I need help. Very very very depressed

[A1A1]

Most of my life I have struggled with my weight. I got down to a normal weight in college and gained it all back plus more. Then when I met my husband, lost weight again. Gained it back plus more. Lost weight recently on Atkins/low carb version, gained it all back, I think. I am afraid to get on the scale. I don't know what to do anymore. I look at myself, and don't know who the h**l I am. I feel like such a weakling. How can I keep doing this to myself.

I don't know which plan to choose. It seems nothing really works, because I always revert to bad habits and gain all the weight back. I am so afraid I will have a heart attack in my mid-thirties.

Someone please help me. My heart and my self-esteem can't take this anymore. I am ashamed to go out of my house.

 

[NCRedding]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You are so much more than a dress size or a weight on the scale. Try to think about the positives in your life. When I am feeling depressed, I try to remember the good times--the times when I have helped people; when I've felt loved; etc. It helps to keep a list of those things, because we are sometimes in such a low mood that we can't remember anything good.

Some advice: if this mood continues for a long period of time (2 weeks or more), please think about seeking some counseling. Sometimes, the weight problems are tied to issues of depression, which is chemical, and doesn't mean you are "weak" or "lazy" or "stupid". I just read such sadness into your post, it worries me. Take care of yourself, and love yourself.

 

[A1A1]

Thanks for your reply. My life is a very sad one. My husband became very ill, and is no longer really my husband. He has been sick for quite some time now, and my life ended when I lost him. I don't know who I am anymore, and I can't imagine ever feeling happy the way I did with him.

I really hate myself.

 

[Dimplenose]

Please don't hate yourself, you sound like you're having a hard time dealing with what life is throwing at you at the moment without giving yourself the extra pressure of dealing with weight.

Do get some counselling for your depression.

And remember that a huge number of people with weight problems lose weight and then put it back on again - myself included. It's a battle for most of us or we wouldn't need WISH and there wouldn't be hundreds of diets and diet clubs out there.

Libby

 

[catherine]

First of all 's for you. I feel that you could really use some of those. Please don't hate yourself. Is there anyone that you can talk to about the way you feel? If there isn't you might want to consider going to see your doctor, and tell him how you feel, perhaps he can recommend some type of counselling for you. I think right now there are other issues in your life that you need to work out before you start pressuring yourself to lose weight. Remember you are so much more than what you weigh. As far as losing weight and putting it back on I'm sure that most, if not all of us have been there and done that!! I have just come to the realisation that if I want to keep the weight off, then I have to change my lifestyle, so that is what I have done. Previously my mind set was I will do X until I lose the weight, then I can go back to doing what I used to do, no wonder I put the weight back on again. Come to WISH often and you will get lots of support to help you on your way. There a lots of motivating stories here that inspire me and keep me going. Good luck to you

 

[kestral]

Dear A1A1

I just wanted to encourage you to re-read Catherine's post, she said it so well.

I don't know how long ago you lost your husband but the effects of grief can last a really long time, and magnify other issues, such as the weight loss one.

I'm speaking from experience, having lost someone close to me in a very traumatic way about a year ago. I resisted counseling until about 2 months ago - but I was at an appointmen with my primary care doctor and she said - you need to talk to someone. And I thought I was coping okay! It really makes a difference -not quickly, but it does.

take care -

Kes

 

[DoeWDW]

Here's another hug for you!! I'm coping with depression and am on anti-depressants, which are helping a lot!! When the depression monster gets hold of me, I am definitely weak - he saps all my strength!! However, I'm feeling stronger now because of my meds and am working on my weight.

If you are really concerned about your weight, maybe you could pick one small habit to change - something that won't be too stressful. Pledge to take a multivitamin every day or try to drink at least 80 oz of water. Start small, with baby steps, to develop good habits that will help you.

I also think counseling and possibly anti-depressants would help you. Please consider talking to your doctor. There is help for you - you don't have to go through this alone.

Here's another hug! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know what the doc says, OK??

 

[A1A1]

Thanks for the hugs. The support system in my life is non-existent. I have waves of despair, and nowhere to turn. Thank you very much.

I started low-carb again yesterday. I think what worked best for me was a modified low-carb, in which I ate some fruit, but no bread or starch of any kind, and no sweets. That sounds just like healthy eating.

If I could only control the portions. I would be doing much better. I could down a whole pizza if I put my mind to it. Easily.

My treadmill has become the "catch-all" in the house. I am going to clean if off today, and start to walk a little at a time.

