I think I just became "that" parent.

[ilovejack02]

DS8 started 3rd grade on Aug 6.

School has always been a pleasure for him, wonderful grades and almost always an A in conduct . Kindergarten was rough the first two weeks, really bad behavior but the school realized he was bored out of his mind and moved him to first grade. Smooth sailing since the move.

3rd grade has started off rough , multiple behavior issues , talking, not paying attention , disruptive behavior , not having supplies etc.

Two conduct reports sent home so far and several other marks that they haven't sent home, but he has told me about.

Up until today I was just hoping he would adjust, 3rd grade is a big change I know.

When I got report today , I flipped a lid. Teacher wrote all over it in red ink and writing was crooked , like she was very angry when she filled it out . Didn't say much to DS because I knew we wouldn't get anywhere . Called school immediately to make appointment with all three teachers. They only do conferences on Monday , Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, but because of the disruption in class I was hoping they would see before Monday.
Secretary tried to put me off till Monday , so in a stern voice I told her I would be up there tomorrow morning to meet with principal and I would wait until she is free.

One of his teachers must have been in office because she put me on hold and came back to tell me that all three of his teachers will meet with me in the morning.

I can't imagine what they had to say when she got off the phone with me . LOL

I am usually calm and cool , but for some reason this has set me off. I think I just turned into a snarling Momma bear.

I am not blaming the teachers, I love our school and met all teachers at open house on Sunday, seemed like lovely women, but are going to be tough. No time to chat though as every parent is at meeting and they can't sit an address all questions in one hour.

I just want to know what is going on and where my usually well behaved child has gone.

I will be punishing DS , but need to think on it a bit . I don't want to go overboard, but I want him to know his Dad and I are serious about him behaving. If I would have set punishment when he handed me paper he would have been punished until Christmas.

Guess I need to apologize to the secretary tomorrow for Mommy freak out voice on the phone today.
A Starbucks run may be the trick.


Ok, vent over.

 

[Christine]

Good luck. I'm sure it will be very interesting to hear the teachers' side of the story.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at that age. Fortunately, behavior was never part of the issue with him. I am just not sure how I would have handled something like that.

Now that your son is older (no longer in Kindergarten), is he able to verbalize why he misbehaves and/or why he thinks its okay to act that way, even if he is bored?

Is it something he is able to control or are there other issues at work?

 

[wdwiala]

Being a mom is hard. So is being a teacher.

 

[DVCLiz]

DS8 started 3rd grade on Aug 6.

School has always been a pleasure for him, wonderful grades and almost always an A in conduct . Kindergarten was rough the first two weeks, really bad behavior but the school realized he was bored out of his mind and moved him to first grade. Smooth sailing since the move.

3rd grade has started off rough , multiple behavior issues , talking, not paying attention , disruptive behavior , not having supplies etc.

Two conduct reports sent home so far and several other marks that they haven't sent home, but he has told me about.

Up until today I was just hoping he would adjust, 3rd grade is a big change I know.

When I got report today , I flipped a lid. Teacher wrote all over it in red ink and writing was crooked , like she was very angry when she filled it out . Didn't say much to DS because I knew we wouldn't get anywhere . Called school immediately to make appointment with all three teachers. They only do conferences on Monday , Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, but because of the disruption in class I was hoping they would see before Monday.
Secretary tried to put me off till Monday , so in a stern voice I told her I would be up there tomorrow morning to meet with principal and I would wait until she is free.

One of his teachers must have been in office because she put me on hold and came back to tell me that all three of his teachers will meet with me in the morning.

I can't imagine what they had to say when she got off the phone with me . LOL

I am usually calm and cool , but for some reason this has set me off. I think I just turned into a snarling Momma bear.

I am not blaming the teachers, I love our school and met all teachers at open house on Sunday, seemed like lovely women, but are going to be tough. No time to chat though as every parent is at meeting and they can't sit an address all questions in one hour.

I just want to know what is going on and where my usually well behaved child has gone.

I will be punishing DS , but need to think on it a bit . I don't want to go overboard, but I want him to know his Dad and I are serious about him behaving. If I would have set punishment when he handed me paper he would have been punished until Christmas.

Guess I need to apologize to the secretary tomorrow for Mommy freak out voice on the phone today.
A Starbucks run may be the trick.


Ok, vent over.

I think if I wanted my son to follow the rules of school I might be inclined to model the behavior by waiting until the appropriate time for the meeting and trying a little harder not to bully anyone in the front office. Just my opinion...

