How involved were your parents compared to your involvement with your kids?

[MushyMushy]

Did your parents volunteer, chaperone, go to events, help with homework as much as you? How did they compare?

Mine were very hands off. They never did any chaperoning and I don't recall having anybody's parents in the elementary classrooms. I just don't think that was done when I was a kid. Mine never helped with homework, never did anything to oversee it. They did come to every special event -- chorus concerts, band concerts, special football games where the marching band would be doing something. Other than that, they were pretty uninvolved!

By comparison, I was super involved! I volunteered in the classroom from pre-school on, though part of that was for my education degree. I chaperoned parties and dances, go to daytime plays, games, etc. Homework help never ends, it's ridiculous.

What has changed so much generation to generation that we need to be THAT involved?

 

[Magpie]

I'm less involved in some ways, more involved in others. I think the difference is that I was the only child of a single parent, so my mother couldn't help micro-managing me. Me, I have two children and a husband, as well as a houseguest who lives with us half the time, and a mother-in-law who moves in for 5 months every year. My attention is split many ways.

Grades are just not that important to me. I'll offer the kids help if they're struggling, and I'll remind them to study. But I won't do their work for them. My mother used to rewrite all my papers. I *hated* it. I felt like the stuff I was turning in wasn't really mine. So except when the kids beg me to read their stuff over (and they do, sometimes), they're on their own.

On the other hand - in some ways I've done a lot more with the kids than my mother did with me. She worked full time, so I was on my own a lot. I stayed home and schooled my children for several years myself. I volunteered in the classroom and chaperoned on trips. Because I'm available, I can keep my ear to the ground for trouble and head it off before it gets out of hand - or even better - suggest a way for the kids to deal with it themselves.

I've been told I'm very hands-on... but I've also been told I'm very laid-back and hands-off. Personally, I think we've found a balance that works for us, guiding the kids without suffocating them.

 

[gina2000]

I can tell you what I think but I don't know if it's correct.


On an elementary level, a parent's involvement may greatly aid a teacher in everyday tasks such as copying worksheets, aiding in hands on projects, and planning group activities. School is vastly different today than it was when I was a child. We sat in our seats and learned. There was no differentiated learning styles and teachers did not create a hands on approach to learning. Hands on is a great learning tool,but on an elementary level many adults' hands are often needed to smooth the process. As far as homework is concerned, parents are trying to save a child from falling through the cracks. Parents and teachers are providing the support system to help a child who is having trouble achieving. When they work together, the child hopefully learns and exhibits responsibility on a daily basis. For many, that's a skill that does not come inherently.


On a secondary level, I think today's parents realize that the journey to a college degree involves intricate planning. A child left to his own devices has a very minute understanding of the world and the opportunities available to him. A parents' input/involvement gives the child a leg up and parents are recognizing that their assistance will better help a child achieve his goals.

As far as sports are concerned, sandlot games are a thing of the past. Children largely participate in organized activities. These activities need adult participation to survive. And lastly, Title IX has created a new class of athlete - the female athlete. More kids, more sports, more parental involvement in order for the sport to survive and the child to thrive.

 

[bigbabyblues]

My parents were not involved with me (or my brothers) much at all. They did not go to class parties, on field trips, to field day, band trips, or anything like that; other parents did, mine did not. Neither of my parents worked outside the home until I was in high school, then my mom started working part time.

My parents never went to any of my games when I was a cheerleader (not high school, but still), but my grandparents didn't miss one. My parents went to one football game when I was in the band, that was Senior Night. They never asked about school, my friends, my homework, etc.

They were the same way with my twin brother, although he lived with them and I did not--I lived next door with my grandparents. However, my grandparents were not my legal guardians, so anything that had to be signed or needed permission had to come from my parents. My twin played baseball, and they never went to any of his games; they dropped him off sometimes, other times he rode his bike.

I am involved with my kids' lives, but (hopefully) not to the point of suffocating them. I want them to learn to do things for themselves but still know that we are here if they need us.

If they have a field trip, either I go or DH goes; not always both of us, but one of us (DH also drives school bus part time). DH coaches both boys' soccer teams, and I go to the games unless I am working. One of us goes to class parties when they have them, etc.

I don't hover over homework, but I do keep up with DS9's assignments to know what they're learning, etc. I don't check it unless he asks me to; and I don't sit with him while he does it. If he needs help, I'll help him, but I won't do it for him. If he forgets an assignment or doesn't bring a book him, that's his problem. DS6 struggles a bit with writing, and we do work with him on that.

 

[golfgal]

My parents did some volunteering at the schools but for the most part, we had paid aids doing what the parent volunteers do now. Sports were held during the day with paid coaches so there wasn't the need for parents to coach. Budget cuts have forced schools to rely on parents more and more.

