Internet personals?

[littleclover]

I am new to corresponding on the board but have been reading for quite some time. I have seen a variety of opinions and figure this is the best place to get some input.

Has anyone had success (or failures) with internet personals? I am a 36yr old single mom. Besides work and attending my son's functions, I really don't have much opportunity to meet people. I tried Yahoo personals once before and received some real wacko responses but thought maybe will give it one more try.

Any other suggestions?

 

[luvthatduke]

I've heard of a few successes, not sure where...

My best advice is BE CAREFUL - PLEASE!

And this is not meant as a back-door
invitation, but LOTS of singles
have found other nice people just by
starting to attend a local church.
And I mean that in all seriousness...
Several churches of all denominations
in our area have singles activities regularly.

Whatever you decide to do,
I wish you all the best success!

 

[totalia]

I met my fiance on the net.

That said, I would never use the personals. People can easily lie. And unfortunately, for some reason people on the net seem to be in alot of hurry to meet even though they know nothing about each other and think that only a couple of months chatting on the net is enough to get together.

My fiance and I knew each other for two years on the net before we met. It's been a total of about 6 years that we have now known each other and only now that we are planning our wedding (after spending thousands of dollars on trips back and forth and many many hours on the phone accompanied by the phone bills to go with it).

The internet is NOT a safe place. If you find a relationship on the net, my advice is to take it very slow and be very careful.

I don't reccomend the church to find someone or a bar. Take dance classes, go places you are likely to meet other people that have the same interests as you.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I met my DH through the AOL personals. It's very common now. I do agree that you have to be careful because you never really know but I say go for it. Some things to remember:

NEVER give out your address or phone until you are completely comfortable and pretty darn sure things are headed somewhere. If you decide after many many emails that you'd like to talk on the phone get his/her number, block yours and call him/her. Especially if you have a listed phone number. Triple especially if your address is listed with it.

If the person lives out of town have them come to your town to meet in person. Do not allow them to stay in your house. Meet in a public place, not their hotel room. When you meet have a friend follow you and hang around without the other person's knowledge. Maybe meet up at a coffee shop with your friend sitting at another table to keep an eye on things. Be sure that a second friend knows exactly where you are going, what time you'll be there and what time you expect to leave. Set a certain time to call and check in with them. Tell them once you are 15 minutes late in calling to call the place you are at and have you paged. If you don't answer call the police.

Write down everything they tell you that could help to identify them. I kept track of where DH said he worked, his parents names, his daughters name, his DOB, EVERYTHING. I followed up on all this and it all checked out. When I met with him I gave all that info to a trusted friend just in case. If anything were to happen the police would have LOTS to go on. I was able to do this with a few phone calls and public records on the internet. If you don't find anything it's worth the money to have them investigated. If you cant find info on him he's either dangerous or married. Anyone on the up and up will understand your need to stay safe.

Now, all that being said, *most* people in the personals are looking for the same thing you are and are not dangerous. I think it's a great idea. You may meet your soul mate, you may just meet a few new friends and you may meet a whole lot of duds. Still, it's worth it. I emailed and talked with probably 10 guys, 9 of whom seemed nice and checked out. 1 finally admitted to being married. 8 of them things just didn't quite click and then I met my DH. It was love at first sight and I never answered another email after that. Good luck!

 

[Goofymum]

X

 

[VampHeartless]

Hey, how's it going?

 

[gr8tpanther]

I met the last few on the net, lol. The one that I am with now, he found me on Yahoo personals, and well, I think that he is a keeper. I am not the marrying type though, so I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

I think that the net is a good place to find someone. Just have to weed out the wackos.

 

[Octoberbeauty]

Match is a great site to use. They have a newer system where people can wink at you (and you them) then if you're not interested it drops right there. Saves you some time from weeding through emails. Their new personality, physical attraction tests and mutual matching are also helpful. Good luck!

 

[littleclover]

I knew I would get a variety of advice! Thanks to everyone. I just may give it one more go. I am no where near looking to find someone and settle right away. We'll see how it goes.

Have a great day everyone.

 

[TigerBear]

I met my DBF on Match. We have been dating almost a year and a half. I'm near your age - 33.The experience was actually fun!! I put up my profile after my divorce was finalized. I picked the top three from the guys who emailed me. DBF was the third guy I met. No desire to meet others after him.

I was lucky in some ways. All three of these guys gave me their last names prior to meeting so I was able to look them each up on their companies websites. Nice to know they were real people - LOL! Definitely meet them in a public place. It wasn't until the 4th date that I had my DBF come to my house.

 

[jrydberg]

Personally, I wouldn't go the personals route. But that's just never been my thing. Either way, I don't see anything wrong with meeting people from online as long as you're a bit careful in the beginning. But I'd say that goes for any manner of meeting potential dates. At least with meeting someone online you're likely to have more in common than... say, for example... getting drunk

 

[legs22]

I'm also a single mom. Tough to meet guys. So, I'm trying eHarmony. I didn't like the feel of Match.com. I think the eHarmony process and the cost weeds out the wackos. I started eHarmony in April. It's going really slow. I've been on 2 dates with one guy But I'm pretty specific in what I want and I'm not interested in long distance relationships.

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by jrydberg
Personally, I wouldn't go the personals route. But that's just never been my thing.

I'm curious if you have tried it? When I was going through my divorce, I asked my therapist where single people meet these days - especially when they are over 30. Her response, "I have a lot of clients who have met people on the internet".

I found match to be an excellent way for me to meet well educated men. I have a Ph.D. and prefer dating similarly educated men - mainly because I think they will be more likely to understand my student loan debt. My DBF is an attractive, intelligent, personable physician. I'm glad he was willing to take the risk of meeting someone on the net. Once you are out of school, it is hard to meet others who are single - especially if you don't have any single friends of the same sex to go out with.

 

[danacara]

I say, be safe and go for it! You don't regret the things you did do in this world.

 

[Witchiepoo]

I tried it. I received many e-mails for escorts and "adult" telephone lines and websites. I am hesitant to try it again.

 

[TigerBear]

Originally posted by Goofymum
I met a guy on a dating site who I was with for almost a year. He disappeared after 10 months never to be heard from again. One minute everything was fine and the next...poof he's gone lol.

Do you think he was married? I can imagine how hard that must have been for you.

 

[Goofymum]

Originally posted by TigerBear
Do you think he was married? I can imagine how hard that must have been for you.

I'm not sure what he was up to. I did spend last Christmas and Thanksgiving with him and his family. I did find it odd that his ex wife was also there. He said she always shows up at family functions that their son attends. He lived an hour away from me and only spent the weekends with me so he coulda been up to anything really.

 

[jrydberg]

Originally posted by TigerBear
I'm curious if you have tried it? When I was going through my divorce, I asked my therapist where single people meet these days - especially when they are over 30. Her response, "I have a lot of clients who have met people on the internet".

Nope, I haven't tried it, so I'm hardly an authority. But just to be clear, I don't think there's anything at all wrong with meeting people on the internet.

Honestly, I don't meet a whole lot of single folks. I'm divorced, over 30 and have custody of my daughter. Most of my free time is spent with her.

But I'm happy with my life. If I meet someone, great. If not, no biggie.