How to handle burnout?

[lovemygoofy]

How do you handle when you hit burnout? I'm trying not to go into detail because I know that there are so many more people that have real problems/situations in their life and I feel like a horse's butt thinking about venting.

I do need to know how ya'll handle burnout because I am there. I have hit the mental wall of exhaustion, physical and mental. At this time I can't drop everything to go away for a few days unless its with a days drive of here just in case something else happens and I'm needed here. I can't really get rid of the stress until the planes land with my husband and his soldiers. I am THISCLOSE to being done and we are rounding the last corner, but jeez I have totally hit this wall and am trying to get through it, over it, or around it. Maybe someone can pass me a shovel to go under it, lol.

This deployment has been so much harder than the others. I don't think I realize the extent that I give of myself until it feels like there is nothing left for me. Does that make sense? So if you have good suggestions, I'm listening. Thanks for anything you may suggest. I appreciate it.

 

[poohandwendy]

I'm sorry, it's tough when things get like that.

I think it is really important to figure out what helps you unwind when things get overwhelming. For some people, it is exercising, meditation, yoga, reading a book, taking a long drive with the music turned up.... whatever it is, we all need an outlet.


What I do to unwind is to read a cheesy tabloid magazine, with a glass of wine in a very bubbly bath. Turn the lights low and let Calgon take you away. Between the heat, the atmosphere and the alcohol...i usually feel much better and get a good nights sleep.

LOL, what can I say? It works for me.

Good luck to you and {{{HUGS}}}

 

[LiteBrite]

No real advice, Tina (except maybe to remind you to eat well and try to get enough sleep), but I'm praying for you and your darling soldier.

many, many of these

 

[Tracey1974]

I've been following your story (especially when you were counting down til your DH was home ) and I just wanted to offer some to you!

 

[DMickey28]

Tina

I am going through one of the most stressful periods of my life right now. I keep telling myself that it will be over soon and I WILL get through it but's hard.

I like the idea of taking a warm bath with a good book and glass of wine. Hard to think that sounds good when the weather is so warm though! I find that anything I can do to make it easier for me works. We have been going out to dinner a lot lately b/c the stress of cooking, planning and stuff when I am trying to pack it up is too much. But then I stress about the amount of money we are spending going out, and the weight I am bound to gain from it b/c we get a lot of pizza that last few weeks!! I get a good nights sleep, I have taken Tylenol PM a few times to help me get a full night's rest before I wake up worrying about something. Planning the future and the next steps I need to take help me as well.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

I know how you feel. For me, it seems to go in waves. I feel like everything is ok for awhile, then I start stressing about things and feeling overwhelmed. I just have to make myself let go of the things I'm worrying about. I was thinking about this the other day. If I am worrying about something, I am wasting my time. The things that will happen are going to happen whether I worry about them or not. 99.99% of what I worry about never happens and I can't do anything about the .01% anyway. I just pray that everything will be ok.
Usually I get involved in other things so that I can focus on something else. Some of the things are reading, surfing the Internet, the DIS boards, going to a movie, and spending time with my family and friends. I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Jenn]

Sometimes I need to take a little me time. Go for a walk, go grocery shopping or to Target without the kids, veg in front of the TV, and just chill.

We are planning a cross country move in 5 weeks, and we have alot to do, but sometimes I just have to step back from it and relax.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Work or life?

I was totally burnt-out in my work some years back and I went back to school to be able to do work I love. The feeling of NOT dreading - but looking forward! - to going to work is the BEST. When you do work you love, your whole life gets happier. (Take a class!)

When I'm burn-out with life, I swim more. When I'm concentrating on form and speed there is NO WAY I can think about whatever has me down. Any kind of exercise that has you working hard can accomplish this.

And at least once a year, I run away for a few day all by myself. Usually WDW, but it could be anywhere as long as there aren't a bunch of patients at work and 5 people at home counting on me to do stuff.

Good luck finding whatever helps YOU! And I hope you find it soon.

 

[Planogirl]

It can help to talk it out. Friends and family can be good but even better is people in the same situation as you.

Also, get out into nature. Take long walks in the forest or on the shore or spend time at a nursery picking out a flowering plant. Listen to the birds and study the clouds. This is therapeutic, trust me.

 

[Pam]

Awwwww..... honey......

I can only imagine that you are suffering from big time burnout! This has been a very rough week, hasn't it?

