Just wanted to chime in
We are nearer to you (outside of Utica, NY) and we have had our in-ground pool for about 6 years now. WE LOVE IT. A lot of people say an in-ground pool is a questionable investment in Upstate NY because the swim season is so short. I suppose that may be true but like a lot of the above posters I really, truly believe in a greater value that comes from having a pool in my own backyard.
We have not opened yet this year (probably next weekend just because of time) but I get excited every year around this time. Once the pool is open I get a great, calming joy out of looking over my back yard (we live in the country) and seeing it there. My son (who is 8) cannot wait to go swimming every year and every day. Summer is my DHs (self-employed) busiest time of year so the hours he is able to spend with the family during this time are often spent swimming in the family pool.
We maintain our own pool. Opening and closing are done by us as well. I buy my chemicals (chlorine tabs, shock, cartridge saver, algaecide) early in the season (before the end of April) at a nice discount from a local pool store (about 20% when combined with their online ordering discount). Many of my friends have very good luck with
Walmart/BJs chemicals but since my pool gets full hot sun for 90% of the day I seem to have better luck with the pool store brands. For PH/Alkalinity levels I use Borax and Baking Soda (Walmart carries giant bags of baking soda which are great for many other things as well).
I do hate vacuuming the pool so this year I purchased a Kreepy Krauler automatic vacuum. I did not make this purchase lightly. I had been looking at automatic vacs for years and this one came very highly rated as well as was a lot cheaper than a robotic vacuum. It was $319 w/ free shipping and a $100 rebate from an online company pool company (that also got great reviews). I will have to let you know how it works out.
I find most of the people in our family/friends circle are very respectful of our privacy. We live on a country road surrounded by family (DHs father and Uncle were farmers so we all moved onto the family land over the years). They always call and ask and not that often. Most of DSs friends and our families have pools (mostly above ground) of their own anyway but DS (and older DDs) are happy to have people over anytime. I have issued a standing invite to any of the family to come when they want and they dont overdo it. If I have other things going on I just say feel free to come over but I may not be able to talk long but stay as long as you like. Usually they bring some sort of a snack for their kids and mine and only stay a couple of hours.
We have a vinyl lined pool. We were advised that in this area of the country fiberglass is not a great bet due to ground conditions. I think, honestly, that it may or may not vary. I am not a scientist lol so I cannot make a certain determination on that.
We have a heater (electric) but do not use it except to heat up the pool in the spring (and then we keep the solar cover on at night) and maybe a few times in later August. We do keep our pump running on low 24/7 (which I have heard is not necessary to do). When we bought the pool we invested in the diving board and fiberoptic lights. We added a slide last year which we bought from Craigslist for $75 and my DH, who has an auto body shop, repainted. After people saw ours he got 3 more slides in the shop for refurbishment from friends.
We also have the Loop Loc cover which is AMAZING. We havent put an elephant on it yet but our German Shepherd walks on it quite a bit and it snaps back into place like nothing was ever there.
The lights I think we could have done without but I am so glad we got the diving board, slide, and Loop Loc. Those are the things I think were a necessity for my family.
I think next year we may invest in a Chlorinator. Or maybe this year IDK as I havent really discussed it with DH yet. I have heard they are a really nice asset for a chlorine pool.
Good Luck!! I think you will have a lot of enjoyment from what you say about your family.