We attend our children's functions more than what my parents did-my mom never went to ANYTHING. DH's mom never missed a game/contest. We make most stuff, but not all. We do it because we enjoy watching, not to micromanage.

 

[MIGrandma]

My Mom came to my band concerts, parades, plays I was in, etc. Dad helped me sometimes with homework but he never came to any events.

I was a room mother for both of my children's classes from K-4th or 5th grades, and we went to ALL of their sporting events, band concerts, etc. I made DH go to as many as possible, even though many times he was working (farming) because I knew how important it was to be there. To this day it bothers me that my Dad never came to anything. I didn't want our kids feeling the same way. We helped them with homework when they needed us or asked for help.

 

[Planogirl]

My parents were not involved other than my Dad monitoring my grades. He was a real zealot about that. I doubt that my mother knew how I did.

 

[luvsJack]

My parents ran a small grocery store and worked 16 hour days while I was growing up. They were as involved as they could be. My dad helped with any and all homework I asked him to help with and my mom and I did things together when she could take some time off.

But, my parents helped immensely when my sons came along and were always there and involved with them when I couldn't be (working, single mom).

 

[Mandychelle79]

I think I am more involved only because I put my children before my job, and my mom typically put her job before her kids. I dont have a issue telling people no I cant stay and she does ( and she was salary so she didnt get extra money for it). Are there times I miss things because I have to work, sure if I have to work I have to work. But given enough notice, do I try to trade with someone to make it possible for me to be there.

 

[shortbun]

My parents were pretty busy with their own lives. My sister says she hardly knew my dad. I did my own thing until one of my parents decided to throw down some random rule...I managed to ignore most of them and get around the rest. By the time my brother and sister were older, I was pretty much delegated the parent. It has not done much for our sibling relationships today. We(my husband and I) are very involved in our son and his friend's lives. My husband's mother did not attend his varsity basketball games because she did not want to 'embarass him.' I can not imagine not being the loudest and proudest fan in the stands any time my son plays. He expects us to be there and wants to talk about his school work, his social life, etc. with us. He's almost 15 and I expect his time spent with us will dwindle(in fact it should) but I will not be the parent pushing him out the door as soon as he's legal. He's welcome here as long as he's a functioning, contributing member of the family.

A few years ago, we looked over every peice of homework our son completed, asked questions and suggested edits if necessary. Now we read it only if he asks and always when he brings it home graded,ask questions and give compliments if necessary.

 

[mjkacmom]

I do a bit more, but only because there are just so many more activities these days! I've never been on a field trip, or been at a class party (only class moms of younger kids go). I don't volunteer in school, because parents aren't allowed. I do help out on many school committees, but behind the scenes. My parents cared about my grades, and I care about my kids' grades. I drop my kids off for practices starting in the 2nd grade, and attend most games.

I think it's just as bad to over-parent than to under-parent. My parents did a great job in their involvement, and I will try to mirror it.

 

[NikitaZee]

On an elementary level, a parent's involvement may greatly aid a teacher in everyday tasks such as copying worksheets, aiding in hands on projects, and planning group activities. School is vastly different today than it was when I was a child. We sat in our seats and learned. There was no differentiated learning styles and teachers did not create a hands on approach to learning. Hands on is a great learning tool,but on an elementary level many adults' hands are often needed to smooth the process.

This is so true. My daughter's kindergarten class has the teacher, two teacher's aides, and two parent volunteers every day. The kids are broken up into 5 smaller groups and projects are done this way. It wasn't at all the way it was done when I was my daughter's age. As far as parent volunteering - I was the oldest of four kids and my mom was always busy with my younger siblings. My parents came to special events, sports games, etc., and my dad was always the one to help with homework. I also don't remember bringing home as many fundraisers and volunteer requests as I now get from my kids' school. Seems like there is always something going on that parents are asked to give time and money for. I do what I can - but I feel like I'm always turning something down. Room mother? No way. I don't know how they find the time for all they do.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

My parents never came to anything after the elementary school plays. I played sports in middle and high school and participated in school plays but they never came to anything then. My Dad was always self-employed and was always working and my Mom just didn't like to drive. I always had to depend on my friends' parents to tote me to and from practices and games until I was old enough to drive myself.

As a parent I try to never miss any type of performances. I did have to fly out of town on business for 1 of my DD's concerts but I chaperoned the entire day at dress rehearsal the day before. My Dad ripped me up about missing that concert even though he had never been to any of my activities.

My parents also never chaperoned any class parties or field trips. I have chaperoned some local ones and the only overnight one but don't really sign up for every single party or field trip.

 

[Pigeon]

My parents bred like rabbits. I don't think they knew half of our names most of the time. My mother was a SAHM, but was pretty much uninvolved. My father supported us all, but wasn't an involved father.