It has to be very hard on you because you are trying to be a rock and give these families strength and support -- but you're alone and just as sad and scared. I'm sorry - I wish I lived nearby because I would load you up in the car and we would find a real American Legion Hall to sing and dance in.

Are there any other wives that you can gather up and go out for the evening and just laugh and act goofy?

Prayer helps me in times of stress (i.e. when my brother died, when DH had his bad automobile accident 12 weeks ago, etc.).

And you know what, you aren't a horse's butt for wanting to vent! Good day in the morning, girl -- that's half your problem! You are keeping everything bottled up inside of you and that's causing you to be tired and sick.

Please -- come here and vent away all you want. Do you still have my email address? Email me -- I'll give you my phone number and whenever you need a shoulder, call me. I am here for you.

You are not alone.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Thank you all for your suggestions and support. It's so very needed.

Pam, are you channeling my Matt, lol? I think we have this conversation twice a month or so. I did go out with some wives and kids to dinner and Cars lastnight. It was nice to go out and just be for a few hours and I took it easy today and didn't go near the post or make any calls to see how everyone is doing.

Yes I"m not good about talking about the bottled up stuff because my job is to be the rock. I'm the one that keeps everyone going and holds hands and keeps the duct tape handy if we are falling apart. I think it's just everything from the whole year building, if that makes sense.

The thought of going to another soldiers memorial(I've been to 20 this year) or seeing another family in grief makes me want to throw up. This week I saw the wife of one of the soldiers who was tortured. She was litterally pulling her her hair out screaming because I guess at that point there isn't anything else to do. Her mother in law had to be sedated and I sat in the kitchen with their children loving on them and reading them books and trying to just be some shelter in the storm. Everything in me wants to stepback and say no more but then I know that if I didn't help there would be a big hole there and we are so close to the end and I just can't imagine not helping until the end. I think I just need to quit internalizing so much. Yes I miss my Matt so very much and so scared for him but it's hard to tell him about all this without him feeling guilty for what this is doing to both of us. LOL, we may have to go through PTSD counseling together before all said and done.

Thank you all so very much. You won't ever know how much I appreciate the continued support and laughs and everything else I get from here.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

So you want to know how to handle the overwhelming stress you are under?
The answer is different, for different people.

The thing to do is to choose "positive" outlets and not ones with "negative" backlash.

Positive would be to clean house, plan a party, talk to family or a therapist, decorate, paint, exercise, read, etc...

Negative would be to overeat, go on a shopping spree you cannot afford, let things go in your house and wallow (that makes you feel worse), hide out from friends and family, OBSESSION about your burnout (big one try to refocus to the positive), etc....

So when you start to do a negative thing, stop yourself and pick from the list of positive things. YES! Make a list to get you through.
The more positive things you do the better you will feel. Consequently the more negative things you do will make you feel worse.

I listen to Joyce Meyer, who is a religious speaker, and she really has lovely techniques for dragging me out of the hole.

{{{HUGS}}}

 

[Pam]

Oh, Tina. That's what I was afraid of -- you being the support system for those wives. I mean, it's a great thing that you are there for them -- but wow ---- I don't know how you deal with the sorrow and stress.

Is there someone who can fill in for you for a little bit and let you have a break? You need one right now. Just take a little time off -- and get refreshed and renewed. You can't always be the rock. It's time that you thought about Tina.

I am praying real hard for you right now. For peace, comfort, calm.

(P.S. -- You used up all of your RADIANT RED lipstick, didn't you???? That's what this is all about, huh?????? )

Meet me at the Swing Cage Nightclub in 20 minutes. We will and with the bad And all night long!

And then we will put on a special performance from our Rockette routine!

Since I only drink Pepsi, I will so that the ::cop: doesn't arrest us. (The bail fund is low again from last week's episode...... )

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Oh, and you see my tag, "Just stay out of the mud"? That is a visualization technique. It works rather well for me.

When I go down that negative road, you know obsessing in your mind about 'whatever', I think of myself "stuck in the mud".
Now what you do is think of something positive. Imagine yourself getting out of the mud and now you are free and in that positive place.

The more you do this, the easier it becomes to try and stay away from the negative. It is not a cure all, just one of the tools I use.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

we may have to go through PTSD counseling together before all said and done.