Thanks for the hugs. A little ray of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy life. I'd like to start seeing the silver lining. If I felt better about myself, and less out of control, I think things would be a whole lot better.

 

[mum4jenn]

I agree with the other posters that you need to talk to someone. Even if it is a pastor at a local church. Talk with a doctor also. I am not a big fan of medication but in your case it is something you might need for a little while. Is there a place you can go to clear your mind? For me a trip to the mountains does wonders for me. I like to sit by myself and admire the beauty in the world. I am sorry you feel this way and I agree that you need to worry about getting the depression taken care of first before you worry about a weight loss plan. I have also gained and lost several times and it gets tough. It really contributes to the feelings of worthlessness doesn't it? I am sure almost all of us have yoyo diet memories. It takes a very strong commitment to decide to change your lifestyle forever. At any diet you choose the weight will come back if you go back to your old habits.

You have taken a big step in the right direction though. You know you need help and you have come to a wonderful place to get it. The folks on this board are the most caring people I have ever been around. Complete strangers can be wonderful at times. Hang in there. We care about YOU!!

 

[dzneprincess]

A1A1, I know what yoy mean about seeing "yourself" in the mirror, and that in itself will depress you, but in reading your post it seems you have so much more going on.These boards can be a GREAT source of moral support, but it seems as though you might need to talk to someone face to face about the way you are feeling. Please keep on keeping on. Just remember, 15 minutes of movement is better than 0 minutes of movement ANY day. That is what I tell myself and so far it seems to be working. I think we will all gladly offer up supprt to you, as that is the best thing about us WISHers!

 

[nancyj_pa]

A1A1,
I was so sad reading your post. You are so hard on yourself. I, too, have gained and lost a lot of weight in my lifetime. I'm now doing low carb (Protein Power - modified Atkins)) and I know I'll be doing it the rest of my life. You have to be ready in your mind to make it work. Read either the Atkins book, the Protein Power book, or South Beach. Make up your mind that you will stick with it. Come to the WISH boards often for encouragement and read the WISH journals at the top of the page.

A lot of the WISH'ers are doing a ONDERland challenge. That means we are all over 200 pounds and looking to be in the 100"s at some point in the next year. We have a lot of weight to lose, too.
You'll see the clippies at the bottoms of our posts.

I think you really need someone to talk to. PLEASE see your doctor for a referral to a counselor. Being depressed often makes you gain weight. If you get some help in this area, the weight should come off a lot easier.

Keep your chin up and check back here often. I'll be looking for your posts.

NancyJ

 

[A1A1]

All I can say is "thank you"---even if I don't know you, and you don't know me, it's nice to have a few kind words. I needed that.

Moving forward today, and trying to "keep my chin up" as my friend above said.

 

[Tiggerlover91]

I was thin for very much the first 20 years of my life. When I got married and moved off to Alaska, that's when I became FAT! My weight went up and down for years. I joined WW and only lost about 15 pounds...gained it back. I joined TOPS and lost 25 pounds....gained it all back too! I just got to a point where I didn't care anymore. I have a wonderful DH that loves me no matter what size I am. He saw me at my smallest and at my biggest. Finally after a few weeks of convincing I went on the Atkins diet July of this year. I'm down 31 pounds and have never felt healthier! I don't focus on my weight much anymore so that makes losing it easier. I'm not depressed anymore either and I know that stalled my weight loss for years.
If you want to email me at Yashuaschild1969@yahoo.com I have some more advice for you that will definitely help with where you are now. It helped me and I wouldn't have it any other way.
You're going to be just fine, don't be so hard on yourself, SPEAK LIFE NOT DEATH!!

Blessings to you always,
Denise

 

[KathyTX]

Sounds like life is pretty overwhelming right now... I'm glad you came here. We've got lots of good, strong shoulders. We all take turns leaning on each other here, and we're all stronger for it.

The best advice I can think of comes from personal experience:

The bad things you imagine and fear are usually much more crippling than the reality.

Your weight is weighing on your mind. You can let it add to the other, very real stresses in your life right now. Or you can identify and tackle this problem directly, right? The weight is only a number, not an evil entity. Really, it's true! Just step on the scales and find out how much work you need to do. Nothing bad will happen, you'll KNOW what the number is, and you can begin to move forward.

The number might be higher than you expect, or lower than you expect. Either way, you'll know and then you'll feel like you have a little more control of this situation.

Find out where you're at, then join us. We need you to be our WISH buddy, too!!!

