I HATE Christmas gifts!

[smkiya]

I love the holiday season and all of its smells, decorations... it really touches all of the senses. What I don't like is shelling out $$$ for gifts just because it's Christmas. I didn't grow up with a lot of money, my mom struggled to provide for us 4 kids, so we always appreciated everything we got. Dh came from a differnt kind of family. His mom just threw items in the cart, without regard to sales. She's never ever used a coupon! In fact once when dd5 went shopping with her, dmil said she was sooo embarrassed because dd kept asking if the items she put in her cart were on sale.

Dsil always spends a ton of money on her kids. She has 3 (6, 14, 12), and at birthdays and christmas she buys my dd tons of stuff too, expensive stuff. There is that feeling of obligation that I have to recipricate, and I don't want to! Her kids don't appreciate the gifts I give anyway, because they are more thoughtful than costly. Like one year I bought one of the girls who was 9 at that time a storybook making kit. She's smart and is creative and the kit allows you to write and illustrate your own book, and send it in to be bound to hardback... etc. It was thrown aside and not used. I can't not get them something for Christmas, but don't want to throw my money away either. I know that whatever I spend on her 3 kids, dsil will spend triple on my 2 kids, and then pow wow with dmil about how me and dh make more than twice as much as she who is a single parent and all they spent was XYZ! UGH!!!!!!!

 

[leslie826]

Yeah I can't believe the amount of $$ we are expected to spend at Christmas! I just compiled my list and I have 29 people to buy gifts for. Several times I have suggested doing a name swap for the kids on DH's side of the family (14 kids under the age of 8) but all my SILs will not go for that idea. I just keep taking deal-finding ideas from this board and have been plugging along in my shopping since August. Good luck to you!!

 

[budbeerlady]

You can either give them nothing... or make a donation to a charity in their name. Adopt an animal at the zoo in their name they can visit and give them a plush to match it.

 

[Tickla]

I'm with you! I got so sick of it after 18 yrs. of marriage, I just had to say enough is enough---no more gift exchanging. We just get together for a big meal & play games & stuff. Wow it is SO MUCH better this way! Good Luck

 

[Ava]

Yeah I can't believe the amount of $$ we are expected to spend at Christmas! I just compiled my list and I have 29 people to buy gifts for. Several times I have suggested doing a name swap for the kids on DH's side of the family (14 kids under the age of 8) but all my SILs will not go for that idea. I just keep taking deal-finding ideas from this board and have been plugging along in my shopping since August. Good luck to you!!

Buy all the little kids the Kohl's Cares for Kids book & plush sets. They're really cute this season, will run you $10 per kid for the set, and all the proceeds go to charity.

I don't know how you do it, if I had 29 people to buy for I think I'd fall over!

 

[luvmy3]

Have you ever spoken to her about not spending so much on your kids? maybe you could suggest a price limit on gifts for all the nieces/nephews, that was she won't spend way too much and you don't feel obligated to return the favor so to speak.

 

[Robinrs]

You don't have to feel the need to reciprocate, especially if it's bothering you this much.

Christmas is not about gifts, that's not the reason or the purpose of the season. I find that the more people materialize Christmas it's due to something missing in their own lives. And we don't have to match tit for tat everything they do.

Stay out of the competition. It's THEIR thing, not yours. Give what you're comfortable with and let it go. You or anyone else should not be judged by how much they spent but the quality and the compatibility of the gift to the recipient.

Don't let them turn YOU into the Grinch!

 

[An_Island_Girl]

This year we are donating to Heifer.org in friends and families names. This was actually my daughters idea, and we really like the "giving" aspect of the foundation. It really puts what's important into perspective.

 

[runwad]

You don't have to feel the need to reciprocate, especially if it's bothering you this much.

Christmas is not about gifts, that's not the reason or the purpose of the season. I find that the more people materialize Christmas it's due to something missing in their own lives. And we don't have to match tit for tat everything they do.

Stay out of the competition. It's THEIR thing, not yours. Give what you're comfortable with and let it go. You or anyone else should not be judged by how much they spent but the quality and the compatibility of the gift to the recipient.

Don't let them turn YOU into the Grinch!

I agree with Robin. I totally know get where you're coming from OP. My family situation is almost the same, although maybe now that I'm in my 40's I don't know I just don't give a fig what anyone says or thinks. I still look for gifts that I think the recipient would like not necessarily cause it costs a lot. If they don't like it, the gift receipt is included they can take it back. I'm no longer keeping score on how much I spend vs someone else. Once you get to that place you'll be happier with the whole concept of the holidays. Just keep doing what you're doing.

 

[grumpeeduck]

If you feel you must get them something, why not a simple book. Stores like
Barnes and Noble have fabulous bargain tables for all ages and interests. You can get a nice book for under $3! I am severely limiting extended family gifts this year, the gifts are not appreciated or needed, so I will put my money where it is appreciated and needed!

 

[Kika]

You don't have to feel the need to reciprocate, especially if it's bothering you this much.

Christmas is not about gifts, that's not the reason or the purpose of the season. I find that the more people materialize Christmas it's due to something missing in their own lives. And we don't have to match tit for tat everything they do.

Stay out of the competition. It's THEIR thing, not yours. Give what you're comfortable with and let it go. You or anyone else should not be judged by how much they spent but the quality and the compatibility of the gift to the recipient.

Don't let them turn YOU into the Grinch!

I totally agree with this.

OP: Don't sweat it or let it stress you out. The holiday season is stressful enough. Spend what you are comfortable spending and get what you would like them to have and think they might like. If they judge you, it's their problem and not yours.

