How Did Your College Freshman Adjust To Dorm Life?

[Wish Upon A Star]

DH and I took DD to visit an in-state college yesterday which we would have her stay in the dorms because the commute is horrible! She is all for the idea and excited . . .but I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had a problem with them adjusting . . .I can't imagine her wanting to share a bedroom with someone else and I have visions of her calling me up crying telling me she doesn't want to stay there . . .

She won't be entering the college until Fall 2007, so she still has plenty of time to think about it . . .

 

[AllyandJack]

I can tell you my experience.

I'm an only child. As part of my scholarship, I was required to live on campus. A friend from high school also got the scholarship, so we applied to live together. I got stuck in this NASTY dorm. We had 30 girls on one sideof the floor and 30 guys on the other side of the floor and one bathroom on each side. It was horrible. I'm sorry, but I just can't do bathroom business in such a public arena. I fully believe that one needs privacy when it comes to that. I had no problem showering there, but....c'mon....some things just require that you have one toilet and a door and some privacy.

Then, her boyfriend moved in. I had class from 8am-2pm and she had class from 2pm-6pm and he worked from 6am-2pm. See where this is going? I'd come back from class and he'd be naked and in her bed watching TV. I got to spend the entire afternoon alone with him. Big fun!

My neighbor next door was a chain smoker. I spent most of my time coughing.

There was no a/c, so it was unbearably hot on the 14th floor for part of the year.

I eventually moved to another dorm. It had 3 bathrooms - with doors. Life was good. The room was small. So small that 2 people couldn't stand up at the same time. But, my new roommate was cool. Then, the pot smoker moved in next door. I got a nice little high a few times a day. Again, no a/c and my roommate and I once took our blankets and slept outside.

Needless to say, I hated it. It just wasn't for me. At first, I felt guilty. Then I realized, there was nothing wrong with that. I just got used to certain comforts - like a bathroom that didn't involve 6 stalls and not having to inhale cigarette and/or pot smoke on a regular basis.

I think it's more about the dorm than the roommate. I actually didn't mind sharing the room - with the roommate, minus the boyfriend. I started college in 1994. I think dorms have come a long way since then. Have her go check out the dorms. If I had done that, I never would have agreed to live there. But, they didn't tell me where I'd be living, so I went into it completely blind.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

Thanks for all the detail . .! We were able to check out the dorms which actually weren't dorms but sort of like apartments . . .they each had 3 bedrooms and 1 bathroom a kitchen, and a small den. The older units did not have a/c, which I thought was kind of nasty . . .Then there were other units that were newer (1994) which I would definitely request as our first choice. The older ones were total 70's . . .

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

My dorms were NOT this bad. The "smokin'" and other illegalities were done off campus. The RA's would bust you so fast!

Now the drinkiing--that was a bit sneakier..but alas, I didn't see too much of that as you wouldn't broadcast that you were hiding alcohol.

I was in an all girls dorm (but it was fine, we did have 24-hour visitation...it was just only girls lived there).

I had a friend who had the "extra roommate" trouble. Her friend and her were acquantainces from school..so thought they'd live together. They ended up really not liking each other since roomie decided her boyfriend should stay there all the time.

My roommates were nice and trouble-free. Much better than my off campus roomies the following year. I moved back on campus Junior year and then back off Senior year.

The dorms are what they are--dorms. At UF, you could make some requests...they actually did have girls only floors and boys only floors in some dorms (no opposite sex allowed, even relatives). They also had honors dorms and singles dorms (no room sharing..reserved for upper classmen). A variety of styles. Just depends on all who moves in on who would be party central.

My living area was 3 buildings...girls dorm, single occupancy dorm and co-ed dorm (not on the same floor). We were not a big party area dorm...but others were. Just depends on the dynamic that develops.

Had I to do it all over again--I would have seriously reconsidered living on campus for all 4 years and just upgrading to the single occupancy dorms when I was eligible for them. My apartment life was much much worse than anything I ever experienced in the dorms.

 

[rigs32]

A big problem with suite style living for freshmen is that it's tougher to meet people as you spend all your time with the same 6-8 people. Some people prefer that, but for others without the drive to go out and meet strangers, it leads to loneliness.

