I must have SUCKER written on my forehead

[NY Disney fan]

This is why I don't have friends. I find that self-absorbed people gravitate to me. I'm quiet, I listen more than I talk, I'm interested in what people have to say. Co-workers and people that I know feel very comfortable around me. Tons of people tell me this, I am not tooting horns. Many people tell me they feel comfortable around me to tell things to. I just mind my own business.

People around me just LOVE to talk about themselves and nothing but themselves. Like I said, I just sit and listen. I don't care. I understand what people are doing. But when I try to make the interaction a 2-way street? When I try to talk about myself for a minute or share something? No dice. I get told that there is no time to talk or I get no feedback or just get ignored.

I even dropped my life-long best friend because I was going through a hardship and she wouldn't offer me the time of day. She asked for forgiveness but this was 2 years later (when she returned my phone call).

Maybe the problem is me, maybe I'm attracting this. Oh well, I'm just venting.

 

[Motherofboys]

This is why I don't have friends. I find that self-absorbed people gravitate to me. I'm quiet, I listen more than I talk, I'm interested in what people have to say. Co-workers and people that I know feel very comfortable around me. Tons of people tell me this, I am not tooting horns. Many people tell me they feel comfortable around me to tell things to. I just mind my own business.

People around me just LOVE to talk about themselves and nothing but themselves. Like I said, I just sit and listen. I don't care. I understand what people are doing. But when I try to make the interaction a 2-way street? When I try to talk about myself for a minute or share something? No dice. I get told that there is no time to talk or I get no feedback or just get ignored.

I even dropped my life-long best friend because I was going through a hardship and she wouldn't offer me the time of day. She asked for forgiveness but this was 2 years later (when she returned my phone call).

Maybe the problem is me, maybe I'm attracting this. Oh well, I'm just venting.

I'm this girl too, also why I don't have a lot of "friends"

My "friends" always had a way of making everything about them - "Oh you hurt your leg? Let me tell you about the time I broke my arm", etc. I had to sit on the phone for hours listening to every mundane detail of their relationships, but if I needed to talk "oh I was just going shopping so I don't have time to talk, sorry!"

Yeah, not worth the time and effort. I am so thankful for the real friends that I have and have become a lot better at picking the time sucker-attention sucker people out a lot faster!

You aren't alone!

 

[NY Disney fan]

You aren't alone!

That makes me feel better.

 

[sunnyday123]

This is why I don't have friends. I find that self-absorbed people gravitate to me. I'm quiet, I listen more than I talk, I'm interested in what people have to say. Co-workers and people that I know feel very comfortable around me. Tons of people tell me this, I am not tooting horns. Many people tell me they feel comfortable around me to tell things to. I just mind my own business.

People around me just LOVE to talk about themselves and nothing but themselves. Like I said, I just sit and listen. I don't care. I understand what people are doing. But when I try to make the interaction a 2-way street? When I try to talk about myself for a minute or share something? No dice. I get told that there is no time to talk or I get no feedback or just get ignored.

I even dropped my life-long best friend because I was going through a hardship and she wouldn't offer me the time of day. She asked for forgiveness but this was 2 years later (when she returned my phone call).

Maybe the problem is me, maybe I'm attracting this. Oh well, I'm just venting.

I'm this girl too, also why I don't have a lot of "friends"

My "friends" always had a way of making everything about them - "Oh you hurt your leg? Let me tell you about the time I broke my arm", etc. I had to sit on the phone for hours listening to every mundane detail of their relationships, but if I needed to talk "oh I was just going shopping so I don't have time to talk, sorry!"

Yeah, not worth the time and effort. I am so thankful for the real friends that I have and have become a lot better at picking the time sucker-attention sucker people out a lot faster!

You aren't alone!

Hey! Maybe you both can be friends with each other!!

off to solve world peace....

 

[mhsjax]

OP, I don't think the problem is you. I think the problem is most likely everyone else. WE just seem to live in a much more self centered world these days.

I am so lucky in my neighborhood, people here step all over each other to help you. I know that is rare these days.

