If your kids won't eat dinner.....

[PRINCESS VIJA]

What do you do? My friend and I were comparing notes on what we do, and what our parents did. My DD has become incredibly picky and I am at a loss as to what to do. Usually my kids get an evening snack of somesort. But if they don't eat their dinner, then I always kept that for their snack. But only rarely would she eat it, and only if the evening snack was "worth it". HELP! what works for your family?

 

[Serena]

Don't worry about it. As long as dinner isn't just one thing, either she'll eat or she won't. Kids go through phases when they're hungry and when they aren't. Make sure she has plenty of healthy snacks available and take that stress off yourself and her.
My kids love to snack on veggies, and frozen peas. They're weird, I know. lol

 

[Laurabearz]

My new 'line' is... I am not a resturaunt (cant spell it... sorry) nor am I a waitress.. I am cooking one dinner and if you eat it, you wont be hungry... if you dont eat it you will be hungry.... your choice.

I do try and have at least one item in the meal that my picky eater will eat... corn... potatos... greenbeans... pasta... but no more cooking one meal for the family and one for my picky eater...

So far... it is working somewhat... I gotta keep more fruit on hand, so in the evenings when she is hungry, she can have an apple or banana... but no ice cream sandwiches for those who dont give dinner the old college try!

 

[TEENEE]

When I was a kid if we didn't eat dinner we didn't get a snack and my mom threatened to give us our dinner for breakfast the next day. She was never given the chance to go through with her threat. I guess the thought of eating something they didn't like was enough to encourage my brothers to eat. I've never been a picky eater so I wasn't threatened.

My kids are good eaters so we don't really have dinner time problems. If we make something that the kids don't like they are not forced to eat it as long as they have tried it. On occassion they, usually my dd, will get stubborn. If they don't eat dinner they don't get anything until breakfast.

 

[wovenwonder]

When Colby was younger and pulled this I did the following..... I offered three healthy meals and one healthy evening snack each day. If he ate it --- fine, if not fine again. BUT, nothing else outside of those things. AND only water to drink. Drinks other than water were considered treats. If ate all of his meal and wanted some kool-aid or something similar later then okay. If not, it was water and no treats. I always tried to have at least one thing that I knew he enjoyed at all meals. As long as he at least tried each thing I would let it go. I think there are more important battles to fight in raising kids and this was just one that I chose to avoid.

To avoid conflicts --- ask the kids to help YOU plan the weekly menus and help with the couponing and shopping. It gives them a sense of participation plus teaches them how to plan healthy meals.

 

[KristiKelly]

We go through this in our house too. I try to limit their snacks in the afternoon, I want them good & hungry when they come to the tabel. DS is bad about coming home from school & when I go upstairs, he'll fix a PB&J sandwich. I plan our meals out at the beginning of each week & give DS & DD 2-3 nights a week to choose something they like, that way DS can't say "You never fix anything I like!". DS loves Chicken Pie, so tonight - It's chicken Pie, Mashed Potatoes, Green Beans, fruit and Ovaltine Choc. milk. If they refuse to eat what I've fixed, they can have a sandwich, but no big meal for them.

 

[CEDmom]

Growing up I don't remember if we had to clean our plate in order to have dessert but I do know we had to finish our milk. I HATE milk and it was torture for me to finish it.

With DD we don't have too many problems with her eating but she knows if she doesn't eat a sufficient amount she won't get a treat. I don't make her a seperate dinner but I do modify what we're having to accomodate her taste. For example, she really doesn't like sauce on her pasta. So she'll have it with a little cheese & butter or with a dish of sauce to dip it into. She also doesn't like spices or sauces on her meat/fish so I'll do some plain for her. We push the veggies and protein at dinner and don't really care about the carbs so much since she gets them at other meals and snacks.

Also she helps me pack her lunch and gets to choose what goes into it (protein, carb, fruit and veggie). She eats all of it because it's thing she likes and wants to eat that day. I've found that the more I allow DD to control (by giving choices) what she eats the better she does at eating a healthy well rounded diet.

 

[Lorix2]

Laurabearz - that's funny, because I am a waitress and when my kids put their nose up at what I'm making for dinner and protest individually telling me what THEY want, I say "do you see my name tag on? an apron around me?" When you do and your IN my restaurant, then you can order what you like. LOL!

