How many of you started planning..

[proudestmunkie]

I was talking to my BFF the other day and something she said kind of bothered me so I wanted to get other people's opinions...

First let me give you a little background....DF and I have been together 8 years. Marriage has been something we've discussed for pretty much half that time but we decided (FINALLY!) we're going to do it next Spring, we wanted to do it in October but 2012 is too long to wait (taking life plans into consideration..it's already been 8 years ) and this October is too soon so we settled on April. I don't have a ring on my finger but Bill and I call each other fiance, there's no question it's happening. To me it's really not a huge deal, maybe because it's been so long already. My BFF is getting married August 2012, also a destination wedding (we're in NJ, she's doing it in Hilton Head) and as much as I love her, she's turning into a bridezilla.

I have been doing a ridiculous amount of research (as I'm sure all of you have too ) and have been throwing ideas, venues, everything you can think of at my mom and my BFF. My mother is thrilled with all of this, she is a Disney nut so it's right up her alley.

DF and I are heading down in May for a well needed vacation and plan on doing site visits so we can make a decision and book ASAP. I was talking to BFF about all of this and her exact words to me were, "I don't know why you're doing all of this. You can't book or do anything until you have a ring on your finger." Ouch. It upset me so I told DF and my mom what she said and they both told me don't worry about it but I don't know, it really bothers me. This is someone that's supposed to be my best friend. I was helping her look at venues and menus a year ago before she was proposed to by her BF so it almost seems like, it's ok for you but not for me? I haven't said anything to her, I also haven't brought anything wedding related up because I just don't want to go there. It's not the first time she's made comments either. I just want to say to her, not cool!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Anybody start planning together and getting things done before you had the e-ring? Thanks everyone for letting me vent.

 

[K80K]

I have a date and venues picked and know my colors even purchased my reception shoes and I don't have an e-ring yet. We don't call each other fiance yet, but we know that we are going to be married. At this point it is just a technicality and the only reason we haven't done it yet is my boyfriend is having a ring made my my great grandmother's and mother's engagement ring and then wants to suprise me with the proposal. It sounds like your friend might be having some jealousy issues. Either she thinks your wedding is going to be better than hers or she is unhappy sharing the excitement and spotlight. Sorry this is happening.

 

[PartofDisney'sWorld]

Hey there! Sorry, that's a really stinky thing of your BFF to say! If it were me, I would've turned right back around and reminded her of the pot calling the kettle black...

You have every right to plan your wedding the way you want to do it, and if that means planning it before the e-ring is on that finger, then so be it! There's nothing wrong with it as you and DF are planning it together and you know it's what you want. I don't have the same experience but DF knew I was planning on a Disney wedding before he popped the question, if that helps! I know how you feel when a good friend says something mean, even though others say don't worry about it, it's hard not to because she is supposed to be your friend! But seriously, I wouldn't let it bother you too much because ultimately, your wedding is really between you and DF in the end, not you and DF and BFF, right? If it really does bother you a lot, maybe you could let her know how you feel and get it off your chest? Maybe she didn't even mean for it to be mean. We're all here for ya if you need to vent though!

 

[LuvLuvLuv]

We definately started planning prior. When we saw a Disney wedding during our November 2009 trip, we knew it was for us. We weren't engaged, but were kicking around getting married on 11-11-11. We scheduled a site visit for May 2010, but life I was very sick during the trip and we canceled the appointment. Because of a few things that happened we had to push back our plans. We got engaged in September 2010, took a site visit in November 2010 and are getting married in November 2012.... yes we've had to wait a long time... but having my dream wedding will be sooooooooooo amazing!!

happy planning!

 

[MonorailPilotMulan]

I pretty much agree with the responses so far! My DF and I have been visualizing/talking about our wedding since our first anniversary together... Thus year will make it 5 years! With as long as the two of you have been together, there's no point in waiting around twiddling your thumbs when you can go out and get things done. You wanna make sure you get the wedding of your dreams, so you might as well make sure you get it I say go for it! Like someone had said above, she might be worried that you wedding will be better than hers. :-/

 

[Jilian]

A ring is a hunk of meta (with some pretty sparkleys), nothing more. If the two of you have decided that you want to spend your lives together and you are both on the same page about planning a wedding for April then that is all that matters. Is it possible that your friend isn't a fan of sharing the spotlight (aka wedding planning center stage)?

