Inspired by Just Back, Never Again. How to make extended family trips work?

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

Now I'm scared! We're planning a big family trip in March, and I don't want my kids and grandkids to say "never again"! Anybody have suggestions to make an extended family trip a dream (not a nightmare) come true?? What has worked for you?

 

[debbiedoo]

Make sure that there is plenty of separate family time and group family time.

 

[kirbsam]

Don't have any unyielding plans. If someone is tired or wants to go off on their own, it is ok. If someone needs a break or doesn't want to go to that ps at sci fi, dont worry about it. If you are to meet at cindys castle at 530, and someone in your party doesn't make it until 6, dont fret. You are at wdw, the greatest place on earth and everyone ought to be able to have a great time. I think the biggest problems are when people put their own expectations on others in their party. everybody is at wdw to have a great time. let them.

 

[Buzz's_girl]

Well one way to make it work is to not do it!!! No, just kidding. I actually went on a trip with my mom and my brother and his family. We all had a great time, but there were moments when we all started to get on one anothers nerves. When this happened we all kind of went our own direction for awhile....

I would suggest that whoever will be going on the trip be allowed to "help" with the planning...that way everyone knows what to expect...and there wont be any unanticipated surprises. Also, if everyone knows that they will get a chance to do what they want it can prevent fights. etc.

I would also let everyone know that at any time it could be possible to do your own thing. I know that on our trip, trying to get all of us to eat together was the hardest thing. We had 2 PS's, CRT, and Crystal Palace...those worked out GREAT. It was the counter service that was tough...we weren't always all hungry at the same time etc. So maybe only planning one meal a day or every few days for EVERYONE to attend would be helpful...

I hope you and your family enjoy your trip, and I hope some of my ramblings help!!

 

[Stacerita]

I would make sure that there was somewhat of a plan of action going in so that things have a flow to them. But I would definately make sure that everything was flexible and not too strict. "Go with the flow" would be my motto for sure. Relax and enjoy.

 

[NotUrsula]

I'd say stay onsite if possible, so that you all have access to the WDW transportation b/t parks and your accommodation. More arguments start (and more time is wasted) over transit issues than anything else when no one can leave without having to consider other people. If you do stay offsite, each nuclear family should have their own wheels, and do NOT all share to go to a park. Pay the multiple parking fees, the flexibility is MORE than worth it. There is NOTHING worse than having to be joined at the hip with someone with a totally different touring style, just because you are dependent on one another for a vehicle. Also, if there is a big event planned, like a dinner, etc., don't say that no one will leave until everyone else is ready to go. There is always going to be someone who will forget or decide to skip it for something more interesting; don't hold up the works for one straggler (or one family of stragglers.) Set the time and make the PS, and if someone doesn't show, c'est la vie.

Generally I think it best not to share accomodations among multiple generations, unless you have done it many times and know it will not be a problem. The same resort is good, adjoining rooms can be a little bit too much closeness. You want to communicate by phone, not by knocking on doors.

Don't be afraid to break up nuclear families for awhile. Unless there are discipline/lifestyle issues that will cause a lot of conflicts, trading off your kids can be great fun. (And I'd think twice about even travelling together if there were big lifestyle issues.) Let 3 BIL's go off fishing together or golfing if they want to; later they can watch the kids at the pool while the Mom's go exploring in World Showcase. Couples can trade nights out. Individuals can go off by themselves, too; but again, be careful how you handle the transit issues. We find that older folks often do best in terms of touring when they stick to their own generation or take charge of the littlest ones solo; parents, grandparents and kids touring together tends to churn up a lot of conflict, especially when it comes to things like junk food and souvenirs.

BTW, re: MYW, I'd say that park hopping is really worth it with a large group. It lets you come together and flow apart with alot more flexibility.

 

[IvyandLace]

Wow...the sort of thread I could have benefitted from before a few of my extended family trips!! Great to finally get it going!

Though there is no concrete solution to making extended family trips work, I think the very first thing to remember is that it boils down to expectations. Please try to keep yours within a certain level-sure, some extended families all *love* Disney after that first magical trip, but there are also many others who either a). just won't "get it" even if you paid them to and/or b). will complain about Disney as they complain about everything else in their lives. If at all possible, hope for the best but be prepared for the worse. Try to keep in mind that just because someone doesn't "get" Disney or seems to be condescending toward things (perhaps they believe the WDW is just an amusement park only to be enjoyed by children under the age of 10-a very common misconception)-their comments should not be taken personally. This is a very hard thing to actually accomplish especially if you are, like me, a sensitve "people pleaser"! Every single family has a different view of what a "vacation" should entail-WDW is NOT usually a "normal" relaxing vacation especially for first-timers! This is something that is hard for those who haven't experienced to understand, and it's also something that we, as Disney lovers, tend to forget to stress to those first-timers. Make sure that they all have some sort of *knowledge* of the parks-I would recommend buying each family either a Passporter or Walt Disney World-For Kids by Kids (really wonderful for those famillies with children under the age of 12) and then having an open discussion of what people would like to see. You can also watch the planning videos together! Also keep in mind how *close* your extended family is-are you the sort of family that sees each other every major holiday and spends lots of time laughing or would your family group be more comfortable with just a *few* special meals with everyone touring on their own?? Where do your extended family members usually vacation-the beach? Touring historical sites? What are their interests-shopping, eating, thrill rides?

