I hate 2 be selfish

[2disneyboys]

If I were in your friends shoes, I would not expect you to cancel your trip.

What is equally important (in my opinion) is being there for your friend after the wake, after the funeral, when the meals stop coming, when the sympathy cards stop coming etc.

I think you should still go on your vacation, and you can still call her and send flowers etc. from Florida.

I know when my mom died, the hard part was after the funeral, after everyone else went back to "normal life". That's when I really needed a friend.

I think it would depend on your friend's support around her. Does she have family members who will be around her? Other friends? If she does, then I would go but keep in contact.

Both of these exactly. Anytime you lose someone in your life, regaredless on if its expected (sickness etc) or unexpected (tragic like a car accident etc) it seems you are surround by sooo many people for the first week or two... I can remember just wanting some "alone" space/time... then after that first week or two, it's like everyone has moved on.. I would think you should go on your trip and then if the family member passes, when you come back would be right about the time that everyone else has started going back to thier own lives and you can really step in and help her. I would really be surprised is she would want you to stay.. I would be more upset w/ my bff if she gave up a planned family trip to stay then if she went. (and we have been BFF's since the early 80's. so like 30 years!)

 

[MoniqueU]

Unless you have airfare that can't be rebooked (not southwest, jeblue) I would not go. That is just me. I wouldn't expect it but if my mom was that ill and my friends took off for vegas for a weekend I would be pretty hurt.

 

[chisnpeke]

Unless you have airfare that can't be rebooked (not southwest, jeblue) I would not go. That is just me. I wouldn't expect it but if my mom was that ill and my friends took off for vegas for a weekend I would be pretty hurt.

I think Vegas and a planned family trip are different. Not saying Vegas can't be a family trip but if you have kids that are excited I think it would be so sad for them to have to miss it.

OP, you are not being selfish. You sound like a very good friend. I would want my friend to go on the trip.

 

[krcit]

Unless you have airfare that can't be rebooked (not southwest, jeblue) I would not go. That is just me. I wouldn't expect it but if my mom was that ill and my friends took off for vegas for a weekend I would be pretty hurt.

As I stated before, I'm in this situation right now. Honestly, there is nothing anyone can do except call and check in and send prayers. I'm at the hospital every minute that they let me(ICU has much stricter visiting) and when I'm not there, I'm so mind-numbing tired that I can barely function. Luckily, my kids are old enough to be home alone and my DH is off a lot. Anyway, I digress..lol. One of my closest friends is skiing with her family. I would never dream of having her skip the trip for a few reasons but mainly because we don't know when or if my mom will pass. Now, if Mom passes while my friend is away I may not even tell her becaue I don't want her to come home just for the funeral. I will be surrounded by family, it will be after everyone goes that I will need her. Just my 2 cents. YMMV

 

[MommyJack]

Last year we went to Disney with MIL. Her best friend was in the hospital at the time. I asked MIL before we left if she wanted to postpone the trip. She said no, she had said her good-bye to her friend, who was not conscious at the end anyway. She felt her friend would have wanted her to go enjoy herself with her grandchildren. She ended up passing while we were away. It was sad for MIL, but she was in touch with the family while away and felt good about her decision. No one thought any less of her for not being there.

 

[1queen]

As I stated before, I'm in this situation right now. Honestly, there is nothing anyone can do except call and check in and send prayers. I'm at the hospital every minute that they let me(ICU has much stricter visiting) and when I'm not there, I'm so mind-numbing tired that I can barely function. Luckily, my kids are old enough to be home alone and my DH is off a lot. Anyway, I digress..lol. One of my closest friends is skiing with her family. I would never dream of having her skip the trip for a few reasons but mainly because we don't know when or if my mom will pass. Now, if Mom passes while my friend is away I may not even tell her becaue I don't want her to come home just for the funeral. I will be surrounded by family, it will be after everyone goes that I will need her. Just my 2 cents. YMMV

I know you are drained. I am praying for your family.

I would NEVER take off on a Vegas trip or getaway under these circumstances. We have saved, DH has planned his work schedule around this, and we are booked through a travel agent, have several ADR's and an appt at BBB in the castle. Lots of work and anticipation has gone into this trip. Thank you all for your input. The plan now us for her to spend 5 more nights in the hospital, and then go home with Hospice Care. I am to leave March 3. Hoping to know more about her progress by the weekend. Then, I will talk to my friend and let her know I plan to still travel.