How to tell the kids Nonno died today

[alamode]

I'm a widowed Dad of three great kids, Brendan 9, and Jessica and Ciara 6. They are great kids, but dealing with the death of their Mom from cancer just over three years ago is rough.

Today my father in law just passed away unexpectedly from a massive stroke at the age of 54.

My kids are coming back home tomorrow from visiting my parents. Should I tell them when they return, or wait until after Christmas? They are expecting to go there on Saturday, but obviously plans have changed.

 

[BC]

Children are very intuitive and will probably sense something is wrong. If Honesty is the best policy, then that would apply to this also. Sorry for your loss and hope your children will do well. I will add them to my prayer list tonight.

 

[Cinderella2004]

No advice. Just so sorry for you and your childrens loss.

 

[MELSMICE]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would tell your kids the truth. Tell them that their mommy needed her daddy to take care of her, so he went to be with her in heaven.

My thoughts & prayers are with your family.

 

[OK!]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would tell your kids the truth. Tell them that their mommy needed her daddy to take care of her, so he went to be with her in heaven.

My thoughts & prayers are with your family.

That would be exactly the approach I would take as well. I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

 

[pixiemagic30]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I agree with a previous poster, children are very intuitive and they are going to sense that you are upset. As painful as it will be, I would tell them when they arrive home. You may want to ask your parents to stay for a bit to help console them, and you.

I will add your family to my prayers.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

My sincere condolences on the loss of your wife, and your father in law.

I'd tell the children that he died, and how. I'd make it clear that it was very unexpected and fairly rare.

I'd be very cautious about telling them that their Mother needed her Father so he went to be with her. Something like that can cause all sorts of connections to be made that you never could have foreseen.

Take care.

 

[duckybelle]

I am terribly sorry. We lost my Papa Christmas Eve, 97. It broke my heart when I found out Christmas morning, so I know how you feel. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would tell your kids the truth. Tell them that their mommy needed her daddy to take care of her, so he went to be with her in heaven.

My thoughts & prayers are with your family.

I'm so sorry, OP.

I would not tell them that Mommy needed her daddy, in case they'd be mad at Mommy. I would say that Nonno went up to heaven and now is with Mommy. Or something similar.

I don't know if you should wait until after Christmas. I'm leaning towards, no. They're so young that they'll still be able to enjoy Christmas, I think.

 

[Mommy2cody]

Im sorry. Life is so hard sometimes.

 

[autumnpalm]

I'm so sorry.

I agree with the PPs... I would tell your children the truth, letting them know that their grandma and their mom are in heaven together now.

I'm in Toronto too, btw. Sending you and your children a neighbourly hug!

 

[antmaril]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would tell your kids the truth. Tell them that their mommy needed her daddy to take care of her, so he went to be with her in heaven.

My thoughts & prayers are with your family.

I am very sorry for your loss. I would not tell them that Mommy needed her Daddy. They may start to worry that Mommy may need you too (or even them). I would just be honest with them and say that Nonno is now with Mommy in heaven.

 

[sunnyday123]

I am very sorry for your loss. I would not tell them that Mommy needed her Daddy. They may start to worry that Mommy may need you too (or even them). I would just be honest with them and say that Nonno is now with Mommy in heaven.

I agree. I also wouldn't tell them he just "got sick" because they may worry now anytime someone got a cold or the like. I would explain like another poster said it was unexpected and rare, but he's in heaven now with Mommy and they will both always be with them no matter how far away. Maybe they could make some drawing or Christmas cards for them, and send them to heaven via balloons.

I'm so sorry for your losses.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[happygirl]

My heart breaks for your poor kids. Was he close to your kids

 

[alamode]

Thanks everyone. My poor kids will probably never want to leave my sight.

Mommy had cancer, she was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma (a mole that went bad due to all the hormones of pregnancy) 10 days before the twins were born, so the kids are petrified every time I even get the sniffles. Mommy got sick and died, so we don't want Daddy to get sick.

I've finally convinced them that you only die from being sick with things like cancer; something that takes a long time. Now Nonno dies overnight, without warning.

I'm telling them today as soon as they get here. I'll let them call my mother in law afterwards. I'm sure she could do with hearing from them.

Thanks again for all the helpful advice and kind words.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. When dealing with death and children, I've found honesty is best. I also firmly believe that children should attend wakes and funerals (I did all the time as a child - was never bothered by it, because it's just what you did). They'll have a lot of questions - just give them the truth.

 

[alamode]

As for the funeral, I'm going to ask them if they want to go or not. When Mommy passed away, the girls were only 3 so i thought they were too young. My son said "The last time I saw Mommy I got a hug from her, and I can't get a hug now so I don't want to go."

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I am so sorry for your family's loss.

 

[jaminmd]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I was 12 when my grandmother died on Christmas eve. It was awful & my mother's reactions made things worse.

As difficult as it is for you, if you can wait to tell them after Christmas, even later in the evening, try to.