How do you plan for others when they won't help??

[lovetoscrap]

As you can see from my siggy we are going with Grandma in May 2007. This is my MIL--and before you all groan with a knowing look--I LOVE MY MIL!!! We get along great and I am really looking forward to this trip with her. It will just be her and my 2 girls (11 and 7) and me.

The main purpose of this trip is for her to enjoy the magic with my girls. As my siggy says, I am just there to babysit--and make all the plans. I am an obsessive planner but so much of my Disney planning is in my head by now that it is easy. Grandma knows that and is leaving it all to me.

The focus is on doing what she and the girls want --and mostly her since the girls and I will have already been 2x this year. They just want to do stuff with Grandma. So Grandma says "I just want to do what the girls want to do" and my girls say "I just want to do whatever Grandma wants to do!". There has to be some plan or this group will end up just standing at the bus stop going "I don't care where we go, you pick" and we will never get anywhere!

And beyond park planning I can't even get Grandma to help with the really important things--resort choice and ADR's. I am not so much worried about "touring plans"--I will end up just leading them around and then stepping back to let them enjoy. But I have to make reservations!!! I think I did get her to decide to just share one room at a Value resort so I will let the girls pick between Pop and ASMo, but the meals are already becoming a problem.

The only definite is that we have to Marakesh and the Hoop De Doo. We will pay for the DP so I have to plan a week of ADR's and no one will decide where they want to eat. And if I pick things and they turn out "wrong" then I will get picked on by MIL (who does love me dearly, but does pick on me out of love) for the rest of my natural life! I have a way of always picking bad restaurants whenever we all go out. Even if it is a restaurant I have been to and loved--it turns bad when we are all there!

So how do you make plans that will make a group happy when they refuse to help??? If this trip were for "me" then I wouldn't worry, but I really am just along to help with my kids because Grandma doesn't feel like she can handle them herself--and because there is NO WAY my kids are getting a Disney vacation without me!!!

 

[ainmama2001]

I went last year with my dh, dd, df, dm and my INLAWS - mil, gmil, bil and sil. (Only one I'm fond of is gmil). I did ALL the ressies, planning, etc. as I have the CHILD. Well, they all did their own thing. My dh even flat left me one day. You know what? Sometimes you just gotta make the plan and if they choose to follow it fine. If not, ce la vie. Have the fun planning. It's thankless!

 

[Cinderella2004]

Being in your situation many times, I've learned to just plan what I *think* everyone will like. You have your 2 must-dos. Give Grandma and the girls a list of other dining you'd like to try. See which one's corespond with each other.

Show them pictures of the 2 resorts. Go from there.

I'd get this stuff together, and tell them we are having a "WDW planning gathering" Make some decisions.

The answers I usually get from both my sister and mother are "whatever you want to do, you know it the best" to much pressure!!!

Truly though, you will be at WDW. The girls will be thrilled to be there with Grandma. And Grandma will have the most magical trip ever, because she gets to spend time with your girls. Take lots of pictures, you won't regret it!!

 

[1st_trip4us]

How cool that you have such a great MIL!!!
I would plan the trip according to what you know your girls like. I'd think your MIL is not stepping in to say what she'd like to do because the trip is for her to spend the time with the girls. And you know best what they'd want to do and what they've enjoyed doing. I like the idea of getting everyone to sit down and make decisions. Maybe have each of you pick 1 TS meal. Each picks the activities for the day. Together decide on the resort. That way you also can't get any blame if things don't go perfectly. And there's no one that didn't get to do what they wanted.

 

[mickeysaver]

I think that you are over thinking this one. Grandma knows that you are going to dine where you know that the kids will like to dine. The kids won't care where they dine, as long as they are having fun and have something that they would like to eat put in front of them. I say to plan for the normal dining that you would do without Grandma in tow. As long as you know what her basic likes and dislikes are, just make plans. She knows that this is your gig, show her the best of the World. This is your time to help the Mouse shine!

One thing that I think should be a part of this all girls trip, the Afternoon Tea at the Grand Floridian. I can think of no better relaxing break than a chance to go to tea! With a little planning, you could have special deserts, like Cinderella's Slipper or a mini-wedding cake prepared in advance by the bakery and delivered to your table. Not to say that the usual offering are not wonderful enough, but it would be an additional special touch.

Anyway, I wish you nothing but stress free planning and lots of pixie dust. Maggie

 

[arielsleepingbeauty]

Before i plan anything, I ask my hubby for suggestions or his input and he usually tells me that whatever I plan is fine. I then tell him that if he doesn't like what i have planned then he has no business to complain about anything. I give the opportunity for input and if there is no, oh well. I am not sure why you would plan everything, sit back and let someone else have all the fun with your family and then worry about if you make the wrong plans. She gave you the go ahead to do what you want. If she gives you any problem, you should remind her that she told you to do the planning.

 

[Tink-n-Belle]

Have each one pick out one restaurant from a short list of them you think they will like. If they can't decide, put a few in a hat and pick one while you are all together. That way it was the luck of the draw, not your decision!!

Have a great trip!!

 

[Miniefan]

I am in the same sit for our Grand Gathering of 18 people.... Everyone has told me I don't care we'll do whatever you guys do, so guess what....that is exactly what they will be doing. I just hope it doesn't blow up in my face in the end....
Kim

 

[Lynne M]

When I plan a trip with my mom, she always says, "oh, you know I'll like whatever restaurants you pick". Makes me crazy.