 

[DisneyShamrock]

Me and DF started talking about marriage in early 2007 after only about four months together. I started planning on Disney immediately. We didn't buy the ring until a year and a half later, and I just got it October 2010. I did over half of my planning with no ring.

There is nothing wrong with planning before the ring. I think your friend is suffering from a touch of jealousy. She might be feeling like she's more important right now because of the ring (rings have been know to turn just about anyone into a monster). I think it will pass.

You have every right to plan your wedding, ring or no, and she needs to get over herself (not to be rude). This is a special time for both of you. Hopefully, she'll get over this 'me first' attitude and chill out to enjoy the planning process as a pair.

 

[Luvableoldonkey]

I had my exact date and location picked out long before he ever even brought up marriage or I had a ring.
I have a friend who was just like that when we were both planning our weddings. She started dating her husband a month prior to when my husband and I started dating. My husband and I got engaged in 2008 and set the date for December 2010. She got engaged in January of 2010 and set her wedding date for October of 2010 because she said that since they had started dating before us it was "fitting" that her wedding be before mine. She still will say things now like "everyone says that my wedding cake was the best cake they have ever had at a wedding" or "People are still talking about how beautiful my wedding pictures are", mind you it was only 6 months ago, not 20 years!
I always try to remind myself that it is simply her being jealous. Your friend may just be worried that your wedding will upstage hers. Not that it makes it okay or right in any way, but she is probably just trying to make herself feel better. Good luck her and with all your planning!

 

[princess_ariel_85]

We were engaged a while before we started planning but I don't think you need an e-ring before you can start planning. I work with someone who's planned the whole thing before actually being asked for her hand in marraige

in regard to your bff perhaps she didn't mean it badly - you said she is a bridezilla, so she probably has in her mind a particular way of doing the whole engagement/marraige thing. We all have our own 'perfect' way of doing thing and she got caught up in her way. So don't worry about, do it all in your own time and relax. It's your day not hers!

 

[proudestmunkie]

Thanks ladies...reading everybody's responses I'm feeling better already It's nice knowing it's not just me..I was starting to think maybe people thought I was nuts and weren't telling me because they felt bad.

Sometimes I just don't understand people...it's funny because when DF and I were originally talking about picking a date the first thing I said was, NO FALL! BFF is end of August she'll have my head! It seems like I can do whatever I want as long as it doesn't interfere with what she's doing. I know what it is too...when we were kids her family didn't really have money and now she makes a ton so perception is important. The other day she told me she got into a fight with her DF (also one of my close friends) because her almost 2 carat center diamond isn't big enough and she told him she's going to buy herself a bigger stone . And then she didn't understand why he was upset. Yes, that's right, you read it correctly.

I was telling her I was contemplating just saying screw it and doing the DCL and she said, I'd NEVER be able to do that, I need the whole wedding and reception. If YOU think you're not missing anything, then do it. I wish you can hear the tone in her voice. I dunno, I'm not that type of person. DF can put a twist tie on my finger and we can have my sister do the ceremony and I'd be happy, I don't need a fancy thing..I think the DCL wedding are awesome and at this point I am seriously considering it...then I can say who comes, comes and who doesn't doesn't and not have to worry about it as much as WDW..I dunno. This is why I need to start a PJ

 

[transfergirl]

Thanks ladies...reading everybody's responses I'm feeling better already It's nice knowing it's not just me..I was starting to think maybe people thought I was nuts and weren't telling me because they felt bad.

Sometimes I just don't understand people...it's funny because when DF and I were originally talking about picking a date the first thing I said was, NO FALL! BFF is end of August she'll have my head! It seems like I can do whatever I want as long as it doesn't interfere with what she's doing. I know what it is too...when we were kids her family didn't really have money and now she makes a ton so perception is important. The other day she told me she got into a fight with her DF (also one of my close friends) because her almost 2 carat center diamond isn't big enough and she told him she's going to buy herself a bigger stone . And then she didn't understand why he was upset. Yes, that's right, you read it correctly.