 

[Tinkermommy]

I am trying to understand here. What exactly are you so mad about? That the teacher wrote in red in and slanted or that your son got report at all?

Sounds like you think he deserved it from your post. So not sure why you went off on the school.

 

[ilovejack02]

Good luck. I'm sure it will be very interesting to hear the teachers' side of the story.

My son was diagnosed with ADHD at that age. Fortunately, behavior was never part of the issue with him. I am just not sure how I would have handled something like that.

Now that your son is older (no longer in Kindergarten), is he able to verbalize why he misbehaves and/or why he thinks its okay to act that way, even if he is bored?

Is it something he is able to control or are there other issues at work?

I have been concerned about ADHD since he was two ish , but because his behavior has always been so good in school and has had almost straight A's , I pushed the thoughts aside.

I was diagnosed with ADD in 2nd grade , so he may also have the same problem. I have also always thought he was a bit immature, but once again it is nothing that has ever been brought up to me by the teachers. I am a pretty involved at school and saw the teachers frequently .

My friends always compliment me on his behavior and what I see at home isn't anything outrageous . We don't have many issues at all. Homework isn't that difficult either, he usually gets it done with little help or prodding. We go over it after he is finished.

It really maybe that is a new year, more is expected out of the kiddos maturity wise. I hope he gets on board soon.

When I question him he usually gets passive aggressive and says I don't know over and over. I learned early on not to show any anger when he does this as it will end up with him crying and we get no where when this happens.

I didn't mean to be harsh with the secretary , but I just can't see waiting until Monday to discuss this especially when I got the conduct report today and it was obvious teacher is angry as she wrote on it how many times he has been warned about his behavior .

Bringing DH with me tomorrow so he can hear what they have to say . Two sets of ears are better than one.

 

[ilovejack02]

I am trying to understand here. What exactly are you so mad about? That the teacher wrote in red in and slanted or that your son got report at all?

Sounds like you think he deserved it from your post. So not sure why you went off on the school.

I didnt go off on the school, but did use a tone of voice that let them know I am serious about wanting to meet sooner than later. Was it the nicest tone of voice, heck no , but nor did I freak out on the secretary either.

I am upset because we went from having amazing grades and perfect conduct to a disastrous first two weeks in school . I am upset because they tried to put me off several days to meet. I don't want him disrupting class anymore than the teachers do.

I am upset with my son, but need to know from teachers what exactly is going on and how they think we can help him. Taking away all electronics and talking to him about it doesn't seem to be helping.

 

[mjkacmom]

I hate to say it, but you are that parent. Ds12 never got less than an A until a couple in the 5th grade, and he is ADHD (isn't hyper anymore - no behavior problems whatsover). Ds7 can be a behavior problem - being silly, not controlling himself, being disrespectful. These behaviors usually come out in school. I had a few talks with his teacher last year, and we work together on a solution. She was awesome! He's also never gotten anything less than a 98, and is most likely ADHD.

Actually, none of my kids got a B until at least the 5th grade - I don't know what that would have to do with behavior. They've never moved any child up in our school, but I would think that child would have to be much more well behaved and mature than his or her peers.

I have never raised my voice at anyone at our school, and I've had conferenced (dd14 was a handful, I apologized to the teachers - she turned into a different child in MS, and never got in any trouble - stepford kid, high honor student). I was grateful the teachers wanted a solution.

 

[DVCLiz]

I didnt go off on the school, but did use a tone of voice that let them know I am serious about wanting to meet sooner than later. Was it the nicest tone of voice, heck no , but nor did I freak out on the secretary either.

I am upset because we went from having amazing grades and perfect conduct to a disastrous first two weeks in school . I am upset because they tried to put me off several days to meet. I don't want him disrupting class anymore than the teachers do.

I am upset with my son, but need to know from teachers what exactly is going on and how they think we can help him. Taking away all electronics and talking to him about it doesn't seem to be helping.

I don't see it as "putting you off" if there are regularly scheduled times during the week when they have planned to meet with parents. If it were more urgent to them they would have made the effort to schedule it more quickly. The fact that they didn't makes it look like you are unwilling to follow their rules.

And taking your husband is more a show of force than a two sets of ears are better than one situation. I think you are more determined to "show" them something by figuratively pounding on the desk and taking your husband with you.

Just my thoughts...which aren't worth much!

