I am sooo mad!!!!

[rhonhod]

Ok, I just need to vent. My DH and DBiL have not been on speaking terms for about 5 months. Well now they are speaking my DsiL had asked Dh if we were still going to WDW. He said yes. So she shows up today and says DBiL wants to take his 3 kids but get there a day before us. And asked if I'd help them plan!! OMG!! NO!! They have always said they'd never go there because of the crowds , etc.. See DH is the little brother and DBiL thinks he the best thing since sliced bread. I guess I know I shouldn't be mad, but I am. They won't stay at POP because he says it looks too cheap. Can you believe him? He wants to stay at Swan. I told them if they are going they should think of the kids. His kids are 6,9 and 10. So I figured All Star sports because they all are into sports. Sorry I just had to vent. Am I being a total witch if I don't help them plan? They know nothing about what they are trying to plan and hey they don't have DIS and I'm not sharing with them,

 

[cancer_survivor_06]

Best of Luck w/ you planning a trip. Here is lots of pixie dust.

 

[feedindy]

I think I would tell her that you'd be happy to share your plans as you make them, but if the value resort isn't good enough for them good luck making your own plans!

 

[dis-happy]

In the interests of family harmony I would try to be nice. Maybe tell her there are a lot of different choices she could make and then give her the Unofficial Guide as a gift. Tell her to delve in and if she has some questions after reading it you'd be happy to give your opinion. At least that way you won't have to plan their whole trip for them.

Are they planning on touring with your family? (I hate to even ask). In your shoes I would be making ADR's for your immediate family so you don't get stuck with them. Define your limits....maybe a half day or two at a park, or perhaps a meal. Hopefully it won't be too much of an issue.

Good luck! My IL's can be kind of crazy/weird/annoying too, but after almost 20 years of marriage I've found that in the end it pays to be nice. These are people you'll be related to for a long time. Hugs.

 

[Benducci]

Maybe I am mising something but I don't understand why you are mad. They think your husband is great. They finally listen to you that Disney is a great place to go with kids. So they don't want to go cheap & stay at a value resort. It is their moneey, not yours. And they seem to value your opinion by asking you to help them plan. If anything it is a compliment. What harm could it be? It is not like they are asking you to bankroll thm for the trip & want to stay with you in your room. Give them some pointers, plan a couple things together & you look good.

I know in-laws can be aggravating sometimes - dh is one of six. But I really don't see the harm in what they are asking. Unless there is something else going on that I am missing. Good luck!

 

[nala'smom]

I don't know the whole story, but it seems that helping them plan the trip might give you an opportunity to spend some happy moments together - perhaps bring you closer to each other. And it would give you the chance to talk about every dis'ers favorite topic; a trip to the world. I would do that with my worst enemy.

 

[jenrein]

I understand kind of where you are coming from. I have a sister in law that I really cannot stand mainly because of her "better than everyone" attitude. I personally would not even want to share my Disney vacation with someone I could not stand- its not fair to you or your family to have to deal with the tension.

Now, having said that the morally correct response would be to embrace them and lead them on the right path....or something along those lines.

 

[wdwfamilyinIL]

Last year I tried to be the nice inlaw, and never again. When we decided to go, we asked my dh's parents if they wanted to go, no big deal...kids love nana/papa. Well since this was going to be our 2nd year, nana thought it would be nice if she asked my dh sis and family to come along. It wasn't bad enough that on our first trip my niece managed to get to go, but now the whole family. I said fine, you don't tell my mother in law no. So now we had my family of 5, nana/papa, and sil who was pregnant/bil and their two girls....11 people. This was nuts, and to be honest I really didn't enjoy the trip. Yest I loved it because we were at Disney, but just too many different ideas. I had done all the planning, since sil didn't think you had to plan for everything, so everytime they didn't like something guess who heard about it? Not to mention the battle between the kids for nana/papa, and then a 7 month pregnant sil. Not a fun time. On the way home, sil/bil said we really don't get why you want to go there....how nice of you, its too bad they didn't want to plan maybe they would have realized something before hand.
Anyway this year when we booked, we told nana/papa they could come but that is it. I am all for family, but too many people, and I think it just changes it for all who are involved.
Best of luck to you, and I hope you enjoy your vacation.

 

[CanadianGuy]

Having done more than one trip with someone who went but didn't really want to be there and did NOTHING but complain once we were there .. about the arrangements that were planned.. and that they were to lazy to research or be involved in the planning of....