 

[Freyja]

My parents bred like rabbits. I don't think they knew half of our names most of the time. My mother was a SAHM, but was pretty much uninvolved. My father supported us all, but wasn't an involved father.

How many children did they have?

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I would say I am more involved.

Funds were limited when I was a kid, parents and steps were in the military.

I recall one day when I wanted to study for a 3rd grade spelling test, my mother and step-dad saying that I was too smart to study and that it wasn't necessary. So not only did they not help me, they began ingraining future troubles with completing homework timely since they considered it unimportant.

My mom did attend extremely important school events--I recall a play I was in and me winning a geography prize in 2nd grade. The latter was a surprise and I had no idea until that day that I was getting a prize (a HUGE Atlas) and that she was going to be there (saw her in the audience during school hours).

I didn't do much of anything else. When I did swim team Junior year--I went to all the events by myself. My family could not be bothered on a Saturday.


Now--I homeschool, which has me very involved in my children's education and by default I attend all of their events b/c I am the taxi and chaperone most of the time.

I have only missed 1 recital and that was 2 weeks ago b/c I was in the hospital after having our 4th baby. (planned baby--but failed to check the calendar for schedule conflicts and baby was due during recital week. Ooops!) I did go to the dress rehearsal though and I did my dds' hair and makeup in the hospital. Dad brought them dressed and I finished them up.

As far as classroom volunteers--i know many volunteer parents and several school teachers. It seems that at the elementary age--and for private schools both elem. and middle school ages....that the classrooms depend on the support of class moms and volunteers. There was one dance mom who was consistently bringing in things to be cut up, sorted or whatever for a lesson the next day or that week. I don't recall any volunteer parents when I was in any of my elementary schools. I'd have to assume, it simply wasn't done way back in the day at my particular schools. Though parents would be on hand for larger events such as the costume parade we had on Halloween or the Philly Phanatic Carnival we had a time or two at one of my schools oustide of Philly. Never my parents though.

 

[RitaZ.]

As children, we had one responsibility: school. My parents did help some with homework, but nowhere near what we've done with our kids. They did chaperone on field trips and went to school functions. College was something that we did on our own. We applied, registered and did everything else on our own. My mom just went to our graduations. My father had passed away by the time we graduated.

DH's mom (his father passed away when he was a young child) was not as involved as my parents. DH completed the college admission process and everything else on his own. His mother did pay for his tuition for the first 2 years. Like my mom, she just went to his graduation.

My oldest is graduating tomorrow night and starting college this Fall. I believe that we were a lot more motivated for college than our son is. His life has been very easy, without struggles and hardship. Right now, I don't think he is hungry for success. We'll see how it plays out.

Parents can help and hold their child's hand as much as they want, but motivation must come from the child. I've seen several friends and acquaintances go through the college process with their children. The kids that really wanted to go to college have run with it and succeeded on their own. There was no stopping them. The ones that were pushed along by their parents have floundered and eventually dropped out.

My belief is that without that intrinsic motivation, it's going to be a difficult road for the kids and also their parents. JMO.

 

[terri01p]

 

[Feralpeg]

Did your parents volunteer, chaperone, go to events, help with homework as much as you? How did they compare?

Mine were very hands off. They never did any chaperoning and I don't recall having anybody's parents in the elementary classrooms. I just don't think that was done when I was a kid. Mine never helped with homework, never did anything to oversee it. They did come to every special event -- chorus concerts, band concerts, special football games where the marching band would be doing something. Other than that, they were pretty uninvolved!

By comparison, I was super involved! I volunteered in the classroom from pre-school on, though part of that was for my education degree. I chaperoned parties and dances, go to daytime plays, games, etc. Homework help never ends, it's ridiculous.

What has changed so much generation to generation that we need to be THAT involved?

Ditto! My parents were not involved. Homework was totally up to us. Of course, they never made a big deal over grades, so I guess homework wasn't that important to them. My mom came to programs like the Christmas program at school, but that was about it. My brother played high school football, but I don't remember them every going to his games.

They did go to our high school graduations, but not to my college graduation even though it was in the town where I lived.

I, on the other hand, have always been very involved in DD's activities.

 

[Mary•Poppins]

My parents were not involved. Actually they did get involved when it was pointed out to them ( ok ... my brother was not talking when he was 7 years old ... and they did enroll him in boy scouts ... did I mention my sister and I wanted to be girl scouts for years and were not allowed because it would be too much work for our parents ????? .. trying to not to sound too bitter ...)

Anyway ... we are VERY involved with our children and I have to say (and sorry brag ... are turning out quite well !!!!!) My parents can't understand why we are so busy and can't spend time with them ????

Anyway ... our generations are quite different ....