 

[TBGOES2DISNEY]

I think gift giving has gotten out of control over the years. We spoiled our kids when they were little at Christmas and realized what a mistake that was b/c many toys didn't get played with and our house got filled up with a lot of junk. Now we buy a lot less and they still appreciate it and actually play with (mostly) what they get.

My side of the family has a lot of kids and we finally decided not to give presents any more. DH's side is not as big and we could barely get them to do a gift exchange. Boy did he get mad when I didn't want to participate (told him to just to put his name in as it was his siblings). I always get stuff I just send to Goodwill anyway (wrong sizes, clutter objects, etc.).

I don't see why people are so stubborn about giving/getting presents when Christmas should be about the family being together or more importantly about Christ.

I guess the only thing you can do is bite your tongue, just do what you want to do, or say something about it. Good luck!

 

[disney_family_1247]

I firmly believe that it's the thought that counts, so that's how I shop. I try and buy people (especially the kids) things that I think they will like. I work from a budget and don't really care if anyone else thinks I spent too little. My SIL's have often suggested name swaps, but I find those tacky. You buy a gift to express your feelings for the person in question, and assigning names makes it an exchange of goods.

Buy what you want to for your relatives and have a Merry Christmas

 

[jacksmomma]

You could always do a family gift...something like a membership to a museum or zoo. That way it is not a "thing" but a family togetherness experience.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

You could always do a family gift...something like a membership to a museum or zoo. That way it is not a "thing" but a family togetherness experience.

I really like that idea. Or if a membership is too pricey, how about doing a family game night gift basket with a few snacks, a fun game and a case of soda? Or maybe a gift card for the movies so that they can pick a film that they would all like to see. Get one with enough cash on it so that they can also grab some snacks & sodas.

 

[lucigo]

I have two suggestions...and we have done both. The first is to run away. Announce that you won't be participating in Christmas this year, and go on a cruise or a trip to Disney.

If that doesn't work.......

The 2nd, which we have done also...our family now does the gift exchange where you buy a $20 gift and everyone sits in a circle and you read a story and pass them around until the story ends and then you open the gift you have. Some family members don't participate and thats ok too. I have fun trying to find something unique for $20 or less, and its a lot more fun than just buying "Uncle Bob" a flannel shirt!

 

[Miss SD]

Like one year I bought one of the girls who was 9 at that time a storybook making kit. She's smart and is creative and the kit allows you to write and illustrate your own book, and send it in to be bound to hardback... etc.

I know it's off topic, but where did you find the storybook-making kit? My daughter would love that.

 

[Dancemom03]

....I didn't grow up with a lot of money, my mom struggled to provide for us 4 kids, so we always appreciated everything we got. Dh came from a differnt kind of family....

It sounds to me like you really hit the nail on the head in your first few sentences. You come from very different backgrounds resulting in differing expectations. Neither is right or wrong - just the way it is. Now that you are a couple with your own family though, you need to sit down and decide how YOUR family will handle the holidays and gift-giving occassions with your extended families.

We've been married 33 yrs now but I'd venture a guess that it took us nearly fifteen of those years to celebrate Christmas Eve without any semblence of guilt or resentment in regards to the inlaws. What we eventually realized is exactly what you've described - every family is different and you can't compare/reciprocate everything. I can't tell you how much happier and relaxed the holidays became once we accepted that reality and adjusted our expectations of others, but more importantly, of ourselves too.

....Dsil always spends a ton of money on her kids. She has 3 (6, 14, 12), and at birthdays and christmas she buys my dd tons of stuff too, expensive stuff. There is that feeling of obligation that I have to recipricate, and I don't want to! Her kids don't appreciate the gifts I give anyway, because they are more thoughtful than costly. Like one year I bought one of the girls who was 9 at that time a storybook making kit. She's smart and is creative and the kit allows you to write and illustrate your own book, and send it in to be bound to hardback... etc. It was thrown aside and not used. I can't not get them something for Christmas, but don't want to throw my money away either.

IMO, another challenge you're facing is that the children involved here are vastly different ages - yours in preschool, while hers are teens and a preteen. What looks like a terrific gift for an older child to the mom of a first grader, is often not as well received as we'd like unless the families are especially close. It's often hard to buy gifts for teens even when they're yours much less someone else's kids. Add to that the fact that as kids get older, they tend to show less enthusiasm especially in public and you have a recipe for misunderstandings. Lately we tend to give family memberships to the aquarium/zoo/skating rink/swim club/gym - it's a gift that can be enjoyed by all throughout the year.

The book kit in your example sounds like an awesome gift. I'd buy one... but realistically I also have to confess that my DD, who will be 9 this Christmas, would probably not have used it either. It wouldn't be because she's ungrateful but merely because she'd perceive it as more work than fun. Or she might even just simply put it aside for later and forget - kind of like the way I buy scrapbook pages and stamps but never actually get around to doing it.

I've gotten to the point with the younger family members we exchange gifts with, that I put the ball back in the parent's corner by asking the parent for 2-4 choices of what to buy, just like I ask for suggestions when DD's classmates invite her to a bday party. I've found that by asking, the other parents usually return the favor and ask me what my kids might like so I have a few suggestions ready there too.

This board is also a great place to get budget friendly gift ideas just by asking what kids that age want this year.
and with that, I have just three little words for the under 10 crowd... zhu zhu pets

 

[Pembo]

I started making a donation to charity in the names of extended family including teen age nieces and nephews. They still don't say thank you but I know my money went to a good cause.

 

[TnTWalter]

Board games are always a hit. Or a book for each kid is always OK. Or a cd....doesn't have to be expensive.

I'm not a fan of giving to chairites instead of gifts to kids. I think charities are wonderful. But I also think either give a gift or donate to charity but don't try to combine the two. Better yet, give gifts AND give money to charity.



Trish