How bad is bad

[Hoopfamily]

So i'm sitting here after putting my Daughter (5) in time out, and I'm thinking about our upcoming trip and punishment. Now my angel is very good, and we rarely have to punish. But what is punishable at the parks. How bad does a kid have to be before it's time to punish at Disney. I think I might be a little more lenient because of her age. You have to expect a certain amount of off behavior just due to the scale of things. When we went in October there was only one time when she was acting up and I had to sit her on a bench for time out. So how about the rest of you. How bad is bad?

 

[ilandrazdsw]

DS5 only had 2 *bad* days of 9 (& 4 more traveling). One time he didn't want to get out of the stroller (brought for DD3) to go into the Country Bear's Jamboree so DH dumped him out LOL. A man standing next to us just looked with this horrified look until we made a comment about giving DS the choice to get out himself...then we all busted out laughing...even DS. The second time was when we were on the train and he was just being down right disrespectful...DH took him into the family restroom gave him a spank and that greatly improved his disposition. (Yes, we spank...no flames, because I am not debating it.)

 

[koima]

I'd say to make really clear expectations up front and have her repeat the rules in the park. Tell her that you want everyone to have a great time and don't want to have to spend special Disney time in time out, but aren't afraid to do so if she can't follow the rules. You can be more lenient, but let her know that you're serious and being in a fun place isn't freedom to disobey.

Maybe do a trial run at a local zoo or something with practicing rules in a big place. We did this and told the kids that there were just a few rules and if they didn't obey the rules, we'd have to leave. They were too look with eyes and not with hands (basically no touching), and stay with me the whole time. They repeated the rules in the car so I knew they were clear. (This is in addition to our all the time house rules, which are 1. Listen and cooperate the first time with a happy attitude; 2. Be respectful; 3. Be responsible.)

DS got a warning when he ran off the first time, and I reminded him of the rule and asked what would happen if he didn't follow the rule. He told me we'd go home, so I knew he understood. Then he reached in and pulled out plants in an animal habitat (it's a little zoo with open sections and non-dangerous animals!)

I asked him what happened and he said, sadly, "I look with my fingers." I asked what was going to happen next and he said, "We go home." He was really sad about it, but it made the point to him that I wasn't afraid of following through just because we were at a special place. He's been really good about following the rules in public places ever since then. He was 2 then and is almost 4 now.

He's a great kid but does need to be reminded occasionally so he can meet my expectations. Because the rules are really clear, I can say, "Is that cooperating with a happy attitude?" or "Are you listening the first time?" and he'll often turn around and do what I'm asking. He's a little kid and of course isn't a perfect listener, but I'm not setting the bar higher than he can reach, and I'm frequent with praises when he does cooperate or is respectful ("What a great big brother you are, sharing your toys with the baby! That is a very respectful way to treat her"), or when he picks up his toys ("You're putting your trains in the train box and the crayons in the crayon box. That is sure being responsible!")

Naming the value has been really good for him to identify when he's doing it right, and when he's misbehaving we tie that to the value too, like, "Hitting your sister is not being respectful to her body." I've heard him tell her, "No hit, that's not respectful baby!"

We do time outs, and he has to be sitting quietly before his time begins, and must tell me what he did and apologize before he can get out. We don't believe in spanking. Since we started the very clear rules and tying everything to the rules, we've had fewer time outs and a LOT less yelling, but overtired, overhungry, overstimulated kids still bring out the crankies and yelling and we still have occasional time outs.

The other thing is to give them an "out" for letting go of bad behavior without losing face. For example, if DS is being whiny and I say, "You stop whining right this minute!" he'll dig in his heels and whine even more. If instead I make it a silly game and turn off his "whiny switch" (push his nose) and put on his happy hat, he will often play along and turn the attitude around. The silliness helps for us. It doesn't always work, but it is a little trick up my sleeve for letting him get out of the misbehavior without feeling like he's giving up.

This has been effective for me. Hope that helps!

(Whew, that was a novel! Who knew I had so much to say about this!)

 

[brergnat]

I think for a 5 year old, you have to expect a certain amount of "bad" behavior at WDW, perhaps moreso than at home. However, that does not EXCUSE the behavior, but just means you have to have ways to deal with it when it shows up.

I would begin by setting a very basic standard for behavior on the vacation, with consequences for non-compliance. Depending on your family's values and expectations for the vacation, you can come up with what works for you. The consequence could be time out on a bench, going back to the hotel, skipping a favorite ride, etc.

