Is it ever okay.....

[mommaU4]

to disipline someone else's child? And by disipline, I don't mean beat them or throw them in a closet or anything extreme, just by telling them to not do something or whatever.

I ask this because when we go to the fast food play areas it never fails that there are kids there who are just going wild. Some are far to big to even be in the play area in the first place but I don't mind if they were well behaved. One time we went and there were these two boys who must have been about 12 or 13 and they were throwing those colored plastic balls at all the smaller kids including mine.

Their parents didn't say anything to them, they were busy talking among themselves. My DD5 came over and complained that they were scaring her. I didn't know if I should say something to the parents or to the kids. I'm not sure either would have worked because the parents could see what they were doing and didn't care.

It ended up that it was time for us to head out anyway so I didn't say anything but it stuck with me. It's probably a good thing we left because I was pretty ticked off and might have caused more of a scene than I wanted to. Don't mess with my kids.

What should you do in a situation like that, or at a park, or a party, when a child is acting up and the parent is not doing anything? When do you have the right to say something to another kid? And what if they don't listen to you? Can you beat them then? Just kidding, calm down.

 

[Microcell]

I do. I just jump in and verbally tell them to stop, that it is not nice and why. I treat them like my own, and I have gotten shot dirty looks from the parent, but never a word!

I usually have to tell kids to take turns at those places!

I get passive aggressive when kids don't listen to me, I talk to my kids about "other peoples children" and how some kids must be raised in a barn...


Twice I have literally blocked a childs path when they knock over my three year old to cut in line, but don't worry flamers, I never physically touch them, I am not interested in going to jail for an ill mannered kid!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

In your particular case I would have told the manager of the restaurant and let them handle it. If if were at a playground I would say something to the child if they are that old. I would encouage my child to try and handle it, with a nice loud voice, "don't throw the ball at me, I don't like it!", but in the case of a 5yo and 12-13yos that might not be realistic. I would then speak up and say basically the same thing. Express concern for the safety of the younger children while giving the older children a change to reconsider what they are doing. If it were to then continue I would go to the parents. It's different if all the children are young--then I'm more likely to go to the parents, but I do prefer to gently handle it at the time with the actual children and have my child tell the other kids not to do whatever it is. That way they learn the skills that they can use when the parent is not there (ie at school).

 

[nowellsl]

If they were too tall to be in the play area (most places have a height restriction) I would complain to the management. If not I would say to my daughter something like "why don't you come on out now, these boys are throwing things and you may get hurt" loud enough for the boys and their parents to hear.

 

[mrsv98]

I have said something to children before and frankly, I don't care if their parents like it or not. Once in a "tree house" play area in one of our malls, a little boy was taking a bottle of water and splashing it all around. I told him to stop and followed him around making sure he didn't do it again. I also looked for someone who was looking after him. Of course, his caregiver had dropped him off, being 4 or 5 he was well able to look after himself , and it was probably close to 10 mins before she showed up. He ran up to her and they left before I could say anything but at least my watching him made him stop.

There is another place DD likes to play and it infuriates me because there are always kids who are way too big to be playing in the area chasing each other and playing tag. I have often told them to slow down and reminded them there are little kids around.

Sorry if I "offend" those parents but tough, I am not going to have my child bowled over, again, by their over-age, out of control children!

*steps off soap box*

 

[Aidensmom]

I am sure that the other children's parents are not happy about it, but I do say something to other children when what they are doing is negatively affecting other children there (even if those children are not mine).

For example, I have been to the playground where older children are not letting the younger children go down the slide or are shoving ahead of the smaller children, etc. I tell them they need to take turns.

I also had a child about 6 or 7 years old push my son off the top rung of a slide ladder which was about 5 feet off the ground when my son was 2. My son's leg got stuck on the lowest rung, or he would have gone down head first on the ground. The child's parent just sat there. I disciplined the kid, then disciplined the parent.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

Is it right? I have no idea. But I see nothing wrong with saying something to the kids. No cussing, no yelling, no making a huge scene. Just telling them that they are wrong and they should stop. I have done it many times. I have a water retention sump behind my house and kids go in there all the time and do really unintelligent things. They have been known to start fires in there during a huge drought. A group of kids were playing paint ball and many were coming into my yard and hitting my pool and nearly missing me and my dog. I yelled at them that they are tresspassing and they quickly ran off.

