I'm feeling guilty, advice please.

[disnut1149]

Hi
My mother is being operated on today in Florida for a colon mass. It looks like it might be cancerous. I live outside of Philadelphia. I feel I should be there when she gets home from the hospital, but I don't know when that will be. She is 84 years old and will have to have major help. I'm leaving for DW on the 10th with my girlfriend and will be back on the 15th. I feel guilty that I'll be in Disney in Florida and won't be seeing my mother at that time. I could go when I get back for a few days before Christmas. My mom might be wearing a colostomy bag and I'm not very good at nursing. I did have my mother-in-law live with me for 6 months when she had althiemers, but she didn't have any major nursing issues. I also have 2 brothers and a sister. My sister would go but she has MS, and my brothers are out of there. So do I still go on my trip (I didn't get any trip insurance this time) and go sooner to see my mom or wait until I get back and go after Disney? I forgot to mention that my mom lives in Naples, on the west coast. Also, my sister told me that she might need a nursing home to get the help she needs for recovery. Thanks for your help.

 

[Lorix2]

Do what you're heart tells you to. I hope she will recover quickly and that everything will be alright.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would go now and see her thru the operation regardless of if she was home or not.

 

[Michigan]

I just lost my mom last month and all I can say is everything else will be there but one day you mother won't.

Can't you go earlier to see her?

 

[disnut1149]

Hi
Thanks for your replies. Right now I'm taking care of my DGD (4) that just had her tonsils out. My DD is divorced and is a special ed teacher and can't afford to miss school, so I'm helping her out. She has no one else that would stay with my DGD. She is a 2nd year teacher and can't afford to put her job in jeopardy. I was also thinking I could go in a few days when my DGD is better. So, I'll try to work this out. I know I'd like to see her as soon as I can. Thanks again.

 

[disnut1149]

I just lost my mom last month and all I can say is everything else will be there but one day you mother won't.

Can't you go earlier to see her?

This is so true. I lost my father 13 years ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him.

 

[Disney Doll]

I don't think I'd be worrying about my Disney vacation at this point.

Obviously the care of your DGD is an issue, but as soon as you can get that aspect squared away, I'd probably go to Mom's. If she is having surgery, there is a possibility that after the surgery she will need to go to a nursing home for a short period of time for some rehab (called short term rehab) as elederly people tend to become very weak and deconditioned in the hospital and need some extra care and therapy for the first couple of weeks after a hospitalization to get stronger. Once that's done, she'll be home on her own, so you may be able to wait until that point to go see her...when she is home on her own and yet still needs help.

 

[Hannathy]

I am trying not to be crass but you do realize colon surgery for an 84 yr old is no walk in the park! Many things could happen in surgery or right after. I hope you are prepared for all the many things that could happen today. Including it not being operable. She will have a major recovery in the hospital and then if that goes ok probably a nursing home or full time care at home. I think I would be hightailing it to Florida now and not worrying about my DGD or my vacation.

 

[luvwinnie]

Who is with her RIGHT NOW while she is having surgery? I wouldn't be doing on my trip...instead I'd be with her, but everyone is different and all families are different. WIshing your mom the best.

 

[poohandwendy]

I would go as soon as possible. This is a big deal and she needs you. Your DD will have to find a way to have her DD cared for. Just like she would if something happened to you (God forbid) and you could not watch your DGD.

 

[disnut1149]

Hi
Thanks for all your advice. I would've flown down, but they just put her in the hospital Friday, did tests and decided to operate today. I just talked to the nurse and she said that I should wait until the outcome of her surgery, which hasn't happed yet. It was supposed to be at 7:00 this morning, but probably won't be until 1:30. She told me to wait and that she will need the help when she gets home, but I feel to anxious to wait. I'll book my flight as soon as I talk to the nurse today. Thanks again everyone.

 

[4nana]

Bless her heart . Sending prayers your Mom has a successful surgery and outcome. Glad you've spoken with her nurse and decided to go down asap. Parents need our love and support more than ever through difficult times like this.