Mall." and my GF said "What did you talk about", and I said "nothing important, just chit-chat". Would that have been a lie of omission? I left out the part where the ExGF asked me out, but if that truely was not important to me, was it a lie?

But you left out the part that would have made me (if I were your GF) happy - that she wants you back and you turned her down because you're happy with me!

 

[happily single]

just a warning if she called the cops and said they spoke even if she came over to him HE can be arrested for breaking the restraining order ....my dh worked in warrants for years and they also handled those...her talking to him does not viod anything....now if she is calling him and stuff he should take it back to court and get it dropped.

THanks Livie. He and I are both well aware of that. He has been fighting the Restraining Order, but the first time they went to court she pulled the "Oh, I think I need a lawyer, I need time" which the judge granted then they went to Court and they continued it for six weeks but gave him supervised visits; then she wasn't sure if she wanted to continue... Don't even get me started.

Anyways, normally she brings them to his dad's and he will get there moments later. Not sure what prompted him to go there to pick them up

THe omission is that there was a discussion between the two of them that he has not told me about; there are other omissions that I won't get into, but I know its to protect me from getting upset. But I see the omission as a Lie and therefor am upset. Guess there's really no way for him to win

 

[tlbwriter]

THe omission is that there was a discussion between the two of them that he has not told me about; there are other omissions that I won't get into, but I know its to protect me from getting upset. But I see the omission as a Lie and therefor am upset. Guess there's really no way for him to win

I would sit down with him and tell him that you appreciate him trying to keep you from getting upset, but to you, it's better to know and be upset than to not be told and feel like you're not getting the truth. But you also have to promise not to "punish" him when he does tell you.

 

[mamacatnv]

Guess there's really no way for him to win

Pretty much. You either trust him or you don't

 

[TLSnell1981]

THe omission is that there was a discussion between the two of them that he has not told me about; there are other omissions that I won't get into, but I know its to protect me from getting upset. But I see the omission as a Lie and therefor am upset. Guess there's really no way for him to win

Do you expect to know every detail? He has no privacy? He must discuss EVERYYHING with you, or else, he's lying? As a PP stated, either you trust him or you don't..IMO

 

[ols386]

I think like some other posters who have said, either you trust him or you don't.

Maybe if he omits information, it's because he thinks you don't need to know.

And in all honesty, if he's doing nothing wrong, then maybe you don't really need to know every little detail.

 

[mickeyboat]

I don't see this as a lie of omission, or a trust problem. But it is a problem. You have asked for the information (details of the conversation) and he refuses to give it to you. If your relationship is to go the distance, you should both be secure enough to be able to talk to one another about anything - even if it is uncomfortable, even if it will upset the other person.

 

[msjprincess]

Did the discussion have to do with you?

or them getting back together or something like that?

 

[mamacatnv]

I don't see this as a lie of omission, or a trust problem. But it is a problem. You have asked for the information (details of the conversation) and he refuses to give it to you. If your relationship is to go the distance, you should both be secure enough to be able to talk to one another about anything - even if it is uncomfortable, even if it will upset the other person.

I missed that. She did? He did? what I read was that she heard about something that he did not mention - I'm actually confused between her original post and her examples. I am not sure they are one in the same.
Bottom line for me so far is that she seems to have very high expectations to the point that even she said "he can't win"

 

[TLSnell1981]

I don't see this as a lie of omission, or a trust problem. But it is a problem. You have asked for the information (details of the conversation) and he refuses to give it to you. If your relationship is to go the distance, you should both be secure enough to be able to talk to one another about anything - even if it is uncomfortable, even if it will upset the other person.

I've been married for 30 years. I do not need to be privy to every detail of DH's private conversations or know every move he makes. While, a couple should be able to talk about anything...doesn't mean they must. I believe, trust and respect are vital to a lasting and secure relationship. Again, MO.

 

[IdesOmarch]

Kind of like, "well I ran into my ex today .....and....yada yada yada... I"m really sore and tired today." If you yada yada over sex, yes big deal, if you yada yada over a quick chit chat, probably no big deal.