If you were dating (1 year) living together (5 months)...

[FireDancer]

Why is it so hard to believe?? I came here and asked for advise...I sorted through the beneficial posts and ignored the hateful/mean/judgmental ones!! I don't have all the answers in life, I'm not perfect!! I came hear to get different viewpoints, not to have my life or my parenting skills judged and critiqued. There is much more to my life than what I post here. It's not as black and white as a few of y'all have made it, and yes...even though I'm in my 40s.. I'm still trying to figure things out (due to situations I've never disclosed on here) and sometimes it's nice to have other people give their opinions in constructive ways!! I'm sorry I did and I won't be back!
However, I do want to say thank you to the ones who truly didn't past judgement, that offered advice and understood we all aren't perfect and have perfect lives!! I did as many of you said, and had a heart-to-heart with my bf, I didn't disclose all the details, didn't feel it was needed for it to be believable!! Contrary to how others feel on here, I feel very good about it and the step WE are taking in the right direction! I didn't say it was perfect or fixed...
Feel free to 'flame away' to those that find it necessary....

I find the definition of perfect a bit skewed here on the Dis. There is a pretty big gulf between jumping from man to man with a child in tow and perfection. Somewhere in that gulf is normal for example.

Sorry OP, but from what has been posted by Hadley it seems like you are one of those people who just has to be in a serious relationship (like married or on the road to marriage) and can't be alone and it is unfortunate that you are dragging your son along for the ride.

Best of luck to you on your future endeavors.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Once again, I couldnt agree more.

I find the definition of perfect a bit skewed here on the Dis. There is a pretty big gulf between jumping from man to man with a child in tow and perfection. Somewhere in that gulf is normal for example.

Sorry OP, but from what has been posted by Hadley it seems like you are one of those people who just has to be in a serious relationship (like married or on the road to marriage) and can't be alone and it is unfortunate that you are dragging your son along for the ride.

Best of luck to you on your future endeavors.

 

[wdwmom3]

It's just a personel choice for myself and my son, that's why I asked him from the beginning. I would have never kept dating him if he had answered NO! I'm not in a hurry, but also don't want to invest several years into a relationship if we aren't on the same page.

In my opinion if marriage was that much of a deal breaker for you then i would not have moved in together until you were at least engaged. But you did so now all you can do is have an honest discussion. You have to decide what you will do if he says he doesn't want to get married again. Guess you need to decide what is more important to you, the person or the paper. If you choose the paper well I don't think he's the one anyways.

 

[wdwmom3]

Why is it so hard to believe?? I came here and asked for advise...I sorted through the beneficial posts and ignored the hateful/mean/judgmental ones!! I don't have all the answers in life, I'm not perfect!! I came hear to get different viewpoints, not to have my life or my parenting skills judged and critiqued. There is much more to my life than what I post here. It's not as black and white as a few of y'all have made it, and yes...even though I'm in my 40s.. I'm still trying to figure things out (due to situations I've never disclosed on here) and sometimes it's nice to have other people give their opinions in constructive ways!! I'm sorry I did and I won't be back!
However, I do want to say thank you to the ones who truly didn't past judgement, that offered advice and understood we all aren't perfect and have perfect lives!! I did as many of you said, and had a heart-to-heart with my bf, I didn't disclose all the details, didn't feel it was needed for it to be believable!! Contrary to how others feel on here, I feel very good about it and the step WE are taking in the right direction! I didn't say it was perfect or fixed...
Feel free to 'flame away' to those that find it necessary....

Ok just read all the recent stuff. I'm sorry but it seems like you have some "need" to be in a relationship. Stop jumping from man to man and work on yourself. You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can be comfortable with anyone else. Sorry but your bf Beijing g hesitant about marriage is the smart one here.

 

[ilovemk76]

Why is it so hard to believe?? I came here and asked for advise...I sorted through the beneficial posts and ignored the hateful/mean/judgmental ones!! I don't have all the answers in life, I'm not perfect!! I came hear to get different viewpoints, not to have my life or my parenting skills judged and critiqued. There is much more to my life than what I post here. It's not as black and white as a few of y'all have made it, and yes...even though I'm in my 40s.. I'm still trying to figure things out (due to situations I've never disclosed on here) and sometimes it's nice to have other people give their opinions in constructive ways!! I'm sorry I did and I won't be back!
However, I do want to say thank you to the ones who truly didn't past judgement, that offered advice and understood we all aren't perfect and have perfect lives!! I did as many of you said, and had a heart-to-heart with my bf, I didn't disclose all the details, didn't feel it was needed for it to be believable!! Contrary to how others feel on here, I feel very good about it and the step WE are taking in the right direction! I didn't say it was perfect or fixed...
Feel free to 'flame away' to those that find it necessary....

You want to be a SAHM to a boy whose father you do not live with. As a result, you find guys to marry or live with that will pay 90%+ of the bills so you can be that SAHM to your son. As soon as they want some say in how you do thing just for your son and not their children, you bolt to the next guy.

How can you live on child support when you only spent $500 on groceries and could not pay for much more, even a trip to Disney for four people with free airfare? The answer is you can't and that is why you moved in to another man's home less than a year after you were still married to another man.

If a guy did this, he would be getting ripped apart, and rightfully so!

 

[wdwmom3]

You want to be a SAHM to a boy whose father you do not live with. As a result, you find guys to marry or live with that will pay 90%+ of the bills so you can be that SAHM to your son. As soon as they want some say in how you do thing just for your son and not their children, you bolt to the next guy.

How can you live on child support when you only spent $500 on groceries and could not pay for much more, even a trip to Disney for four people with free airfare? The answer is you can't and that is why you moved in to another man's home less than a year after you were still married to another man.