To hit another persons child is wrong but to simply tell them that what they are doing is uncalled for isn't exactly the end of the world.

 

[Beth76]

If they are affecting my child or another child and I see the behavior I will say something. Is it right? Hell yeah! I don't care if the other parent doesn't like it. If a kid is bothering my child I will say something. I do say it nicely though. We were at a McD's playplace the other day and my 4yo came back to the table looking sort of sad. He told me some boys slapped him in the face. Well, I didn't see any red marks and I didn't see the hitting. I asked him if he was ok and he said yes, but he wanted to go home. So we went home and I gave him the schpiel about not hitting back etc. If I had seen the hitting, I definitely would have said something though.

 

[pkasbohm]

I would have said something in that situtation. I would have just nicely asked them to please stop throwing balls at other children. If they didn't stop then I would have probably went over and said something to the parents hoping that they would say something. Sometimes parents don't realize that their children are doing something that isn't appropriate. If that didn't work then I would tell my kids that it is time to go because some people are not playing nice. It is a shame that your kids have to leave if others aren't playing nice but atleast you know they will still be safe and not get hurt. That is how i would handle the situation. May not be right but that is how I would do it.

 

[Freyja]

I discipline other kids verbally at any time, if neccesary. I also expect others to do the same to my kids if needed. Don´t really care how other parents feel about it...

 

[BelleMcNally]

This is a very timely thread, as I was just talking to my family about this the other day.

I live in Chicago and take the train ("L", the subway) to work in the mornings and home at night. The other evening, there were two girls, I'd say about 7 and 10, in school uniforms in the same train car as I was. They were not only yelling at the top of their lungs, but wresting and hitting each other, so that they were rolling all over the floor of the car and into other seats, passengers, etc.

It was terribly annoying, and I was also worried they might get hurt if the train had to brake suddenly and they weren't in their seats. No one said anything for a long while, until one man, who had obviously had enough, said, "Ladies, sit down and behave yourselves. This is public transportation."

They were quiet for a total of 20 seconds after that. I didn't see any kind of caretaker with them. I really kind of felt sorry for them because they didn't have anyone to care that they were riding the train through downtown Chicago by themselves, wrestling and screaming.

I think the man was well within his rights, but I'm sure many people would disagree.

It's a good question--when does a person have the right to reprimand a child that isn't their own?

 

[jgmklmhem]

My rule on this is if it is affecting other kids negatively (mine or others) or is endangering the children who are doing wrong then I almost feel it is my obligation to correct the behavior or alert the authorities (store manager or parents). Different situations call for different actions. I would feel terrible if someone got hurt and I could have stopped it Parent's feelings be damned.

 

[disykat]

I do. I just put on my teacher voice as if I'm on the playground. Hurray to the guy on the train! In my case, I've never spoken to a child who had a parent around to care. Usually those parents are strangely absent so I assume they're EXPECTING me to watch out for their kids. I wouldn't be as likely if there were parents there - I might talk to the parent instead.

 

[agnes!]

If the minor in question is endangering himself or others or is damaging the property of others, then yes, I *will* say something. But just remember...no good deed goes unpunished . Parents of the offenders might not appreciate an adult correcting their offspring.

One time on the church playground, I stopped a kid from hitting my DD on her head with a hard plastic toy hoe/rake. Did the other mom appreciate this? No, she ripped into me for speaking directly to her child. I was thinking, Well excuse me, but I didn't have time to interrupt your conversation with someone else with your back to your kid to tell you that your darling was going to split my DD's head open before your kid actually *did* so.

Once, when I was working retail, I stopped a toddler from going out the front door that led directly into a busy parking lot. In that case, the parent was grateful. And I was thankful that I didn't stand by & possibly let that little boy get hurt.

In both cases, I have no regrets, because the outcome was good...in both cases I spoke up and kept children from being hurt. But I am in the process of learning to bite my tongue sometimes...because I have come to realize my standards (especially regarding public behavior), are not the standards of others.

And sometimes you might have to say something directly to an out-of-control child because the parents are nowhere around or are not immediately obvious.

agnes!