 

[dakcp2001]

I didnt go off on the school, but did use a tone of voice that let them know I am serious about wanting to meet sooner than later. Was it the nicest tone of voice, heck no , but nor did I freak out on the secretary either.

I am upset because we went from having amazing grades and perfect conduct to a disastrous first two weeks in school . I am upset because they tried to put me off several days to meet. I don't want him disrupting class anymore than the teachers do.

I am upset with my son, but need to know from teachers what exactly is going on and how they think we can help him. Taking away all electronics and talking to him about it doesn't seem to be helping.

Just remember that when you go in to meet with them, that they are there to help your child. They went into teaching because they are good people and want to teach children, and they certainly dont get paid enough do the job if they didnt sincerely care. I don't think you should hold any anger toward them at all, they are trying to help, not trying to upset you. I am not a teacher, but my best friend is and I would NEVER want that job. Just go meet with them and see what is going on, open communication will help both sides! And def apologize to the poor person that hs to answer the phone. I am sure she will understand you were just upset, but don't just let it go.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Is it possible that rather than ADHD simply skipping a grade (which may well have made sense when he was in kindergarten and so far ahead of his peers) is catching up with him now and he is simply not mature enough to handle third grade yet

I honestly cannot see how waiting a couple of extra days to meet would be such an issue for you. He is not doing dangerous stuff is he? I guess I am glad you are getting your meeting sooner since it is what you want and it is understandable to want to clear things up but I do not see a three or four day delay in a meeting for basic acting out type behaviours in third grade as at all unreasonable.

 

[ilovejack02]

I hate to say it, but you are that parent. Ds12 never got less than an A until a couple in the 5th grade, and he is ADHD (isn't hyper anymore - no behavior problems whatsover). Ds7 can be a behavior problem - being silly, not controlling himself, being disrespectful. These behaviors usually come out in school. I had a few talks with his teacher last year, and we work together on a solution. She was awesome! He's also never gotten anything less than a 98, and is most likely ADHD.

Actually, none of my kids got a B until at least the 5th grade - I don't know what that would have to do with behavior. They've never moved any child up in our school, but I would think that child would have to be much more well behaved and mature than his or her peers.

I have never raised my voice at anyone at our school, and I've had conferenced (dd14 was a handful, I apologized to the teachers - she turned into a different child in MS, and never got in any trouble - stepford kid, high honor student). I was grateful the teachers wanted a solution.

I don't mind being called that parent for this situation, because that is exactly how I reacted when told I couldn't see someone till Monday. . I was happy to meet with principle if teachers couldn't meet with me and told secretary that even though it didn't come out in the nicest tone. I don't expect perfection by any means , I don't expect perfect behavior but there has been an issue everyday since Aug 6.

To me that is a red flag that needs to be discussed. I think the teachers want to get this worked out as much as I do .

They need to be able to teach , not correct my child all day long.

I probably did overreact and will apologize for it . We have great teachers and I want them to be able to do their job , just as much as they want to do it .

I am surprised that they haven't requested to see me yet, but I am not a teacher so maybe this is par for the course and they expect him to get on board.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Ugh. I feel for you.

My son is in second grade this year and doing extremely well so far (though they've only been in school six days). Last year, however, was hell. He's also very bright, but his first grade teacher just wouldn't acknowledge it. I don't know if the kids take the MAP test in your schools, but basically it is a computerized test that keep giving tougher and tougher problems/questions until the child misses a few. So, a gifted kindergartener could score what a typical fifth grader scores. It only goes up to the 99th percentile (though you can score higher than the first 99th percentile number score). Well my son scored in the 99th on both reading and math tests. And his score was even higher than the 99th mark.

His teacher basically pooh-poohed it and told us he "couldn't read." When asked about math, she said he was doing "ok." He's multiplying and dividing at home. At the very end of first grade the class was just being introduced to double digit addition with regrouping. Yet he was just doing "ok." All the papers she sent home were either 100% correct or had one or two careless mistakes.

My son has ADHD and SID and she, I swear, went out of her way to escalate his behavior. She would yell and rip his papers up in front of him. Thank God that is all behind us. It was hell.

I just talked to this year's teachers today. He has two teachers because...he goes out of the classroom for reading because he was placed in the second grade's highest reading group! So somehow he went from not reading to being one of the best readers in the second grade. He's also in the highest math group, but his regular teacher teaches it. His regular teacher also said he's the most polite child in her class.

Last year's teacher had me second guessing myself even when I had his scores right in front of me. I didn't know what to think.

