Personal responsibility is the key here.
While I would personally like Disney to do many things, it isn’t possible. For example, for my DD to see a parade, we have to find our spot and camp out a couple hours before start time. Yes, they do offer parade dining options with reserve seating. But what they don’t do for us is reserve a shady spot, on the curb, with ideal character sighting just personally for us. I have to do that myself. We sat for 2.5 hours for my DD to watch Paint the Night Parade in
Disneyland. I have paid a lot of $ for my DD to be able to sit up front and center to watch Fantasmic. I purchased the dining package and my DD didn’t eat any of it. I wish they would reserve us said seat for free just because I wanted to “create memories.” Even with
DAS and
Lightning Lane, we weren’t able to go on a couple of rides my DD wanted. It is life.
Personally, I think the only memory you are creating is a trip where you will remembered as being angry you didn’t get what you wanted or one of being demanding. Everything else is overshadowed by your anger over the “new” DAS and your wife not qualifying for it.
Adjust your attitude. Quit blaming others for your situation. We really are understanding and are a helpful and compassionate group. If your wife has to go back to the hotel, so be it. Your family can go back and swim or they can stay on the parks and discuss what they did over dinner. It is how you look at things.