Actually not a bad idea. My father suffered severe PTSD after WWII but unfortunately, back then, there really wasn't any counseling. Do what you need to do for yourself and your DH. It's when things quiet down after they're home that there can be problems.

As for the burnout, when I've hit the wall I've sometimes had to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. It's not easy. As others have mentioned, you need to take care of yourself first before you can help others. Make sure you pamper yourself a bit with things you enjoy, and keeping busy is always a good thing for distraction, as long as you don't overdo it and cause more stress in your life by taking on too much. Meditation and prayer help if those are part of your belief system.

Will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Keli]

Tina, I don't really have good advice on how to relax and unwind, and let go a little bit because what relaxes us is unique to each person.

But I do know this, you must find a way to relieve some of the constant stress and pressure you are under. When our soldier was in Iraq all the stress actually seemed to change my personality. It took me a long time to recover when it was all over.

Be good to yourself. You really can't cure all the world's ills and enduring long term stress can be very hard on your health and your marriage in the long run.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Hugs, Tina!

Take some time for yourself - a long hot bubble bath and a good book work wonders - to recharge your batteries.

Even the rock in a relationship is allowed to have their moments of needing some time.

 

[SwedishMeatball]

Awwwww Tina, I just want to give you a hug. I think you're an amazing woman with incredible strength, but we all have our limits. Sending positive thoughts your way that you will soon find what you need to make it through this time.

 

[C.Ann]

I'm so far "beyond" burnt out it isn't even funny.. I'm still chugging along though because "giving up" just isn't my style.. If I've gotten through everything in my life thus far, I'm sure I'll make it through whatever else gets thrown my way..

At the risk of being mugged, (LOL) I have to say that one of the things I've been doing recently is spending far less time on the DIS - sometimes it can be a very depressing and very frustrating place.. I started painting up here (very good therapy) but the fumes were killing me, so I had to put that on the back burner for now..

I've been fiddling with my recipes; making some tenative travel plans; cleaning out desk drawers and sorting through papers; and once the 4th of July is over, I'll get back to working on my scrapbooks again..

Been trying to walk every day - even if it's only a short distance.. The change of scenery is good for me.. Trying to eat better (although this stomach/intestinal virus has the best of me right now) and work on some other health areas..

I think I have the same tendencies you do - to give so much of myself to others and their problems - that there's nothing left of (or for) "me".. That has to stop - and WILL stop.. I can't be the "glue" that holds everything and everyone together anymore because it's killing me in the process..
Time for some people to fend for themselves.. Actually, it's long overdue -and it's being met with great resistance - but I have to do what is in my best interest for a change before I simply "disappear"..

I'm also going to go back into counseling again - specifically grief counseling - because this latest blow has made me realize that I still have a lot of work to do in terms of my prior losses..

Bottom line is you have to take care of yourself FIRST and let the chips fall where they may.. If you're burnt out, then you're no good to anyone - including youself..

Hope things come together for you soon..

 

[4nana]

Oh Tina , I know exactally where you are coming from. We all have those days and having a soldier at war has got to be one of our most difficult tests.

You've attended twenty memorials?!?! How very sad and stressful . I know you want to be the rock for everyone, but, please take time to concentrate on yourself, your own wants and needs for a bit. Maybe you are spreading yourself too thin trying to help everyone else and forgetting the most important person of your military family....yourself/your DH. Think about how soon deployment will be over and how much your Soldier Boy will need the support of a loving healthy wife mentally and physically when he comes home . There is no harm in stepping back and regrouping dear heart.

Life deals us many ups and downs, be it having someone away at war or daily issues on the home front with family, job, etc. When I feel I can't handle it, what works for me, is to simply turn it over to God and let him guide me. I believe stepping stones are all part of the plan, to test us to see what we are made of, and make us stronger. If we take care of ourselves, think positive, have faith and realize in our heart of hearts 'this too shall pass', it makes for better days. Otherwise life can and will drag us down to the bottom of the doldrum where can't help ourselves, much less anyone else.

Lots of good advise in this thread to consider. You have been an inspiration too many . Know that you have many Dis friends who are willing to listen, keep you in their hearts and are praying for you, your soldier and military family. I hope you will take some time for yourself, regain your strength and outlook, keep thinking postive, and realize there is light at the end of the tunnel honey!

Godspeed you, your soldier and all our military family ^i^