I tell you all this not to brag on my child (but I tell ya, he deserves it after the hell he went through last year), but to support you and encourage you to not give up the fight. Listen to them, but stand up for what you know is right.

 

[ilovejack02]

Is it possible that rather than ADHD simply skipping a grade (which may well have made sense when he was in kindergarten and so far ahead of his peers) is catching up with him now and he is simply not mature enough to handle third grade yet

I really did worry that skipping him ahead would catch up with him, but the school thought it best. He really did already have all the skills for kindergarten and would have been bored the entire year.

 

[grafxgirl]

Being a part-time teacher myself, I believe they probably schedule their conferences with parents on those days and times because those are their "planning periods" they have in their day. Those may be the times their students are in another class like gym, library, or music. They may not be able to schedule a conference at any other time because they have a class of 20 something students to tend to, and can't exactly have someone else watch them temporarily. I imagine if the situation was that serious, they would've asked you to come in earlier. Teachers are lucky if they get an hour of free time to eat lunch and plan.

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, I'll give you this perspective on the issue of bringing Dad: If you make sure that your DS knows that you are BOTH going to meet with the school, you may well more easily impress upon him that this is serious business, especially if both of you have to take time from work to be there.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I hate to say it, but you are that parent. Ds12 never got less than an A until a couple in the 5th grade, and he is ADHD (isn't hyper anymore - no behavior problems whatsover). Ds7 can be a behavior problem - being silly, not controlling himself, being disrespectful. These behaviors usually come out in school. I had a few talks with his teacher last year, and we work together on a solution. She was awesome! He's also never gotten anything less than a 98, and is most likely ADHD.

Actually, none of my kids got a B until at least the 5th grade - I don't know what that would have to do with behavior. They've never moved any child up in our school, but I would think that child would have to be much more well behaved and mature than his or her peers.

I have never raised my voice at anyone at our school, and I've had conferenced (dd14 was a handful, I apologized to the teachers - she turned into a different child in MS, and never got in any trouble - stepford kid, high honor student). I was grateful the teachers wanted a solution.

If the work is not challenging enough for many children with ADHD, it can bring out bad behaviors. That is what my son's clinician told us and had to write in a letter to his teacher. Not that she did anything about it.

I am very pro teacher. I'm a para educator and have seen some incredible, wonderful teachers. I've also seen some who clearly hated their job, didn't like kids, and needed to find a new career or at least a new age to teach. These poor teachers can damage kids just as much as the great teachers can inspire them and help them to progress.

Btw, I've never raised my voice to anyone at his school, either, even when his teacher was raising her voice at me.

 

[dogluva]

I am trying to understand here. What exactly are you so mad about? That the teacher wrote in red in and slanted or that your son got report at all?

Sounds like you think he deserved it from your post. So not sure why you went off on the school.

I don't get it either. What did the teacher do exactly except write crooked (which is just how she might write). Should she have ignored the bad behavior? And why do I feel like you are blaming the teacher for his bad behavior? Teachers cannot win.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I really did worry that skipping him ahead would catch up with him, but the school thought it best. He really did already have all the skills for kindergarten and would have been bored the entire year.

I get it. Both of mine started kindergarten a year early at the teacher's recomendation too (she knew DD from the preschool and DS form him being in the building volunteering with me). DD13 is fine with that and more mature than most of her classmates even though now that we have moved to Germany she is the only 13 year old in a class of mostly 15 and 16 year olds. DS11, on the other hand, never had the behavioural issues it sounds like your son has but he was just "tuning out" in class and getting very frustrated at home with the amount of work/organization (aceberated, I am sure, by some LDs that are now diagnosed and the fact that in spite of years of therapy his handwriting still looks like a kindergartner's). We dropped him back down a grade and he is much happier and more relaxed. He is still doing his sister's math homework "for fun" but he seems to fit better with his age mates now--which was a total non issue in the early grades--which is why I mentioned it.

 

[mjkacmom]

It sounds like you are frustrated. It also helped me to know the parents of the other "spirited" boys (because they were all separated after kindy - lol). Your kid isn't the only one adjusting in the beginning. My kids all had the same 3rd grade teacher, and when he would make comments in the agenda pad, they always came off "angry" - all caps and exclamation points. When I'd meet with him, he was so laid back and helpful, telling me how much he enjoyed my "creative" children, they were doing great, just a bit chatty. Lucky for me, the third is my always well-behaved middle child.