INLAWS making me want 2 SCREAM and beat a punching bag!

[mykidsand_i]

I know that it won't do me any good to complain here, and that nothing will ever get resolved by doing so...But I am ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY and need to vent somewhere.

My in-laws for months now have been sick (both MIL and FIL)...BOTH have major issues with being over weight due to the fact that my MIL is a very unhealthy cook and has been for a long time. Neigther of them get any excersize, FIL has just been diagnosed with diabetes (sp???) and he still eats just as poor as he's always done. He needs a knee replacement, he's over 200 pounds over weight and when he comes to visit us, I have valid concerns that he will actually break our furniture (that's besides the point I guess)

MIL called me last week CRYING on the phone saying that they don't have enough money to go to the Dr. She needs certain meds. that she can't get with out an appointment, their insurance is VERY POOR ( due to their own decisions!) and she needs a colonoscopy, but she doesn't want to pay for it! But, she's BAWLING on the phone, telling me that they can't afford anything, telling me that they can't even afford to drive to see us now that gas is so high (we live 6 1/2 hours from them)...

FIL NEEDS a knee replacement SOOOOOO BAD. He can hardly walk! His next step is a wheel chair! He can't go up or down stairs, he can hardly get off a chair. He won't get one because 'they don't have the money to pay for it'...His diabetic numbers are WAYYYYYYYY HIGH!!!

MIL had the GUTS today to call my husband to ask for a loan of $3,000. She didn't want it for medical care, NOOOOOOO, she didn't want it for help with living expenses...SHE AND FIL ARE GOING TO HAWAII!

Why would they WANT to go there, they won't wear swim suits, MIL HATES sand (won't even step in it), hates to walk, needs to be with in a minute or two to the nearest bathroom!!!

THEN, after my husband said "NO!!! HECK NO!!! If I'm borrowing money to you, it'll be for medical help that you desperately need!!!! Or for expenses that you can't take care of out of NEED..."

MY MIL had the guts to say " well, you are taking this HUGE trip to Disney and yet you cannot afford to be nice to your own parents for once?"

Yeah, she said it! We're going to Disney because we've SAVED PROPERLY for it, we can afford it, because we don't over spend on other things. Our HOBBY is traveling, not buying boats, new cars, spending money on eating out all the time...We also have my parents who have GIVEN US to use their Dis. Vacation Club points (free lodging), we are using frequent flier tickets because my DH travels for work (Free airfare) and our park tickets are a Christmas gift from my parents as well.

We are soooooooo mad right now. I cannot believe how pathetic my in laws are. YES, we would try to help them with medical issues or what ever if they needed it, but to ask for that much to go to HAWAII??? With friends of theirs, there is NO WAY IN this LIFE TIME!

They said that they'll find a way to go WITH OR WITHOUT our help. I don't know why they want to go. MIL HAAAAATTTTTTEEEES sand, won't even walk in it, they won't wear swim suits, or shorts for that matter, they aren't renting a car, they won't go exploring (they don't have money to do anything when they GET THERE!)

MIL said "if you won't help us, you don't need to be calling us anymore"...HOW PATHETIC is that? He told me it will be a good long while before we speak to or hear from them. She hung up the phone on DH, and his rule is "if you hang the phone up on me, you won't hear my voice again until YOU are the one who calls me back!"

AAAARRRRG.. And just before Christmas! How horrible. I feel bad for DH. He's had to deal with their crap so much. And when they've been so sick, you never know how much longer they have left!

 

[jaminmd]

I know that it won't do me any good to complain here, and that nothing will ever get resolved by doing so...But I am ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY and need to vent somewhere.

My in-laws for months now have been sick (both MIL and FIL)...BOTH have major issues with being over weight due to the fact that my MIL is a very unhealthy cook and has been for a long time. Neigther of them get any excersize, FIL has just been diagnosed with diabetes (sp???) and he still eats just as poor as he's always done. He needs a knee replacement, he's over 200 pounds over weight and when he comes to visit us, I have valid concerns that he will actually break our furniture (that's besides the point I guess)

MIL called me last week CRYING on the phone saying that they don't have enough money to go to the Dr. She needs certain meds. that she can't get with out an appointment, their insurance is VERY POOR ( due to their own decisions!) and she needs a colonoscopy, but she doesn't want to pay for it! But, she's BAWLING on the phone, telling me that they can't afford anything, telling me that they can't even afford to drive to see us now that gas is so high (we live 6 1/2 hours from them)...