When you feel that your daughter is getting close to a meltdown, act IMMEDIATELY. Remove her from the situation (whatever it is...a line, a show, a meal, whatever) and take her to a quiet location and ask her "what can I/we do to make your day better?" Perhaps the answer is that she is tired, hot, hungry, thirsty, wants to go back to the hotel, doesn't want to go on THAT ride, or see THAT show, etc. Try to LISTEN to your daughter, and be sure to take her needs/feelings into consideration instead of always directing the "show". A lot of times, us parents *think* we're doing all this stuff at WDW "for the kids", but in reality, we're running from here to there, to hit all the "do not miss" stuff that we *think* we should be doing "for the kids", but maybe the kids want to do something TOTALLY different, like just play in the fountains, or look at the flowers, or ride the train over and over again, etc. When little kids don't think they're being seen or heard, they tantrum to get attention. Consider that.

I would recommend asking your daughter every so often "what would YOU like to do now?" See what she says, and if it's a viable option, do it! You'll be surprised how much more easy going kids will be if they feel like it's THEIR vacation too, and YOU are listening to their input.

I have a 4.5 year old son, and we go to Disneyland a LOT (we live close, and are AP holders). Sometimes, I'll ask him if he wants to go, and he'll say "no". But, then if I tell him we are going, but HE gets to be the "boss" of the day, and decide what rides we will go on, and where we will eat lunch, etc. then his mood totally changes, and he gets all excited, and the whole time we are there, he behaves SO well, because he feels like he has a "job" to do (telling me where we have to go next). At 5, kids are sort of past the "tantrum" stage for the most part, and any bad behavior is an attention seeking instrument.

 

[Canadian Girl 77]

Our only bad moment was last year. We were outside the WoD store in DD and DD had a meltdown because she wanted me to take her photo with the princess statue. I guess I wasn't fast enough because I have photos of the hysterics. Then we went back to the hotel for a nap.

 

[tjbaggott]

Our only bad moment was last year. We were outside the WoD store in DD and DD had a meltdown because she wanted me to take her photo with the princess statue. I guess I wasn't fast enough because I have photos of the hysterics. Then we went back to the hotel for a nap.

LOL, most of my DS 5's meltdowns are because he's tired. He has more of them during the day if he didn't sleep well or enough the night before.
I use time outs for him, not always as punishment, but often as a cooling off, settling down period. Sometimes I'll sit with him, cuddle him, and when he's calmed down, he Always takes the initiative and apologizes for his screaming fit.
I'm a little worried about him wandering away from us at WDW, because he absolutely has that habit. Thing is, he will be 6 by the time we go, and thats still 6 months away. So lots of time to spend reiterating the fact of staying together! He does know though that time outs will be used ANYWHERE!

 

[dislvr74]

Did anyone read the behavior chapter of the Unofficial Guide book? I would love to know what that kid did that was so bad his (her?) parents hired a sitter and made him stay in the room for the rest of the trip!

 

[msmama]

I think at Disney you have to differentiate between "bad" behavior and "I'm so tired and overwhelmed and overstimulated that I barely know which way is up anymore" behavior.

I would probably give extra warnings at DW because I know my attention span tends to get all wonky there and I'm a grown-up.

Have a good trip!

 

[ilandrazdsw]

In addition to naps, be concious of hydration and hunger...whenever ours would start to melt we would look at the time...sure enough time for a break and at the very least some water.

 

[DisneyRose&Boys]

I threaten to leave my guys all alone in the park if they start to misbehave. I tell them that even if they manage to find their way back to the campsite at FW, I'd lock the tent so they couldn't get in and they'd have to sleep outside on the sand with the bugs and lizards.

Of course, being 3 teenaged boys, that doesn't scare them a whole lot.


On a more serious note, we've been going to Disney since youngest DS was barely 3 years old. I've found, through trial and error, that most times a hug works better than yelling, even now when they're all older.

Good luck and have lots of fun.

Rose

 

[2girlsR2good]

you have to differentiate between "bad" behavior and "I'm so tired and overwhelmed and overstimulated that I barely know which way is up anymore" behavior.

This. I have two 5 year olds who went to Disney when they were 4.5. We're going back in the fall. They liked knowing what the general plan for the day was, when/what things would happen, such as if this was the Ariel day (I'm a planner and we had a schedule for which day we'd do the grotto) and having a big break in the middle of the day. They ended up being angels on the trip.

Don't make the mistake of sleeping in, getting to the park late, then feeling like you might as well stay until you're done. At that age, spending the am in the park, taking a 3 or 4 hour break in the early afternoon and going back at night is, imo, the way to go.

Have a great trip!

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

So i'm sitting here after putting my Daughter (5) in time out, and I'm thinking about our upcoming trip and punishment. Now my angel is very good, and we rarely have to punish. But what is punishable at the parks. How bad does a kid have to be before it's time to punish at Disney. I think I might be a little more lenient because of her age. You have to expect a certain amount of off behavior just due to the scale of things. When we went in October there was only one time when she was acting up and I had to sit her on a bench for time out. So how about the rest of you. How bad is bad?

I think it depends on what happens when you get there. There was one day that DH was sick, so I took DS into the park by myself. I had reasonable expectations for a tantrum here and there, but there were a couple of times when he was out of line, and of course it was while we were in line! He was made to sit down in the queue and behave. He was told that if he couldn't behave, we would leave and he knew that we would.

