In search of my body...not the one I ate!

[Dizneydawn]

I found this amusing. Dawn, I totally "Get" your humor. You are SO-SO-SO appreciated. (And I'm not a big turd.)
Thanks for the vote of confidence....and I have never thought you were a turd...


I dunno know Grumps. You only come when it's convienent for you. You don't call first. You know, a girl will only put up with around 1000 pages of partial committment for so long...
Typical man...leads you to the promised land and then falls asleep while rowing ashore...and you are left to wonder if you should take the oars and finish yourself or just float awhile and see if he comes back to life...helloo...a hick-up, cough, sneeze...give us sumpin...

Grumps...glad you came back but I want pics to prove you have braces! Not to say I am sceptical but ya know...I am...

I think you look great in your picture!

It's so funny, you are one inch taller than me and heading for the same goal weight - you just have a head start! It's nice to see that 15 lbs less means a size 14...I have been trying to count this in my head, as i look forward to trips and things planned. Like, when I go here, what size will I be? It keeps me motivated. Its nice to watch your progress, a few steps ahead of me!
Totally agree...
I am the thinnest I have been since I got pregnant in late 2003...so I can say the baby weight is finally off, and now it's just for me! When I started this, in late October, I only wanted to be a 14, or maybe a 12...and now I'm not stopping at anything less than a 10 and I have dreams of an 8! (Which would be super skinny for me!) My height has always hid my weight, but now I don't want to settle, I want it all!

I hear the song from "One Day at A Time" right now...

Second, I finally took a full body picture today. This is at 181, I am 5'8" and a solid size 14.

Okay...I will get this done today and put pics up...Carsyn is back so no excuses!
Kat...simply stunning...

3DisKids.....love the pics...it does make me want the water..and I am jealous of your snow...and the angel pic...beautiful as her mama....I know your hubby has a great body and all...but the one in the pics I was drawn to is you....you smile and you radiate in the pics and a person will be drawn to that no matter what the size below the smile is. You are a beautiful woman and your children are a reflection of that directly...

 

[DisneyWorld Delight]

Brave? Because of the boots?

Well, I meant brave for posting a "right now" pic. You know how body image and confidence are when you are obviously trying to make changes.

But, I suppose the boots would fit too. As, I keep falling, AT CHURCH NO LESS, in my boots. It's like I don't know where my boot ends and earth begins.

Now, these aren't the boots I'm interested in getting back into. The hotty miss hotterson boots have been packed away, only to be seen upon the return to a size 10.

Oh, I forgot to tell youse guys. I bought some really cute sneakers the other night, but something I'd consider for a "smaller" gal. I put them on a shelf close to my treadmill. I am not going to wear them till I lose 20 lbs.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Blue = Not sent me a pm yet for weight today
red = posted a weight or choice not to weigh

Dizneydawn Up+2 Current weight 254.8 I ate out and can tell... Goal: Under 250 by next weigh in...
Chbc -1 Current weight: NOYDB
HockeyKat - -1.6 Current weight : 181.6
DWdelight - NOT POSTING THIS WEEK
GoofyFan-12 - -2 Current weight: 274.9
Grumps MIA STILL
SeptemberGirl - - 4.4 Current weight:196.8
3DisKids - -2 Current Weight 141
MunkyMe13 - - 3 Current weight: 226.6
MamaBearJo On her way back from Florida....
born2bird - Samer - Current Weight:
BrcsDisneyPrncs -2.5 Current Weight: 255.0

Total lost....16.5#
Total gained....+2.......From Yours Truly...Thread Starter Me!!!

 

[HockeyKat]

I hear the song from "One Day at A Time" right now...



Okay...I will get this done today and put pics up...Carsyn is back so no excuses!
Kat...simply stunning...

3DisKids.....love the pics...it does make me want the water..and I am jealous of your snow...and the angel pic...beautiful as her mama....I know your hubby has a great body and all...but the one in the pics I was drawn to is you....you smile and you radiate in the pics and a person will be drawn to that no matter what the size below the smile is. You are a beautiful woman and your children are a reflection of that directly...

