How would you handle this?

[MsLeFever]

OK - this is NOT political (I hope) and I just am interested in reactions...

My daughter is a third grader. Someone in her class has a relation that works at the white house and sent photos of the president, the white house and airforce one for all of the kids in the class. DD just thought having the photos was really cool, it made her feel special.

So, she comes home from school with these photos and wants to take them to her piano lesson to show her teacher. DH takes her to the lesson and comes home with this story and a big "how should I have handled this?"

DD shows piano teacher (who is also our minister's wife) her photos. Teacher takes one look and says "well, you could throw darts at them" and laughs. DD is a bit hurt because she was really proud of having them.

My reaction is the the teacher should have considered DD's age and just said "how nice" and left it alone. I think that's what we would have done if she brought home a photo of a president that wasn't a favorite of ours.

How would you have reacted as a parent - as a teacher?
Discuss - and no politics please.

 

[mhsjax]

OK - this is NOT political (I hope) and I just am interested in reactions...

My daughter is a third grader. Someone in her class has a relation that works at the white house and sent photos of the president, the white house and airforce one for all of the kids in the class. DD just thought having the photos was really cool, it made her feel special.

So, she comes home from school with these photos and wants to take them to her piano lesson to show her teacher. DH takes her to the lesson and comes home with this story and a big "how should I have handled this?"

DD shows piano teacher (who is also our minister's wife) her photos. Teacher takes one look and says "well, you could throw darts at them" and laughs. DD is a bit hurt because she was really proud of having them.

My reaction is the the teacher should have considered DD's age and just said "how nice" and left it alone. I think that's what we would have done if she brought home a photo of a president that wasn't a favorite of ours.

How would you have reacted as a parent - as a teacher?
Discuss - and no politics please.

Wow, I will say that even though I am not a fan of this president, I will always respect the office. There was no reason for her to act like this, it was tacky, and she just should have said of those are great or wow, how neat for you.

 

[kirstenb1]

Yes, totally agree with mhsjax. No matter what your beliefs, the big picture is to teach children respect for the office.

 

[happygirl]

I can't really comment without getting political

 

[ashley0139]

I can't really comment without getting political

Why not? It's the same as if someone in this girl's class had a connection to Celine Dion and got pictures, but the piano teacher didn't like her music and said the same thing.

For the teacher to say that to a 9 year-old is inappropriate. Adult to adult, sure. But the kid doesn't know and is just excited to have the pictures.

 

[Jennasis]

No need for it to be political at all. The pictures could have been of anyone. If the child was excited about ANY photo...even (God forbid, and it's an extreme example) Charlie Sheen, then the correct answer is to smile big and say "Nice!"

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

Shame on the piano teacher! She doesn't need to share her political views with a child. You are right, OP, she could have just said "Nice pictures!" and left it at that.

When you're a child, the President is just a person who is the President - they don't understand everything that goes on behind the scenes. It's sad that the piano teacher didn't respond better.

 

[emma'smom]

Honestly, I don't think it's anyone's business to impose their political views on someone else's children....

We're big Obama fans in my household and we still have an Obama 08 magnet on our refrigerator. We had one of dd8's friends over the other day who looked at it as said "Oh...you guys voted for him? We're Republicans....they're the smart ones!"

I just said "Yes, we did vote for Obama and you are right...there are lots of smart Republicans and lots of smart Democrats"...and left it at that. He said "Well my family voted for that other guy...who was that again?" I said..."Your family probably voted for John McCain if they voted for a the Republican candidate." "Yeah...that's the one."

I made a point of being non-judgemental, but not evading the conversation either. His parents are my friends and really, I think we all need to model and learn that there is a time to talk about our political beliefs and a time when it is ok to agree to disagree--- or in this case, make it a non-issue and enjoy the things about each other that we do have in common. He's not my child, I don't know their reasons for supporting their candidate anymore than they know mine.

With adults, it's a different story-----but with kids---judgement is tacky at the least.....and quite rude.

