I miss my mom

[BirdLegsRed]

I never knew this board was here. I was exploring around today and found it.

My mom died on February 12, 2009 in an auto accident. She pulled out in front of a semi in front of her apartment complex. A friend called my son and told him a car like his grandmas had been hit, so he jumped in his truck and drove over there while I started calling her home and cell phone. When she didn't answer we drove over there too (we only live about 3 minutes from each other). I will never forget the car, the ambulance, just the whole scene of it. By the time we got there she was already gone.

My mom and I talked 5-6 times a day, every day. SOmetimes more. She was at my house almost every day. We were very close. I miss her so much! I just don't know what to do without her, everyone says it will get better with time but I don't see how. Every day is just another day without her, another day without seeing her and talking to her. I just don't know how to cope with this. I pray everyday about it, I know she is in Heaven, but I just want her back. When she first died I wanted to die too...I didn't think about my kids or my husband, I just wanted to be with her. I know I can't do that, and I won't, but thats how I felt.

Every day I think about the accident, and when I went to the scrapyard to clean out her car, how the car looked, and I wonder, what was her last thought, did she know she'd been in an accident? Was she in pain? They told me she had a faint heartbeat when they got to the car, so I know she was alive for a little bit. I just can't get these thoughts and images out of my head.

How do you cope? I just can't believe she is gone. Any advice on what I can do to help this pain, I would appreciate it. It just hurts so much!!!!

 

[TruBlu]

I lost my dad in a terrible accident 20 years ago. I remember that the hardest part was thinking that everybody else was just going on with their lives and mine was falling apart. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I know you can't imagine it getting any better. It always hurt me when people told me it would. What right did I have to feel better without him?

But slowly, very slowly.... I started to realize that he would never want me to be so sad. Then I would go a whole day without feeling like a couldn't breathe. Eventually I would go a whole day without crying.... Finally the good memories started to creep back in. I could remember the good times, the fun we had, the happy memories....

Trust me, it isn't going to be easy or fast, but eventually you will start to feel human again. Right now just cling to your family and do whatever it takes to make it one more day. It will never go away, but it will get better.

 

[lookingforward]

Laura, my heart goes out to you! I too lost my mom very suddenly on June 16, 2008. She was only 69 and had a major stroke. She was my best friend, an amazing grandmother and wife to my dad for over 50 years. There is nothing I can say to make things easier but time does give perspective.

I talked to her every day...and I miss her. So I still talk to her, when I am alone, and I have faith that she hears me. I talk about her ALL the time...it helps me keep her in my life, funny stories, memories, etc. It also helps my 10 year old to remember the amazing women that she was. I still cry every day but I don't cry ten times a day anymore. I trust in my faith that she and I will see each other again.

You know, someone said to me once: "When a baby is born it cries and cries but everyone else is joyful and happy....when someone dies everyone cries but the person who died is joyful because they are with God". I think of that...

 

[minkydog]

My hugs to you. I'm so sorry you lost your mother. Life doesn't seem fair, does it?

 

[BirdLegsRed]

THank you all for the replies!

TruBlue, its funny you mentioned that about the memories. I can't think of them now without feeling so sad and crying! Even though they are good ones. I hope someday, as you said, that I can think of them again without feeling so sad.

And thank you to the poster who quoted that about the tears and joy...I am going to post that on my computer...that is very true and gives me some comfort. Thank you!

 

[Disneynut5]

I lost my mom a year ago. She was my best friend and we talked all the time. We knew she was going to die (cancer) but it was still so unreal when she did. My life will never be the same but my kids help a lot. I try to carry on and be the mom she would want me to be. I want to make her proud and to give my kids all of the love she gave me. I am even going to Disney because of her. She took me whenI was 4.5 and now my daughter is that age.

Give yourself time. Don't expect too much for yourself. It takes time to get used to the world without her. I still pick up the phone at times and start to dial her number...after a YEAR!

HUGS! I know how you feel....