Thanks!!

And I totally agree w/ your statement about 3Dis.

Well, I meant brave for posting a "right now" pic. You know how body image and confidence are when you are obviously trying to make changes.

But, I suppose the boots would fit too. As, I keep falling, AT CHURCH NO LESS, in my boots. It's like I don't know where my boot ends and earth begins.

Now, these aren't the boots I'm interested in getting back into. The hotty miss hotterson boots have been packed away, only to be seen upon the return to a size 10.

Oh, I forgot to tell youse guys. I bought some really cute sneakers the other night, but something I'd consider for a "smaller" gal. I put them on a shelf close to my treadmill. I am not going to wear them till I lose 20 lbs.

Ahh! I see. Sorry, I am a bit slow before I have my coffee.

Well, this journey began for me last February, and I would say I am a little more than halfway there. So that may be why I am able to post a right now pic.

I actually wear those boots most days, even w/ dress pants, because they are dressier than most anything I have, plus my low boot/shoe/thingies really need replacing and I am too lazy and cheap.

I like the motivational sneaker idea!

I am holding out for a new haircut until I get under 175. I really need to cut it, it has gotten too long again. Not sure what I am going to do this time... maybe bangs?

 

[Dizneydawn]

Now, these aren't the boots I'm interested in getting back into. The hotty miss hotterson boots have been packed away, only to be seen upon the return to a size 10.Okay..I get this...

Oh, I forgot to tell youse guys. I bought some really cute sneakers the other night, but something I'd consider for a "smaller" gal. I put them on a shelf close to my treadmill. I am not going to wear them till I lose 20 lbs.

What exactly are skinny sneakers??? I did not know that sneakers came in Small, Medium, Large, Grande, Huge Biach...etc...

Good Gravy...do I wear a size S sneaker and should not be??? Tell me Fashionista....school me sistah!

 

[Dizneydawn]

I like the motivational sneaker idea!

I am holding out for a new haircut until I get under 175. I really need to cut it, it has gotten too long again. Not sure what I am going to do this time... maybe bangs?

Totally get bangs...years younger!!!!

 

[HockeyKat]

Totally get bangs...years younger!!!!

Hmm... not sure I want to look younger. I am 32 and have trouble sometimes at work w/ people taking me seriously. I have been told I look like I am in my 20s.

My husband is 37 and looks it, and has been accused of cradle-robbing by people who don't know how old I am.

I only get my hair cut about every 5-6 months (see cheap and lazy, from above), and every time I go through the should I change thing, and every time I wind up with the same cut -- long layers, about shoulder length, with the shortest piece at ear length.

I have also played with the idea of going lighter with my hair color.

Here is a head shot, also taken yesterday, to give you an idea of my coloring/hair color (which needs the gray washed out of it, forgive that please!). And this is where the real bravery is in posting a pic, for me... you can clearly see what I look like in this one!!

 

[HockeyKat]

Oh! I almost forgot... for those ladies here w/ wavy/curly/frizzy hair, buy this thing called the Wet2Straight by Remington. You can use it on damp hair and it makes it straight and shiny, with no fly-away frizzies, and it doesn't take very long. Although I usually blow dry the roots first. I got it for Christmas and LOVE it. My hair is NOT straight and it makes it look like it is... I went out last week w/ a friend that I hadn't seen since the fall, and she was like, I don't remember your hair being straight...

 

[Dizneydawn]

Hmm... not sure I want to look younger. I am 32 and have trouble sometimes at work w/ people taking me seriously. I have been told I look like I am in my 20s.

I only get my hair cut about every 5-6 months (see cheap and lazy, from above), and every time I go through the should I change thing, and every time I wind up with the same cut -- long layers, about shoulder length, with the shortest piece at ear length.

I have also played with the idea of going lighter with my hair color.

Here is a head shot, also taken yesterday, to give you an idea of my coloring/hair color (which needs the gray washed out of it, forgive that please!). And this is where the real bravery is in posting a pic, for me... you can clearly see what I look like in this one!!