If a guy did this, he would be getting ripped apart, and rightfully so!

I have to say I agree. And I have been a single mom of 3 kids receiving no support (now with an amazing man. Yay!!!). I always found a way to pay my own bills including taking my kids to WDW. The op needs to get some respect and start taking care of herself.

 

[goofyintoronto]

I have to say I agree. And I have been a single mom of 3 kids receiving no support (now with an amazing man. Yay!!!). I always found a way to pay my own bills including taking my kids to WDW. The op needs to get some respect and start taking care of herself.

I think this should definitely be the first priority....taking care of herself and maybe not obsess/concentrate so much on men and marriage.

 

[timmac]

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I don't think anybody said the resolution was "hard to believe". In fact, I'm pretty sure the only word used was "odd". I know for me, it seemed like a connect-the-dots puzzle that jumped from #9 to #32 without any of the intermediate lines drawn. Kind of like telling a story: "So, we were on a plane, but then the engine started making funny noise, and the plane was shaking funny. Then we all lived happily ever after." That's what I found odd, it seemed like a non-sequitir; doesn't necessarily mean it's inaccurate or not truthful, just there is no prima facie path from point A to point B in this case.

Now, I realize that nobody is under any obligation whatsoever to tell us any details if they do not so desire. That said, however, when one starts a thread looking for ideas/advice/etc it is something of an unwritten courtesy to at least follow through to the conclusion with those who have posted and invested their own time and feelings into the situation. Not that this always happens, or even happens most of the time, but it's sure nice when it does.

With all of that said, we only know what we know based upon what we've been told. Apart from the "odd" response, we have now seen a follow-on of "why is that so hard to believe?". It reads, to me, not unlike when one of my kids tells me something and their first statement after is "Really, I'm not lying!" I can't say for sure what is the truth in this situation, nor do I have any real skin in the game either way. For that matter, I am not even looking to pass any kind of a value judgment about the OP's situation.

We all have the freedom to tell as much or as little as we want about a situation. But, know that exactly what information you choose to reveal or not to reveal is pretty much all anyone else here has to evaluate. The person who says "I once killed a bunch of people" is likely to be viewed very differently than the one who says "I once killed a bunch of people... I had been drafted for the Vietnam war", even if they're actually the same person.

 

[moon]

Now, I realize that nobody is under any obligation whatsoever to tell us any details if they do not so desire. That said, however, when one starts a thread looking for ideas/advice/etc it is something of an unwritten courtesy to at least follow through to the conclusion with those who have posted and invested their own time and feelings into the situation.

I wish! That's the most annoying thing here on the Dis. Hardly anyone post the resolution to their posts!

Not that this always happens, or even happens most of the time, but it's sure nice when it does.

It sure is!

 

[NHdisneylover]

I can only speak for myself, of course, but I don't think anybody said the resolution was "hard to believe". In fact, I'm pretty sure the only word used was "odd". I know for me, it seemed like a connect-the-dots puzzle that jumped from #9 to #32 without any of the intermediate lines drawn. Kind of like telling a story: "So, we were on a plane, but then the engine started making funny noise, and the plane was shaking funny. Then we all lived happily ever after." That's what I found odd, it seemed like a non-sequitir; doesn't necessarily mean it's inaccurate or not truthful, just there is no prima facie path from point A to point B in this case.

Now, I realize that nobody is under any obligation whatsoever to tell us any details if they do not so desire. That said, however, when one starts a thread looking for ideas/advice/etc it is something of an unwritten courtesy to at least follow through to the conclusion with those who have posted and invested their own time and feelings into the situation. Not that this always happens, or even happens most of the time, but it's sure nice when it does.

With all of that said, we only know what we know based upon what we've been told. Apart from the "odd" response, we have now seen a follow-on of "why is that so hard to believe?". It reads, to me, not unlike when one of my kids tells me something and their first statement after is "Really, I'm not lying!" I can't say for sure what is the truth in this situation, nor do I have any real skin in the game either way. For that matter, I am not even looking to pass any kind of a value judgment about the OP's situation.

We all have the freedom to tell as much or as little as we want about a situation. But, know that exactly what information you choose to reveal or not to reveal is pretty much all anyone else here has to evaluate. The person who says "I once killed a bunch of people" is likely to be viewed very differently than the one who says "I once killed a bunch of people... I had been drafted for the Vietnam war", even if they're actually the same person.

This.

 

[NHdisneylover]

OP--people seem to often keep reading even after they say they are one--so I will reply to you in case that is happening here

I want you to know that I really did not intend to be mean or hurtful at all.

I gather from your old posts that your son is very important to you. I think you love him beyond measure and that you would never intentionally do anyhting that is damaging to him.

In much the same way that, prior to this thread, you apparently did not realize that many people feel 1 year is a very short time to go from "just started dating" to "engaged"--I get the impression that you may well not have realized that you have a pattern of jumping into relationships hard and fast and then they end (largely because they never got past the initial infatuation stage before you did something to make them very "permanent" like getting married or moving in together). And that you may well not realize how deeply this can hurt your son. You probably think of him and you as a unit and do not really think about him bonding with these other men, etc.

It is pretty normal to not see things in yourself as you move through life that an outsider could see and point out to you, and if you are receptive (as you say you were early in the thread) be able to recognize at that point and chance. If everyone could always sees these things themselves and change with no effort then every therapist would be put out of business

Anyway, I said what I said NOT to hurt you or to say that you should be "perfect" at 40, but to hopefully help you realize what is going on and to appeal to you as a mother in the hopes of helping your child.

I hope you can take that in the spirit it was intended and both you and your son (and your boyfriend) can end up in a much better place eventually.