FIL NEEDS a knee replacement SOOOOOO BAD. He can hardly walk! His next step is a wheel chair! He can't go up or down stairs, he can hardly get off a chair. He won't get one because 'they don't have the money to pay for it'...His diabetic numbers are WAYYYYYYYY HIGH!!!

MIL had the GUTS today to call my husband to ask for a loan of $3,000. She didn't want it for medical care, NOOOOOOO, she didn't want it for help with living expenses...SHE AND FIL ARE GOING TO HAWAII!

Why would they WANT to go there, they won't wear swim suits, MIL HATES sand (won't even step in it), hates to walk, needs to be with in a minute or two to the nearest bathroom!!!

THEN, after my husband said "NO!!! HECK NO!!! If I'm borrowing money to you, it'll be for medical help that you desperately need!!!! Or for expenses that you can't take care of out of NEED..."

MY MIL had the guts to say " well, you are taking this HUGE trip to Disney and yet you cannot afford to be nice to your own parents for once?"

Yeah, she said it! We're going to Disney because we've SAVED PROPERLY for it, we can afford it, because we don't over spend on other things. Our HOBBY is traveling, not buying boats, new cars, spending money on eating out all the time...We also have my parents who have GIVEN US to use their Dis. Vacation Club points (free lodging), we are using frequent flier tickets because my DH travels for work (Free airfare) and our park tickets are a Christmas gift from my parents as well.

We are soooooooo mad right now. I cannot believe how pathetic my in laws are. YES, we would try to help them with medical issues or what ever if they needed it, but to ask for that much to go to HAWAII??? With friends of theirs, there is NO WAY IN this LIFE TIME!

They said that they'll find a way to go WITH OR WITHOUT our help. I don't know why they want to go. MIL HAAAAATTTTTTEEEES sand, won't even walk in it, they won't wear swim suits, or shorts for that matter, they aren't renting a car, they won't go exploring (they don't have money to do anything when they GET THERE!)

MIL said "if you won't help us, you don't need to be calling us anymore"...HOW PATHETIC is that? He told me it will be a good long while before we speak to or hear from them. She hung up the phone on DH, and his rule is "if you hang the phone up on me, you won't hear my voice again until YOU are the one who calls me back!"

AAAARRRRG.. And just before Christmas! How horrible. I feel bad for DH. He's had to deal with their crap so much. And when they've been so sick, you never know how much longer they have left!

I'd have been doing the dance of joy after what your MIL stated (bolded part). She's trying to use guilt - glad you & DH didn't fall for it.

I am one that has no problem cutting crazy family members from my life. Just because I'm related doesn't mean I need to take their crap and I don't care how short life is when it comes to that.

Please don't let their selfishness ruin your Christmas.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I know that it won't do me any good to complain here, and that nothing will ever get resolved by doing so...But I am ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY and need to vent somewhere.

My in-laws for months now have been sick (both MIL and FIL)...BOTH have major issues with being over weight due to the fact that my MIL is a very unhealthy cook and has been for a long time. Neigther of them get any excersize, FIL has just been diagnosed with diabetes (sp???) and he still eats just as poor as he's always done. He needs a knee replacement, he's over 200 pounds over weight and when he comes to visit us, I have valid concerns that he will actually break our furniture (that's besides the point I guess)

MIL called me last week CRYING on the phone saying that they don't have enough money to go to the Dr. She needs certain meds. that she can't get with out an appointment, their insurance is VERY POOR ( due to their own decisions!) and she needs a colonoscopy, but she doesn't want to pay for it! But, she's BAWLING on the phone, telling me that they can't afford anything, telling me that they can't even afford to drive to see us now that gas is so high (we live 6 1/2 hours from them)...

