I need some advice

[MomE@Home]

I need some advice

My DH & I were at a school function the other day and we talked to a couple that are involved in our DS's scout group. We are new to the area and don't know many people yet and my DH would like us to get to know some . Here's the problem: in just a span of a 15 min. conversation with the couple at the school both the husband & wife mentioned drinking about 6 times. My DH and myself are not drinkers and I'm not comfortable around people who 'party'. I mentioned this to my DH on the way home and he said that the couple seemed like nice people and I should not be so quick to judge and that I'm anti-social. I just don't want to get involved with people like that. Am I being a prude ?

 

[December99]

No you're not being prude. We have these neighbors and they are "party" people and it's sad to sit and watch them hang out to endless hours while the kids are running around the neighborhood - to the point you don't know who is watching them and when the parents have to yell at them or get it up it's like it's the end of the world.

 

[Kissimmee JP]

There are different levels of "partying." You're not necessarily being a prude, but to condemn these people for drinking isn't right either.

I enjoy a couple of beers (max 5-6) on a Saturday night, but I don't "party" every night. Don't be so quick to judge, and if they do "party" too much, then don't see them again.

 

[MomE@Home]

Kissimmee JP, I'm not condemning the couple for drinking, if they want to drink that's their business- I just don't care to be around people that do it all the time as they do. I do appreciate your opinion though !

 

[Mishetta]

We have a neighborhood "click" that hangs out in a designated garage & just drink one beer after the next. Their kids are all running around & playing outside until the wee hours of the morning. At the beginning, they used to invite us. We are not big drinkers but we went a few times just to be social. It was very uncomfortable for us & we decided right then that we didn't feel comfortable exposing our children to all these adults drinking one right after the other. I don't want our kids to think it's okay to hang out in someone's garage & drink the night away. So, we don't go anymore & sice we declined more than a few times, they've stopped inviting us.

We have other friends who are not big drinkers & we enjoy their company even more. Do what is more comfortable to you.

 

[Gone Disney]

MomE@Home, as a non-drinker I say you are not wrong.
My husband and I do not drink and choose to associate with people who do not. It only makes sense to have friends with the same interest. Don't get me wrong I know many people who drink and we can talk for hours but it doesn't mean we have to "hang out" together. So I would suggest being aquaintances (sp?) with the couple you meet. You'll find other people who are in the scoutting group or in the school who are not into drinking. There's no need to completely not associate with this couple but I wouldn't accept an invitation to a function where drinking would be going on. If they are descent people you could say Nope I don't care for that and there should be no hard feelings. The most important thing you can remember is the impression it will make on your kids. If you condone a behaviour your kids see it as being OK but if you stand by your convictions they'll see that too and know that that behaviour isn't "OK". This couple ISN'T the only couple in town so give it some time you'll meet more people and hopefully they won't all be drinkers or atleast not heavy drinkers. Hope it all works out for you.

gone disney

 

[Mskanga]

If these people mean having an occasional drink , I don't see a problem with that, if they mean partying and getting drunk, that's another story but it's something you won't know unless you try at least once. Give them a chance. DH and I do not drink , but occasionally when someone visits, we will have the occasional social drink.

 

[disykat]

I don't mind drinking so much as I mind talking about drinking. I especially can't stand drinking stories ... you know, "one time in college we got so drunk...". I'd rather sit at home.

I don't think it's judgmental or prudish to try to choose friends who have the same interests as you. I'm sure you'll meet up with them again and will have a chance to see if maybe you just got a wrong impression. Or maybe next time you can just mention that you don't really drink when alcohol comes up and gage their reaction. Some people don't like to hang out with non-drinkers either.

Sounds like even if they don't end up being people you socialize with, it'll be fun to get to know them a little through your kids.

 

[smiley]

Maybe it would be good to take your husbands advice and get to know them a little better. If after spending more time with the other family you decide you don't have as much in common with them as you'd like, at least you tried.

Think positive, you may meet other families after spending more time with the drinkers who you do have more in common. Also, you never know who your son is going to become friends with, it's always a good idea to get to know his friends parents better.

Good luck, I know moving can be lonely at first, but I've done it so much during my life (read: military brat) I'm practically a professional at making friends.

Good Luck.

 

[Gillian]

Probably people think my DH drinks a lot, because he writes about beer, and likes to brew his own, but really, he rarely "parties" or gets drunk. I barely drink at all! But we're both interested in good wine, beer, and food. Some of our friends have similar interests and we like to share our wine & beer finds, but we are way beyond the point of sitting in the garage getting drunk. Still, because beer is DH's side job, the topic often does come up with new people.

It can't hurt to get to know them better! Maybe they aren't good at small talk & didn't know what else to say. And if it doesn't work out, you'll meet more people.

 

[cgcw]

As a scout den leader, I can tell you that there should be no alcohol at any type of a scout function. It shouldn't be allowed as it's against council guidelines. Now I'll step down.......

I hope you make the right decision. I know it's tough. Sometimes I feel that I'm better off being acquantances with my DS's friends families. To me, there is a big difference between acquantances and friends. I can be friendly with them at functions but that doesn't mean I need to invite them to have dinner at my home.

Good luck!

 

[Lynn CC]

Lets face it there are people that just never grow up, or see things the way the rest of us do.

We don't mind having a drink with dinner or a couple at a special function, but we associate with many "friends" here on the Cape that drink every day. It seems to be a priority. We just take it with a grain of salt. If you get to know these people and like them you may want to try to overlook their drinking habits (that is if you have anything else in common with them at all).
We don't go out to lounges and just sit there and drink (many of them meet to do this) unless it's somones birthday or something like that, then we will go wish them well, have a drink and be on our way. We have had to learn to associate with the "type" you are talking about because of business. In no way does it mean that you have to do what they do.
Good Luck in trying to find something in common with them...you'll need it LOL