 

[allie&mattsmom]

I do when it comes to my kids. It infuriates me when kids are being out of control or mean and it is directed toward or affecting my kids. Here's a situation that recently happened that had me pretty fit to be tied! My kids go to a catholic school and on Friday mornings they have a 9:15 mass that I sometimes go to. After mass, I was waiting outside in the community room for my DS-8 to come out so I could say hi. He sees me standing there and walks over to give me a hug and this boy (who I might add was new to the school last year and has a reputation of being a bully) thought DS was cutting in front of him so he got in his face and started repeatedly pushing DS. My DS just stood there looking like a deer in headlights with a look on his face like what the ????? Finally, when I see this boy isn't leaving my DS alone, I took this kid by his shoulders to "rip" him off of my son and basically gave him a piece of my mind. The teacher didn't see any of this as she was at the back of the line, but you better believe that she heard about it. Her response was, "Oh, is Joseph at it again"?

 

[simba928]

I think it depends on the situation. In the OPs case, yes, she should have said something to the boys.

One time, I was at the mall with my aunt and my little cousin. My little cousin was playing in the play area and I was following her around, keeping an eye on her. She wanted to go through this tiny little tunnel thing (not even 2 feet long). There were a couple kids in front of her, so I told her to wait and let them go first. When it was her turn, a bunch of little kids were cutting in front of her. Finally, I lost my patience (I have very little patience as it is in situations like that where it is very crowded and a bunch of unsupervised kids are running around) and stopped this little boy from going through. I told him it was my cousin's turn and he would have to wait till she got through. He then told me that he had to go through because someone jumped on his back and it hurt. I said that I didn't care and if it really hurt, he should go tell his mom, but it was my cousin's turn and he could go through after she did. He then said OK, I'll go over and she can go under. Fine, I really don't care at this point. LOL.

A couple years ago (I was about 13), I was on a cruise with my family. I was sitting in the hot tub with my brother and a couple kids he meant on the cruise (they were all about 7 or 8). All the kids were being very well behaved, not splashing or anything, just chatting to eachother. Some lady walked up to us and said that we weren't allowed in the hot tub and we would have to get out. We just ignored her and she kept pressing the issue and threatening to call security. I said to my brother so that she could hear, "Come on, It's not worth fighting with this lady. She is just being mean and I don't get what her problem is" (immature on my part, I know, but I really don't like people like her, but I was so frustrated). This lady said something about it's the rules and she was just enforcing them. So we got out and all the other kids followed. Once we got out, this lady turned around and went back to her chair leaving the hot tub empty. It wouldn't have been quit so bad had she wanted to get into it, but the fact that she just came over to control things was ridiculous.

If the kids aren't bothering you or your children or hurting themselves or anyone else, I say leave them alone. If they are hurting others, intervene for the safety of everyone involved.

 

[tw1nsmom]

I do. I just put on my teacher voice as if I'm on the playground.

I do the same thing. I haven't taught in a classroom in almost 8 years (except to volunteer in my kids' class), and I'm always surprised at how easily that tone of voice comes back to me.

 

[C.Ann]

Yes I would.. And when I was a child, my parents fully expected other parents to intervene if I wasn't acting in an appropriate manner..

 

[ChrisnSteph]

Discipline - no. But I will say something if other kids are doing something that affects my child. We were at the park the other day, and some older kids were using a metal trash can lid to go down the spiral slide. The lid would make them go down the slide faster. Well my son goes down, and before he could even get off the bottom of the slide one of older ones go down using the lid, knocking my son right off and causing him to have a nasty bruise on his back. You betcha the kids got an earful from me. And at a toy store a few days ago, some kids were playing around with stuff on the shelves in the game aisle. I bent down to retrieve something from the lower shelf, and the next thing I know this heavy game box comes crashing down right on my left arm. They went running. It hurt like a son of a, and I gave them an earful too. The parents were pissed at me, but I showed them the nasty bruise on my arm and told them if they couldn't control their kids than I would go to the manager and get him to do something about it. They left in a huff, cursed me as they left. Sometimes you just have to say something!

 

[Stitchfans]

I don't hesitate to say something. If the parents have a problem with it too bad. If they won't do their job, I will. DHs sister and I have locked horns many times over her son since she never disciplines him. He is such a monster. He hits people, mouths back to them, just horrible. He even hit DHs mother and nothing was said. I just informed him and my SIL that if ever lays a hand on DD he has to me deal with, and he doesn't want to have to deal with me.