Last time, I sent her the link for the Allearsnet menus , and had her pick a whole bunch of places that sounded good to her. I worked those into the plans wherever I could.

Try that with your MIL. She'll have fun looking through the menus, it's a nice bit of "something to look forward to", and you'll get the information you need.

 

[SlightlyGoofy]

lovetoscrap, you are the expert, in what your mil and your kids like to do AND in all things Disney. Do not sweat it, some days they might not be into things as much as you might like but that could just be the day and with your expertise you can easily change plans mid vacation if you need to. Sounds as if they are making it easy for you in a way. Bet you all have a blast and what a wonderful thought that you are just going to be the babysitter so that they can have fun together. Bet your mil loves you also.

My husband has no opinions on anything. He does not like to get stressed out so I make ALL decisons, Disney or non Disney. It is not nearly as much fun as one would suppose though. Of course, I do get to go to DW as often as I want, as long as I can figure out how to stretch the budget to do it.

Slightly Goofy

 

[Sonno]

Simple solutions.

Offer them a choice. "We can eat at A or B, pick one!" I find it works wonders and will help take a lot of the blame off your shoulders if it ends up being wrong. That and you'll get to pick the restaurants theey are chosing between. Win, win.

 

[Tam1067]

My mom said basically the same thing when she met us in WDW 3 years ago, and I ended up making all the plans, including picking every single ADR. We stayed at WL, but she didn't want to pay as much, so she found her own room at AS Music which was fine--her choice--and I did the touring plans on the park each day. It worked out pretty well for us doing if that way. I'm lucky in that my mom didn't blame me when things weren't to her liking because she knew that she'd given up all choice when she delegated all to me.

If your MIL really wants to do whatever your kids want, then you should just plan what will work for your family and have her come along. That's what my mom said, I took her at her word, and it went fine. Of course, I was went through some times where I felt frustrated first!

Have fun.

 

[ThatNiceComputerLady]

We brought the in-laws on our last trip (a mere two weeks ago--sigh) and had a blast.

They just came along for the ride. They let me plan everything. Thanks to the great information on these boards, the info was great and helped make the trip truly magical.

I gave them daily information and schedules during the trip. I sent a couple of links ahead of the trip, but they never had time to review them.

It all went well. I made a few schedule changes, but that was because of the heat (not my crazy in-laws).

They only wanted to do a couple of things, as they had never been to anything except Magic Kingdom. Well, we encountered the Tiki Room, that was all they really asked for.

They knew they were along for the ride. They basically just followed the plans and had a great time.

Good luck!

 

[heatherfeather24]

Have your girls come up with a list of things that they like (with your expert input) and then present to Grandma for "help" narrowing it down. If your MIL thinks that the girls are asking for her help (rather than you asking for her opinions), maybe she would get more involved?

 

[budbeerlady]

Good luck. I had to narrow it down to 2 choice and make them pick. It wasnt going anywhere with our family trip so we sat them down one night and made all the plans. I got sick of asking and waiting. (Dh is so great, he doesnt care where we stay or really where we eat!) I had 2 resort choices and 6 eating choices. They had to pick one resort and 4 restaurants to eat at. That took well over an hour for them to deciede, but then it was finally done!!!!!

 

[momof2cutegirls]

I can sooooo relate to this thread. My husband makes fun of me because I'm always checking out Disboards, but I think he secretly appreciates the information that I have learned from this site. We vacation in Orlando with my inlaws, my sister-in-law and her family, and then our family. They all call me the Social Director, and I laugh at myself as well. I know they all appreciate it though.

Two examples...Last year, we were at MK for the day. We were tired and nobody really wanted to stay for Wishes. I told them we had to, and afterwards they all agreed that it was the best fireworks show they had ever seen!

I also made Chef Mickey breakfast reseverations, and I thought they would go through the roof when I told them how much it cost. Even my dear father-in-law said it was great and really enjoyed it.

The way I look at it is if you are going to spend that much money at WDW it is best to know what there is to do and take advantage of it! I'd rather do that than wonder aimlessly around the parks having no idea what to do or where to go.

 

[lovetoscrap]

Thanks to all. You have given me lots of good ideas and advice.

I forgot about the GF afternoon tea. That sounds like a wonderful idea--MIL is a tea drinker and would love to have a fancy tea with the girls. I think I will keep it a surprise for them!

I also liked the ideas of getting the girls to ask her for input. I have given her my Passporter, and sent her the allears menu links. But I don't think she has, or intends to, look at either. I guess I will narrow it down to a few and then print the menus for her to see.

This will be my 3rd trip with "others" but the other 2 were easy--1st with my mom who is VERY opinionated and gave lots of input, but was easy to make happy (just give her everything she wants! ). The 2nd was with our best friends and they basically were "tagging along" on our trip and said to just do everything we wanted and they would either follow, or do their own thing--and then did. It worked well and we are still friends!!!

I guess MIL is more stress because I really want to make her happy--there is more pressure from myself since she isn't my mom. She also is often afraid to tell me how she really feels because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings--but I would rather she just told me--I am thick skinned.

We have the dates and the resort almost settled. I will probably wait until after the girls and I get back from free dining in Sept to try to narrow ADR's down (need to make them in Nov) so the girls can decide if they want to do anything again or try new stuff.

Thanks for all the understanding and support. I was just feeling stressed since I tried to talk to her when she was here visiting last weekend and her eyes just kept glazing over and she was saying "whatever you think is best. . . " "whatever the girls want. . ."