FIL NEEDS a knee replacement SOOOOOO BAD. He can hardly walk! His next step is a wheel chair! He can't go up or down stairs, he can hardly get off a chair. He won't get one because 'they don't have the money to pay for it'...His diabetic numbers are WAYYYYYYYY HIGH!!!

MIL had the GUTS today to call my husband to ask for a loan of $3,000. She didn't want it for medical care, NOOOOOOO, she didn't want it for help with living expenses...SHE AND FIL ARE GOING TO HAWAII!

Why would they WANT to go there, they won't wear swim suits, MIL HATES sand (won't even step in it), hates to walk, needs to be with in a minute or two to the nearest bathroom!!!

THEN, after my husband said "NO!!! HECK NO!!! If I'm borrowing money to you, it'll be for medical help that you desperately need!!!! Or for expenses that you can't take care of out of NEED..."

MY MIL had the guts to say " well, you are taking this HUGE trip to Disney and yet you cannot afford to be nice to your own parents for once?"

Yeah, she said it! We're going to Disney because we've SAVED PROPERLY for it, we can afford it, because we don't over spend on other things. Our HOBBY is traveling, not buying boats, new cars, spending money on eating out all the time...We also have my parents who have GIVEN US to use their Dis. Vacation Club points (free lodging), we are using frequent flier tickets because my DH travels for work (Free airfare) and our park tickets are a Christmas gift from my parents as well.

We are soooooooo mad right now. I cannot believe how pathetic my in laws are. YES, we would try to help them with medical issues or what ever if they needed it, but to ask for that much to go to HAWAII??? With friends of theirs, there is NO WAY IN this LIFE TIME!

They said that they'll find a way to go WITH OR WITHOUT our help. I don't know why they want to go. MIL HAAAAATTTTTTEEEES sand, won't even walk in it, they won't wear swim suits, or shorts for that matter, they aren't renting a car, they won't go exploring (they don't have money to do anything when they GET THERE!)

MIL said "if you won't help us, you don't need to be calling us anymore"...HOW PATHETIC is that? He told me it will be a good long while before we speak to or hear from them. She hung up the phone on DH, and his rule is "if you hang the phone up on me, you won't hear my voice again until YOU are the one who calls me back!"

AAAARRRRG.. And just before Christmas! How horrible. I feel bad for DH. He's had to deal with their crap so much. And when they've been so sick, you never know how much longer they have left!

The best thing you can do is remain calm. I know it is hard but if you do it this time and maintain calm and grace under fire your DH can enjoy his holiday better.

Try and be flippant with your dh. Say, "good thing you got me for Christmas" or something along those lines and give him a hug.

Then don't talk about them anymore and give yourself a stress free IL holiday.

 

[cm8]

I know that it won't do me any good to complain here, and that nothing will ever get resolved by doing so...But I am ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY and need to vent somewhere.

My in-laws for months now have been sick (both MIL and FIL)...BOTH have major issues with being over weight due to the fact that my MIL is a very unhealthy cook and has been for a long time. Neigther of them get any excersize, FIL has just been diagnosed with diabetes (sp???) and he still eats just as poor as he's always done. He needs a knee replacement, he's over 200 pounds over weight and when he comes to visit us, I have valid concerns that he will actually break our furniture (that's besides the point I guess)

MIL called me last week CRYING on the phone saying that they don't have enough money to go to the Dr. She needs certain meds. that she can't get with out an appointment, their insurance is VERY POOR ( due to their own decisions!) and she needs a colonoscopy, but she doesn't want to pay for it! But, she's BAWLING on the phone, telling me that they can't afford anything, telling me that they can't even afford to drive to see us now that gas is so high (we live 6 1/2 hours from them)...

FIL NEEDS a knee replacement SOOOOOO BAD. He can hardly walk! His next step is a wheel chair! He can't go up or down stairs, he can hardly get off a chair. He won't get one because 'they don't have the money to pay for it'...His diabetic numbers are WAYYYYYYYY HIGH!!!

