I'm struggling

[AmandaSparks730]

I'm seriously struggling right now. I've posted on these boards a few times, in case you don't know me. Well...I'm not really sure what's going on right now. When other girls hug me or whatever, I'm fine, I feel nothing (well, not nothing, but you know). But when my best friend puts her arm around me, o comforts me, or even hugs me sometimes, I feel...like, a tingly feeling. Electrodes. I've read girl-on-girl sex stories online (and I'm young for those, a bit!), and I always get turned-on. I've had same-sex fantasies. And...I'm really not sure what's going on with me right now. As of now, I'm a high school freshman, female, straight. Anyone have any advice to me? Should I talk to my lesbian friend (who happens to be the best friend mentioned before) or...? Any advice would be great, thanks.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

You should take a big breath. {{{hugs}}} You are young. In the grand scheme of things you are. By talking to your friend do you mean about feeling like you have romatic feelings or talking about being a lesbian in general?

Defining who you are is much more than sexual/physical attraction, eh? Right now try not to worry overmuch about labels like straight and gay.

Talk with your friend or a trusted adult who will be supportive if you think it will help. It's usually a long road to walk, and taking small steps is not a bad idea. {{{hugs}}}

 

[AmandaSparks730]

You should take a big breath. {{{hugs}}} You are young. In the grand scheme of things you are. By talking to your friend do you mean about feeling like you have romatic feelings or talking about being a lesbian in general?

Defining who you are is much more than sexual/physical attraction, eh? Right now try not to worry overmuch about labels like straight and gay.

Talk with your friend or a trusted adult who will be supportive if you think it will help. It's usually a long road to walk, and taking small steps is not a bad idea. {{{hugs}}}

Thanks! By talking to her, I mean about sexuality. She struggled with hers for years. Deep inside, she knew she was a lesbian, but she told herself that she liked boys. It wasn't until around 8th grade that she made the relevation that she was lesbian. She understands me the most, so talking to her might help. Thanks, though, for posting!

 

[AmandaSparks730]

I'm 99% sure I'm bisexual. Can anyone help me?? Please? I haven't gotten as many responses to this as I hoped. It makes me feel invivsible. Is anyone out there for me to talk to?!

 

[OrlandoMike]

We're all here for you.

One day at a time, there is no rush to make these life changing decisions.

 

[rosiep]

Amanda.. I'm sorry I have posted earlier (life tends to get in the way and all that ) but I just wanted to reassure you that you don't need to label yourself. You can be just who ever you are with out trying to fit into a neat little box. Peolpe aren't like that. I, too, find women attractive...but I've been married for 24 years and we are momogamous..so what does that make me?? It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you be comfortable with who you are.

If you need to PM me feel free to do that. I haven't been responding to posts lately because I've been distracted.

The community is here for you. I assure you. Mike was right, take a deep breath and take things a day at a time.

Let us know what's going on.
Rosie

 

[TuckandStuiesMom]

I'm 99% sure I'm bisexual. Can anyone help me?? Please? I haven't gotten as many responses to this as I hoped. It makes me feel invivsible. Is anyone out there for me to talk to?!

DVC, Rosie and Mike are right, Amanda. Relax a bit, be kind to yourself, get to know what makes you special and unique -- and things will work out in the right way, in the right order, at the right time. There is an analogy that anybody's life is like a tapestry. we are so busy worrying about the placement of individual threads, that we do not find time to step back and see the overall pattern. And yet, the only way the design is meaningful is in its totality.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Ok, so I talked to my lesbian friend (and I hate referring to her as that right now, but I don't want to give out names!), and well...she says she's there for me. And she knows what I'm going through, and not to worry about labels. We started talking about "gaydar" (which is in a lesbian love story we're reading), and she said that her "gaydar" went off the minute she saw me, before we even met each other. I think she's right. And well, I've thought I've had crushes on my girl friends, but...I guess I denied it. So, that's what's new.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Amanda, we all come to terms with who we are on a daily basis, for our entire lives. I learn something new every day, even about myself. At your age things about your sexuality seem so confusing.

If I had any advice to give it may be this.

Dont fret about it. It is what it is. Get to know people as friends. After all, if and when you do settle down with someone it's a lot easier if you are best friends before lovers. If this best friend happens to be a girl or a boy, either way, it will be good because you are friends first.

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Thanks, Mike
That's actually what I want, for my lover to be my best friend AND my lover. I'm single currently, never had a boy/girlfriend (but want one!!) I've told two friends about this whole thing so far. I'm not quite ready to tell anyone else just yet, because I'm scared to.

 

[MousekaMaddi]

Hi Amanda,
I agree........just be yourself -

 

[rosiep]

Thanks, Mike
That's actually what I want, for my lover to be my best friend AND my lover. I'm single currently, never had a boy/girlfriend (but want one!!) I've told two friends about this whole thing so far. I'm not quite ready to tell anyone else just yet, because I'm scared to.

No need to tell everyone. I know it's instictive to want people to know the "real" you...but time will share that better than words can. Be patient with yourself. There's no "have to" right now.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today.
Rosie

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Thanks, Rosie! It's nice to know that you're thinking of me. I'm still trying to find me. Here's a description of moi:

*Athiest
*Dancer
*Guitarist (beginner)
*Reads a looooooot
*Writer
*Loves musicals (especially RENT, WICKED, POTO, etc)
*Music: Punk-pop, metal (and show tunes!!)
*Short (not even 5', and I'm a freshman!)
*Glasses
*Brunette
*Hearing impaired (left ear:mild-moderate. right ear: moderate-severe)
*Dark brown eyes
*Loves Disney AND Universal
*Loves friends with all my heart
*For GBLTQ
*Hates homophobia and stereotypes
and
*Possibly bi

I want people to know me, but it'll take awhile. ONE person knows me the best, my best BEST friend in the whole world. She knows all this, and more. I really, really love her.

You guys are all so supportive! Thanks so, so much.

 

[rosiep]

I'm hearing impaired, short (5'2") and have dark brown eyes..... and I'm bi.....maybe we're related

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Maybe we are! Wow. It's cool to know that there are others with hearing loss out there. And short people, too. **Off topic, but funny. My friend is at least 5'9". Her mom is just about 5'1". Her dad is around 6'something. Go figure**
I'm going to PM you about something...

 

[OrlandoMike]

Amanda, do you like coffee? Cuz if your going to be related to Rosie your going to have to learn to suck down plenty of that!

 

[MousekaMaddi]

........just thinking of u .......hope u are having a good week........jump in and tell us how your day is going

 

[AmandaSparks730]

Mike-no, I'm not a coffee fan, but thanks for the heads-up!

I'll be back later, after school, with another update. Does anyone else feel that 7:24 is a little *too* early for class? (Does anyone else feel that 7:24 is an abnormal school starting time, and 1:51 is an abnormal ending time?)

 

[OrlandoMike]

At your age 7:24 is too early for anything!

 

[AmandaSparks730]

True!

Ok, today:

PROS: I "came out" to two more of my close friends! And me and my friend (who were in a fight) made up!

CONS: Got in trouble for passing notes in Spanish (about this whole thing), missed my bus, and fell off the stablility ball in gym (and thus, my friends--and crush--laughed at me!!)

Altogether, not a bad day (overall) I seem to be better at communicating in note form (or written form), so I've been (I have been) writing notes to the friends that I'm coming out to. So far, surprisingly, no one's overreacted, been too surprised, or said much about it. I guess that's a good thing...