I was telling her I was contemplating just saying screw it and doing the DCL and she said, I'd NEVER be able to do that, I need the whole wedding and reception. If YOU think you're not missing anything, then do it. I wish you can hear the tone in her voice. I dunno, I'm not that type of person. DF can put a twist tie on my finger and we can have my sister do the ceremony and I'd be happy, I don't need a fancy thing..I think the DCL wedding are awesome and at this point I am seriously considering it...then I can say who comes, comes and who doesn't doesn't and not have to worry about it as much as WDW..I dunno. This is why I need to start a PJ

You need to do what YOU want for YOUR wedding. She's crazy. From what you've written, she's going to end up in divorce.

 

[MonorailPilotMulan]

Funny you mention that! My DF and I are having a Castaway Cay wedding in May next year and we feel like it is a great idea because that way we know that anyone that shells out the money to come for us really care about us as a couple (with the exception of his uncle who is unemployed, we'll help him out ;D). We wanted to make sure and have people at our wedding that truly care about us and that will likely stick around as friends for a long time. We didn't want to look through our wedding pictures 10 years later and wonder who some of these people are LOL Of course, this is your choice but I say go for it it's nice to have another DCL bride!

 

[stitchaholic]

this is your wedding , and no matter what she thinks , it has to be the wedding you want , only you know your hearts desires.
your bestie is not being a very good friend to you right now , has it always been like this beween you ? If not , I think it's time for a heart to heart , don't sit on your resentment , talk to her , she's your friend and should understand after you tell her that she is hurting you at a time that you asker her for support.

if she hasn't always been this way with you, something may be bothering her also and maybe she needs to get it of her chest , she is probably stressed with all her plans going on and is not being very empathetic because of it.
Or maybe she has always been this way, and you are discovering that your bestie is not much of a friend at all

At least your mom and DF are there for you and just as excited,maybe stick to running your ideas through them for now, keep the positive energy around you!

 

[proudestmunkie]

You need to do what YOU want for YOUR wedding. She's crazy. From what you've written, she's going to end up in divorce.

It's funny you should say that, I told DF the other day that as much as I hate to say it and as much as I love them both, I don't see them making it to August 2012 the rate they're going.

Funny you mention that! My DF and I are having a Castaway Cay wedding in May next year and we feel like it is a great idea because that way we know that anyone that shells out the money to come for us really care about us as a couple (with the exception of his uncle who is unemployed, we'll help him out ;D). We wanted to make sure and have people at our wedding that truly care about us and that will likely stick around as friends for a long time. We didn't want to look through our wedding pictures 10 years later and wonder who some of these people are LOL Of course, this is your choice but I say go for it it's nice to have another DCL bride!

Exactly. We both want something really small...it's looking like maybe 50 people, probably closer to 30 if we go DCL...I've got it narrowed down to DCL and SoG..I'm doing a S/D site visit 5/25 but it's so architecturally masculine, for a site it's not really what I'm looking for. I love all the BW pics you see from S/D brides but if I go SoG then I can hit up the GF and Poly and there's lots of pretty places onsite to take pics. I finally got a response from the woman that handles the events there, waiting to hear back regarding arranging a site visit.

 

[proudestmunkie]

this is your wedding , and no matter what she thinks , it has to be the wedding you want , only you know your hearts desires.
your bestie is not being a very good friend to you right now , has it always been like this beween you ? If not , I think it's time for a heart to heart , don't sit on your resentment , talk to her , she's your friend and should understand after you tell her that she is hurting you at a time that you asker her for support.

if she hasn't always been this way with you, something may be bothering her also and maybe she needs to get it of her chest , she is probably stressed with all her plans going on and is not being very empathetic because of it.
Or maybe she has always been this way, and you are discovering that your bestie is not much of a friend at all

At least your mom and DF are there for you and just as excited,maybe stick to running your ideas through them for now, keep the positive energy around you!