MIL had the GUTS today to call my husband to ask for a loan of $3,000. She didn't want it for medical care, NOOOOOOO, she didn't want it for help with living expenses...SHE AND FIL ARE GOING TO HAWAII!

Why would they WANT to go there, they won't wear swim suits, MIL HATES sand (won't even step in it), hates to walk, needs to be with in a minute or two to the nearest bathroom!!!

THEN, after my husband said "NO!!! HECK NO!!! If I'm borrowing money to you, it'll be for medical help that you desperately need!!!! Or for expenses that you can't take care of out of NEED..."

MY MIL had the guts to say " well, you are taking this HUGE trip to Disney and yet you cannot afford to be nice to your own parents for once?"

Yeah, she said it! We're going to Disney because we've SAVED PROPERLY for it, we can afford it, because we don't over spend on other things. Our HOBBY is traveling, not buying boats, new cars, spending money on eating out all the time...We also have my parents who have GIVEN US to use their Dis. Vacation Club points (free lodging), we are using frequent flier tickets because my DH travels for work (Free airfare) and our park tickets are a Christmas gift from my parents as well.

We are soooooooo mad right now. I cannot believe how pathetic my in laws are. YES, we would try to help them with medical issues or what ever if they needed it, but to ask for that much to go to HAWAII??? With friends of theirs, there is NO WAY IN this LIFE TIME!

They said that they'll find a way to go WITH OR WITHOUT our help. I don't know why they want to go. MIL HAAAAATTTTTTEEEES sand, won't even walk in it, they won't wear swim suits, or shorts for that matter, they aren't renting a car, they won't go exploring (they don't have money to do anything when they GET THERE!)

MIL said "if you won't help us, you don't need to be calling us anymore"...HOW PATHETIC is that? He told me it will be a good long while before we speak to or hear from them. She hung up the phone on DH, and his rule is "if you hang the phone up on me, you won't hear my voice again until YOU are the one who calls me back!"

AAAARRRRG.. And just before Christmas! How horrible. I feel bad for DH. He's had to deal with their crap so much. And when they've been so sick, you never know how much longer they have left!

Wow, hope they get it together. Let it roll off your back like water down a slide. Have fun at WDW and don't let them get you down.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry for the stress!!!!

But, the above is correct...
You don't really have a problem, because your husband handled it the way he should.

He did the right thing.

If they want to play that card and cut ties... Then (while it might be upsetting or painful at first) then that is what they will do.

Now, if your DH started lending them money???
Then it would be

Take a few deep breaths.
Let it go... (especially for now)
It must be hard on your husband... so
be a big soft loving ROCK for your husband thru this, for the holidays!!!!

PS: I know this is upsetting and you are venting... So vent away!!!!! No problem!!!!!
JUST do not vent by making negative statements about your inlaws to your DH.
He handled it correctly... No need for anything that could be hurtful to him at all.

 

[scottishduffy]

When DH's Bio-Mom pulled drama like that it resulted in the most glorious year of silence I have ever experienced. I almost wish she was still miffed so we wouldn't have to deal with her!

It was big fight where Dh stood up to her, and she tried cutting him off. It took her a little over a year to call and say sorry when she realized that we did not need her nor want her near as much as she thought we did.

 

[Leader of the Club]

My MIL called crying 'cause she can't pay the water bill this quarter. They are leaving for NYC (13 hours away) for a two week stay on Monday.

 

[Disneywedding2010]

I'd have been doing the dance of joy after what your MIL stated (bolded part). She's trying to use guilt - glad you & DH didn't fall for it.

I am one that has no problem cutting crazy family members from my life. Just because I'm related doesn't mean I need to take their crap and I don't care how short life is when it comes to that.

Please don't let their selfishness ruin your Christmas.

Big huge I AGREE..

 

[61292cna]

Your FIL should skip the knee replacements, as he would be totally unwilling to do the physical therapy needed for s successful outcome!!! I am really sorry you are having to deal with this, but think your DH is handling it well!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Breathe in....Breathe out.....

Choose NOT to play their games. Seriously--it's a game. Just don't play.

