How many of you started planning..

[LittleKittyMarie]

I'm also not engaged but already planning out a lot of the things I want for my Disney wedding. My BF likes to poke fun at me for it a little bit, but he's also loves the Disney wedding idea and has been planning along with me when I bring up specific ideas. In all honesty I brought up the idea of having a Disney wedding in 2008 (a little over a year after we started dating)... so it's been in our minds for quite a long time.

Sometimes I am a little wary of mentioning that I'm basically planning a wedding before being engaged. For example, my BFF is a little desperate herself for a proposal but she has been dating her BF only about a year and a half and they aren't in a realistic position to be having a wedding. So, I feel bad bringing it up to her sometimes. Of course, it's a completely different situation for you. I'm a little inclined to agree with BecBennett's analysis of the situation. Jealousy comes out from people in very unpredictable ways.

 

[proudestmunkie]

Jeez Louise there were alot of posts when I wasn't looking

don't flame me, but I can sort of see why she's being a bit snippy

It's not your fault or anything, but I know from past experience that it's quite exciting knowing that your wedding is "next" and then to have someone, especially someone so close to you sort of just slip their wedding in before yours is a little upsetting It happened with DH and I and his brother. Our wedding was set for March (just gone) and then he proposed to his now wife, they had a really short engagement (3 months maybe) and got married in October of last year. I know it wasn't planned like that, but it just felt like they were doing it, simply to be first.

I'm not saying that's what you're doing, and it's not what they were doing either. Definately don't change anything to please her, and make sure you do everything you want, but keep in mind that it's like you're taking some of the excitement away from her.

I hope I don't sound like I'm being b*tchy, because I really don't mean to be, but I just felt like I needed to include some input from someone who's been "on the other side" so to speak

I completely get it...I make an effort to not cause a rift, I don't really talk about me, only if she asks me something and I make sure to put all the attention on her. Both of our relationships are about the same length (I'm 5 months longer) and when DF and I were originally discussing 10/12, when I knew she was getting engaged at some point in the near future (her DF is a close friend of mine) the first thing I thought was, omg this is going to be a huge problem because I *know* she's going to want to do 8/12 (August is their anniversary). I talked to her about it after she was engaged and before I did anything and she was like, yea that's fine, but you could tell she didn't mean it. I knew 10/12 was going to be an issue and it was after hers. Once I told her we were moving it up she was thrilled because even though I'm ahead there's 5 months between the two. She said, YAY now we're not interfering in each other's plans and we can plan together! It made me feel good about what I was doing. Now I don't say anything about it, I focus on her and I throw all my planning ideas on DF, my other BFF, my mom and my sister. After all, that's what they're there for.

A ring is just that, a ring. When it comes down to it, it's really just an item. So if you've talked about marriage and you and DF are both on the same level, the ring doesn't matter. You definitely don't need a ring to be planning a wedding, as long as it's not just you doing the planning... if your boyfriend didn't know about it that might be a different story

But... and like the previous poster, I don't want to come off as b*tchy either... but the things you've written really make me wonder if this person is truly a good friend for you. The things that she's said to you seem pretty close to cruel. But also the fact that you're listing all of her flaws on here on the message boards and complaining about her here makes me wonder if this is a healthy friendship for you. The reason why I bring it up is in case you were planning to involve her in your wedding at all, in the bridal party or anything. Obviously I don't know either of you, this is just an observation from the outside.

Good luck with everything! And keep planning that wedding, I'm sure it will be wonderful no matter what happens!

I really really am not the type of person to talk smack about people and I thought after I started this thread, jeez people are going to think I'm a terrible person and a major attention seeker, I really didn't think this through. I'm really not, I needed to vent and didn't know where else to go. I needed outside opinions to ease my mind, I didn't want it to be, let Kris post terrible things about her BFF all over the internet. And yes, we're going to be in each other's weddings--Bridesmaids. You know how you have those people that in spite of their flaws, their in your life for better or worse, kind of like family? That's her. I love her but sometimes she does things that makes me do this I'm leaving it alone.

