If you can't say something nice....

[ozarkmom]

My DD who has low self esteem and doesn't realize how beautiful and special she is has a new short haircut (it's about chin length and layered) I hated to see her get her hair cut but it's actually very cute. We go to the inlaws on Christmas Eve and I ask the DGM did you see her new haircut? in a crappy tone she goes uhhuh I saw it. Then I hear her tell DD well if you like it that's all that matters. I sort of wished I'd said something now but I just let it go and told DD how cute I think it looks. My mom the next day also told her how cute it was. I just don't get why a grandmother would either say something nice or just not say anything.

 

[MichelleVW]

sounds like my ex MIL. People are so weird. Why would you say something like that to your GRANDCHILD???!!!

 

[debbiedoo]

from my personal experience with in-laws it is a control thing

I am sorry she was in a not so nice mood

 

[kelleigh1]

I had a Grandmother like this. She was just a very selfish, nasty person and never had anything good to say about anyone. As your daughter gets older, she'll come to realize that she is a special person and that while that grandmother may not have anything nice to say, there are plenty of other people in the world who will see how special she is.

 

[luvflorida]

I would put the "hugs" smilie here, but I can't get it to work, so HUGS to your daughter! I HATE when people make insensitive comments or actions toward others.

My daughter, 16, decided to get her hair cut at the end of last summer. She went from hair that was well past her shoulders to hair that was above her ears. Very short, but very cute on her. She is a very sensitive individual, so I was dreading her first day back to school. Fortunately, nobody made any rude comments, and in fact, most of her peers had nice things to say about her haircut.

I bet your daughter is adorable with her new haircut!

 

[Hedy]

My DD who has low self esteem and doesn't realize how beautiful and special she is has a new short haircut (it's about chin length and layered) I hated to see her get her hair cut but it's actually very cute. We go to the inlaws on Christmas Eve and I ask the DGM did you see her new haircut? in a crappy tone she goes uhhuh I saw it. Then I hear her tell DD well if you like it that's all that matters. I sort of wished I'd said something now but I just let it go and told DD how cute I think it looks. My mom the next day also told her how cute it was. I just don't get why a grandmother would either say something nice or just not say anything.

***? I don't see why a grandparent would say that. Hugs to DD.

 

[sweet angel]

I think much like a lot of younger people have an entitlement attitude, many OLDER people have an attitude of "i've lived this long, I'm going to say whatever I feel like and everyone else can just go scratch"

 

[mefordis]

I don't understand why when (some) people get to be up there in years it's like they have no filter, or cannot grasp how what they say can make others feel. I remember when I was pregnant and we announced it to the family my dh's grandmother, in her 80's, made some statement like, "I thought she (me) was putting on weight". Except I was only like 6 weeks along! She always commented about my weight, too. Asking how my diet was going. While we were eating dinner! Except now she is 91 and cannot see very well, so I guess It doesn't matter how fat I am now!

 

[icebrat001]

Sometimes grandparents just can't find it in their hearts to say anything nice.

 

[pearlieq]

We go to the inlaws on Christmas Eve and I ask the DGM did you see her new haircut? in a crappy tone she goes uhhuh I saw it. Then I hear her tell DD well if you like it that's all that matters.

Just to play devil's advocate here, why did you ask her and put her on the spot? She may have seen it, realized she didn't like it, and decided it was just best not to say anything about it.

But then you asked her directly and had to come up with something quick. I actually think she didn't do too badly. She could have said exactly what she really thought of it. It seems like she was groping for a diplomatic answer.

It may be best next time not to ask directly about things like that and put people on the spot. If they want to compliment your DD, I'm sure they'll feel free. If they don't say anything, it's probably for the best!

 

[apirateslifeforme]

That's how my grandmother is. She tells me all the time, she hates my hair, she hates the way I dress...Just a week or so ago, she kept saying that she wanted to buy me something for Christmas that would make me pretty. I said, "I AM pretty," and she snapped, "No, you're not." I think maybe I'm used to it by now, but it doesn't help my self-esteem.

 

[ozarkmom]

oops posted twice

 

[ozarkmom]

Just to play devil's advocate here, why did you ask her and put her on the spot? She may have seen it, realized she didn't like it, and decided it was just best not to say anything about it.