 

[2disneyboys]

OP I would have this same response regardless of the "position" being spoken against (political, religious, teacher, police, etc etc) You can't really control what people say around your children so instead you just need to have a good conversation with your child explaing that this in particular is a very vocal subject for some people and they may express thier opinion in an inappropiate manner. But you have to make sure you model the behaviour you want your childern to have in life so they are not eventually one of the people who 'forget' tact and speak a little to frank in front of someone who is not really old or mature enough to understand the reason for the "passion"

 

[badblackpug]

I agree it's not political. It has nothing to do with respecting the office. It is about respecting the feelings of a little girl. It was insensitive. It could have been pictures of anyone or anything. She is a little girl, all she knows is she liked this pictures, she thought they were special, and the teacher made fun of them. I would pull the teacher aside and explain to her that sh hurt your daughter's feelings with her comments. That you realize that she has certain political views, but as a child, your daughter doesn't understand politics, and was just proud that she had "pictures from the president."

BTW... my 3 year daughter insisted on bringing a picture of her with Tiana to school to show the teacher. (she's VERY into Tiana right now) My daughter would have been hurt if the teacher had laughed and said "your face is dirty" (it was) or "Tiana isn't real, that's just a lady in a costume." Thankfully she had enough sense to tell her she loved the picture and then hang it in her cubby.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, this was not really appropriate for this teacher, or any other adult....

If politics are outlawed here in the DIS, and in any other socially friendly and appropriate situation, it most certainly isn't right for an adult to put a child on the spot and express their personal negative opinions onto a child.

It might not be the right thing to do to mention it right there, especially in front of your kid.... But, I think at 9 years old, a parent can/should expect certain boundaries and appropriate interactions.

If I thought that this was more than a careless slip, and might be indicative of how this person is all the time, I might be concerned.

 

[rchristiansen]

I know exactly what you feel though. We have a relative that works for the white house and while in DC this summer, we actually got a private tour of the exec office building and (while we didn't get to go in the WH) we got to go directly outside the entrance of the west wing. We saw some very very cool historical stuff during the tour. I was really excited to tell people, but those that were not a "fan" of the current administration blew off my excitement - and that felt crappy. I can only imagine how a third grader would feel.

So....WOW. My first and honest reaction to it would be to sit down with DH and talk about the possibility of a new piano teacher. A response like that from adult makes me wonder who I am trusting with my child's music education. Secondly, you mentioned it was your minister's wife. Again, I would begin to question my affiliation with that church. Now, this is my GUT reaction to it.

But....my actual action would be:

After thinking about it, I would ask others (like you are) what I should do. I think I would ask for a moment alone with the teacher to tell her that I thought what she told my daughter was inappropriate, and then see what her response is after I spoke to her. I probably would be really nervous though when I had that "talk", and maybe make my DH do it

And I you're right, it's not about politics. It was about an adult who spewed their opinion around your child when you were unable to explain it to your child. You were unable to be a mediator for your child in the instance of the piano teacher - and that is why it was also inappropriate.

I find I have to censor myself more and more around my DD8 (third grade too) because there has been times when she came home from school talking about others opinions regarding politics, news stories, celebrities, etc - because all the kids are repeating their parents opinions. I'm starting to try and focus on WHY I feel a certain way rather than just saying "He's a jerk" or "She's so cool." Then I ask my DD, "how do you feel about that" or "what do you think:" Could be on any subject, not just politics.

--- I save my uncensored political opinions for facebook! J/K, I'm trying to restrict myself there too!

 

[rchristiansen]

I made a point of being non-judgemental, but not evading the conversation either. His parents are my friends and really, I think we all need to model and learn that there is a time to talk about our political beliefs and a time when it is ok to agree to disagree--- or in this case, make it a non-issue and enjoy the things about each other that we do have in common. He's not my child, I don't know their reasons for supporting their candidate anymore than they know mine.

.

Yes, with kids, it's best to just leave it at facts and statistics. My DD was really surprised and brought it up several times when her school "voted" for McCain and the country voted for Obama. We used that to discuss math and percentages

 

[Where'sPiglet?]

