I thought it was good for boys to be athletic!?!

[mommyto3]

My son, 11years old, is in 5th grade at a private school and starting in 5th grade you can play soccer and basketball for the school. My son is very athletic, tall for his age, and very fast. He has played soccer since the age of 3 and basketball since he was 8 with different leagues around the city. He plays soccer year round for a club in addition to playing for the school. And in basketball he made the 6th grade team. (Yes they have tryouts even for this age)

The problem is the other boys can be really mean . In soccer they call him a "ball hog"..... ummmm he is a forward, and you are defense, he is SUPPOSED to have the ball so we can score a goal. In basketball, it was "I can't beleive you made the 6th grade team because your not even good" and other not so nice things. In PE they are playing flag football and some of the boys on the OTHER team told him he was a "show-off" because he always got to the ball first and set up the plays so his team could score. The coach even had to pull the boys aside and tell them that he was doing what he was supposed to do.

I don't get it ....I thought it was a good thing for boys to be athletic. It breaks my heart that they can be so mean . Out of my 3 kids (the other two are girls) he is my most sensitive about this kind of stuff so it's hard for him to shake it off, he REALLY gets his feelings hurt.

Is this normal for boys this age? I really hope they grow out of this "stage". I don't think he should have to play less than what he is capable of just so he doesn't get picked on. Any advise?

 

[Beth76]

Oh no. Don't tell me that even boys can be catty. I thought I got away from all of that. Sorry for your son. I hope the other kids outgrow it soon.

 

[damo]

The old jealousy monster rises again. They probably all want to be on his team though don't they?

What he might try is telling whoever is out on his line to go to a certain spot and he will get the ball to them so they can score. Everyone loves to be passed to.

 

[rigs32]

Aren't most youth sports pushing "teamwork" these days? Letting everyone get a chance regardless of ability because it doesn't matter who wins.....

It sounds like your son is quite talented for his age, but just to play devil's advocate, if no one else gets a chance, how are they supposed to build their skills, too?

 

[poohandwendy]

The problem is the other boys can be really mean . In soccer they call him a "ball hog"..... ummmm he is a forward, and you are defense, he is SUPPOSED to have the ball so we can score a goal.

Actually, calling him a 'ball hog' doesn't necessarily mean they are jealous because he is athletic or that they are trying to be mean. If they are playing club soccer, they are probably all pretty athetic, in their own right.

In all seriousness, it probably comes from their being frustrated. The defenders are watching the forward play from the back and can see that when a forward has the ball for too long, they are at greater risk of losing it to the oppositions defense. If they lose the ball, it is inevitably going to be coming back to their defense. Soccer at that level is a passing game (a good coach would be stressing this too). Anyone who is not passing enough (ie ball hogging) can be making it harder on the whole team. As defenders, they know that the best offensive players and the hardest ones to beat are the ones who constantly pass. It's tough to beat a really good passing offense. It wears down the oppositions defense and challenges their keeper.

Nonetheless, I am sure hearing that is upsetting your son, maybe talk to him about passing more? And have him talk to the coach about it. It may very well be because he doesn't trust the other players too...maybe he passes and they lose it? I guess it's one of those things where they really need to play together more to play like a team and trust each other.

Competitive teams are like that, though. I feel for your son, I hate to say it, but it only gets worse the higher level of play gets. Especially true in club soccer. Competitive sports are really tough. Not just the game, but the kids involved.

{{{HUGS}}} to your son.

 

[mommyto3]

He does pass the ball to other "forwards" (or mid-fielders), just like he is supposed to do. The ones who call him a "ball hog" are the defenders and he is not supposed to pass to them. And this is the school team, he doesn't have these issues on his other team.

This seems to be a problem with the 5th graders on the team, my son has no problems with the 6th graders. My son is the only 5th grade forward on the team all the others are 6th graders and none of them have ever said anything to him.

And believe me, the coach will let you know if your not playing your position right. Our school is undefeated (in soccer) and he intends to keep it that way.

In basketball, it's the 5th graders who aren't even ON his team that say hateful things, he gets along great with the 6th graders that he plays with.

In flag-football it's a few guys on the "OTHER" team that say things, not the ones on his team.

 

[poohandwendy]

He does pass the ball to other "forwards" (or mid-fielders), just like he is supposed to do. The ones who call him a "ball hog" are the defenders and he is not supposed to pass to them.