Okay...I say do bangs with a dark chestnut brown color and some lighter blond highlights...I think a darker brown would look amazing with your skin color....go to a fancy stylist....have them do domething to your hair that surprises you....
That is what I plan when I hit 175.....there is a salon called ReVamp in Mpls and the owner has a 4 month wait...very expensive but he is Hollywood qualifyed and writes books for women on the type of clothes to wear etc...he is our Carson Kreesly and I want it sooo. bad!

My hair is naturally curly and so when curly..looks the same since HS minus the Mall Bangs.....but I want a professional opinion not mine and I want to be brave and not so controlling...because I can always go back to the status quo...but sometimes someone else needs to push you forward!

I showed my DD Carsyn...she agreed and said to go with long layers that frame your face with small bangs (amount of hair cut into bangs not as in how short they are)

 

[Dizneydawn]

Oh! I almost forgot... for those ladies here w/ wavy/curly/frizzy hair, buy this thing called the Wet2Straight by Remington. You can use it on damp hair and it makes it straight and shiny, with no fly-away frizzies, and it doesn't take very long. Although I usually blow dry the roots first. I got it for Christmas and LOVE it. My hair is NOT straight and it makes it look like it is... I went out last week w/ a friend that I hadn't seen since the fall, and she was like, I don't remember your hair being straight...

Yeah...have one and it does not work...need the super watt straightener from salons....my hair is tight ringlets and so is my daughters and unless I blow dry it as straight as possible..use 5 different types of straightening gel and after product...it is a no go....
MY ex SIL is a $150 a cut beautician in Kansas w/ same hair and she is amazing....I never can get it exactly that straight...

 

[Dizneydawn]

Fall 2007 w/ Treyner at his Varsity Parents night (turd on other side)
I can't believe how big my face has gotten...my entire body actually...and hair back in a ponytail does not do me any favors like this...

It is good to see actually...motivational! Need to print and put on Fridge...

Epcot Grand Gathering dinner/dance before Illuminations in Aug 2006...I am w/ Baylor..Chad is w/ Carsyn....I am about 20 pounds lighter than now...I love the picture of Carsyn's hair and actually it is a good memory of the kids w/ their Dad so I am happy we have this..

Baylor and Skyler Feb 2008 (Baylor w/ his new super short hair...)

Carsyn, Hanna & Sara - Fort Meyers Beach Feb 2008 (Carsyn in Front)

Treyner and Jenna - his official Prom Date! (They have been on and off since New Years...now on again)

Another cute one of Skyler...I just love that Baby!!

 

[Dizneydawn]

Okay...I resized the Pics...and they still are posting huge....what is the deal....that happened earlier too on my Pre-trippie thread and then magically changed a day later???

Okay...fixed itself again!!!

 

[HockeyKat]

They don't look huge to me... Probably just a leftover on your end from when you posted them originally. I could go into a geek discussion on why but I will spare you all!

Dawn, you are gorgeous. I love your smile, and your hair is such a pretty color. Carsyn obviously takes after you, as well. Can you tell I am jealous of blonds!?!

Btw, I love the use of 'y' in your children's names... I am a Kathryn and feel that everyone should have a well-placed 'y' in their name!!

I am so happy that everyone is posting pics... I love putting faces with names.

I am also glad that my TOM-related monthly headache is finally gone and I no longer feel like someone has a vice-grip on my head. Makes me into a MUCH happier person!!

Wish me luck... Mr Kat is off from tonight at 6:30 through Monday. We don't often spend a full day together, and it can go either good or bad. Please cross your fingers for me that this one goes well. We need every good day that we can get, lately.

 

[3DisneyKids]

Oh, I forgot to tell youse guys. I bought some really cute sneakers the other night, but something I'd consider for a "smaller" gal. I put them on a shelf close to my treadmill. I am not going to wear them till I lose 20 lbs.

OMG...wth are skinny sneakers? There is a whole line of skinny clothes that I didn't even know about???

