Inspired by DMickey28...what age would you ''recommend'' starting a family?

[poohandwendy]

Hypothetical question: If someone were to ask your opinion of the optimal age to start having children, what age (or age range)would you suggest? I know that there is no magical age and all circumstances are different, but what age do you think would be optimal?

I would say between 23 and 27.

a) least likely to encounter fertility problems

b) education completed (for most people)

c) Grandparents still fairly young and active (usually)

d) mature but not set in your ways (most people)

e) usually financially stable, or at least on the track

f) still plenty of time to space children as you like, less pressure to beat the clock

what do you think?

 

[Fizban257]

I'd have to agree with your choice. In a perfect world where you find the perfect mate at the right time, etc., between 23 and 27 would seem right to me. If I remember the recent articles I've read correctly, a woman's eggs start dying at 27 and half are gone by her early thirties, so this seems like the safest/easiest time of her life, to elaborate on your first point. And, graduate school excluded, most folks are out of school and should even have time to spend a year or two married without children by 27.

 

[Christine]

I agree with your statements. They all make good sense and that is probably the right age group. I had my first child when I was 27 because I just couldn't get ready for it. In hindsight, I actually wish I had been 20 when I had my first child. Even in my late-20s, I was starting to "unwind". I feel like I would have had much more energy when I was really young, and it would be nice right now (at age 40), to have my kids OUT OF THE HOUSE. My mom had me when she was 19 and by the time she was 40, I had been gone a few years. So, for me personally, I think I would have done much better having them younger.

In my profession, I am finding that due to my maturity and work experience, I am having more offers of more responsibility. I'd like to go for it and spend time on my career or more education but I feel I can't with a 13 y/o and 9 y/o. They take up a lot of my time. I feel I won't really be free until I"m almost 50.

 

[miste76]

I agree with your reasons... but personally, I'm thinking 30-35 is right for me. Partly because of my situation (still in grad school, graduating a month before I turn 30) and partly because... I don't think people give themselves enough time to be individuals. Right now, I am Mistie... an individual... once I have children, I will always be someone's mom or someone's wife. Not that it's a bad thing, but I think it's good for people to have time to experience life. It also becomes more difficult to do some of the 'fun' things in life... such as traveling and just spontaneously going away for the weekend. I know you gain so many opportunities to do 'fun' things when you have children, but they are different things.
I really think the right age just depends on the couple involved.

 

[snoopy]

Optimal is in the eye of the beholder, and certainly not something one can predict for another person.

Having said that, I would say optimal for me was 30. Time to complete undergrad and grad school, time to live in Europe for a couple of years, time to work for Club Med and bum around Mexico thinking about what I want to do when I grow up, then time to come home and get settled financially before starting a family. For me, that all happened at 30, and gave me plenty of time to have a second. I had no fertility problems, so I guess I might feel differently if that were the case.

 

[4greatboys]

I think that time frame sounds pretty good. I had my first ds at 22 and now looking back it just seems like I was so young, lol. Guess thats what happens when you see 40 coming around the corner .
I want my boys to be atleast 25 before they start a family. I really want them to get a good eduacation, travel bit and have some fun before they settle down--now whether that happens or not is a whole other story

 

[poohandwendy]

Optimal is in the eye of the beholder, and certainly not something one can predict for another person.

Very true, and I am only talking totally hypothetical and under optimal circumstances.

and partly because... I don't think people give themselves enough time to be individuals. Right now, I am Mistie... an individual... once I have children, I will always be someone's mom or someone's wife.

Actually, I think that is untrue, unless you decide it to be that way. As a wife and mother (for almost 18 years), I am still an individual, always have been and always will be. It is a conscious decision to allow your individual self to become lost in the shadows of the other roles you play in life.

 

[kimwim8]

That is definitely a personal decision. For me, I had young parents and really enjoyed that. My parents were both 25 by the time they had their 3rd child (got married at 18). When I got married at 23 and had DD at 25, I almost felt like I would be too "old" when my kids are older, you know? I love that my kids have young grandparents.

My only regret in marrying so young is that I didn't finish my bachelors degree (I was going part time & working full time), and when I got pregnant the first time I decided to stop. One of these days I'll get back to it. It's definitely a goal of mine that I will achieve!