I would be of the mind to try to stress individual families touring by themselves (if you can get away with this...my in-laws thought "family vacation" meant every single hour spent together...whether we liked it or not!)...it gets very difficult and overwhelming to plan how to tour each day for groups over 6-8. Not impossible, mind you, but the more people you add to the equation, the more opinions/bathroom breaks/tempers/stomachs you will add to the mix as well! Perhaps have a special "girls' character breakfast" for those interested or a time when all the grandkids can go miniature golfing. T-shirts for one day when you might be close by one another is a special and easy way for your group to feel unified. You might be surprised at the special attention you garner!

Please don't forget to take a few group photos! It's easy to focus on the kids of the group and not realize until you arrive back home that you don't have that desired family picture (with adults) in front of the castle! I know older generations definately appreciate photos as memories of the trip.

I would try to plan that extended vacation as much as possible at a time when the crowds and weather will be most advantageous to good touring. There is enough to worry about in planning without having to deal with hot humid temps and/or holiday crowds!

It's easy, and expected, for you, as the family Disney "expert" to feel responsible for everyone's trip. This is something I always struggle with-however, there comes a point where you can either feel guilty about the fact that Auntie didn't listen to you and walked (limped?) around the park in her high heel shoes or you can let that responsibility go. Let those adults in the family be responsible for their own happiness-they are fortunate enough to be on vacation away from the regular stress of every-day life in a fun place with their loved ones! Repeat this as a mantra as needed.

If none of the above work, and you have, as I have had, a not-so-magical Gathering...come home and focus on another trip for just your own family!! I've found that these trips can be like a "breath of fresh air"!

Good Luck!
IVY

 

[Leota]

Good tips. We had a very Magical extended family stay for my DS's 10th birthday in 1998. There were 16 family members and 5 friends.

Ahead of time, we asked who wanted to go, with plenty of time for everyone to save up money - I think it was about 1.5 years ahead of time.
Then we let people know where we were staying & the different options & price ranges available. We settled on Fort Wilderness Cabins, with one family in a their own camper & one couple at POR (then DL) Being in the same resort was easiest for popping back & forth between groups. Altho we did ride bikes over to DL to visit there also.

We told people they should treat this like their own vacation & do what they wanted to. We scheduled a couple group events on DS's B-Day. Other than that, we seperated into either family groups or small groups. For instance, one day, I took my youngest nephew & my parents took my 2 older nephews so my brother & his new wife could go for a romantic horseback ride. One night, we had dinner with my step-son & his wife.

The only time we did any touring as a large group was right after the birthday breakfast, we did Buzz (just opened that day) and off to Splash for Family Ride Photos. Other than that, it is impossible to keep a large group together & it should not be expected. As someone said above - no expectations & go with the flow are key attitudes.

We have traveled with my Parents 3 times so far. The first 2 times they shared a FW cabin with us & another time they stayed with DS & I at the BC until DH arrived. We stagger the trip so that part of it is core family time & part of it is including the parents. We always offer my parents alone time, which they rarely take, but do occaisionally. For the most part, everyone relies on me to do the planning & they all seem happy to go along. I find out ahead of time if there are any must do's for them & I try to plan things that I know are special to each person, like a favorite restaurant for DH, a relaxing stroll in WS for Mom, a boat ride for Dad....

Again, the key is that we are all entitled to break off at any time. We never all have to be together every moment. We have found that essential to our core family trips as well. DH likes to have a more relaxing WDW experience, while DS & I usually want to go, go, go every second. So, sometimes, DH will go to the resort & relax & meet up with us when he is ready. Sometimes DS (16) wants to swim, while DH & I go wander around WS & we meet up later.

Unless you can't stand to be around your family in real life, you can have a marvelous extended family trip to WDW if you go with no expectations, relax & allow folks their own space. I look forward to doing more extended family vacations in the future.

 

[my3princes]

I think that making expectations known before you leave home is key. My DD is not a Disney Fan, but my DM enjoys doing anything with the grandkids. We bought walkie talkies and if DD didn't want to participate we leave him at the resort or plan to meet later. We have been with DB and DSIL and they may or may not go to the parks and tend to split up as soon as we walk throught the gates anyway. I remember that it is a vacation for everyone and everyone should do what they want and have an enjoyable time. Do not overplan as you will be disappointed. You will inevitably have group time even if it is short. Plan a Character Meal that everyone can agree on, but whether you are all together or do your own thing try to have fun and not take disagreements personally.

 

[Bellefan66]

so many great tips. We have done it before and are planning our next extended family trip for 2006. We agree, that planning together is good. We don't go attatched to the hip either. We basically say, here's our plan, you can come if you want. We all do meals together, and if there is a special thing we want to do,like a parade,or we HAVE to all ride TOT, then we do it.It makes for great conversation at mealtimes,seeing how their part of the trip is going. Usually,we are all at the same part of the parks,just maybe not on the same rides....so there is less chance of getting on eachothers nerves. Good luck!

 

[goofyguy1958]

As has been said the most effective method to have a successful extended family trip is not to stay together the entire time. We have done two seperate extended family (including brothers, sisters, in laws, cousins and friends) trips to WDW and both were very successful - defined by minimal disagreements and lots of fun. We stayed in a rented house off site where there were 11 and 13 of us all together. The way we minimized the stress was to leave when we wanted to and on the way out the door - cell phone in hand - stated see you at 1 PM at (fill in the mmeting place). Having some of the day apart really makes you appreciate the fun of the entire trip. Would do it again and we are this summer, only with a different group.

 

[bcarson]

These are great tip considering that we are planning a family trip this Oct. My dh and I were just saying the other day. I hope this going to be fun. We went in May just are family and I will surely be disappointed if this trip is ruined. I am not going to stress over it though and just go with the flow!