If you are at your limit, pull her aside somewhere and take a 5 minute break. It may not be her acting up purposely moreso than sensory overload. If she keeps acting up, you may have to slow down your plans.

Best of luck.

 

[Hoopfamily]

Did anyone read the behavior chapter of the Unofficial Guide book? I would love to know what that kid did that was so bad his (her?) parents hired a sitter and made him stay in the room for the rest of the trip!

Thinking of that Chapter was what spurred this thread. He must have set fire to toon town or something.

 

[Hoopfamily]

For reasons I cannot explain our daughter is well behaved, to the point when we are in public places and other kids are around we get the comments of how good she is, ie Church the movies etc. . Like I said before she's been to Disney 2 times and only really had 1 issue. But I agree that naps, hunger, drinks and the like are big factors.

 

[WantToGoNow]

Although the rules might not be enforced at strictly at Disney, my children are still expected to be respectful (to me and anyone else), obey what they are told and not put themselves or anyone else in danger. We use a more physical form of punishment than sitting on a bench (no flames please) and they know that it will be given on vacation as well as at home, regardless of if there are 50 people in that restroom or no one.

We had one meltdown last trip - ds was 5.5 at the time and we had told him he could get some little $5 toy cell phone from the Mission Space gift shop. By the time we had child swapped and everyone had ridden and we did some of the inside games we forgot about that toy. So we go to our ADR at LeCellier and shortly after our meals were served, he remembered. It was after 7:00 on a non EMH and I told him we would have to get it later because that store was closed. He flipped, he screamed, he cried, he got spanked, he still screamed - I ended up taking him out of LeCellier until he settled down. We went back in and my family had let them clear my meal (I had only had a few bites) - dessert was good though.

Oh, I just remembered one more. Same trip, same child. I went down to the food court at POP to get drinks for everyone (6 of us) to go with our breakfast items we had brought. My son wanted pop - so I put Coke in his mug (for breakfast, yeah I know). Well he didn't want Coke, he wanted pop. After about 15 minutes of arguing this one, I was the one that went balistic. What did he really want - Sprite.

 

[mommymeg]

I have already informed my troup who often bicker...

If anyone misbehaves, we will return to the room and stay there for the rest of the trip...I will not hesitate to enforce it...

Of course I'm not going to rush them back to the room for minor infractions, but they all know that I'm serious about this being a happy vacation where I am not put in the position of being the tyrant mom...

"we are gonna behave, enjoy each other and this vacation or I'm gonna kill someone!!!"

 

[Mouse House Mama]

See now you need to perfect the "look" My kids know what mine is. One glance at me and the behavior stops.

Of course though, going at a pace that is good for the kids is the best way to insure that you have minimal crankiness. Heck even I have been a brat (well at least that is what everyone else said but I don't believe them) on vacation when I was hot, tired, and needed a rest. Go at a pace that is good for the kids and pay attention to when they are teetering on the edge. That in my opinion is the best way to avoid any punishments at all.
If all else fails force them to ride It's a small world for 2 hours straight.

 

[WindyCityDisney]

See now you need to perfect the "look" My kids know what mine is. One glance at me and the behavior stops.

My almost 8YO DD knows this look and can respond. But this requires eye contact, which usually isn't happening during misbehaving.

What really works for me is when I count. I count backwards so they always know that 1 is "blast off" -- their words, not mine. I save it for pretty serious messages. For the most part, DD stops when she hears "five . . ." -- it's now like a signal for "unacceptable." I've had people in stores look at me in wonder when she immediately ceases.

DD takes more time, and I choose the top count by the seriousness and how much I think he will need to stop/calm down. He usually gets a 10 or a 5 and rarely needs the timeout that comes if I actually get to 1.

I think a lot of the Disney misbehavior is a combination of frustration and sensory overload. Someone earlier posted that and it's really true for us. One thing we started a couple of years ago that has really nipped a lot of the sensory overload is some individual time with one kid/one parent. Depending on the length of a trip, it could be a full day or a couple of hours, but it's doing something just the two of us or just the two of them.

I've found that knowing that will happen and/or having it happen is great at bringing my kids back to their "normal" selves.

Just my $.02. I know our strategies won't work for everyone, and others' ideas may not work for us. But this is an awesome thread!!

 

[lawone]

We usually only encounter 'bad' behavior mostly due to hunger, exhaustion, overstimulation scenarios. That said, neither of our girls (4 and 5 yrs) had any meltdowns when we went in January.

My plan:
-Look for the cues (slow walking, creased brows) that indicate an attitude shift is coming and react BEFORE the meltdown

and

-Focus on what they do RIGHT and praise them for it! This creates a 'positive vibe' and seems to make a difference in everyone's experience!

Disney can be exhilarating for adults... I can only imagine what it must be like for a child.