I wonder if that's what the OP's worry is.

Knox

 

[LuvOrlando]

I keep a canned e-mail of all the websites I like. Whenever someone asks for help that I know will neither listen nor appreciate my work I ask for their e-mail address and send it over. IF the person asks specific questions I will usually offer more help or, if the person is difficult I'll just provide a list of books that could help. If I really like the person or think the request for help is sincere I will give him/her an old book with notes and a copy of a previous years Excel Spreadsheet...sometimes I'll even help schedule out the meals.

Speaking from experience, I would consider them staying somewhere else a blessing & not an insult. Think of how many breakfasts & them-free hours you'll be able to enjoy with them at a hotel far away from you

 

[kimberh]

I am the planner for our family trips. We did take one trip that was a BIL, SIL trip and they love Disney as much as we do. It is hard to get everyone's bladder's on the same schedule, for one thing. On the first day, we spent the majority of it, in front of bathrooms, waiting for 2 or 3 to come out. On day 2 the same thing started, my Husband said,"STOP" Everyone go to the bathroom, there was some whining, we were 11 people, he said, "GO" We all went, It ended up being one of our best trips, we all started the day with what we each really wanted to do or ride or where we wanted to eat (this was before ADR's were a must), we each got to say one thing, then we did that one thing for each person, We cried when the trip was over. We had traveled from different states to travel, to the Magic. I know what the OP is saying, I have had some difficult inlaws. When the Lion King was released, at the Theatre, The Bird, can't remember his name, talked about families having difficult family members, he said," I have two." I laughed so hard! I said, even in a Disney movie. My SIL, said, " I knew you were going to like that part."
I do think that the Planner appreciates the trip more than the ones just attending, I would give her a book, for sure. That way, she can not blame you for not enjoying herself. If they stay offsite, they cannot get the DDP. The Op did not say if her family was, that could crimp the style of the trip.

 

[rie'smom]

Help her plan or change the dates of your trip. These are the only 2 ways that I can see to keep the peace.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

You've gotta love those trying family members! We have them too, so I feel your pain.

Now the witch in me would want to say...tough luck...plan it yourself....BUT, I think I would put those feeling aside since those 3 kids really aren't to blame for their parents being dopes.

I would give them the benefit of your expert advice, whether or not they take it or put it to use isn't your problem. At least in the end, you can say you did the right thing for the kids. Just look at it that way. And actually, I'd feel a small victory that your SIL had to come asking YOU for tips, since your BIL is so above you guys (NOT)! HaHaHa!

Good Luck! I hope everything works out for the best and you can all relax and enjoy when the vacation time comes.

 

[tjmw2727]

We went at the same time as my in laws a few years ago and we found it a blessing that we were at different resorts. Let them pick the resort they like, share what you are willing to share, ie what days you are at what parks and invite them to join you for a meal or two.

We found that touring the parks as individual families and meeting for meals, parades etc worked very well. We did one E-night at MK together and a couple of evenings at Epcot but other than that we just met up from time to time.

I like the suggestion by the pp about offering an e-mail with some websites. If you don't want to share the dis then suggest debs, wdw officail site and maybe a guide book from the library, passporter or unofficial guide. Suggest that they read through the information and see what looks good for their family then offer to help with any questions they have.

You are not a TA (that I know of) and for someone to ask you to "plan a vacation" is not a position I would like to be in either.

TJ

 

[FayeW]

Maybe I am mising something but I don't understand why you are mad. They think your husband is great. They finally listen to you that Disney is a great place to go with kids. So they don't want to go cheap & stay at a value resort. It is their moneey, not yours. And they seem to value your opinion by asking you to help them plan. If anything it is a compliment. What harm could it be? It is not like they are asking you to bankroll thm for the trip & want to stay with you in your room. Give them some pointers, plan a couple things together & you look good.

I know in-laws can be aggravating sometimes - dh is one of six. But I really don't see the harm in what they are asking. Unless there is something else going on that I am missing. Good luck!

Benducci, whatever you're missing, I'm missing too! I have no idea why the OP is mad, other than perhaps the other family decided to come at the same time. The fact that they will be staying at a different resort is going to make things so much easier!