But then you asked her directly and had to come up with something quick. I actually think she didn't do too badly. She could have said exactly what she really thought of it. It seems like she was groping for a diplomatic answer.

It may be best next time not to ask directly about things like that and put people on the spot. If they want to compliment your DD, I'm sure they'll feel free. If they don't say anything, it's probably for the best!

She had been asking about my DD so when she came in and they were in different rooms I asked her if she'd seen her hair it wasn't a strange question. This is the same woman who when I thought my youngest DS's hair was too long she said he looked great. My DD and MIL were not in the same room when I asked but when they were in the same room she could have avoided the subject or said something nice. The girl didn't get a mohawk and everyone else thinks it's adorable. MIL has been making strange comments lately concerning DD and I don't know what her deal is.

 

[CathrynRose]

sounds like my ex MIL. People are so weird. Why would you say something like that to your GRANDCHILD???!!!

Agreed. My exMIL told my son he was fat, wouldnt give him a donut hole (all the other grandkids lots, though) and made him work in the garden this summer, cuz he could "use the exercise"

Needless to say, he doesnt go over there anymore, by CHOICE.

Pathetic. Her GRANDSON. Makes me so mad, cuz he is such a sensitive kid.

I'm so sorry that happened to your DD, OP. Getting a short sassy new-do takes a LOT of guts, and Im sure she looks great.

FWIW - this is the fatty she was talking about. He's huge, no?

 

[ozarkmom]

oops posted twice

Agreed. My exMIL told my son he was fat, wouldnt give him a donut hole (all the other grandkids lots, though) and made him work in the garden this summer, cuz he could "use the exercise"

Needless to say, he doesnt go over there anymore, by CHOICE.

Pathetic. Her GRANDSON. Makes me so mad, cuz he is such a sensitive kid.

I'm so sorry that happened to your DD, OP. Getting a short sassy new-do takes a LOT of guts, and Im sure she looks great.

FWIW - this is the fatty she was talking about. He's huge, no?

Are you serious? Her hair is really cute she's very small and the shorter hair really suits her. She's very trendy/funky/eclectic and it really does work for her.

 

[MichelleVW]

Agreed. My exMIL told my son he was fat, wouldnt give him a donut hole (all the other grandkids lots, though) and made him work in the garden this summer, cuz he could "use the exercise"

Needless to say, he doesnt go over there anymore, by CHOICE.

Pathetic. Her GRANDSON. Makes me so mad, cuz he is such a sensitive kid.

I'm so sorry that happened to your DD, OP. Getting a short sassy new-do takes a LOT of guts, and Im sure she looks great.

FWIW - this is the fatty she was talking about. He's huge, no?

[]

Oh yeah, that boy is a heifer!!! You better cut his food back!!

My girls really don't have much to do with their GM on their Dad's side. She is always saying negative comments and they would rather not be around her. I tell them they have to be polite because she is their Grandmother, but I don't think she will see them much when they are grown. She is not a pleasant woman.

 

[JunieJay]

How heartbreaking for your dd, to have her grandmother say something so cruel. I just wonder about people sometimes, wth was she thinking??!!

 

[CathrynRose]

See? Told you - he's a big huge monster!!!

Let me tell you what bothered me a heckuva lot. So, my mom passed away last January. And she of course was a "normal" grand-mom (i.e. wasnt a freak and telling him he's anything but perfect!)

After things calmed down and we were coming to terms with her passing, Danny (thats my fat kid) said "You know, I know this is gonna sound bad but I wish it was Grandma (her first name) and not Gramma-Gramma who died"

And that about sums up how her little comments have affected how he now feels about her.... Good Job "Grandma"

 

[lillygator]

My maternal side is English and very outspoken.....love to comment on everyone's hair......and weight....and everything else......


but why the need to even have something said in the first place, you must know how this person would react right? and if there were self esteem issues in the child I am not sure I would have brought it up.

I have found the older generations in our family are definitely in the "negative" camp....

 

[mkymouse1928]

Hugs to your DD. Some old people are just mean. My grandfather commented on my weight all the time when I was a teen. I'm now 33, still fat, and he is still making comments. Now I just make comments right back to him since he isn't exactly small himself.