I told my fiance i didnt need a ring to announce to everybody that we're getting married as I am prone to losing small items. And as a nurse, I wouldn't want a ring collecting bacteria and other yucky stuff. I specifically told him, that, if he ever got me a ring make sure that it wasnt expensive. So, we started talking and making generalized plans about our wedding. he still gave me one but it wasnt anythign big.

My point is that, it is your choice when you want to start planning for anything that concerns you. A ring is just a ring. It can get lost, can be replaced, and definitely not a measurement of someone's love or commitment.

I'm the same way. Everyone told me I was nuts because I said I do not want an expensive ring...I'm a spaz and very active to boot so the combination really freaks me out and I'm terrfied that I'm going to lose the ring, or break it or something.

Thank you everyone for your opinions, I appreciate it. You all definitely helped make me feel better.

 

[librarygeek]

I really really am not the type of person to talk smack about people and I thought after I started this thread, jeez people are going to think I'm a terrible person and a major attention seeker, I really didn't think this through. I'm really not, I needed to vent and didn't know where else to go. I needed outside opinions to ease my mind, I didn't want it to be, let Kris post terrible things about her BFF all over the internet. And yes, we're going to be in each other's weddings--Bridesmaids. You know how you have those people that in spite of their flaws, their in your life for better or worse, kind of like family? That's her. I love her but sometimes she does things that makes me do this I'm leaving it alone.

That is good I'm glad that you can still see the good in her, even though there might be some rough instances. The most important part is that in spite of all the stress or unitentionally rude comments, you remember why you're friends in the first place! And it seems like you do

 

[PoohNFriends]

She hasn't always been like this, it's been since she started working her new job about 2 years ago and making a ton of money. She's very stubborn and there is no compromise when it comes to her, it's her way or nothing. I've known her over 20 years so it's never been an issue, we do what we do, there's usually no arguing or debating. I do know she's notorious for saying really nasty things and not realizing until it's too late. Or doing things to fit her needs and not worrying about the consequences on other people..her DF is going to have to get a 3rd (THIRD!!!) job to pay for her wedding since she's splitting the cost down the middle. So I guess she has been like that, just not really with me.

IMO, that is quite messed up - what's the point of splitting the cost down the middle when it's for a celebration for both of them to continue the rest of their lives together? Sorry, don't mean to add fuel to the fire and realize it's not the main point of your post, just found this quite odd.
Anyways, keep planning with your dream wedding, ring not necessary! I hope your friend comes around for you and helps make your day extgra special as I know you will be there for her on her special day.

 

[elle1024]

Hi there!
I am just getting caught up with everything going on on the boards, and wanted to agree with all of the previous posters... I do not see anything wrong with planning without the e-ring. Like you said the important think is that you know it is going to happen! I started planning before also (had been dating my DF for a little over 7 years before he popped the question) and originally wanted to get married on 10-24-11. That was out 7 year anniversary and landed on a Sunday. I thought it was perfect, DF not so much. He always said he never wanted to get married and secretly I figured he would change his mind and planned away anyways. Obviously he changed his mind, and waiting until October 2012 was way out of the question for us because I felt like it was too far away, and then October 2011 was too close.. kind of like your situation. We ended up narrowing it down to March or Juner which were the only two 24th that landed on weekends. (24 is my favorite number and just so happens to be our anniversary day) and then ultimitely chose June 24th, exactly a year and a half from the time we got engaged. Phewww that was long winded. All my ranting aside- I think you are doing the right thing AND it shouldnt matter what you friend thinks. Yes, she should be more supportive, but if you already expected that from her, than what else can I say? one of my bm is the same way... but is still a friend. (Where do we get these friends from anyways! )

Good luck on the planning! Keep us updated!

 

[TiggerTink]

It sounds to me like she is a snotty, entitled little biotch who is a tad jealous that you may have a better wedding than hers- despite her spending a ton more. Whammy.

I recently realized that I outgrew my oldest friend, so I said buh-bye. Having her in my life meant constantly having to justify MY decisions. In reality, I think it was more that I was having to battle with her insecurities about me having things that she didn't. It was sad. I mourned. And I got over it.