OP, here is the deal. You are staying at POP, the DBIL family wants to stay at the Swan. THIS IS PERFECT! Do you have any idea how many Dissers would love to have had the opportunity to stay elsewhere from their tag along family? This gives you a great opportunity to schedule exactly how much time you spend together, since you will always have to plan to meet up somewhere. You can choose to meet at lunch, dinner, whatever. Make a copy of your itinerary and give it to your SIL. Tell her "this is where we are going to be..if you want to join us here is the number to call for reservations." Make sure you all have cell phones so you can contact them if plans change.

If you are on DDP, make sure they understand the benefits and that it will NOT be available to to them at the Swan. Maybe they will choose a different property, but don't try to talk them into POP!

 

[ducklite]

I would give them the links to Deb's site and the DIS, plus whatever guidebooks you have, and tell them to read through and then ask questions. I've found that it's impossible to "help plan" for anyone unless they want to allow you to just completely take the reigns.

I also wouldn't be upset that they do'nt want to stay at Pop. It's not for everyone. That's why WDW offers so many different themes and price points--something for everything. It sounds like you are offended because he doesn't want to stay there. I'm not sure why--the decor definitely doesn't float my boat either. On top of that, with a family of five they would need two rooms at Pop, they can stay in one room at the Swan, have better amenities, and pay about the same amount of money.

I would also put down ground rules right away as far as how much time you will actually be spending together. And it sounds to me that maybe meeting for a few meals might be the best choice--it sounds like a little too much time spent with them is probably not a good idea.

Anne

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

IMHO..and I have been there, sounds like you have A LOT Of frustration with these people! And planning their trip and their ideas on how they want their trip to go have nothing to do with it. If you want peace help them plan, if you don't than tell them to plan their own trip. Maybe send them a website link or something. I HATE my FIL, who is A pompus jerk of an excuse for a father to my DH and grandfather to DD. And he took his new wife and her to YOUNG kids to the world a few months ago. ON XMAS..he called our house to "talk" to DH for the first time in MONTHS. Talked to him for 5 min. and then asked to talk to me. ??? Ended up grilling me for 45 on all things Disney. What a set up..and on XMAS!
Oh well.. I say screw um all. Inlaws Suck!
lol
(sorry, i have issues!)

 

[Dashzap]

He wants to stay at Swan. I told them if they are going they should think of the kids. His kids are 6,9 and 10. So I figured All Star sports because they all are into sports. Sorry I just had to vent. Am I being a total witch if I don't help them plan? They know nothing about what they are trying to plan and hey they don't have DIS and I'm not sharing with them,

Encourage them to stay at the Swan. The kids will love it. It is gorgeous and has a great pool, not to mention walking in the Epcot resort area. My boys 12 and 7 loved it.

And it will be better to NOT be in the same resort, if you want to spend time apart. Then again if they only want Deluxes, let 'em pay for your rooms there, too.

Point them at some internet sites for menus. Then make some dinner reservations together.

The larger the group trying to tour the parks, the more complicated and disasterous it gets. Each do your own thing most of the day, then get together for a meal or something.

Good luck!

 

[crisi]

The larger the group trying to tour the parks, the more complicated and disasterous it gets. Each do your own thing most of the day, then get together for a meal or something.

Good luck!

Make this clear. We are planning (and postponing) a family trip with my family (originally postponed because of my littlest sister's job - now postponed because my other sister is starting chemo) - but everyone understands we won't be spending every moment together. The kids ages are too diverse - and there will be eleven of us.

We are planning a short trip and since we had "extra" DVC points have asked some friends if they want to use the second bedroom. They've never been. We've given them our list of favorites and a guidebook and asked them to add anything not on our lists - and highlight anything they really want to do. They want us to play guide. Their kids ages are right for us - or we wouldn't have invited them to start with.

Also, I'm sorry, but I wouldn't go if you made me stay at a Value. People value different things and just because you think a Value resort should appeal to them, it obviously doesn't. Take this as a good sign that they will make some of their own decisions - and let you know what their needs are. The worst companions are the ones that let you make all the decisions and then complain about them. You at least have someone making their own decisions.

Also, I'd share the DIS with them, but don't let them know you "hang" here. Just say "when we were planning our last trip, I found this messageboard - you can ask all sorts of questions there - they are a little nuts over there, but they have all sorts of information."

(I also have the canned list of sites. But I recommend Birnbaums to firsttimers - I think the UoG is too overwhelming for firsttimers).

 

[Dashzap]

If you want peace help them plan, if you don't than tell them to plan their own trip. Maybe send them a website link or something.

That could really backfire. They could book a hotel, meet you the first day, be totally clueless, and follow you around everywhere the whole trip!