 

[almacdonald]

I was miserable my first year living in a dorm. I was really homesick and since I was like 8 hours from home, I wasn't able to go home on weekends. I am an only child and wasn't used to having other people in my space. Thankfully I had a single room but I still had to share the washroom which was co-ed Once, i had food poisoning from the cafeteria food and was throwing up at 3am and there were people studying in the bathroom! That being said, you meet quite a few people living in a dorm, way more than you'd meet living off campus. If I had to re-do my university years I'd stay in a dorm at least for my first year, just to meet people and for the convenience of being so close. I'd seriously consider getting a suite type residence after that or move off campus.

 

[sharbear]

Wow, I'm really suprised by the responses. I loved college, I loved living the the dorms. The most fun you will ever have is the first year in the dorms. Yes there are things that aren't so great and roomates that drive you batty. But I met the best people in the dorms. And had the best, most fun year in my life.

HS was okay. People were fine, but I met my "kind" in college. It was not cool to be smart at my HS. But you wanted to be smart in college. It was ok to study but best of all, people has smart, interesting conversations with each other. It wasn't all about getting high or drinking (although if you wanted that, there was plenty to find).

My DH also loved going away to college and living in the dorms. He met the best friends and had a great time. All of my friends who went away to college loved the experience and all are sending their children away to school.

I wouldn't worry about the dorms itself. Every dorm has it's plusses and minuses. It's what the student makes of the experience.

I went to a school which did not have enough dorm space. Some of my friends from HS lived in apartments instead of the dorms. They didn't meet very many people and hung around with other kids from their HS. I met tons of people and although I saw friends from HS, I had lots of other friends.

 

[puffkin]

I HATED the dorms.

I was in the nicest dorm on campus (biggest rooms/AC) and I was lucky that I had good roommates both years I lived there. But, it just wasn't for me. I like my privacy and the creature comforts of home. I hated the whole bathroom situation. And although midnight isn't late on campus, when you have 8 o'clock classes and your neighbors are constantly running screaming through the halls, it feels like 3 in the morning. My junior and senior year I lived off campus in an apartment and my whole attitude about college completely changed.

I urge you though to keep in mind when you are looking at colleges to find out what type of college yours is. Mine was considered a commuter college. About half the students lived on campus and half lived off or commuted. However what they didnt' tell you is that on the weekends, the place became a ghost town because most people on campus went home or stayed with people off campus. Therefore, there were no activities on campus during the weekends.

Also, on the tours they will probably only show you the newest and nicest dorms (usually the suites/apartments). I would ask what the chances are for an underclassman to get one of these. At least at my college, the apartment style housing was only for upperclassmen. And finally, find out if housing was guaranteed after the first year. In many schools it is not, and you may be forced to find off campus lodging sooner than you like (this happened to me, I wasn't selected in the lottery so I couldn't live on campus my junior year).

 

[Feralpeg]

DD will start college in the fall. She has a single dorm room but will share a bathroom with one other girl. There is no doubt in my mind that she will be extremely homesick at first. I am encouraging her to get out and meet people. She does have a friend starting there at the same time. They plan to meet for dinner each night for awhile. I'm sure she will be fine, but it could be a little sad for awhile.

 

[AllyandJack]

Also, on the tours they will probably only show you the newest and nicest dorms (usually the suites/apartments). I would ask what the chances are for an underclassman to get one of these. At least at my college, the apartment style housing was only for upperclassmen. And finally, find out if housing was guaranteed after the first year. In many schools it is not, and you may be forced to find off campus lodging sooner than you like (this happened to me, I wasn't selected in the lottery so I couldn't live on campus my junior year).

My college pulled this trick. They walked us down Bay State Road and showed us the Brownstones. We got to request 3 places. I didn't get any of my choices and I landed in Warren Towers. Anyone that has gone to college in Boston - specifically, Boston University - knows about Warren Towers. Even seeing the name makes me shudder.

A lot of the single rooms were "walk through singles". So, your suitemates would have to walk through your room to get out of the suite or to get to the bathroom.

Maybe you could see what the dorm assignment is and go visit THAT dorm. Maybe there would be time to back out if she didn't feel like it was the place for her.

