I need to restrain myself.......!

[Merandab4]

We recently recieved invites to two weddings. In BOTH wedding invitations there were registry slip telling us where these people have registered for gifts. Now that I am planning my own wedding, I know the etiquette of most things. And etiquette says it is wrong to include a registry in their invitation. Please help me from saying something I'll regret later....lol
Just thought you would get a chuckle from this!

 

[inloveindisney]

I do agree that it is not proper etiquette to do this, but I have known several people to do it just because of the matter of cost, etc. It is cheaper to stuff everything in one envelope and it answers all of the questions right off the bat.
There are ways of doing it, like having showers or asking the parents where the couple is registered, but some people don't have showers and some people are not familiar enough with the parents to ask.
So, I don't know, my opinion is a little different and I am sure that not everyone follows all rules of etiquette. I know that sometimes I eat with my elbows on the table! LOL!!

 

[msteddom]

I've never been married, so I guess I'm not up on the ettiquette, but I always appreciate getting the registry slips in my wedding invitations so I know where to shop! I always try and buy a gift just as soon as I know where a couple is registered so I can get it over with.


Melissa

 

[mushck]

I am with you Merandab4, I thing it is tasteless to include little slips of paper telling where the couple is registered. Whatever happened to asking the bridesmaids or parents where they are registered? But... we are not the etiquette police. LOL

 

[Firefly Girl]

IMHO putting the registry card in the invitation is trolling for gifts. So tacky!

 

[hmgolden]

I'm not a fan of the registry cards in a wedding invitation, but I dont mind them in a bridal shower invitation. I think its because I figure the entire purpose of the bridal shower is to give the bride-to-be gifts she'll need in her new marriage, and anything that makes the throwing of the shower easier on those putting it together I am in favor of. Plus they also make shopping easier for me!

-Helen

 

[Fantasia Sam]

OK folks just wanted to let you know that I have done this and in the UK it is considered etiquette and not tacky at all. I guess all my US guests are now gonna think I'm trash LOL !!!!!

You see we cannot register for gifts until normally 10 weeks out of our wedding anyway. Also we do not have showers in the UK and so there is no "shower invitations". The bridal couple only recieve the gifts on the wedding day and usually these are not taken to the wedding but ordered direct with the shop who ship all the goods to the bridal couple after their honeymoon.

I have registered with an online wedding gift shop and all I have done is slip their card into the invitation with details on the newsletter.

Hope you can all forgive my English ways

 

[Merandab4]

I'm sorry if I offended anyone by writing this thread. I just found it ironic after reading several wedding etiquitte books that say including a registry card in a wedding invitations is a major no no. But I understand every situation is unique and people have different opinions on things. I appologize!

 

[Stitch's Greatest Fa]

Hi I live in the UK and am getting married in July. I have to say I agree, I think the cards are downright rude, noone has a right to expect to receive gifts from anyone, but it is nice when you do. It's not hard for someone to ask the parents or even the actual couple where they are registered.

 

[Amberle3]

I really don't like the slips, and in fact I'm not really a fan of registering. I think it's a regional thing, I don't know anyone in the area who registered for wedding gifts. I just don't like the idea of telling people what to give me, I'd rather have something from the heart. DF is thrilled with the idea of registering.

So my plan is this: We're printing our own wedding invitations. We'll have a website set up via The Knot with the information for the wedding and the registry information. I think I'm just going to put the website in small print at the bottom of the invitation. That way they have access to ALL the wedding-related information, the ability to RSVP online, and the registry.

 

[Merandab4]

Amberle3,
That is a great Idea! Thats exactly what I was hoping to do. We were going to send out engagement announcements and put at the bottom, "Please visit our website" and we will have a registry there, or another option would be to have my MOH include our website on the invitations to the shower. Which do you all think would be better?

 

[Ever_After]

Merandab4, you shouldn't apologize for stating how you feel~ nothing wrong with that. I do think that the registry info in invites is a regional/cultural thing. From my experience it is common for people to include it the wed invites. I have even received invites requesting money instead of presents. Do whatever your comfortable with.

I say include it in your shower invitations since they will be "showering" you with gifts at the shower.

