I feel bad

[PaDisney02]

My parents are on vacation. They are at the shore about 3 hrs away. They r away for 3 nights, they r coming home 2marrow. My mothers aunt passed away last night (92). They wernt really "close" but they loved eachother. This aunt lives very far away and really only came to visit once year. She never stayed with us when she visited, she always stayed with one of my mothers other sublings. Well, I found out that she passed this morning. When my parents called me 2day (as they do everyday) to see whats up, my dad was asking me how church was, anything new etc. and I told him. Now I feel that maybe I shouldnt have cuz after all they r on vacation. So, I told him and he said he was very suprised that she passed and he told my mom. My mom was upset, which ofcourse any1 would be, she wasnt devistate or anything though. Now the rest of the relation is upset with me cuz they dont see y I did such a thing of tlling my parents this sad news while they were on vacation. They thought I should have waited until they returned. I too feel maybe I should not have said anything...but my dad calls me everyday, we r very close and this is major news. So when he asked what new (just like he asked me yesterday and everday previous) I told him. Am I a horrible person? If it were u...would u be upset with ME for telling u this news while on vacation? My parents are not mad at me, but my dad did say he wish I would have waited till they got home. But I just feel really guilty, my relatives r making me out to be some bad guy!

None of my relatives r eveen going to the funeral. They all think its too far travel and we were not really that close with her that any1 would travel the distance to her funeral. I guess thats y I told my parents. This was big news in our family but it wasnt like any1 was devistated and our world stopped. (My grammy passed last year and when that happened every1 was devistated and our world did stop!) Of course i wouldnt tell my mother life altering news on her vacation. I felt like this was something she would be interested in hearing. i dont klnow? I feel guilty

 

[PrincessKitty1]

You don't need to feel guilty. You know, a lot of people would be upset if you knew and DIDN'T tell them. In fact, if you DIDN'T tell your parents until they got home, this may have upset them too.

People get unsettled when someone dies, even if it's someone they're not that close to, and they may not realize that the death is what is unsettling them (rather than you telling them about the death). Your other relatives really have no right to give you a hard time. You're in kind of a darned if you do, darned if you don't situation.

 

[Minnie_me]

You were right to tell them. My favorite aunt (great aunt, actually) died while I was on vacation in Denver when I was 15. I missed the funeral and everything. But NOBODY TOLD ME. And when I got home, they found it even harder to tell me. And it was actually months before I found out, and I'm still mad about it (almost 30 years later!).

 

[mrsg00fy]

You absolutely did the right, responsible and considerate thing. Don't taken on guilt that you don't own. If you hadn't told your parents, they would likely be upset. You can't win. You can't please everyone. But you did the right thing.

 

[PaDisney02]

Thanks, now i feel a little better. I just dont think any1 should point fingers at me especially since they are not going to the funeral. How big of a deal could this really be if no one feels the need to even go to the funeral. (and it not for money reasons, they just dont feel its necassary) I just dont want to ruin my parents time at the beach and hopefully I didnt.

I just found out more info about the situation. This aunt must have fell a couple months ago, no one here new about it. She was put in a home, no one here knew about it and died in a home. If she was really that "close" with all of us dont u think we would have been told about her falling and getting put in a home! It is upsetting news. She was a very nice lady and we did look forward to her yearly visits and I'm sure my mom does have fond memories of her when she was a young child but I just dont think this death was something I needed to keep from my parents. Who knows

Thanks again.

 

[shellybaxter]

I don't think you did anything wrong. My aunt died while Dh and I were at Disney one year. My mom decided not to tell me - but by the time we got back she had forgotten (not really close to that side of the family anymore - but my aunt and I were close when I was growing up) that I didn't know and didn't tell me. A couple of months later she said something about my uncle and I asked how my aunt was doing (she had been ill). My mom's face went white and she said, "oh, honey, I never told you." Then she told me how my aunt had passed. It was okay with me that she made the decision not to tell me, but I would have rather have known when it happened.

 

[minniecarousel]

Please don't feel bad. It sounds like your Mom wouldn't go to the funeral, even if she were at home. She is staying on her vacation - right?

This is a tough situation. Many years ago, DH & I were on a weekend vacation with friends when my youngest brother was in an auto accident. This was pre-cell phones, and the motel closed down their phones at night. So we got an early morning phone call about it and had to come home. My mother was watching our little boys and she needed to be at the hosp. with my brother.

It was the right thing for my family to do. (My brother is alive, but hasn't lived a "normal" life since, as he had a head injury.)

So, don't beat yourself up. Your mother would probably be mad at you if you hadn't told her when you did.

 

[iNTeNSeBLue98]

I would have done the same thing, telling them when they called.

 

[PaDisney02]

no they r not coming home early or anything. My family just doesnt understand y I didnt wait till 2marrow when they return. My parents were a little upset about her passing. She visits every year and now is around the time she would come to visit. Every year when she visits we usually have a little picnic, so my parents were expecting to see her real soon. Actually we were all wondering y we didnt get her yearly phone call telling us when she will be arriving. I have no doubt that my mother will be hurt by her passing. I'm super close with my parents. My hubby and I r young parents and have many struggles, my parents have helped us out so much, we tell them everything, as do they. I tell them every single thing that happens in my life (seriously) we r that close. I couldnt see not telling them this info. It was my mothers aunt, who lives far away and she was 92 so its not like it was some tragic accident that happened.

My mother has lost many family members in the past...her mother, brother, nephew(at a young age) and I never saw her really upset over any of them, of course she felt sympathy and felt bad that they passed but none of them were real tragic to her. Its not as if I died or my siblings or our children. I just think my relatives r acting dumb and have nothing better to do then to point fingers at me. Thanks for all ur input. I do feel alot better now.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I think it would have been worse NOT telling them!!!

 

[ckret01]

Don't feel bad you did do the right thing. They would have probably been more upset with you if you didn't tell them when it happened. There is never a right place in time to tell someone a relative/friend passed away.
I was on vacation in Disney last December and the second day there my dad called to tell me my Uncle passed away all of a sudden. I was devastated but I WOULD have wanted to know and even though I was on vacation it didn't matter, he was my relative and I cared for him and had a right to know. I wouldnt have wanted them to wait till I returned to tell me. You did the right thing so please don't feel bad about it.