 

[AristocatFan]

I have the same problem. It's especially hard when DH gets home and I need to talk and he's had a long day and wants to chill. Sometimes he forgets I have no one else to talk to! *sigh* So, OP you are not alone.

 

[scrapbookworm]

Yep, this is me too. Part of the problem is that I'm just not assertive enough in trying to shift a conversation to what I want to talk about. When I do, I feel like I have to talk in a rush b/c if I pause for a second, the other person pounces in and takes over the conversation. So, at times, I feel that I'm just a dumping ground for my friends' and families' mundane problems. Then I start to become resentful b/c they don't ask me many questions about how my day was, how was my trip, etc. One time someone asked me why hadn't I told her about my WDW trip. I told her b/c she didn't really seem interested- she just wanted to talk about what she did while we were gone. That didn't go over well, lol.

These are good people, but I seem to attract people who want an ear, not a two-way street.

 

[Legendofthehawk]

You are so not alone.

As a general rule, people love to talk about themselves and how things relate to their experience. Sometimes maybe because other people are not interested and when they find a willing party to listen they let loose, othertimes perhaps because of an inflated self importance?


This CAN be a good thing though. You know when you start a conversation right off of the bat for the first I'd say hour. If they keep on redirecting the conversation to themselves (except in times for crisis or despair), its always going to be all about them. If you find the silence stretches when not engaging them, its a big sign they aren't interested in learning about anyone else.

This way you never have to go into another one sided friendship. You've already been down that road! You can go on conversing with people who want to interact with you, not just have someone to talk at.

 

[NatashaDisneyCM]

oh....ME TOO!! Add me to this list! I am the one that brings everyone to the airport, BUT no one can bring me! I even lost a friend over me asking them to do so!! Can you believe that? So I am in transition, and doing what I need to do for me! Concentrating on school and work! I can no longer be bothered with my self absorbed self centered friends! who can afford them? lol
I just now do my own thing!

 

[Poohbear123]

oh....ME TOO!! Add me to this list! I am the one that brings everyone to the airport, BUT no one can bring me! I even lost a friend over me asking them to do so!! Can you believe that? So I am in transition, and doing what I need to do for me! Concentrating on school and work! I can no longer be bothered with my self absorbed self centered friends! who can afford them? lol
I just now do my own thing!

Good for YOU! Now, if ONLY my DH would do this, he has 2 friends that want him to take them to car repair places/Drs appointments/etc...he is retired, and needs to SAY NO! I have 1 best friend...she lives in Daytona Beach area 4.5 hours away...I usually call her, she NEVER calls me, and after no phone call for about 2 weeks from me, she 'may' call to see how I am... Yea, Ok whatever....

 

[WDSearcher]

This is why I don't have friends. I find that self-absorbed people gravitate to me. I'm quiet, I listen more than I talk, I'm interested in what people have to say. Co-workers and people that I know feel very comfortable around me. Tons of people tell me this, I am not tooting horns. Many people tell me they feel comfortable around me to tell things to. I just mind my own business.

People around me just LOVE to talk about themselves and nothing but themselves. Like I said, I just sit and listen. I don't care. I understand what people are doing. But when I try to make the interaction a 2-way street? When I try to talk about myself for a minute or share something? No dice. I get told that there is no time to talk or I get no feedback or just get ignored.

I even dropped my life-long best friend because I was going through a hardship and she wouldn't offer me the time of day. She asked for forgiveness but this was 2 years later (when she returned my phone call).

Maybe the problem is me, maybe I'm attracting this. Oh well, I'm just venting.

Perhaps instead of waiting for "self-absorbed people to gravitate to you", you should find a club or venue or activity where you can approach others. You're passively accepting anyone who wanders into your circle (which they do for their own benefit, not yours) and then expecting them to behave as you want them to behave (which you are doing for your benefit, not theirs). See the problem?

Maybe you need to be a little more proactive in aquiring friends? Or maybe you need to push back a little harder to get the interaction you want.