I was only trying to point out that defenders generally do not call an offensive player a ball hog because they want a chance at the ball, they usually do it because they perceive missed opportunities happening on the offensive line. (not that they are right)

If they are asking for the ball to be dropped back to them, it's usually not because they want an opportunity at the ball, but because they see that the forward is in a vulnerable position and they know they could help gain control of the play by poistioning the ball on the field better. It is not uncommon for other offensive players to not see this going on, as they are in a totally differnt field position.

I am not saying they are right, only trying to point out why they would be saying that to him.

Regardless, if the coach thinks he is doing fine, then that is the bottom line. If this is happening regularly...I would have him talk to the coach about it so that he can talk to the players and straighten them out on how he wants the field played.

 

[mommyto3]

poohandwendy,

Any chance your a coach ? You must at least have a child that plays? You seem to know a lot about soccer .

I know what you are saying, but I do think this is a case of "knocking someone down" not really a "you don't play your position right" kind of thing. In all honesty, my son doesn't get much "ball time" when he plays for the school because the 6th grade forwards are AWESOME. (Great training for him) So the "ball hog" is really not true. They say these things to him during school, not on the field, so I think it's just to be mean.

 

[poohandwendy]

poohandwendy,

Any chance your a coach ? You must at least have a child that plays? You seem to know a lot about soccer .

I know what you are saying, but I do think this is a case of "knocking someone down" not really a "you don't play your position right" kind of thing. In all honesty, my son doesn't get much "ball time" when he plays for the school because the 6th grade forwards are AWESOME. (Great training for him) So the "ball hog" is really not true. They say these things to him during school, not on the field, so I think it's just to be mean.

Lol, not a coach...just a long time soccer mom...(my DS 16, has played for 8 years, club and HS now)

Ah, this is happening off the field...totally different thing then. In that case, their intentions are probably not aimed at what I was mentioning previously. That is a shame the kids are being that way. I would tell your son to ignore them and just keep doing what the coach asks (and possibly talk to the coach if it gets really ugly). There really isn't anything more that he can do. He will eventually grow a really thick skin. Not sure if that is a good or bad thing, LOL.

It isn't fun seeing our kids hurt by other kids meanspiritedness. And, i must say, very unsportsmanlike too.

 

[poohandwendy]

Just wanted to add, my son has been very fortunate to have played with the same kids on 2 differnt teams (club- we call it cup and travel-now HS) since he was 7. That makes for a tighter group who usually support each other, on and off the field.

I have seen more of that kind of thing in the recreational level...when he played rec.

 

[TammiMcMan]

Oh no. Don't tell me that even boys can be catty.

Yup, unfortunately some of the boys can be even cattier (sp?) than the girls. My son's been a competitive figure skater since he was 11. I can't begin to tell you how difficult it's been for him at times. He also played a few years on a select soccer team (6th-8th grade) and the term "ball hog" was pretty commonly tossed around. I agree with PoohandWendy that there's not much you can do about it. These are what I like to call "life lessons". Today it's a kid from school, tomorrow it can be a fellow employee. It's unfortunate, but we run into these types of people our entire lives. Self-confidence, self-esteem and a thick skin will help you through it.

 

[PlutoPony]

It's not just in your area! We're running into the same type of thing in 5th grade . Along with this we're hearing kids call friends losers when their teams don't win - NOT OK ..... and these are kids who in the past have been good sports and shown each other support. So I'm to the point where I think it's the age. Definitely in the life lessons category.

 

[KAMLEM]

I know nothing about your son and it doesn't sound like this is the case with him but I have seen kids that truly were ball hogs. My oldest DD is 11 and she has been playing town soccer since she was 4 and club soccer and futsal since she was 8 so I can't even count how much time I have spent watching soccer games. She has played with one girl for the past 5 years that is definitely what you would call a ball hog, even the coaches have spoken to her about it. She plays around with the ball and tries to do all kinds of fancy footwork and most times she ends up losing it. She even caused the team to lose a play-off game at the Nationals in California two years ago because she would not pass the ball. She had it taken from her while she was playing around with it and the other team scored with just seconds left in the game causing a tie and then they lost in penalty kicks. She then decided to play basketball and wouldn't you know that she does the same thing on the basketball court. My daughter joined a different club this year and this girl wants to play for the same club but the coach won't take her because she has a reputation throughout the league. It doesn't sound like this is the situation with your son and it's really lousy that kids are teasing him. It sounds like it's definitely jealousy. I never knew that boys could be so catty, either. Hopefully it will all pass. Just keep talking to him about it and let him know that he's not doing anything wrong.