I am a pull-out teacher for grades K-8, and the children will occasionally bring up political topics. My typical response will usually be something like the following:

-Even if you don't agree, you still need to respect them/their job/the office.
-One of the best things about this country is the right to have your own opinion, and you can voice it.
-You should keep learning about these things, so when you are old enough to vote you can be an educated voter and vote for who/what you want.
-Why do you think that? (Not to change their opinion, but to see their reasoning/thought process, and I'll generally comment positively on their reasoning process since I try to get kids to think for themselves and understand where their ideas come from so they can tap into that.)

Basically, I don't focus on their viewpoint so much as general respect for all, basic citizenship actions, awareness of reasoning skills and thought processes, and thinking for themselves.

In the OP's situation with a picture, I'd just tell them it was very cool that they had it; I might ask them how they got it!

 

[Tink888]

The teacher should've just said how nice and left her political opinions out of it.

But she didn't. To be honest, a lot of teachers don't. A lot of kids don't. Yes, teachers (and I realize that this wasn't a school teacher) are supposed to remain neutral in the classroom but many of them don't. My son has come home with some stories. Kids at that age do the same thing. A lot of times I think they hear what their parents say at home and repeat those beliefs at school.

I wouldn't say anything about it to the teacher. I would just tell my child that politics is one subject which people have very strong opinions about and this teacher obviously disagrees with this President's politics. And while it's perfectly acceptable to disagree, in our house, we'll respect the office of the Presidency regardless of whether we agree or disagree with whoever happens to be in office.

It's easier teaching your own child class than trying to teach it to a stranger.

 

[stepmommyof1]

It's not political. Children aren't usually aware of politics and what goes on in the administration... All she knew is that she had a picture of the president of the country, and that in itself was really cool to her. How rude and innapropriate of an adult to say that to her.

 

[katesorad]

I have a friend who got to meet our President when she was deployed in Afghanistan last year. She had a photo taken of her shaking his hand, both of them smiling.. it was a beautiful photo. She was so glad that she got to meet the President of the United States, even though he wasn't her favorite.

She was proud and put it up on Facebook.. and had comments such as "You should've spit on it".. and it made me cry. So I wrote a comment saying "Be mature." And nobody said anything else.

I'd be honored to meet ANY President. They got to their position somehow.. they can't be that evil.

It was very immature of your DD's piano teacher to say such a thing. She needs to be schooled in acceptance. When I was a child, it was during the Clinton era. I never knew anything about what was going on, but when a friend of mine wrote him a letter and got a letter back (probably not from the President himself..) that had a photo of the First Family on it, I thought it was the coolest thing ever and I was very jealous!

 

[allison443]

No need for it to be political at all. The pictures could have been of anyone. If the child was excited about ANY photo...even (God forbid, and it's an extreme example) Charlie Sheen, then the correct answer is to smile big and say "Nice!"

Exactly! That is the issue, that the piano teacher was basically rude to the kid about something the child was proud of/excited about.
Very tacky of her, imo. And not very nice of a minister's wife-I would think she'd be used to "making nice" to everyone.

 

[RNMOM]

Respect. That's a big issue in all of this. Respect for the office of the Presidency, respect for you family's political choices and respect for your daughter's feelings. I would change teachers.

I feel many of us could use a good dose of respect, myself included at times.

 

[Disney Doll]

My thoughts:
~Just because someone is a minister's wife doesn't mean they're perfect. It means they are held to a higher standard as evidenced by some of the responses about her being a "minister's wife" that have been posted here. In the end, people are people and human nature is what it is, regardless of what we do for a living or who we are married to.
~That being said, she could have handled it better by saying "How exciting that you got a picture of the Presdient" and left it at that.
~Kids need to learn that there will be people who will not agree with them and will voice that disagreement, sometimes in appropriate and sometimes in very inappropriate, ways. We can't protect them from everything forever. I'd probably have said something like "Well, Mrs.X isn't being very respectful. There have been Presidents that I have liked more than others, but no matter whoch person held the office, I always respected that person as our President even if I didn't agree with what they did".
~I wouldn't say anything to the teacher and I probably wouldn't let my child think it was a big deal, but I'd be listening very carefully to the other stories my child brings home from the piano teacher just to make sure there's not a lot of prolestylzing going on about anything. She's there to teach piano, not impart her views of the world to my kid.