And while you do choose to help in emergencies and necessities, keep in mind that the choices they continue to make, are making it necessary for you to help. Thus, they get you one way or the other.

If your finances are needed to support them, it is time for a LONG LONG talk with them on how you need to be in CONTROL of every dime they spend. If they are unwilling to cooperate, they must not need the money.

Turn it back on them.

And that is love. Love is knowing when folks really need help and when folks are just using your relationship against you.

Don't call them. If they want to talk, they will call you.

If they need money for an emergency, request a meeting to fill out whatever legal documents are necessary to formally be whatever you call it--in charge of their finances. Seriously.

We helped my mom one too many times no questions asked, but my husband and I have a SOLID agreement that we don't provide another dime to her unless certain criteria are met. She has asked to borrow money and I have had to say no. I wasn't comfortable with telling her the criteria as I didn't feel it merited an emergency, so we just said no. She resolved the she didn't guilt me, she did ask multiple times over a span of several days.

It just isn't worth stress in our lives to deal with that. Thankfully, she doesn't play games with us and our relationship continues on.

Your husband did the right thing and you should be proud, not spittin' angry. Try not to let their dumb actions make you mad.

 

[Jennasis]

I feel your pain. Thank God your DH is on the same page as you and stands up for you guys!

Last Christmas (on Christmas Eve to be precise) my MIL pulled a doozie on us. We didn't speak for MONTHS after her tirade. It was blissful to not have to deal with her for that time, but it really threw us for a loop. MIL suggested during the fight that DH should go kill himself (for not inviting her out to dinner with us on New Year's Eve).

I am not looking forward to this Christmas with her.

 

[Tuffcookie]

TC

 

[stinkerbelle's mom]

Kudos to your dh to standing up to them. That's rediculous. You don't owe them a trip no matter how you are paying for your own. I'm glad you did your venting on here. I wouldn't comment too much in front of dh because he needs to do his own venting. He's probably furious, embarrassed, and depressed all in one. to you all.

Last Christmas (on Christmas Eve to be precise) my MIL pulled a doozie on us. MIL suggested during the fight that DH should go kill himself

Wow, mother of the year.

 

[scrapquitler]

I know that it won't do me any good to complain here, and that nothing will ever get resolved by doing so...But I am ANGRY, ANGRY, ANGRY and need to vent somewhere.

I'm sorry that you need to deal with this stuff now. On the bright side, maybe this will be a wake up call for the inlaws? Does your DH have any sibilings? What do they say? Maybe they need to sit down with the inlaws and have an intervention?

 

[Liberty Belle]

I feel your pain. Thank God your DH is on the same page as you and stands up for you guys!

Last Christmas (on Christmas Eve to be precise) my MIL pulled a doozie on us. We didn't speak for MONTHS after her tirade. It was blissful to not have to deal with her for that time, but it really threw us for a loop. MIL suggested during the fight that DH should go kill himself (for not inviting her out to dinner with us on New Year's Eve).I am not looking forward to this Christmas with her.

Wow. And I thought my mother in law was bad.

OP, just be there for your dh. Be extra kind to him and if he snaps at you out of frustration, let it bounce off.

This might turn out to be the best thing that could have happened.

 

[princessmom29]

I would be thanking my lucky stars that you "don't need to bother calling". The best thing you can do is to wallk away and don't look back.

 

[ragdoll]

I would be thanking my lucky stars that you "don't need to bother calling". The best thing you can do is to wallk away and don't look back.

Thank goodness your DH stood up to them! This may sound harsh but I would not be giving them money for anything, not even medical expenses. They CHOSE to make poor financial decisions. It is not up to you to bail them out.

 

[Disney Doll]

Sounds like they gave you the best Christmas gift of all....you don't have to deal with them anymore....

Rest assured OP, when they need something badly enough,they'll call....

 

[dzneelvr]

Give your DH a HUGE because he totally did the right thing. Isn't it sad that as some adults age they take on more child-like behaviours Your family "kept it's power" and you should be so proud of that. Enjoy your life with as many Disney trips as you want!

 

[TLuvsD]

Be a little extra patient with your DH, he made the right decision, but it's a hard one.