How old to date?

[slo]

I was reading this yesterday, but didn't have a chance to add my 2 cents.


My DD is 10, and she already knows the rules, because she asked me when she could date (as much as I like the HSM movies, they do introduce the younger children to dating, girlfriends, boyfriends, etc)

I told her the following..........
*You can start dating when your 16 and 16 only.
*I will NEVER drive you on a date, so you or the boy have to drive.
*If no one is driving at 16, then she's not going on a date until she is older.



When it comes to going out with friends - we haven't discussed this yet.
I would not be oppossed to dropping her and some friends off at the movie theater or the mall when she's 14/15 - it really will depend on her maturity level. If I feel she can't be trusted to make good judgement, when good judgement is needed, than I'm not driving her anywhere




Many people say that my DH and I are very strict parents, and I will agree My DH and I both grew up with strict parents, and I'm very proud of how we turned out, and the great relationship we have with our parents. I, at times, hated my mom when I was a kid, but my mom stuck to her guns, and I'm glad she did - the same goes for my DH. I'm confident that my girls will feel the same way when they are adults too



Good luck to all of us raising kids today - it's not easy!!!!!!

 

[taximomfor4]

Why is she 15 and a junior in high school. That is 2 years younger then her classmates-at least around here it would be. I would say that once they are in high school dating should be ok. It isn't so much an age vs a stage of life the way I see it.

It's a very long story, which left us making some tough choices for her re education. Her birthday was right before the cutoff, so she was young in her grade already. Then, after much testing and many evaluations from psychologists, etc, we allowed grade-advancement. Was told I'd regret it when she got to older elementary. (I didn't). Then told I'd regret it when she hit Jr High (I didn't). THen told I'd regret it when she got to High School (I didn't). Told I'd regret it when everyone else got their drivers license (I didn't: she wants to wait to get hers till after college, if possible, to save money).

Each higher level of schooling, she fares better and better. VERY few people knew her age until last year.

 

[KAMLEM]

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night? The rule growing up in my house was curfew was the same as your grade in school on friday and saturday. Unless it was a school, club, or church function I wasn't allowed out on a weeknight.

What does that mean - how can a grade equal a time?

DD, 19, was 13 when she had her first boyfriend. They went to football games and middle school dances together. Freshman year at the age of 15 she started dating a guy that she dated for 2 1/2 years. A couple of her friends were not allowed to date, but they would lie to their parents and do it anyway. She never had a curfew as long as we knew where she was and who she was with. She was 15 when she was allowed to ride in the car with her boyfriend. We gave her a lot of freedom and she was (and still is) always honest with us. It worked for us, at 19 she does not drink, smoke or do drugs and she is still a virgin.

At least that's what she tells you. I'm not saying this is the case with you, obviously every situation is different, but I am amazed at how naive some parents can be. I see it firsthand with some of the older kids in my neighborhood. The parents think their kids are angels when nothing could be further from the truth.

Why is she 15 and a junior in high school. That is 2 years younger then her classmates-at least around here it would be.

Towns have different cutoffs. I was 16 when I started my senior year, I didn't turn 17 until the end of December.

 

[kellyg403]

Curious, since my oldest is requesting new freedom lately. She's just-turned 15 and in 11th grade.

How old did your girl have to be before allowed to go out with a boy (in a group)?

How old did she have to be before allowed to go out with a boy alone together?

How old did she have to be before allowed to get rides home from school in a teenaged friend's car (female friend)?

How old did she have to be before allowed to ride around in a boyfriend's car?

If she goes out for a little while on a school night, what time does she have to be home? How about on a weekened night?

I had to lay down some rules last night on the fly, but am now interested in what "other people's parents" are doing, hehe.

As a mom of 5 dd's...this issue is always a fight. No matter the number of sisters that go before you, no matter the number behind you, each dd has felt the rules should be changed for them!

The basic rules here are 14 to date with a group, 13 same sex group movie's etc with no parent, 16 for dating, 16 for car dating...of course I have met a few "dates" that were 17 and driving and thought, wow. But, I do have to admit I also have the rule that at 16 if your friend/date has only had their license a short time we have to evaluate the situation.

School nights curfew is 9 for 14, 10:30 16 and on weekends 10 for 14, 10:30 15 and every year gets another 1/2 hour.

The golden rule at our house...THE RULES ARE ALWAYS SUBJECT TO CHANGE IF YOU MESS UP..regardless of the facts. Right now dsd17's curfew on weekends is 10 and no outs on schooldays because of some problems. dd16 has her nomral curfew of of 11 on weekends and trust me there is a conversation every Sat. They do have several friends that don't have alot of rules where dating and weekend curfews are concerned. But, I am a worrier and the rules are more for me and knowing when they will be home. Sad but true. Besides, I remember being 17, no good is coming out of being out at 2 a.m. IMHO.

Kelly

Kelly

 

[wellesleyprincess]

What does that mean - how can a grade equal a time?

Sorry, I didn't think it was that confusing. 9th grade was 9pm, 10th grade was 10pm, etc. (it was the same for allowance $ per week= number of grade in school)

 

[MushyMushy]

What does that mean - how can a grade equal a time?

7th grade = 7:00
8th grade = 8:00
10th grade = 10:00
etc.

 

[luvdzny]

At least that's what she tells you. I'm not saying this is the case with you, obviously every situation is different, but I am amazed at how naive some parents can be. I see it firsthand with some of the older kids in my neighborhood. The parents think their kids are angels when nothing could be further from the truth.

No that is not just "what she tells me" I am not naive, I know my daughter and she is not lying about this. She is very proud that she is still a virgin. She is not afraid to tell any of the guys interested in her that she intends to remain a virgin until she is married. As far as the drug/alcohol thing, I know all of her friends drink, but she does not. She is taking 19 different prescription medications, adding alcohol to that would be foolish. None of her friends are into drugs at all, although it is a huge problem in the city that I live in.

 

[KAMLEM]

Sorry, I didn't think it was that confusing. 9th grade was 9pm, 10th grade was 10pm, etc. (it was the same for allowance $ per week= number of grade in school)

It wasn't confusing, I'm just dense. By grade, I thought you meant A, B, C, etc.

 

[KAMLEM]

No that is not just "what she tells me" I am not naive, I know my daughter and she is not lying about this. She is very proud that she is still a virgin. She is not afraid to tell any of the guys interested in her that she intends to remain a virgin until she is married. As far as the drug/alcohol thing, I know all of her friends drink, but she does not. She is taking 19 different prescription medications, adding alcohol to that would be foolish. None of her friends are into drugs at all, although it is a huge problem in the city that I live in.

That's why I said that it's not necessarily the case with you, sorry.

 

[CowboyCO]

My children will have my blessing to date at age 37. I don't have any daughters, but if I did they would be allowed to date after my funeral

 

[N&B'smom]

Just reading this is making me nauseated. My DD is only 5 right now but I have a 9 year old DS. He has always liked girls. He's very protective of them, he just looks out for them and is a little gentleman. In first grade he came home and told me the girl he was sitting next to (and I quote) 'had the voice of an angel'. God help me. He's going to get his heart broken.

I'm trying to remember back and I'm pretty sure that I only went on alone dates when I was 16. Before that I was able to go out as a group. I do agree though that you need to consider the child's maturity.

Shelby