You say you "sit and listen. I don't care." If you don't really care, then why in heck's name should they? You're not their friends, you're just someone who listens to them. They know this. You don't seem to.

 

[foolishmortal]

i'm pretty awesome in case anyone was wondering.

 

[NY Disney fan]

You're passively accepting anyone who wanders into your circle (which they do for their own benefit, not yours) and then expecting them to behave as you want them to behave

I don't consider co-workers who sit next to me wandering into my circle. They work with me and we support each other in our work. Its not as simple as finding a "club" to find friends. I don't need a social network. Its just hard to find 1 friend to share things with. If you have a true friend, consider yourself lucky.

 

[WDSearcher]

I meant the "wandering into your circle" figuratively, not literally.

Your initial post was venting about all these self-centered people who you choose to listen to, and then complaining that they don't listen in return. You didn't mention that you were looking for "one true friend." That's a whole different thing.

The people you are sitting back and listening to are talking to you because they can. If you stopped listening, they'd stop talking. They see you as a sounding board. An available ear. They have no real relationship with you. You could be their therapist. (In fact, you could consider charging for the listening service ... )

But if you're looking for a "true friend", you need to find a place where the kind of people you want to be friends with congregate. And that doesn't seem to be your workplace.

 

[AristocatFan]

The biggest thing that aggravates me, and maybe it only happens to me, but when someone does ask me a question then tune me out or walk away! My boss is real bad about asking me something and when I'm in the middle of talking she'll walk away. It does make me wonder if it's me, I've always been a little shy but come on.

 

[NY Disney fan]

The biggest thing that aggravates me, and maybe it only happens to me, but when someone does ask me a question then tune me out or walk away!

Yes that is very common!!

 

[Maridw]

Count me in this group too. I love my BFF, but everything is about her. When we both found out we were going to be grandparents, I was telling someone about my DD and she interrupted and started talking about her DS & DDIL and how they were expecting.

I have gotten to where I just ignore her and her problems because she always has some problem. She could have everything going for her, but she will find something to complain about. Oh well, gotta love em.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Me, too.

I also am a weirdo magnet.

 

[donalduck]

This is why I would rather just be by my self and have no friends. I like it like that. Friends are just to much work. I just don't want to deal with all there crap that they have.

 

[Luvchefmic]

Yep I'm that woman too...here's my shoulder...but then FINALLY I learned Hey I have to be heard too....funny thing is its SO prevalent that Country Singer Toby Keith recorded a song for people like us...if its unbalanced its not a friendship I wish I had learned that 20/30 years ago...anyway



I Wanna Talk About Me
------Toby KeithYeah, Yeah
That's right

We talk about your work how your boss is a jerk
We talk about your church and your head when it hurts
We talk about the troubles you've been having with your brother
About your daddy and your mother and your crazy ex-lover
We talk about your friends and the places that you've been
We talk about your skin and the dimples on your chin
The polish on your toes and the run in your hose
And God knows we're gonna talk about your clothes
You know talking about you makes me smile
But every once in awhile

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeee (me,me,me,me-background singers)
I wanna talk about me (me,me-background singers)

We talk about your dreams and we talk about your schemes
your high school team and your moisturizer creme
We talk about your nanna up in Muncie, Indiana
We talk about your grandma down in Alabama
We talk about your guys of every shape and size
The ones that you despise and the ones you idolize
We talk about your heart, bout your brains and your smarts
And your medical charts and when you start
You know talking about you makes me grin
But every now and then

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you you you you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me- background singers)
I wanna talk about meeeeeeee (me,me- background singers)
(I wanna talk about me- background singers)mmmm me me me me
(I wanna talk about me- background singers)mmmm me me me me
You you you you you you you you you you you you you

I wanna talk about ME!

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think, what I like, what I know, what I want, what I see
I like talking about you, you, you, you, usually, but occasionally
I wanna talk about meeeeeeee (me,me,me,me-background singers)
I wanna talk about me (me,me,-background singers)
I wanna talk about me (me,me,me,me,me,me-background singers)
Oh me!