 

[mikamah]

I am so sorry about your mom. I've never been on this part of the boards either, and when I saw your statement "I miss my mom", I started to cry. I just lost my mom in june after a brief, 4 week battle with cancer, and I miss her everyday too. It is overwhelming, and I know just how you feel. I know it takes time, and all those good memories will bring us comfort, but it is so hard. My dad's been gone 14 years, and I remember the entire first year being so difficult because every single day, holiday, birthday, was a day without him for the first time. The next year it did get easier, because that christmas wasn't the first one without him, and I had survived the first one.

Take the time you need to grieve, and take it one day at a time. There is no time limit. I get up every day, and hug my little boy tight, and try to be grateful for all the blessings in my life. I cry a lot, and sometimes those memories will make me smile and laugh, but it is so hard.

I just read a book called 90 minutes in heaven by Don Piper, and I felt really comforted by the first few chapters as he describes his trip to heaven after a severe accident. He was found without a pulse, but miraculously came back. Most of the book is about his recovery from his severe injuries, but his description of how peaceful, carefree and beautiful he felt in heaven really did bring me some peace.

I wish you peace and comfort during this sad time.

 

[safetymom]

All you can do is try to take life one minute at a time if you have to. I was very close to my mother. We had spent the day together and then I drove home. By the time I got home my sister was calling to say they were taking Mom to the hospital. She died later that evening.

It has been 14 years now and I still think about her every day. Please try to take comfort in the memories you have. Life does go on and the pain gets softer but it never leaves.

Talking here can help. We are all willing to listen if you ever need to talk.

 

[minniebeth]

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. You will be in my thoughts that each day the pain of missing her will lessen just a little bit and that you know her love lives on in you.

 

[zalansky]

BirdLegsred - and everyone else who has lost their mom too - many hugs. We can all relate to how you are feeling and I am sure your post has brought those feelings up again for those of us who have posted here, which is why we feel compelled to post as well. I am so sorry you lost your mom so suddenly. I can't imagine the pain and shock you have felt.

I also lost my mom, like a few others here, to cancer. I have thought in the past if its worse losing someone without warning like you did, or if its harder watching them slowly fade away, knowing they are going to die but at least being able to say goodbye. Either way, its gut wrenching.

Its been a little over 11 years since I lost my mom and it does get easier. However it is a slow process. There isn't a day that goes by even today that I don't think of my mother. But at least now, usually those happy memories bring a smile to my face instead of making me cry. I was 29 years old when my mom died. I was single, unattached, no kids. Mom never got to dance at my wedding, wasn't there to cheer me on when my kids were born, wasn't around to play the role of grandma to them - which they both would have loved. Its those things that really get at me if I let it. But I try and focus on the good things. Some people lose their moms when they are even younger. Some people have moms who could care less. I had a wonderful mother and got to have her for 29 years. Thats what I try and focus on and I do try and live my life to make her proud of me today. I do feel like she watches over me too, and thats just a faith thing that helps me get through.

Like the others have said, the pain won't ever go away. It will just get easier, much easier to live with. Let yourself grieve, don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. You have every right to miss her and feel sorry for yourself. Take care of yourself and focus on the happy things. Thats what mom would want for you.

Many hugs. XO

 

[Hillbeans]

Its been a little over 11 years since I lost my mom and it does get easier. However it is a slow process. There isn't a day that goes by even today that I don't think of my mother. But at least now, usually those happy memories bring a smile to my face instead of making me cry. I was 29 years old when my mom died. I was single, unattached, no kids. Mom never got to dance at my wedding, wasn't there to cheer me on when my kids were born, wasn't around to play the role of grandma to them - which they both would have loved. Its those things that really get at me if I let it. But I try and focus on the good things. Some people lose their moms when they are even younger. Some people have moms who could care less. I had a wonderful mother and got to have her for 29 years. Thats what I try and focus on and I do try and live my life to make her proud of me today. I do feel like she watches over me too, and thats just a faith thing that helps me get through.

Like the others have said, the pain won't ever go away. It will just get easier, much easier to live with. Let yourself grieve, don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. You have every right to miss her and feel sorry for yourself. Take care of yourself and focus on the happy things. Thats what mom would want for you.

Many hugs. XO

This is very eloquent Zalanzky.

 

[zalansky]

This is very eloquent Zalanzky.

Thanks Hill