I don't get my friend... should SHE or HE concede... marriage? *Another UPDATE*

[Mrs. Charming]

Ha, do you really want to know HOW? I am kidding. I guess it's TMI on his part, but he "let a little slip" is what he told my DH. Gross. TMI, TMI.,

Sounds illegal almost, LOL.

I AM trying to stay out, just thought I would update since this thread went so far from the ORIGINAL nonsense... now this. Now, it's pretty much entertainment.

Oh EW is right!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Ha, do you really want to know HOW? I am kidding. I guess it's TMI on his part, but he "let a little slip" is what he told my DH. Gross. TMI, TMI.,

Ah, I get it. Yeah, kind of gross. not sure how effective that would be but ok.

Sorry, but if this is the games they play, they do not deserve a kid.

The relationship is probably doomed with or without the kid, why put an innocent child through the whole thing.

 

[HM]

I'm thinking a lot of what you are hearing isn't even true. I've known a couple pathelogical liars in my time and one or both of them might just fit the bill.

 

[Imzadi]

But I have never pre-opened and staged a condom. Wouldn't she notice him opening it, poking it with a needle or some other sharp device, and then putting it on?

He could have poked through the foil packet with a pin.


They've been in a relationship for 5 years and they are still using that method? I always thought that was for the "Getting to know you" stage. . . Well, actually these two do sound like they don't really know each other very well.

 

[chisnpeke]

Ah, well.

Oh, I know. It's just crazy. I'll just sit back and watch.

I have a friend with a dramatic life too. Believe me they don't listen and watching the drama unfold is free entertainment.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

I'm going to disagree with everyone else and tell you that you, as her friend, should sit her down and have a heart-to-heart. My initial reaction was that this guy was a controlling jerk and now I'm sure of it.

She needs to RUN and she needs to do it NOW.

 

[SiAmCrAzY]

I have a friend with a dramatic life too. Believe me they don't listen and watching the drama unfold is free entertainment.

EXACTLY!! I have a few acquaintances (I refuse to call them friends) that seem to crave the DRAMA. When they don't have it, they create it, and go out of their way to tell you about it - to try and pull you in.
Not certain if this is the case or not with these two. Either way I agree with several PP's it's sad to think about an innocent child in the middle of it all

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

This couple is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Waiting? The train's already left the station and jumped the track.

 

[Took]

I'm going to disagree with everyone else and tell you that you, as her friend, should sit her down and have a heart-to-heart. My initial reaction was that this guy was a controlling jerk and now I'm sure of it.

She needs to RUN and she needs to do it NOW.

You know, my initial reaction was that she had an issue (who demands a big wedding??). But I gotta say that after I read the update, I agree with your assessment. RUN!!

 

[AKL_Megs]

OKAY.

Had to update again.

Had dinner with them last night.

I kind of poked around for information, and this is what I got.

The wedding IS important to HER. HER parent's actually ARE paying for it. They have the money saved. HE does NOT want a big wedding AGAIN, because he had one before, for his first marriage. Apparently, it doesn't matter to him that it is important to her.

HE plans on having a kid, and soon, and apparently she is sort of on board for that. His plan is to retire when the time comes, and be a stay-at-home dad. He is actually really serious about this. So, apparently SHE will be the one working, he will still expect her to work, him to stay home, and he will marry her when she finds a job.

 

[Imzadi]

A suggestion is to leave Post #s with your updates.
This is turning into quite a novel or a soap opera.

Exactly what is she qualified for?

Is he expecting to have the baby, himself? She'd have to take off for maternity leave.

Will her parents still pay if she's pregnant?

 

[AKL_Megs]

A suggestion is to leave Post #s with your updates.
This is turning into quite a novel or a soap opera.

Exactly what is she qualified for?

Is he expecting to have the baby, himself? She'd have to take off for maternity leave.

Will her parents still pay if she's pregnant?

Update post #'s have been in the first post... I'll add them to title, too!

She is a "teacher". Fully qualified, but for whatever reason, settles as a sub until her "dream city" opportunity presents itself.

I don't know how you become a teacher, take maternity, and then QUIT in 10 years because HE wants to travel when he retires. Better yet, how do you uproot a child (who might be 10) to travel?

 

[Imzadi]

I guess they are expecting to be able to live a traveling life like Brad & Angelina and the kids.

 

[minkydog]

She is a "teacher". Fully qualified, but for whatever reason, settles as a sub until her "dream city" opportunity presents itself.

I don't know how you become a teacher, take maternity, and then QUIT in 10 years because HE wants to travel when he retires. Better yet, how do you uproot a child (who might be 10) to travel?

I"m wondering if they know how little she'll make in her "dream job." I mean, technically you can live on a first year teacher's salary--if you don't mind giving up restaurants, vacations, new clothes, car payments and entertainment. It's a lot easier if you have two incomes.

