I hate play dates!

[mefordis]

Okay, so this is twice now that a friend of mine has come over for her girls to play with my 5 yr old. She has small girls ages 4 and 5 who my dd are friends with in preschool. Then she has two more girls ages 2 and 1 1/2. She has twice now asked if she could bring them as well, and I have a hard time saying no to anyone, so I said bring them over. I also like to chat with her.

BOTH times they have left my house in shambles and she has allowed her younger ones to open my cupboards and get food out of them. They will pull out cereal boxes and stick their hands in. She will only half heartedly say, "You shouldn't open other people's cupboards", then she proceeds to stick HER hand in the cereal box and give her kid some! Yuck! And bad manners! It wasn't lunch time so I didn't feel compelled to give out snacks, though earlier I did give out ice pops.

Then the little one pulls out a box of marshmallows and the mom was like, "Can she have those?" I'm like, "uh, sure." And the little one goes in the playroom and passes them around and her sister runs in to tell us she is spitting pieces of marshmallow on the floor and her mom doesn't even go in there!

There was also an episode where the 2 yr old hit the 4 yr old and she came crying to mom, and the mom goes, "Hit her back." And of course she does and probably pretty hard because the 2 year old was crying really hard. That sent my sensitive little 9 1/2 month old into tears, too, because she cries if she sees anyone upset.

Really, what does that teach a kid when you send them to hit her 2 yr old sister? Good thing she didn't do it with a heavy object! Mom wasn't even in the room to see, and didn't even make a move to go in there.

And then she has the audacity to lecture me on going to WDW and how I could better spend my money. I'm like, "How would you spend your money?" and she said "Help around the house." She has a full-time nanny and a full-time housekeeper. She spends a good 60k a year on domestic help. I only have a house cleaning service once every 3 weeks and occasional babysitting. However, I don't need much help around the house thank you. I have only 2 kids and they are 5 yrs apart and rather than give my money to someone else so they can babysit 3x a week, I'd rather take care of my own kids and go to WDW once a year. Of course I didn't say that but.... I think she is not my type for a friend and I think this is the last time I'll have a play date with her!

If you have read this far, thanks for letting me vent!

 

[kaysmommie]

After reading this, I feel your pain. I wouldn't tolerate kids opening my kitchen cabinets and putting their possibly dirty hands in my cereal boxes. I have had a few slightly annoying play dates but nothing this bad. My kids take good care of their stuff and certain kids will break toys and tease our 7 lb. dog . But it seems like people don't want to teach their children right from wrong anymore or even manners. My DS5 only has like 2 friends he is allowed to invite over at this point. DD is nine so a whole other set of issues, but most of her friends are pretty nice. Anyway there have been times when I was done with dealing with play dates for a while and needed to vent too. How dare she say you shouldn't be spending your money on Disney, non of her business. It's your choice how you spend your money. I agree, I would rather take care of my own kids and house and use that money for a week in Disney to spend together.

 

[happygirl]

It sounds like you need to start having them at the park or at her house lol

 

[mefordis]

Thank you happygirl and kaysmommy for reading!! Yeah, she told me they went to WDW once and how could I keep going? Bad food and crowds. Obviously she didn't know how to do it right. She also said she stayed at this "asian hotel" on site. Polynesian, I'm guessing.

Maybe she is a bit jealous because with 4 little ones she said no vacations for them until they are a lot older.

I'm sure her house is so chaotic with all those kids that her only escape is to throw money at domestic help so she can escape the house every day.

 

[JESW]

Sorry that you are going through this! If they come over again then YOU need to step up if their mother isn't going to. YOU distribute the snacks and say something along the lines of - I will get the snacks so you don't need to go in OUR cupboards. Before they leave make an announcement that it is time for a two minute (or more) clean-up in the playroom (or wherever the kids play) and then SHOW the kids what they need to do. As far as the siblings hitting each other, I am not sure. Maybe say something about it not being nice. Don't think the clueless mom will even get it.

And as far as Disney trips, I don't explain them to anyone. My family, my business.

Step up now our that family will continue to walk all over you when they visit. I had a friend like that, but not so bad, and once I set the rules to her kids it was better.

Good luck!

Jill

 

[Robinrs]

Sorry that you are going through this! If they come over again then YOU need to step up if their mother isn't going to. YOU distribute the snacks and say something along the lines of - I will get the snacks so you don't need to go in OUR cupboards. Before they leave make an announcement that it is time for a two minute (or more) clean-up in the playroom (or wherever the kids play) and then SHOW the kids what they need to do. As far as the siblings hitting each other, I am not sure. Maybe say something about it not being nice. Don't think the clueless mom will even get it.

And as far as Disney trips, I don't explain them to anyone. My family, my business.

Step up now our that family will continue to walk all over you when they visit. I had a friend like that, but not so bad, and once I set the rules to her kids it was better.

Good luck!

Jill

I totally agree. NO child would come into my house and treat it like that. If the parent chooses to be lazy then they have to deal with ME. You are in charge, not children or an idiot mom. This is your domain so your rules apply.

I wouldn't say you hate "play dates", you just hate play dates with poorly mannered children. Play dates, as I remember them, were great because since my child was an only child, he got a chance to be other people his own age instead of his elderly mom!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Have just her 2 kids over, no mom. When my oldest 2 were little, I liked having the moms over, for company, but by the time I had the next 3, I had a strong network of friends in place, and we did kid-only playdates.

 

[PollyannaMom]

If your older DD really asks to see her friends, I second the playdates at the park!!

