How do you punish a toddler who hits adults?

[NY Disney fan]

What is an appropriate way to punish a toddler who hits other adults? Sometimes she punches them or just hits them. I'm thinking a slap on the hand? Usually I just yell at her (I don't hit) and when I put my mean-face on she starts crying (loudly) then reteats into a corner. I don't want to get into a huge debate I just want her to have respect for people. She's 3 1/2 Thanks.

 

[mjkacmom]

Tell her you don't like it when she hits, and walk away.

 

[NY Disney fan]

Tell her you don't like it when she hits, and walk away.

that's what I usually do.

 

[JessicaR]

I think by 3 1/2 she should already know hitting anyone is not OK. I would remove her from where she is at the moment she hits someone and give her a time out. I dont think hitting (slapping her hand) is a good lesson when trying to teach someone not to hit. A firm, NO when she does it too.

 

[brockash]

I'd put her in time out for 3 mins. (every single time) and have her apologize to you after, and explain to her about hitting and that it's not nice ect. I wouldn't do the slap on the hand thing. I'm not sure slapping her hand will teach her not to hit...I'm thinking it'd do the opposite.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Down to her level, say in a firm voice We don't hit, it's not nice. then off to the corner for 3 minutes. Short and to the point.

When she gets out of time out ask for an apology and have her apologize the person she hit.

That's the advice from Supernanny and we use it, it works.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I'd try to stop it before she does it. Watch her, and when she goes to hit, take her hand and say "No, you're not allowed to hit people".

 

[phillmolly]

Time out, every single time, no matter where you are. And try not to react to much, just very simply say "we do not hit" put her in time our for 3 - 4 minutes and before she can come out, make her say she understands why she was in time out and that she says she is sorry.

I don't think a smack on the hand is a good idea if you want to teach her NOT to hit people. You would be sending a very mixed message to her.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Time out, every single time, no matter where you are. And try not to react to much, just very simply say "we do not hit" put her in time our for 3 - 4 minutes and before she can come out, make her say she understands why she was in time out and that she says she is sorry.

I don't think a smack on the hand is a good idea if you want to teach her NOT to hit people. You would be sending a very mixed message to her.

yes!!! Everywhere. not a "we will deal with it later". My kids have seen many corners in Disneyworld. LOL

 

[NY Disney fan]

Thanks everyone! I'm going to be more firm on the timeout policy.

 

[NY Disney fan]

yes!!! Everywhere. not a "we will deal with it later". My kids have seen many corners in Disneyworld. LOL

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

DS8 got a priceless look from another kid while standing in the corner. It was like wow, he must have been really bad to be punished on vacation.

 

[hedgehog2owl]

before age two, I would take the child's hand and show what a 'nice' touch is. touching the face gently and saying "nice..nice.....nice" By age two and up They would go in the naughty chair for one minute per year of age.

 

[mykidsand_i]

Down to her level, say in a firm voice We don't hit, it's not nice. then off to the corner for 3 minutes. Short and to the point.

When she gets out of time out ask for an apology and have her apologize the person she hit.

That's the advice from Supernanny and we use it, it works.

Agreed. This is a very succsessful method in many homes. When I was in college- child foundations class- we learned that a lot of kids act out, because they want attention (neg. or pos. it doesn't matter to them). Putting them into a time out is the best punishment (for MOST kids- NOT ALL!!!), because it doesn't allow them the attention.

We have 'time out' rules in our house. When a child is put into time out INSIDE of my home, they always go to the same boring place. NEVER to their rooms, never to someplace you cannot see them. They must sit there for a minute for every year they are (my 6yo has 6 minutes), and if they act up while in time out, minutes are added- we have a timer that is visible to both the child and the parent. If I have to put them back into their 'time out spot', I DO NOT TALK TO THEM. I simply put them back. Although, it's not much of a problem for them now- because they KNOW that they stay put, or minutes are added.

Talking to them or yelling at them while in time out really defeats the entire purpose of time out. The trick is to not give in and give them the satisfaction of you talking to them (neg. or pos.).

I have always believed that spanking a child (or slapping on the hand or what ever) isn't that great of an option for a child with hitting/slapping problems. That really teaches them nothing, besides it's ok to hit/slap and mixed messages are getting sent to the child.

Those are just the ways DH and I have decided to raise our kids, because it works for us. Something that works GREAT for one family, won't always work for another family. What ever is used, it MUST BE CONSISTANT- or it will never work.

 

[agnes!]

I don't quite think of a 3 1/2 year-old as a toddler (I guess I've always thought of toddlers as 2 to 3 years old maybe?) Anyway, this child is old enough to know better. Naughty chair every single time. Also, when is she hauling off and whacking people, what is going on around her? Are you two at the mall and she wants a toy and doesn't get what she wants so she hauls off and punches you? If she's throwing a tantrum as well as a punch, in addition to a public naughty corner then you need to stop the activity and take her home. You *leave* the restaurant, the store, the theatre, the playground, the party and you take her home. Oh and NO yelling, being deadly calm and matter of fact while going through the whole exercise will scare Little Miss Muhammad Ali into keeping her fists off of adults.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

She'll get the picture rather quick.

agnes!

 

[Luvchefmic]

Down to her level, say in a firm voice We don't hit, it's not nice. then off to the corner for 3 minutes. Short and to the point.

When she gets out of time out ask for an apology and have her apologize the person she hit.

That's the advice from Supernanny and we use it, it works.

absolutely agree...did this with my DDs L O N G before supernanny, come to think of it supernanny may have been a kid too back then... and as another pp said time out no matter where...I mean my oldest DD saw the bottom of more clothing racks as she sat on the floor of a dept store than she likes to remember...my grandkids learned this way too and most important and "I love you but don't like what you did" after the timeout ....this too shall pass

 

[Aisling]

I think by 3 1/2 she should already know hitting anyone is not OK. I would remove her from where she is at the moment she hits someone and give her a time out. I dont think hitting (slapping her hand) is a good lesson when trying to teach someone not to hit. A firm, NO when she does it too.

This is my way, too.

 

[2binak]

Our DD doesn't hit right now. She did a very little bit of it before she turned 2. When she did swing at us, we would grab her hand before it hit us and say, "No Thank you! You don't hit. That hurts Mommy and makes me sad." in a very stern voice. If she did actually hit us, we would say "No thank you! No hitting!" and walk away from her. Now that she's over the age of 2, we are using timeouts as needed and they really do work for her - heck, she even puts herself in timeout now and then . After her timeout, we explain why she was in timeout and have her apologize for whatever it was she did to be put there and then we give hugs & kisses. It will take more work with a 3.5 yr old, but remember to be consistent and it will pay off in the end. Good luck OP!

 

[marcyinPA]

Down to her level, say in a firm voice We don't hit, it's not nice. then off to the corner for 3 minutes. Short and to the point.

When she gets out of time out ask for an apology and have her apologize the person she hit.

That's the advice from Supernanny and we use it, it works.

I'm a preschool teacher (I teach 2's) and this is what we do. We don't use a corner though...we have a time out chair in our room.

This year has been a particularly rough year with hitting. We have several children who are "hitters"...one little girl is a face slapper! (her mom is crazy worried about her behavior...they have been having a lot of trouble with her at home too...)

 

[happygirl]

I will get flammed for this I'm sure. First time It would be a warning. We don't hit our friends we use nice touches. If this kept on it would be a time out. If kept on she would get a smack on her hand to show her what it feels like to be hit.