How far would pride stop you from getting help?

[Disney1fan2002]

I am sick to my stomach. My family knew this was probably the situation, but they lied to us. They would not admit how seriously in trouble they were.

"They" are my brother and his wife. "What" is, the bank has taken their house. For over 2 years, they have asked various family members for large amounts of money. Before my dad died, he and his wife gave them money once. A few months later, they were asking someone else, then someone else. The story was always different for why they needed the money. They are not good liars, because they never stuck with the same story. They already had one house forclose on them, 5 years ago. You'd think they would not be able to get another house for awhile...but the 1st house was just on my brother's name....the 2nd house was just in his wifes name.

I could not afford to help him out. not the amount of money he needed. Plus, they are obviously not very good at managing their money.

Word got out through the grapevine. They don't want anyone to know...they won't ask her parents for any help, because my SIL doesn't want them to talk badly about my brother. Her sister, has a HUGE house...she has offered to take them in..my brother refuses, because he can't stand his wife's sister. (bad blood betwwen them). BTW, they have a 5yo DD. So, my SIL won't take her and her child to stay with her sister, because she won't leave my brother. Here is where I now know they need some serious mental help. They are not mentally stable. Are you ready for this??????

The house was already auctioned off. The numbers don't seem right, but this is what I heard. I guess the bank did not get much for it. (it is an apartment that was converted to a condo) The guy who won it at auction...knocked on my brother's door and told him he would sign it back over to him for $8600.00. $8600!!!!!!!! Her mom and dad could write a CHECK for that amount....but they refuse to tell them what happened...they are going to lie. OK...so they are now homeless. They could not afford a $700/month mortgage payment, yet they think they can go and find an apartment to rent for less than that???? They are being handed their house back...and refuse, because it would bring her parents into it. What lie are they going to tell that will fly? "Yeah, we just got tired of living there, so we are moving. not selling the place, just moving out" STUPID.

I am so upset right now. My niece is the one who will suffer. They would rather be homeless. I tried talking my DH into taking them in temporarily...but he doesn't think it would be smart to get involved, and besides, I am not supposed to know anything, so how can I even offer?

I don't think I know my brother at all anymore. I always thought he was a smart guy. What is he thinking?

 

[Aurora63]

$700 a month? Where is this? That's really cheap!

I don't know that you can do anything for them...they'll have to figure something out, if they don't want anyones help.

 

[momof2inPA]

The amount, $8600, doesn't seem right. There must be a ton of liens that would go along with that. Have they filed bankruptcy or are they filing bankruptcy?

 

[ElizK]

Sounds to me like the best help for them is for everyone to stop giving them money, and let them dig their way out the hole they've dug for themselves.

They're never going to change if they don't have to grow up.

That's terrible that a child is in the middle of this. Can you offer to keep her?

 

[kilee]

Sounds to me like there are too many pieces out of place.

 

[RitaZ.]

Would they own the condo, free and clear, for $8600?

Sooner or later, they're going to have to face reality. Mom and dad won't always be around to bail them out of financial problems. Do they both work? Are they concerned about what this will do to their DD?

 

[alliecats]

I don't know, word got out through the grapevine... Did anyone witness the new owner offering to sell it back for $8600? Is this maybe another lie they have conveniently leaked in the hopes someone will loan them another huge amount of money, and this story is fabricated (not the foreclosure/auction part, but the fact they can get it back for $8600). Just seems suspect to me.

Sorry. I know it totally, totally sucks to watch family members go straight for the bad decisions, dragging others down with them. I am sorry you are dealing with this.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think you are being fed more lies. This story does not hold water so to speak.

I would listen to your dh for now.

If (I wouldn't go asking) they come to you for help, tell them you will take in the niece, while they figure things out. I would not take in your brother or SIL.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Sounds to me like there are too many pieces out of place.

You know, tell me about it. I am now thinking, this whole story makes no sense. I am not familiar with forclosure, but wouldn't the bank have to have them out of the house before they could sell the place? Well, according to the relative who told me all of this, they are still living there, even though the place was sold at auction. I know when I have purchased houses, I want it EMPTY when I sign the papers.

I told my DH, I refuse to let my niece be homeless, but she is the SIL who will not let her DD out of her sight. Has never left her with anyone for any reason. She would not be too keen on me taking the niece in without her, she would actually refuse. It they end up on the street, I could take her to court...but would it get that far? I don't know.

You know I should really screw the gossip and call them and get to the bottom of it. I would just say that something like this isn't kept secret, because we care about what happens to them.