And I agree that the lecture on Disney is just jealousy. (But I probably wouldn't be seeking out the mom to chat with anyway.)

As for playdates in general, I'm one who can only take so much, too. If I plan it and have an organized activity, I'm fine! - But the whole group drifting in because it gets boring/too hot/too cold/whatever outside can catch me off guard. - After a couple days of it, I have to plan some errands or something just for a little oasis of quiet.

 

[MaumeeMom]

Next time she calls can you suggest to have the play date at her house? It would be easier on her since she wouldn't have to drag all the younger kids around.

If they come to your house, try telling them the kitchen is closed. No kids in the kitchen only in the play room or bedroom, where ever the toys are located.

As for our house, there is no food outside of the kitchen (so no spills in the playroom to deal with).

I like the idea of clean-up time a few minutes before they leave. Maybe sing the clean-up song with them to make it fun.

Good luck!

 

[diznygirl]

Sounds like you don't hate play dates, just play dates with her and her kids. This isn't the way all play dates are.

I agree with the others that say have them at a park or her place. With all the "help" she pays for, it should be no problem for her. (Although I see why she has no clue what is common courtesy at another person's house).

 

[ericamanda01]

I don't have kids but the thought of anyone sticking their hands in a box of my food is gross! And who does she think she is to tell you how to spend your money, that really is rude.

 

[EthansMom]

I agree that you should have playdates at the park, in the future.

 

[clh2]

OH - I would be peeved too!

Set rules.

I like the "lets get together at the parks" idea.

And - if you must have it at your house... - just the girls. And, be very specifically allow time for clean-up - let the mom know too!. Be sure to get the pick-up time from the mom...let her know that the girls will probably need 15 minutes to clean up. You do have a nine-month old...you are exhausted with the baby - if you know what I mean! Even if the girls do not pick up to your standards...they'll eventually get the drift.

Another idea - maybe have a snack the last 15 minutes or so, AS LONG AS everything else was picked up.

Just make sure that all girls know what the rule is...including the mom.

 

[disykat]

It sounds like your friendship has pretty much run it's course. No more playdates. You can limit your friendship to preschool activities.

I had a friend like this. She went to my church and then they moved into my neighborhood. Her kids were everywhere and their behavior was confusing to my kids. She would also make comments about our choices. (To me, it seemed like she was making herself feel better about her own choices by putting mine down.) Once I decided that life was too short and limited our friendship to church stuff only, life became much easier. We were able to walk sometimes in the neighborhood without kids, but just sort of let the kids playdates go.

 

[dismom2]

Sorry that you are going through this! If they come over again then YOU need to step up if their mother isn't going to. YOU distribute the snacks and say something along the lines of - I will get the snacks so you don't need to go in OUR cupboards. Before they leave make an announcement that it is time for a two minute (or more) clean-up in the playroom (or wherever the kids play) and then SHOW the kids what they need to do. As far as the siblings hitting each other, I am not sure. Maybe say something about it not being nice. Don't think the clueless mom will even get it.

And as far as Disney trips, I don't explain them to anyone. My family, my business.

Step up now our that family will continue to walk all over you when they visit. I had a friend like that, but not so bad, and once I set the rules to her kids it was better.

Good luck!

Jill

I agree that there are people like that, and sometimes you just have to take over and make your rules clear. But, it's still frustrating that the other parent doesn't teach her own kids manners and you have to be the one getting on everyone the whole time (or, cringing when they do certain things). Hard to relax in those situations. I know that at times I feel like the 'mean mom' when my friend doesn't set any boundries and I do. Or, the parent doesn't back me up when I enforce a rule or try to keep some sort of order.

Also, I always try to have all the kids help clean up, but I am an organized person and it seems that when young kids come over they dump everything all over the floor (games, Lego's, things with small pieces and parts), and if they clean up, all they do is dump everything in a bin or box, or stuff things wherever they want, then I have to spend a lot of time sorting it out afterward. I finally got to the point where I put certain toy's out of reach.

I fully expect to clean up after kids leave, so I don't set my expectations high at all. It's just one of those things. But, if the parent is there, you would think they would try to help out at least a little by keeping an eye on their kids, and making sure they have some sort of manners when at someone else's house.

 

[VampieNJ]

I so feel your pain.


I have playdates every so often. Some are good experiences, some are not so good! One of my friends DOES NOT care what her son does at all. He touches EVERYTHING! He threw a toy at the living room TV. DH had a heart attack! Name it, he basically has done it lol.
I limited our playdates now to spring and summer play lol. In the backyard at that!
My son is no saint, so I won't say he doesn't touch everything as well. But I put a stop to it when it starts. I won't let him go to someones home and do what he pleases.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am still trying to get past the fact that she has 4 kids 5 and under!!! ugggg....
I would buy child gates and keep the 2 little ones locked in the living room or whatever room you sit in with the mom to keep them contained if they must come over. Or can't the mom just drop off the older two? Why must she stay there with the younger two??

 

[PaulaSue]

O, I remember those people. (I nannied before my girls.) TG I never worked for people like that but I have had playdates with some....

 

[3jsmommy]

I've had experience with the full time nanny moms, they love to have play dates when they're going to have time alone w/ their kids...because they have NO IDEA what to do with them!
We also have a six year old nephew who's "a dumper" he literally destroys the playroom!
I expect it to be a mess after a playdate & my kids are always into everything, but this child dumps everything onto the floor. Then my SIL just grabs his hand when it's time to go, surveys the exploded room & says BYE!!
Now I pretty much avoid her calls on cold or rainy days & when we do get together it's at the park!