3DisKids.....love the pics...it does make me want the water..and I am jealous of your snow...and the angel pic...beautiful as her mama....I know your hubby has a great body and all...but the one in the pics I was drawn to is you....you smile and you radiate in the pics and a person will be drawn to that no matter what the size below the smile is. You are a beautiful woman and your children are a reflection of that directly...

Thanks so much!

I am holding out for a new haircut until I get under 175. I really need to cut it, it has gotten too long again. Not sure what I am going to do this time... maybe bangs?

I can totally relate to this. My hair is pin straight naturally, but REALLY thick. And so I cannot hold ANY style whatsoever...so it always ends up being exactly the same! When I hit goal I am going to some great spa and have them do...SOMETHING!


DAWN--LOVE the pics! Thanks so much for sharing. Talk about a smile! And that baby is sooooo cute! All 3 of your kids look wonderful. And what was a Giant Turd doing in WDW??

Ok, I had one my kids take these...they are from TODAY, so it doesn't get more recent than this! You'll have to excuse my pasty white skin and unshaven legs...it is Maine in the dead of winter after all!

I am spandexed in within an inch of my life here...but this is about the half way point...I feel like I look so....ummmm...WIDE is the only word that comes to mind! And I had just finished working out, so no hair is not styled, no make-up, yadda yadda. I am so not brave enough yet to post with out the shirt. There are pics (Dawn mentioned them before) of a woman here on the WISH boards who took her half way pics in spandex shorts and jog bra. I am SO not that brave!

 

[Dizneydawn]

They don't look huge to me... Probably just a leftover on your end from when you posted them originally. I could go into a geek discussion on why but I will spare you all!
Thanks...for future reference...will see you for geekafied questions!

Dawn, you are gorgeous. I love your smile, and your hair is such a pretty color. Carsyn obviously takes after you, as well. Can you tell I am jealous of blonds!?!Carsyn is natural...plus a few highlights...I am bought and paid for like any slave to hair....changed to blond in 1995-1998 a few shades lighter each time...need my hair done so bad it is not even funny and willpost side, front and back pics Monday night after my hair is done!

Btw, I love the use of 'y' in your children's names... I am a Kathryn and feel that everyone should have a well-placed 'y' in their name!!
My name had no "y" in it grownig up or J and I was totally jealous of kids who could go below the "Special" bottom line when learning to write. (Remember the solid top and bottom lines w/ dotted in the middle that all kids learn to write the alphabet on?) so I swore my kids all would have a 'Y' in there name....I have issues..what can I say!

I am so happy that everyone is posting pics... I love putting faces with names.
Agree...agree...here yee here yee!

Wish me luck... Mr Kat is off from tonight at 6:30 through Monday. We don't often spend a full day together, and it can go either good or bad. Please cross your fingers for me that this one goes well. We need every good day that we can get, lately.

I pray you have a good day...plan on a movie..rental or something...just saw a new restaurant that you eat totally in he dark...no sharp knives allowed...and you must feed each other....very romantic plus a great way to ensure strong communication...and if he sucks...accidently plant a fork in his thigh...and he may have better communication skills after!

OMG...wth are skinny sneakers? There is a whole line of skinny clothes that I didn't even know about???
I know...another new phobia I have to worry about!




I can totally relate to this. My hair is pin straight naturally, but REALLY thick. And so I cannot hold ANY style whatsoever...so it always ends up being exactly the same! When I hit goal I am going to some great spa and have them do...SOMETHING!

I say we all do this at a certain goal we meet...how un would it be to share pics!


DAWN--LOVE the pics! Thanks so much for sharing. Talk about a smile! And that baby is sooooo cute! All 3 of your kids look wonderful. And what was a Giant Turd doing in WDW??
Turds can dance when they are not in the shape of a turd!

