I need advice on a family situation!!!!

[aplejax76]

O.K. here's the deal. A little background first. My mom and dad went to Disney about 5 years ago with my bother and his family. My mom loved it but my dad did not like it at all. He just does not get it. Thats fine. Its not for everyone.

My mom asked us if she could go with us this year. I told her I would love that. So she talked to my dad telling him that she wants to go. He says that he will have to think about it. My mom says she is going with or without him. My dad is now thinking of going. This sounds horrible but I KNOW he is going to hate it all over again. I do not want to spend my vacation with someone who is resentful being there. My dad gets something in his head and it is impossible to change his mind.

He doesnt want to go to Disney. He just does not want to be away from my mom for 10 days. I have no idea what to do. My mom doesnt want him to go but she feels guilty. I dont want you to think that I dont like or love my dad.I just dont want to spend 10 days with him when I know he is HATING ever minute. Any advice?????

 

[confal1]

I would type up an itinerary for him to look over. make sure to let him know that you will expect to leave the hotel by 7 AM on most days and head to the parks. Let him know that you plan to spend the better part of the day at the park (even if you really don't), and make sure to let him know that your itinerary may not be for everyone and that the bus service back to the hotel will be there for anyone not wanting to try and keep up with the Disney people. Would your Mom consider going for maybe 5 or 6 days and then heading home. That way your Dad wouldn't have to be without her for 10 days. Good Luck. It is a tough situation.

 

[wdwfan26]

What about if you explore other things that he can do while he's there. We are going on a family vacation as well and my Dad just doesnt get Disney either. So I planned some fishing excursions for him to do so he's not in a park all day everyday.

 

[tink too]

Just because he is going to Florida with you doesn't mean he has to do the parks if it's not his thing.

He may prefer to just chill out alone with a book at the hotel pool, go on some of the fishing trips or some of the other trips available in the area like airboats, Kennedy Space Center, ballooning, botanical gardens, etc. You will know what type of thing he is interested in and you may find something that he would really like. If your party all go with him to something of his choosing, he might not complain about going to the parks sometimes.

My FIL always said that queueing for rides did not appeal to him and that he'd never go to Disney, once he did go with a family group, he couldn't wait for a return visit!

Think happy thoughts and hopefully you'll all enjoy your vacation whatever you decide to do - even if you are not all together all of the time!

 

[mommaU4]

Oh boy. I wish I had advice for you but I'm sort of in the same boat but just substitute my in-laws in place of my parents. Which is actually worse trust me. My MiL likes Disney not in a crazy way but enough to be excited. My FiL has no patience for theme parks. My poor DH used to tell me stories of how growing up when they went to a theme park or zoo or whatever, they would stay maybe 2-3 hours and then his dad would be ready to leave! I understand what your saying and don't think your mean or anything. I'm actually hoping my in-laws decide not to go since they haven't bought their plane tix yet.

What I have done is made up an a schedule of what we are doing and when and sent them one. I then told them that it's not necessary for us to spend every waking moment together. They are going to have to rent their own car and on days when we are doing something I know he'll have no interest in, they can do something else and we can meet up for dinner later in the evening or something. I'd rather they do that then hang around being negative the whole day. One thing is to be strong. This is our last trip to WDW for awhile so I am going to do the things I want no matter what and you should too. I hope this helps. At least you know you're not alone.

BTW, the kicker to all this? I'm the one who invited them! Yes you heard that right! Next time someone please pass me the duct tape!!

 

[SB in KY]

Maybe he could go along on the trip, but not do the park thing....my best friend growing up had a GF that hated doing the park thing at WDW, but cheerfully went along every year and just hung out at the resort, explored around Orlando, sat on the balcony and read a lot, etc. He would usually go out to dinner with them if they ate at the resorts, but otherwise he just did his own thing. I always thought it was kind of wierd at the time, but now I realize he was happy doing his own thing and would have been miserable (and made everyone else miserable too) if he had gone to the parks with all of us everyday.

Does your Dad like to golf?, wander aimlessly through strange cities? Shop at outlet malls? sit by a pool? have time alone and read? It really doesn't matter what, but maybe there is something other than parks he would be content/happy to do on his own while your mom and the rest of you go to the parks everyday.

Maybe he would be happier at a home away from home resort than at a hotel. We often take my mother who is now 84....she has no interest whatsoever in going to any parks (except an occasional day at Epcot), but we always get a 2 BR at OKW, and she is happy as a clam hanging out at the resort and cooking dinner for everyone (she loves the "homey" feel of the place)....not my idea of a great vacation, but it sure is a lot more fun for us than to be pushing her around the parks in a WC while she reminds us that we have already been here umpteen times and it is pointless to be going back (boo-hiss)...

I think the secret to 3 generation vacations is to decide up front that not everyone needs to be doing the same thing at the same time for it to be a great family vacation....once we got past that we all had a lot more fun (our family rule is "if you are old enough to have made a mortgage payment then you do not have to do anything you don't want to do on vacation!! And if you are not old enough to make a mortgage payment then you have to do what your parents tell you to!!")

If there is anything about a week in Central FL that would be fun for your Dad, then get him to come along and let him know he is free to do what he wants while the rest of you do Disney!!

 

[bigmac5]

This is a tough one. I agree with confal1. That will really make him think about what would be expected of him.

I was wondering if it was being away from your Mom or being alone that was bothering him more. If it is the later maybe he could spend some time with your brother while his wife was away. If it is things like home cooked meals, maybe a few plates of food could be frozen for him to microwave.

From the sounds of your post, it would be best all round if your Dad stayed home, but it will have to be his decision. I wish you the best.

I was just about to close and was thinking --if you started decorating your house(and your Mom's) with lost of Mickey stuff, maybe he will have his fill and decide that WDW is not for him. Just a thought.

