Is DH being too protective or am I being too laid back?

[ksjayhawks]

Guidelines is the right word. When my mother had my girls for an overnight, I often did tell her specifics that would help their time together go more smoothly. Something I remember specifically: As a toddler, I told her that we only allowed daughter #1 to have ONE glass of milk per meal (followed by all the water she wanted), and I asked that she do the same thing. Sound mean? Not if you knew the whole story: She LOVED milk (still does) and she wasn't too crazy about food. Given the choice, she would drink up 3-4 glasses of milk and pick at her food, which was not a good choice in the long run. I knew this. My mom didn't, and when she heard the story she agreed with my decision. Sharing this information with her wasn't questioning her ability to take care of her grandchildren; rather, it was enabling her to do what was best for them.

I also gave her specific instructions on just how I put the girls down for bed -- baths, story-time, etc. Not because I thought she didn't know how to get a child to sleep, but because I knew that if she followed the girls' established routine, everyone'd have an easier bedtime.

But the difference here is that you shared the REASON for the rule on milk and gave her the instructions on bedtime so things would go easier for her and the girls. She knew the why and not just the rule.

 

[MrsPete]

Unfortunately, you can't always count on them. The one time we left DS w/ MIL to go on a date, we came home to find our sweet little boy watching cartoons. What's the problem? The "cartoon" was South Park!

These are the type of things that require communication (even "rules") when kids are staying with relatives. Grandparents may well be at a disadvantage when it comes to cartoons. When I was growing up, it was perfectly safe for us to watch any cartoons on TV -- adult cartoons with adult themes didn't exist yet. And, in fact, all of TV was safer. All we had was three network channels, and we weren't going to be damaged by either Happy Days or Little House on the Prairie.

Today I disallow a number of cartoons, especially those on Adult Swim and Cartoon Network, but my mom isn't "up" on these things. She doesn't know that Family Guy and South Park aren't appropriate for kids.

However, the boy waching a cartoon once isn't a battle worth fighting. It'd be appropriate to say to Grandma, "Hey, have you been paying attention to this show? It's not a kid's cartoon -- they use foul language, and they talk about things that aren't appropriate for children. I don't allow him to watch it at home." Watching a show once isn't the same as being exposed to it on a regular basis, and any reasonable grandparent would not allow the show a second time.

If the child is old enough to know that it's disallowed, I'd give him a gimlet eye that'd let him know that he should've spoken up and that it'd be discussed later.