Ok, I had one my kids take these...they are from TODAY, so it doesn't get more recent than this! You'll have to excuse my pasty white skin and unshaven legs...it is Maine in the dead of winter after all!
You look great!
I am spandexed in within an inch of my life here...but this is about the half way point...I feel like I look so....ummmm...WIDE is the only word that comes to mind! And I had just finished working out, so no hair is not styled, no make-up, yadda yadda. I am so not brave enough yet to post with out the shirt. There are pics (Dawn mentioned them before) of a woman here on the WISH boards who took her half way pics in spandex shorts and jog bra. I am SO not that brave!

I am very proud of you and you show huge results since the WDW pics were taken! If I looked that good I would go to the grocery store in a thong! Okay...maybe a bikini!

 

[HockeyKat]

WOWOWOW!!! You look GREAT!!! And you are SOOOO brave for posting in bike shorts. Holy Crap!! I am not sure I could do that, even at my goal weight. Then again, I was the one who was mortified to have to wear a tank at the gym the other day....

Dawn, you don't have issues for the 'y' thing... I think it is as good a reason as any for choosing names!

By the way, I just want to say again.... I am so glad I found you all.

 

[SeptemberGirl]

Erika, you look awesome. You are doing great!

Dawn, I second the beautiful hair comment. You and your daughter have the most gorgeous hair!

Okay, I am going to share my before pictures. This is scary! Let me explain. My very good friend is a photographer. She just takes tons and tons of pictures and you are in them or you are not - no posing, no chance for a redo. Of course, she takes non-candids, but most of them are very realistic. It was these pictures that made me drive myself to that first WW meeting in late October.

Everything is fat. My face, my chest, my behind, I have a belly (which I never used to have)...there are pictures of me from behind, and it ain't pretty. Don't worry, I have spared you those.

I call these the what-a-pretty-face pictures. I"m hugging my husband in the first one, and that's my friend's husband on the right in the last one.

And here is me almost halfway - same dear friend taking the same kind of picture, but this one I like a lot more. It's me in Vegas two weekends ago - I'm the one towards the front, with the water bottle.

Okay, well that was scary! But I feel even more proud of my 40lbs loss when I see what used to be!

 

[HockeyKat]

I can tell a HUGE difference SeptemberGirl!! You are doing awesome!

We have totally different body shapes. I carry all my weight firmly around the middle like a michelin tire.

Okay, food for today:
B: TJ's fiber cereal + 1/4 cup milk (100), coffee
L: Pita w/ better'n'eggs and 1/2 TBSP bacon (120)
D: 8 oz strip steak (350), mashed cauliflower (100), steamed broccoli (40), salad (120), 1/2 bottle red wine (220).
S: 2/3 cup fiber one (90) + 1/4 cup milk (20) w/ 2 cut strawberries (10)
Total for the day, ~1170. Exercise, 30 min on arc trainer, 100 crunches on ball. Water, 80 oz.

Hope everyone had a great day!

 

[SeptemberGirl]

I can tell a HUGE difference SeptemberGirl!! You are doing awesome!

We have totally different body shapes. I carry all my weight firmly around the middle like a michelin tire.

Okay, food for today:
B: TJ's fiber cereal + 1/4 cup milk (100), coffee
L: Pita w/ better'n'eggs and 1/2 TBSP bacon (120)
D: 8 oz strip steak (350), mashed cauliflower (100), steamed broccoli (40), salad (120), 1/2 bottle red wine (220).
Total for the day, ~1050. Exercise, 30 min on arc trainer, 100 crunches on ball. Water, 80 oz.

Hope everyone had a great day!

I carry all my weight in my pear-shaped quarters...like saddlebags! Thanks for seeing the difference!

1/2 bottle of wine? Does that mean today with Mr. Kat went well or not-so-well???

 

[Dizneydawn]

Dawn, you don't have issues for the 'y' thing... I think it is as good a reason as any for choosing names!
Thanks for not pointing and laughing at my psychosis!

By the way, I just want to say again.... I am so glad I found you all.

I can't agree more...I feel really blessed to have this family.

Dawn, I second the beautiful hair comment. You and your daughter have the most gorgeous hair!Thanks...I always wished it was straight and long....not so curly and Orphan Annieish!