 

[snoopy]

Of course, being an older mom has its drawbacks. You run the risk of having perfect strangers tell you that you look old enough to be your kids grandparent!

Ya gotta take the good with the bad, I suppose. When I was 22, there is no way I would have been a candidate for motherhood. My mother would have probably ended up raising my child. I think the maturity level of the couple involved has a lot to do with it, I was an immature 22 year old. My niece is 22, on the other hand, and she has a 2 year old and is doing fine. She is a lot more settled at 22 than I was at 28.

 

[onecoolmama]

I am in that age group having kids. (Actaully I was a little younger.) But, I think it really depends on the individual. My borthers were certainly not ready for marriage and absolutely not ready for kids at 23-now.

 

[Pin Wizard]

That's a very personal choice for everyone. So many put off kids to advance the careers first these days. Twenty-three even seems young to me to be married.

 

[Alice28]

Yes, I think that is the optimal time, but it differs for everyone.

I have had my kids at 25, 29, and I will be 32 with this next one. Luckily we have had no problems with fertility. I was able to finish my BA before I got married (as was my husband). I still can't say we are financially where I want to be, but we're close. I think there will always be something out of reach, but sometimes you just gotta buckle down and realize that all situations won't be optimal when it's time to have a baby.

 

[poohandwendy]

Of course, being an older mom has its drawbacks. You run the risk of having perfect strangers tell you that you look old enough to be your kids grandparent!

ROFLMAO, I certainly don't think you look old enough to be anyones grandmother.

 

[poohandwendy]

Of course, being an older mom has its drawbacks. You run the risk of having perfect strangers tell you that you look old enough to be your kids grandparent!

ROFLMAO, I certainly don't think you look old enough to be anyones grandmother.

 

[Disney845]

Hmmm interesting question. SO and I have been talking about this somewhat. I am still in school and really really considering continuing for my PhD, so I am talking quite a few more school years. Even though I want to be done with school for the financial security, we are talking about a wedding around Nov. of 2006. After that we want to be married anywhere from 3-5 years before children to "enjoy the married life." This puts me nearing 30 for my first, which I think may be right for US (not everyone) although SO will be in his mid-late 30s. I do have to say though that a teeny tiny part of that biological clock is already ticking, but I KNOW we are no where near where I want us to be before we have children!

 

[snoopy]

Originally posted by poohandwendy
ROFLMAO, I certainly don't think you look old enough to be anyones grandmother.

Well, maybe if I were Loretta Lynn. I believe she was 30ish when she was a grandparent. I choose to believe that perfect stranger who told me I look like my children's grandparent is a Loretta Lynn devotee.........

(o/t....is Loretta Lynn still alive? Now there is a woman who had kids a wee bit TOO early, by anyone's standards. )

 

[onecoolmama]

I would think it also depends on the area. I think in places like DC, Boston, NYC, and San Fran..it is harder to get a house, and get settled. So, I think for most people in those areas, the avarage age of getting married and having children would be older than 23-27.

 

[Fizban257]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
I would think it also depends on the area. I think in places like DC, Boston, NYC, and San Fran..it is harder to get a house, and get settled. So, I think for most people in those areas, the avarage age of getting married and having children would be older than 23-27.

I'm just outside of DC and I know what you're talking about. That being said, for other quality of life issues, I'm glad I had my kids younger. We're struggling to upgrade to a larger house here, but I want to be young enough to enjoy my grandkids.

 

[Fizban257]

Originally posted by Disney845
I am still in school and really really considering continuing for my PhD, so I am talking quite a few more school years.

DW and I faced this same decision. We decided to go ahead and get married and I switched from full-time work and full-time grad school to full-time work and taking only one class per semester. I started grad school in Aug '98, went to part time after the wedding in 2000, got my Masters in 2001, and will be taking my last PhD course this semester. It took longer, but I've got a beautiful baby boy to show for it, with baby girl coming in November.

 

[ToriLammy]

Originally posted by snoopy


(o/t....is Loretta Lynn still alive? Now there is a woman who had kids a wee bit TOO early, by anyone's standards. )

Yes she's still alive Saw her recently on CMT, she's released a new video.