 

[Fantasia Sam]

Meranda I didn't take offence at all hence my emoticons ! Everyone has an opinion and is allowed it so no worries from me

Originally my Fiance and I were dead set against even having gifts as we thought all our guests were paying enough just to come see us get married. However our guests did not agree, which was sweet, and have been harping on at us to get registered so we did. So as our WDW guests had already asked for details we included them in the invites I didn't know how else to let them know as they had already asked and thought it would be less tacky to include them than to send them separately or even to drop a line saying "BTW you mentioned you wanted to get us a gift here's the details" Now that, I thought, would be even more inappropriate.

That said if I was getting married here in the UK then yup I probably would still have put them in with the invites if I had been registered somewhere. I have to say as a frequent wedding guest myself here in the UK I have never found it distasteful - and I've certainly received a slip in each invite I have received be it a for the whole day or just for the evening reception. Affter all its up to me whether a) I buy the couple a gift from the list or b) I buy a gift that isn't on the list at all or c) I don't bother. It's not like the slip is saying "in order to come to the wedding you have to buy a gift and here are the details"

I know I suck and there's a ringing here of "though doth protest too much" LOL I guess I'm justifying to myself rather than to you guys

 

[Esmerelda]

I think its very UNclassy to include these with a wedding invite. It screams to me "here...buy us a gift!". If I really want to know where the couple is registered, I can always call or email them (or ask the parents/best friends etc). I think its very poor taste to include it all in the same envelope.

Personally, my sweetheart and I are planning on getting married next spring. I am including a note that states VERY clearly that we do not want any gifts. We just want our family members/friends to share in our love for one another, thats all.
If anyone wishes to buy something, thats fine but we do not want any gifts really. We just want everyone invited to share in our joy of finding each other and how special our love really is.

As Kenny Chesney so nicely puts it "it just don't happen twice"...!!


Esmerelda

 

[FranP]

Esmerelda,

You seems like such a wonderful person and we wish you the best in your marriage. Just an idea - since you are specifically asking your guests to not give you gifts, what about suggesting that they make a donation to a charity in your names, either one you favor or one of their own choosing? Think of all of people who can benefit from YOUR GENEROSITY!! All of the good wishes from your guests can benefit others. Just a thought....

 

[kennancat]

Merandab4 - While I totally agree with you, I just want to warn you not to post a strongly-worded post about this on any of the traditional wedding message boards unless you're wearing a fire-proof suit! I've seen it get pretty ugly about this topic, usually because somebody posts something along the lines of "we're going to put the registry cards in with our wedding invitations, that's okay, right?" and then gets mad when people tell them it's not okay. I've never had trouble finding somebody's registry - hit Burdines/Macy's, Target, and Bed Bath & Beyond, and I'm bound to find something if they registered at all. If that doesn't work, then I'll ask them.

My understanding of the etiquette is that it's okay to include them with shower invitations because the whole purpose of a shower is a gift party. However, that's not the main purpose of a wedding (we hope!) so that's why it's not proper etiquette-wise to include the cards. To me, the decision is simple: include the cards and some of your guests will be offended while some will not care, or don't include the cards and no one will know the difference. In the end, why choose something that you know will offend people and make them feel like you're more worried about their presents than their presence?

If it's still bugging you, check out etiquettehell.com and read over some of the stories where people actually printed requests for cash on the wedding invitation. That'll make you feel better about the people who put the cards in their invitations

 

[Fantasia Sam]

Originally posted by kennancat
If it's still bugging you, check out etiquettehell.com and read over some of the stories where people actually printed requests for cash on the wedding invitation. That'll make you feel better about the people who put the cards in their invitations

Ahhh well that certainly helped me to feel better

 

[Firefly Girl]

Sam you're so cute! (so are pirates)

Obvious if in the UK it is normal then you have done nothing wrong! The thing is is that most everyone in the US knows that it is considered tacky and is like, screw it, I'll do it anyway. haha

 

[Fantasia Sam]

Thanks Kami - LOL Pirates are cute aren't they especially those that are otherwise known as Capt. Jack Sparrow aka Johnny Depp