Everything is fat. My face, my chest, my behind, I have a belly (which I never used to have)...there are pictures of me from behind, and it ain't pretty. Don't worry, I have spared you those.
Isn't perspective funny...I keep thinking your face looks great and you have a smaller upper body than me so what the heck are you complaining about!

The two pics are amazing to look at...what a difference 40 ponds can make! I need to lose at least 100 and I think I keep thinking of that huge number and feeling defeat before I start...bite size chunks I need...
And here is me almost halfway - same dear friend taking the same kind of picture, but this one I like a lot more. It's me in Vegas two weekends ago - I'm the one towards the front, with the water bottle.

Okay, well that was scary! But I feel even more proud of my 40lbs loss when I see what used to be!

Very awesome girl...very brave...I am proud of you and each pound you kicked in the pooper!

Okay...another life choice I face...I swear I know I sound like I need my own soap...

My mom has always favored my 2 younger sisters since I got married. My Dad moved out as soon as I graduated and it was like the 3 of them (mom+ sisters) founded a new family and I just did not fit in.

We moved back to MN after being in Nebraska for college and we lived 1/2 hour from her and she never came over, hardly ever invited us there...my youngest sister lived at her home w/ boyfriend for 5 years and he was welcome with his loser friends...but not me or the kids. (no exaggerating here at all...my 2 sisters see and acknowledge this division of time and attention and are not sure why she is like this) I could give 1 million examples but is not neccesary...all you need to know is that after all this time and 3 years in counseling...I came to a point on Superbowl Sunday that I needed to end the behavior and my expectations from her.

I had called her..asked her if I could swing by..she had Skyler...and she said she wanted to read the newspaper and then did not want company.

Again...I am company.

Sooo...after talking to both of my sisters..I called her...confronted her...said I did not know what or why she always treated me different...and It could not go on. The conversation was 5 minutes..asked her to think about why she felt the way she did and get back to me. I di not scream, I cried but was calm...told her I did not feel like she loved me etc.

The whole time...she said nada...and when I was done... said please call me when you figure it out...

she said..."fine...goodbye." Swear...that was all. I cannot imagine my child comming to me...saying they did not feel loved..and not reassuring them somehow. but she did not and that was that.

So FF to today...4 weeks later and no call, letter or smokesignal...my sister Karen and I spoke...she was furious that mom had not still called...and she intervened. She called mom.

I knew this because all of a sudden...my mom calls...says she is not sure why she feels this way..acts this way...that some may have to do with money we had to borrow when I was sick...(we pay her back monthly) but other than that she has no reason she knows of and we should just go forward from here.

I call her to the carpet...point out that this stems from a lot longer ago than 4 years...and she plays the "I don't remember card" and I say I will have to call her later.

Here is my dillema...
Actually having no anxiety over expectations from her or about her has really reduced some of the stress in my life. I don't have to come up with excuses for my kids on why she is not comming to their games...not worry about Easter because I do not have to see her etc.

I do not think I can accept a relationship without wanting more than Holidays with her. Because I see her giving it to my sisters...I know she is capable...if she was the same with all of us...I think it would be easier to just accept that..."This is how she is." but the truth is...I am so tired of wanting a relationship I can't have that it is easier not to have one at all. It seems so fake when we see each other.

I think she can see my kids when she makes an effort..which is never...but as for me...I think I just need to be done for now. I can't take much more stress and that is all it was.

But that puts my sisters in the middle at some level..I told Karen...it is my relationship with Mom...not yours...you need to continue like always and if you can have a good one...than I am glad.

Am I being a complete @ss here?
I know she can die tonight and this would be it...but at some level I am at peace with the fact we do not have a relationship and I feel all the progress I have made in 4 weeks would be gone if I let her back in Status Quo.

Okay...sorry for the Roots novel...but I am really struggling and I hope you can give me some advice.

What really gets me is that she still did not call me on my merrit ...but needed to make Karen happy so she called. It still isn't about doing the right thing for her daughter that was hurting...I don't think she will ever get it.