I"m not against a guy being a stay-at-home dad at all.My hubby is a SAHD now, due to disability. He keeps the groceries bought, the bills paid, and the laundry done. I am only able to work part-time so believe me, we have had to learn to live on less and LIKE IT. That's the hard part.

I guess the question i would put to her is "where do you stand on working after you have a baby?" I know for me the answer was easy: I"m staying home. Then I"m getting a job that is flexible enough to work around our family's schedule so the kids don't have to go to daycare. I would not have taken it well if my DH decided unilaterally that HE would stay home and I would go back to work full-time. Thankfully, that didn't happen.

As far as traveling with a mid-age child, that can be done easily if you homeschool. We did it for 12 years and loved it.DS23 graduated from our homeschool. Now that DD16 is at the local high school it's actually kinda frustrating because our lives seem to revolve around school activities(I know, I'm going to miss it when she goes off to college.) We don't get to travel nearly as much as we used to.

I don't know these people and from the sounds of it, I don't want to.They both sound immature, manipulative and petty. They probably deserve each other.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I"m wondering if they know how little she'll make in her "dream job." I mean, technically you can live on a first year teacher's salary--if you don't mind giving up restaurants, vacations, new clothes, car payments and entertainment. It's a lot easier if you have two incomes.

I"m not against a guy being a stay-at-home dad at all.My hubby is a SAHD now, due to disability. He keeps the groceries bought, the bills paid, and the laundry done. I am only able to work part-time so believe me, we have had to learn to live on less and LIKE IT. That's the hard part.

I guess the question i would put to her is "where do you stand on working after you have a baby?" I know for me the answer was easy: I"m staying home. Then I"m getting a job that is flexible enough to work around our family's schedule so the kids don't have to go to daycare. I would not have taken it well if my DH decided unilaterally that HE would stay home and I would go back to work full-time. Thankfully, that didn't happen.

As far as traveling with a mid-age child, that can be done easily if you homeschool. We did it for 12 years and loved it.DS23 graduated from our homeschool. Now that DD16 is at the local high school it's actually kinda frustrating because our lives seem to revolve around school activities(I know, I'm going to miss it when she goes off to college.) We don't get to travel nearly as much as we used to.

I don't know these people and from the sounds of it, I don't want to.They both sound immature, manipulative and petty. They probably deserve each other.

Hmm... just thought. I know he wants to buy an RV and travel when he retires. With the child, could he be thinking that with HER teaching degree, she'd homeschool? Hmm...

But that couldn't be, because he won't marry her until she has employment! How can you get someone pregnant and then complain that they aren't working!

I am so confused!!!

You are right, they deserve each other.

 

[SiAmCrAzY]

But that couldn't be, because he won't marry her until she has employment! How can you get someone pregnant and then complain that they aren't working!

This exactly! It sounds now like they are both living in completely different fantasy worlds. Just a little curious, how she feels about being good enough to have his child but still not qualified enough to be his wife? He sounds like a tool. On one hand he thinks she is responsible enough to partner with and raise a child but not responsible enough to marry until she has a job.

Wait a minute... not sure if this rule applies but if they marry while she is unemployed, and things go wrong she has a great case for alimony! Maybe he is protecting his assets.
Besides, if she is working full time, he will be the one up all night taking care of the newborn right?

this is better than a soap opera

 

[AKL_Megs]

This exactly! It sounds now like they are both living in completely different fantasy worlds. Just a little curious, how she feels about being good enough to have his child but still not qualified enough to be his wife? He sounds like a tool. On one hand he thinks she is responsible enough to partner with and raise a child but not responsible enough to marry until she has a job.

Wait a minute... not sure if this rule applies but if they marry while she is unemployed, and things go wrong she has a great case for alimony! Maybe he is protecting his assets.
Besides, if she is working full time, he will be the one up all night taking care of the newborn right?

this is better than a soap opera

No kidding, right!

I really don't understand, but you make good points.

I think she is just dumb enough to settle with their current situation than to tell him to fish or cut bait.

 

[Imzadi]

I would not have taken it well if my DH decided unilaterally that HE would stay home and I would go back to work full-time. Thankfully, that didn't happen.

There is a saying, "He who holds the purse strings (or in this case, the wallet,) controls the relationship.

Since he's the only one working and feels he can retire in several years, he has the arrogance to feel he can say how the relationship is going to progress.

DS23 graduated from our homeschool.

He graduated at 23? That was some homeschooling.

Just kidding, I couldn't resist. I know what you really meant.

 

[AKL_Megs]

There is a saying, "He who holds the purse strings (or in this case, the wallet,) controls the relationship.

Since he's the only one working and feels he can retire in several years, he has the arrogance to feel he can say how the relationship is going to progress.

Ugh, this thread is making me hate him a little more each day! He's like a villan on a soap opera! He really is sort of arrogant. She's also just as bad, as she is so willingly accepting of it.

 

[rie'smom]

I see Jerry Springer in their future.