 

[LadyAurora]

Well, I can tell you what my parents did with me that didn't work...we couldn't leave the table until the plate was clean. If that meant everyone else was out watching TV or whatever while I was still sitting at the table, so be it. Eventually I just learned to hide the food...spit it in the napkin, put it back in the serving dish, feed it to the dog, sneak over to the garbage and throw it away quietly. Mom was big on the veggies, but I didn't like them, to the point that I would gag when I tried to eat them. Now to this day I still don't eat many veggies, only green beans, snow peas, corn and carrots.

 

[peg2001]

I try to fix at least one or two items I know my DDs like, along with the rest of the meal. However, I don't make them eat and sometimes they don't. They know that there will no food until breakfast.

Peggy

 

[FreshTressa]

My kids have to eat the meat and veggie in order to get the bread and milk.

DS always eats it and DD has skipped dinner maybe 3 times. She lived through it.

I refuse to have picky eaters.

My kids would be picky if I let them and would eat just white, bready foods.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

When my kids were little the rule was: If you don't like it after trying it you know how to make a peanut butter sandwich. No complaining or whining allowed!

Isabella is a rather picky eater and still loves all the junk she lived on before she came to us. She's gotten better and will try foods but gets nuts if any of the foods touch on her plate! What is that all about? We do some dealmaking: eat enough of the meat and veggies and you may have ice cream for bedtime snack.

 

[disykat]

My kids are each allowed one thing I never make them eat. (One never eats pizza, the other never eats cauliflower) Everything else they have to take several polite bites of. If they can't do that and turn dinner into a whine fest, I save their plate and they have to eat ALL of it before eating anything else that night.

 

[Pembo]

You have to eat as many bites as your age. For example my 5 year old has to eat 5 bites. If they still don't want to eat, they go hungry. No snack before bed either. They live.

 

[kilee]

When I was a kid my mom made us sit at the table too, until EVERYTHING was gone! You want to know what I still sat there many a nights. To boot, I am still what DH refers to as the pickiest eater. Forcing me to eat it, didn't make me like it anymore.

Now, in my house, DS is lucky. He actually has isn't as picky as I am, but if he don't like-- He doesn't have to eat it. I won't make him a separate full meal. I will help him put together mac n cheese, or soup, and a sandwhich.

 

[FreshTressa]

I imagine a power struggle like that, Kilee, could MAKE someone a picky eater, or develop an eating disorder!

I think offering eating as a choice and showing no emotion about it has eliminated the power struggle aspect of it. I think it helps kids in all issues and especially this issue to have some control and choices.

 

[goofy4tink]

And to think that I thougth I was alone with a picky eater. My dd doesn't eat much meat. She likes mac and cheese, milk (but has to take Lactaid pills!) yogurt, puddings, peanut butter, corn, hot dogs, grilled cheese. It's a real pain. But, we are starting to expect more of her, so she has to try everything on her plate. My mom used to make us sit there until we finished. Not me. Just several tries is all I ask. It's a battle a parent just can't win. Keep those suggestions coming. This is really informative for a poor mom like me.

 

[msdznyduck]

When my two youngest were smaller, they had 10 minutes after everyone else had finished eating....then the plates were scraped. If they didn't finish,( and it was not a plate full), because they didn't like it, they got nothing until breakfast. (except water, I am not that strict). If they ate what was on their plate, they could have a small drink (soda, milk, juice) and cookies, or whatever before bed.
My dad was a diabetic, (and died in 1972), so when I was growing up, we never had desserts. There is so much more for diabetics now, the only sweetner was saccharine (those little white tablets), so it was easier to just go without. But I remember sitting in the kitchen "finishing" my dinner for it seemed like hours after everyone else had finished, and I swore I would never do that to my kids. My brother and I did the same things as Lady Aurora did, to get out of the kitchen.

 

[Otto's Doll]

My kids always have the option of a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter sandwich. There are a very few things that they just don't like that DH and I love, so we do provide an alternate meal for them those nights. They do have to try whatever we are having. I found that this works well, and my DS has actually come around to liking a lot of things that he said he hated in the past.
Like someone else said, it is just not (usually) worth battling about.

 

[CheshireVal]

When I was young I was allowed just one thing I never had to eat: I picked turnip greens/collards because they are the one thing I just can't stomach. Yuck! Everything else on my plate I had to eat a few bites of, or I'd have to sit at the table til I managed to force it down.

I remember being really angry when my brother came along, because somehow the rules changed and he was allowed to refuse just about anything!