 

[karebear1]

There is so much to do at WDW other then just the parks. Does he golf, fish, enjoy boats?? I think typing an itinarary is a great idea. Just make sure he understands he doesn't have to be where you are- he can make his own schedule, but you'd really appreciate it if he could join everyone for dinner.
When you go are you a commando? Slow it down if you are and come back to the resort halfway through the day and swim etc.
Take a day or two and go to Kennedy Space Center and St. Augustine- change up the trip a little for him. Make ressies for mom & dad at a nice Resort restaraunt and indulge them- get them massage's. Try signing up for a behind the scenes tour of somekind. See what's going on at WWofS- amybe there'll be a game he can see?? Take him to dinner at ESPN Zone when a big game is going on.
It looks like you have 3 kids.... kids can work magic with grandparents! Let them make him a special t-shirt or a special bag with WDW stuff in it. They can share their dreams about the trip with him. Is your dad a photographer by any chance? Maybe you could put him in charge of taking pics???
I think if you go into this with a negative attitude- you'll have a miserable time. But if you go into it positively, the results will be positive as long as you determine you will have fun no matter what! What is fun for some is not fun for another. Ask your dad if there's anything special he'd like to do while there and try to incorporate them into your plans. Be creative- you can do it!

 

[jgalecpa]

We just did a similar situation with an Alaskan Cruise this summer where In laws took all four kids and their families, some of whom get along better than others.

The only specific "together time" was dinner.

Other than that, it was "this is what we're going to do, and you are welcome to come, or if you would rather not do it, that's fine too."

Worked out fine.

Jim

 

[LoveWDW]

I was thinking the same thing that a couple said above. Let him enjoy the resort- perhaps you could even stay at a resort with activities that he might enjoy. If he likes to read or watch TV or work on a puzzle even, he would still have time with your mom.

I hope it works out for everybody. Would you check back in later on and let us know?

 

[Deb & Bill]

We took my husband's parents with us on our second trip. I was very worried because my FIL is a former accountant and I always thought of him a not very fun loving. Well, he certainly surprised me. He was up and ready to go every morning. He wanted to hit those parks, ride the rides, see the show, etc. all the time.

Maybe your mother and father could share a few activities of their own, do something he might like to do.

 

[MissionMouse]

Tough situation and we now avoid inviting components of the family that do not know how to have a good time anywhere.

Under your briefly described situation I would recommend you confront your situation now at home rather than Disney World. You already know his orientation toward the trip and I must assume you are 100% on target with your analysis of the situation, so address your concerns right now. Find the neutral ground, so his attitude does not spoil the trip for the other members of the family. He doesn't have to hang-out with you 100% of the time. Let him go play golf, fish, drive a race car, rent a boat, visit a spa, visit another local attraction(s), etc.

Your goal right now is to have a great time at Disney and you already know someone is not going to be having the same type or level of FUN as your are expecting to have at Disney.

 

[simzac]

Take dad with you, but let him do what he wants to do and the rest of you go do what you want to do, this way he won't be away from his wife for 10 days, they will still be together some each day of the trip.

 

[suevee]

Let Dad visit brother for a few days and fly down later for the last half of your vacation. By that time your mom will be more likely ready to rest and they can relax, golf, shop or do the Cape Canaveral and Sea World. You could get together with your mom and plan a seperate itinerary. That way you can have some special magic time with mom to enjoy the excitement and some down time while she and your dad relax. When your dad gets there you can always plan some family meals to get together and compare notes.

 

[aplejax76]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I had not even thought of Cape Canarval. He loves to go golfing and fishing. You guys are right! There are so many things to do in Disney and Orlando that do not include the parks! I think I will pick up some kind of tourist guide for Orlando. Is there somehow to order it online? Thanks Again.

 

[AJKMOM]

If he doesn't want to go with you, you could always send your Mom home earlier that the 10 days. That way, she could go, but he wouldn't be away from her as much.

 

[karebear1]

You can go to the Disney World website and gather all kinds of info about golfing, fishing etc. on site there and I suspect that Tourguidemike would have the same info.

My DH went golfing this past January with my BIL at 2 different courses on Disney property and they were both very imnpressed with the golfing!

 

[madgomez]

I think you have gotten great advice here about letting Dad do his own thing during the vacaton.
The only thing I would add is you might want to discuss this with your Mom and enlist her to help with Dad's itinerary, and to discuss the options with him. Remember, Mom and Dad are adults and you are not responsible for their decisions, or ultimate happiness. But if he sees you are all working at making everyone happy, he should be touched and thrilled to go with the program. And Mom might feel better about him going if she knows he'll enjoy himself - maybe she needs to spend a few of those 10 days off with Dad on one of his non-Disney adventures???

 

[The Sweetness]

That if he isnt enjoying himself, that he will effect everyone, esp. any kids involved. If he does want to join you, maybe he can find some activities that he will enjoy like tennis or golf if thats his thing, or lounging by the pool a bit

 

[Skroops]

I just got back with the very same issue. Don't bring him. Talk to your Mom and explain that it just wont work. Sure, you can plan other activities for him, but he'll want to be with your Mom and you.
My DD was a nightmare. He was hating every moment at the parks. I could tell, but he put on a smile sometimes (for me). It make a huge difference on our vacation. My Mom and I were so happy to go to MGM by ourselves one day while the boys stayed behind, but other than that, he was a big downer tagging along and making fun of my schedule and complaining about why we have to eat at a "fancy" restraunt every day...etc etc yakety yak etc
Have your Mom plan a fishing trip for him. Buy him plane tickets to visit his siblings. Do something, but do not bring him to WDW!!!!
Good luck!