On a happier note, I see you have a Disney trip coming up soon- we'd love to hear about it!

(Go jump on those scales **right now**- it doesn't matter what time of day it is, or what you've eaten, or what you're wearing... This is a journey, and it's time to take that first step!!! The longer you put it off, the more time there is to just let it bother you! You can do this, you owe it to yourself!!!)

 

[A1A1]

Thank you for your reply. I am going to paste my post from the weekly check-in below. Here goes:


OKAY, I did it!!!!!!! I weighed myself. Not as bad as I feared, though not great either, because it means that since January, I put on about twenty or so pounds. Yikes!!!!!

I am at 215, which is not my heaviest. My heaviest was about 240 maybe two years ago. I lost about 50 doing low carb about a year ago. I lost control again, and started to gain. I thought I was all the way back up, so I have a glimmer of hope here. I didn't gain it all back, but half is not very good either.

I am going to try again. I did well today, I think. I do feel hungry right now, but will try tea.

I hope I can get into the 100's by my trip with my daughter on Dec 17. Do you think it is possible to lose 15 pounds by then...less than a month away????????????

 

[DoeWDW]

I don't know if you can lose 15 pounds or not, but even if you lose a little, you'll feel so much better about yourself if you're taking positive steps and starting to lose some weight!!

You were very brave to get on that scale! See, you're stronger than you think you are!! You can do this and we'll be here to answer questions, cheer you on, support you when things don't go well and (my favorite!) celebrate with you as you succeed!!

You go, girl!!

 

[nancyj_pa]

I'm so glad you're joining us! You may lose the 15 pounds in a month if you really stick to plan, exercise, and have a decent metabolism. Some people on WISH have done it. Everyone loses at their own pace. I've always been a slow loser. In the past, I got disgusted with the slow weight loss and gave up. I figured, why go through all this trouble and eat this way and hardly lose any weight. Maybe a pound a week if I'm lucky.

Now I'm doing it one pound at a time. I do set challenges for myself, but if I won't beat myself up or quit if it takes me a little longer. You may lose 15 pounds by then, but if you don't, it will happen. Just stick with it and check in with us frequently for support.

NancyJ

 

[A1A1]

Thank you Nancy. This has been the nicest surprise----finding the WISH board. I have logged on quite alot in the past couple of days. Each post or thread that I read gives me hope. I never knew so many people who lost so much weight. It really can be done! I am amazed! I am hopeful for myself now.

I have done pretty well the past couple of days, and have only eaten excessive amounts of sliced turkey. I felt so hungry. I guess I had a minor binge, but I am not upset about that. I already feel more in control. Could have been a pizza!!!!! Only turkey.

Thank you all so much. I feel pretty good today. Still looking for that silver lining.

 

[nativetxn]

I am just so sorry to hear how sad you are feeling

You know, I'm probably a lot older than you are (just a wild guess but I'm older than everyone else, so I figure I'm older than you) and I have fought obesity since I was 16. I have lost and gained and lost and gained...for almost 40 years. YIKES!!!! <i>40 years?????</i> Now, <i>I'm</i> depressed

In January I found the right eating plan for me. I follow Atkins. Atkins isn't for everyone, though. My point is, find the right eating plan for <i>you</i> and you will succeed. Honest, it's true.

WISH has helped me succeed and it will help you too. Our support group is always on duty and we care. So visit often, okay?

Katholyn

 

[KathyTX]

I'm so proud of you for making this start!!! You've faced this issue that was overwhelming you, and now you've got goals and plans and friends to help you along the way!

May I offer my next tidbit of advice now?

Baby steps.

You've set off on a journey toward getting healthy and taking control of this little part of your life. You've got lots of challenges in your life (your husband, your daughter, *holidays* (YIKES!) and vacation coming up in the next few weeks, probably lots of other stuff.) Every day you'll face new challenges and your priorities will probably shift around.

If you set super rigid and aggressive weight loss targets, how will you feel if you come up a bit short?

Instead of setting firm weight targets, would it work better for you to start by setting a goal like "improve some every week"? This could be small improvements like passing up a favorite dessert, choosing something healthy instead of something bad when you find yourself snacking, doing a little exercise, drinking plenty of water, making a grocery list and planning healthy meals. After all, these are all behaviors that you have control of.

The real key to getting healthier and shedding the extra pounds is to change those habits. Especially this time of year, you might find it easier if you EASE into the changes. There's no rush, there's no deadline, we just need to be moving in the downward direction, right?

You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be better!

I think you're off to a great start.