In Law vent Update #18

[NikiM20]

My inlaws gave us some land so we were going to build next to them. Well we decided on a modular home. Well FIL & MIL decided that me and DH are stupid and that we were actually getting a trailer.(were not) We had decided on a certain house and they went to the place that were buying from, and started questioning the people there and argueing with them. Well of course, I am embarassed that they did that, this is a small company and they told them who they were and we have decided not to live by them anymore. And heres the kicker, they dont understand why we are mad, like its "Normal" for people to do this. They called and told me they went to look at it and told me what happened. So its not like im getting the story second hand. I am so upset right now I could cry. I feel like I am back in highschool and being "checked up" on.

 

[TallyLassie]

I am really sorry. Sounds like you received a gift, but there were strings attached.

 

[cassie]

Sounds like it's not a good idea to live next to the in-laws. Have you told them to butt out? This is your choice, not theirs. I'd be concerned, down the line, that they will interfer with any of your choices, wether it's the house or future children, or any decisions you make.

 

[I Love Pluto]

It's so much better to realize the meddling now than if you had already built the home and moved in. You are correct in this matter. It really was none of their business to contact the home builders.

Modular homes are beautiful. They really had no clue as to what they were criticizing. A more appropriate action from them would have been to ask if they could go with you to view a modular home, since they did not understand what one was. THEY made a huge mistake here.

 

[Buckalew11]

I am sorry that happened but, I think it is better to find out now, before you put your home there what life next door would be like. Sometimes people just can't "give a gift"--they have to attach strings. Next door to any relative is just too close for me.

Good luck on finding something on your own. You'll be glad you did.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank goodness you found out before you built the house!!!! Consider yourself dodging a bullet!

Although sorry about the mess. Family issues like this are hard to recover from.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this.

My DH and I lived next door to my in-laws for many years. They had a modular home put in next door and moved there, and we moved into the main house back in 1980. Never had any problems. They were the type to give advice when asked and keep quiet when we didn't ask. Sadly, my MIL passed away a few years ago from Lou Gehrig's disease and my FIL remarried a year later and moved in with his new wife.

But! Our son and his family now live next door in that house, and no problems with that either. We want to be the same type of parents/in-laws that my husband's parents were, and mine too really as they don't interfere at all either but we don't live as close to them.

We feel that what our DS and his family do is their business, not ours. If asked for opinions we'll gladly give them, and we are as supportive to them as we can possibly be but to actually interfere, nope. We don't do that.

It can be a great experience to live right next door to family if everyone gets along well, but it can be a terrible one if problems occur. It's too bad your in-laws can't just let you live your lives the way you see fit.

And I agree, modular homes are beautiful and they are NOT "trailers!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

Have had similar In-Law problems.
What they have done is completely wrong!!!



I hope that your spouse feels the same way that you do, and that you will not reconsider living next to them!

 

[disykat]

My inlaws have trouble in the boundry department as well. I sympathize! I'm sure it's hard to let go and let your kids be adults, but I'm determined to let my kids be grown ups.

We've never had boundry issues with my parents, but as they get older they are getting more critical! Not fun, but I'd rather have my decisions criticized than interfered with.

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

Not to be mean but this looks like this could turn into an Everybody loves Raymond situation. Where the inlaws get way too involved.

 

[Disney Doll]

First of all, a gift is not a gift if they think thay can then tell you what to do.

Second of all, don't aaccept gifts of such a large amount from anyone. If you build there,a ll you'll hear for the rest of your life is "Well, if we hadn't given you the land, you'd probalby still have no house".

Third of all, don't live that close to your in-laws. They should have to get in the car and drive to your home, even if it is only a 10 minute drive.

 

[Tiffer]

It's so much better to realize the meddling now than if you had already built the home and moved in. You are correct in this matter. It really was none of their business to contact the home builders.

Modular homes are beautiful. They really had no clue as to what they were criticizing. A more appropriate action from them would have been to ask if they could go with you to view a modular home, since they did not understand what one was. THEY made a huge mistake here.

I agree. Giving you the land....When it seems to good to be true, it usually is! There always seems to be strings attached. the I give under my terms thing.

If I had a nice house, I probably wouldn't want a trailor right next to it, just for asthetic (sp?) reasons and property value, but they should have asked you and took you at your answer tht it was not. They handled it wrong and shouldn't have embarassed you with the builders!

Sorry you had to go through that, but like it says above, you are better off to have learned about it now, that after your house was completed and you moved in.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Have you been given a legal deed to the property? I wouldn't put anything on a piece of property without a deed in your name.

This is why my DH refused to build on the acreage his parents gave him. My MIL would be too involved in our daily lives. She loves to give advise. We get along great with our ILs because we live 30 minutes away. We've worked hard for everything that we own. We like it that way.

Lori

 

[chris1gill]

My MIL is like this & she lives with us I say RUN... RUN fast... go get a house on another piece of property somewhere else!

Just speaking from experience as the DIL of an in-law like you're describing!

(By the way, we took the land that was offered, built the house with the in-law & just last night I said that I'd sell the whole thing if my MIL started in again about how she helped us... I think we've helped her far more than she has us... what a mess)

Yup, there's nothing given without strings attached.....

 

[NikiM20]

Have you been given a legal deed to the property? I wouldn't put anything on a piece of property without a deed in your name.

Lori

The land is in our names. thanks for all the well wishes.............DH works out of town and will be gone for another 25 days so I get to tell them that were not moving there. I am going to nicely say that they have overstepped their boundries and we are not comfortable moving there.

 

[Serena]

I live next door to my inlaws and I have not had this problem, much. But I do have 3 hairy dogs and slithery snakes too.

 

[Beth76]

The land is in our names. thanks for all the well wishes.............DH works out of town and will be gone for another 25 days so I get to tell them that were not moving there. I am going to nicely say that they have overstepped their boundries and we are not comfortable moving there.

Good for you! I know that will be hard to confront them, but you are sooooooo doing the right thing. You definitely don't want to be living next door to those people.

 

[NikiM20]

Well I told them and of course its MY fault because I am "insecure" and they were just trying to help. You cant win with these people I got the whole We didnt find it strange blah blah blah speach and how they went and looked the house that his brother and wife bought. But I brought up the fact that they asked them to go look at it..we didn't. I told them we felt like they were butting into our business and they were questioning our decisions. To which they replied how the fact that they gave us the land meant that they wanted us to live there blah blah blah. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH can you divorce your inlaws? I want to keep DH but gid rid of them

 

[sajetto]

Sorry Niki, that really stinks that they don't understand. You'll be really glad that you decided not to live next to them.

 

[Wishing on a star]

So, your DH is not around, and you are left with dealing with his parents on your own. And, you get to tell him over the phone.

For your sake, I am hoping and praying that your DH does agree with you, and is sane and well-adjusted and mature enough to maintain boundaries with his parents!!! (there are many who are not... I know from personal experience)

Things like this are not in-law issues. They are 'marriage' issues.

Your DH should be handling this stuff with his parents. I am sure he has access to a phone, and that he has his parents phone number.

You should not be taking the heat here.