She hasn't always been like this, it's been since she started working her new job about 2 years ago and making a ton of money. She's very stubborn and there is no compromise when it comes to her, it's her way or nothing. I've known her over 20 years so it's never been an issue, we do what we do, there's usually no arguing or debating. I do know she's notorious for saying really nasty things and not realizing until it's too late. Or doing things to fit her needs and not worrying about the consequences on other people..her DF is going to have to get a 3rd (THIRD!!!) job to pay for her wedding since she's splitting the cost down the middle. So I guess she has been like that, just not really with me.

 

[BecBennett]

don't flame me, but I can sort of see why she's being a bit snippy

It's not your fault or anything, but I know from past experience that it's quite exciting knowing that your wedding is "next" and then to have someone, especially someone so close to you sort of just slip their wedding in before yours is a little upsetting It happened with DH and I and his brother. Our wedding was set for March (just gone) and then he proposed to his now wife, they had a really short engagement (3 months maybe) and got married in October of last year. I know it wasn't planned like that, but it just felt like they were doing it, simply to be first.

I'm not saying that's what you're doing, and it's not what they were doing either. Definately don't change anything to please her, and make sure you do everything you want, but keep in mind that it's like you're taking some of the excitement away from her.

I hope I don't sound like I'm being b*tchy, because I really don't mean to be, but I just felt like I needed to include some input from someone who's been "on the other side" so to speak

 

[librarygeek]

A ring is just that, a ring. When it comes down to it, it's really just an item. So if you've talked about marriage and you and DF are both on the same level, the ring doesn't matter. You definitely don't need a ring to be planning a wedding, as long as it's not just you doing the planning... if your boyfriend didn't know about it that might be a different story

But... and like the previous poster, I don't want to come off as b*tchy either... but the things you've written really make me wonder if this person is truly a good friend for you. The things that she's said to you seem pretty close to cruel. But also the fact that you're listing all of her flaws on here on the message boards and complaining about her here makes me wonder if this is a healthy friendship for you. The reason why I bring it up is in case you were planning to involve her in your wedding at all, in the bridal party or anything. Obviously I don't know either of you, this is just an observation from the outside.

Good luck with everything! And keep planning that wedding, I'm sure it will be wonderful no matter what happens!

 

[stl_figment]

I had the trip booked, wedding confirmed, dress bought 2 months before I had a ring on my finger. Don't let it get to you.

 

[atheneze]

I told my fiance i didnt need a ring to announce to everybody that we're getting married as I am prone to losing small items. And as a nurse, I wouldn't want a ring collecting bacteria and other yucky stuff. I specifically told him, that, if he ever got me a ring make sure that it wasnt expensive. So, we started talking and making generalized plans about our wedding. he still gave me one but it wasnt anythign big.

My point is that, it is your choice when you want to start planning for anything that concerns you. A ring is just a ring. It can get lost, can be replaced, and definitely not a measurement of someone's love or commitment.

 

[petal4monkey]

hi i'm new but been stalking you all for a while

my OH and me picked WDW for our wedding before we even got together! we were best friends for 7.5yrs before we actually decided to become a couple but we always had that "if we're both 30 and single we should get together and get married..."
we've discussed marriage and are still set for a wdw wedding. we live in England, UK and the cost of weddings here is extoriante! we could go to wdw for 2 weeks and have an escape wedding for the same it cost to have a wedding and reception here! plus i'm a disney fanatic so it really is a no brainer!
i dont have a ring yet, well not a diamond one. have so far been presented with a haribo sweet ring and one made out of plastacine it doesnt matter at the moment anyway. i know we will always been together and we will get married so why need a rock before we can plan? besides even if he did buy me one i'd prob complain that we could've used that money for new sofa's or something! haha
Plan YOUR wedding, YOUR way. it doesnt matter if your bff doesnt like it, its not her day. I dont see the need for the big reception personally, i dont really fancy paying for a 3-course slap-up meal my mum's aunt who i havent seen since i was 5!