 

[KarenC]

Then there were other units that were newer (1994) which I would definitely request as our first choice. The older ones were total 70's . . .

Experienced mom sending kiddo number two (and the baby ) off to college in four weeks. If you don't want to drive yourself crazy over the next year, you need to start thinking about this as your daughter's choice, not yours. What's important to her may not be important to you and, even though you know her well, she needs to learn how to make decisions and sometimes that means learning from decisions that weren't so great.

Dorm life was hard to adjust to for my daughter. She's still not very good at sharing a room. But dealing with the difficulties has, slowly but surely, taught her how to effectively deal with conflict. As much as I wanted to shield her from anything unpleasant, the fact is that the relatively cushy life she's lived hadn't adequately prepared her for real life.

The college placement counselor at our high school recommended a book called Letting Go. It's a good book to help your mindset going into the college selection process. Another good book, by Marjorie Savage, the Parent Coordinator at my daughter's school, is You're On Your Own, But I'm Here If You Need Me. It has lots of practical advice about dealing with the common crisis that occur when kids go away to school, including the inevitible call that they can't stand living in the dorm. I've been giving it to the first-time college moms as I've been attending their childrens' graduation parties this summer and I'll be dusting off my copy since I'm sure I'll be needing it soon!

Good luck.

 

[Towncrier]

DS James started college 3 weeks after high school graduation. I was concerned because James has always had his own space and has never had to share a room with anyone. And the dorm that he was supposed to move in is closed this summer due, of all things, to road construction. So he went from his own room to sharing a very small room with another guy. James is in the top bunk (by choice). There is barely enough room on his desk for his computer. The bathroom is on the opposite end of his floor. I would think that the situation is barely tolerable.

And yet, he loves it. He has taken to college and dorm living like a duck to water. In just a few weeks the summer session will be over and we'll help him move over to the nicer dorm. I don't know if he'll pick the same roommate, but he and Phil seem to be getting along nicely. I'm sure that he would tell us if that were not the case.

And, for the record, I loved living in the dorms when I went to school. Our rooms were arranged in suites of six, so I had my own room and a common area (and bathroom) that I shared with five other guys.

Best wishes for all those freshman parents who are concerned about their young ones striking out on their own. They (and you) will be fine.

 

[Kitty 34]

For the most part, I loved my dorm life.

My 2nd DS just spent his first year in college and for the most part liked living in a dorm, even though he wasn't very close to his roommate. He said most of the partying was at the Frat houses.

My oldest DS didn't care for dorm life when he went to school, though.

 

[UnderTheMistletoe]

I have "missed out" on college dorm life... I was married before I ever entered college.

However, I went to boarding school, so I was doing the dorm and roommate thing at 14. She should be 17 or 18- she should be fine. I think very few people had trouble with boarding school at 14. I am reading a book now that's heavily based on one of the schools I attended (I transferred becuase of divorce) and it's funny looking back at these things and thinking, "Yep. That was totally it." Mind you, I was the kid that said I was going to go to college at one of the schools I could commute to becuase the idea of living away from my parents didn't sit real well.

You develop a close group of friends and adjust and settle in. The first few weeks may be difficult, but you need to see her through it. She may call you upset and tearful, but you need to be sure that unless it's an ongoing problem, you're supportive and don't take her out of the situation. Now, if she's coming home at Christmas-time (the end of 1st semester) and she's still having trouble, you might want to re-evaluate everything.

A key thing is to get involved with community activities and clubs. It can make large schools seem much smaller. Why do you think so many girls join sororities? Statistics show that it's becuase many of them want a close group of friends and to make the extra-large school community seem that much smaller. Don't let her know your anxities or she may start to manifest them.

 

[disykat]

I LOVED dorm life. I've always said I'll probably be the youngest one to move into assisted living to try to recreate those days. I chose dorms that had a reputation for being more studious and didn't have wild roommate issues. There was one I didn't get along with very well - she was okay, but had difficulty with dorm life.

Heck I lived in an even more crowded dorm situation in the summer at my National Park job. We had locker rooms (10 people each room) and sleeping porches (of 100 beds). If you wanted privacy, you went for a hike.