Inspired by the "Stalker Go Away" Thread...(Long)

[ScorpioJeni]

How do you get rid of real live stalkers?

I've got an ex-BF who doesn't seem to take no or leave me alone for an answer. I haven't seen him, let alone spoke with him, in 6 months but last week he called me out of the blue and proposed to me. It was not a joke unfortunately. I told him very nicely that No I wouldn't marry him and please don't contact me again.

Now this morning he called me at work to ask if I would consider being a beneficiary to his life insurance policy!!!

It turns out that he has a treatable heart condition but he doesn't want to seek treatment for it and is convinced that since his dr told him he only has 2 years to live he wants to make sure that I'm taken care of. WTH Is it wrong that while he was going on and on all I could think of is "Why me"! Before I got off the phone I told him that I was sorry he's sick but I don't want to be a part of his life if he's not going to try to get better. I told him again not to ever call me or try to contact me...but I know he won't listen. How can I get him to go away?

Before I get flamed for being callous, we were together for a year before we split up, during that year he never worked, always borrowed money from me. He cheated on me many times and just plain treated me badly. It took me 6 long months to get him out of my life and now he's back...

I've reached my limit on crazy for a lifetime I don't need anymore. Any advice would be great!

 

[ButchJohnson]

Go to your local courthouse and get an "Order of Protection" if he tries to contact you again or come to your house or work, you can get him arrested if there is an OOP on file. At least thats how it works in my state, it does vary from state to state but most states should have something like this.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

Go to your local courthouse and get an "Order of Protection" if he tries to contact you again or come to your house or work, you can get him arrested if there is an OOP on file. At least thats how it works in my state, it does vary from state to state but most states should have something like this.

Is that the same as a restraining order, because that's what I was going to say?

 

[lovemygoofy]

I would also go to a police station and start recording everything. How you broke up and who broke up with whom and if it was ugly and then say how he started calling out of the blue and also that you have stated you want no contact with him. This all needs to be documented officially.

Do you think you are in danger? Does he seem unstable or have history of it? I would change my phone number and my email addresses(if he had those) and also inform your work that this guy is not welcome to call you.

Sometimes even in this day and age stalking still isn't taken seriously unless it gets violent. Just remember to document everything. Unfournately, I have been where you are but it wasn't an ex, it was someone I was nice to in college. He broke into my dorm room one day and was going through my panty drawer then it was my car trying to see where I'd been the night before. After it was shoved through his head many times, the university did not expell him, he left me alone. Howevever, 4 months later he went on to try to rape another girl on my floor.

Take all precautions to keep yourself safe. If walking alone at night, talk with someone on the cell phone and tell them exactly where you are. Do you have an alarm system? If you can't have one installed, tie jingle bells around your windows and door knobs facing inside your house. I have a wreath hook over my door that has jingle bells on it. Be careful and good luck.

 

[ButchJohnson]

Is that the same as a restraining order, because that's what I was going to say?

Yeah kind of, some states a violation of a restraining order would not necessarily result in arrest, violation of a Order of Protection would, however, like I said its different in every state.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

You need to alert you local police station, you also need to put a block on your phones with his phones numbers so he cannot contact you by phone.

 

[ScorpioJeni]

I've been documenting everything, but I'm hesitant to file since he's not shown himself to be physically violent, just verbally.

I have however notified everyone at work that if he calls or shows up to let me know ASAP so I can call our campus police department. Campus police told me they can serve him with a tresspass warrent if he comes on campus. So that's good.

As far as home goes, my alarm system is 3 dogs that will eat anyone that comes through the door (or window) without me or my roommate letting them in. My windows still have all the storm shutters up from hurricane season too.

In a perfect world he'll get the hint and leave me alone without me getting the law involved.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I was also stalked by an ex-BF. He had the same 'qualities' you describe, so it was such a relief once we broke up. A year and a half later he appeared out of the blue at the office where I worked; it was just a co-worker and me in the building, and she kindly told him I was there and she'd go get me, then she left for the day.

I declined his suggestion we start dating again, thought I'd been very clear. Then a month or so later he appeared on my doorstep at home. Fortunately this time my sister and a friend were over, so I wasn't afraid. I again said I had no interest in dating again and shooed him away.

Then he started calling on the phone, first begging and crying, then getting angry and abusive. A few months later I quit my job and moved out of that city (for other reasons), and haven't seen or heard from him since.

I have to admit that he was one of the reasons I decided to take my DH's surname when I married 3 years later.

I would suggest getting a book by Gavin De Becker, an expert on security. I've read The Gift of Fear, and remember he mentioned how useless restraining orders are, and they often trigger a physical response from the stalker. You may find something helpful there.