Homeschoolers and conservative parents?

[BuzzandAriel'smom]

I am dealing with a problem with the kids in first grade with my dd. Today she came home and told me that a boy on the playground said that she and her friend were "hot and sexy girls". She mispronounced sexy and said sasky because she had never heard that word before. I asked her in my most non-judgemental voice what she thought that meant and if the other kids involved knew what it meant. She thinks it means good or cool but she said that she thinks her friends know what it means. I did not tell her what it means but I told her that it was an adult term that is inappropriate for kids. This is not my only issue. There are boys trying to kiss her and asking her to marry them and saying they are in love with her and that she is their girlfriend and at one point there was a fight between 2 boys over her. She was upset by that because she told them that she can't have a boyfriend until she is 16 and that she can have as many friends as she wants.

She is a really good kid and makes great grades but I am worried that if this is what is happening in first grade then how can I do anything about what happens in 6th grade when she goes to middle school. I must add that we live in a very conservative well to-do area where education is a priority. The school system is wonderful but they can't exactly control the language and subject matter that goes on outside at the playground.

I feel like taking her out of school and homeschooling her. I homeschooled my niece who was 13 because she was failing and having learning problems so I know how hard it is. I only did that for 3 months so that she could catch up and pass 6th grade. But homeschooling full time to my own child (and my son will be starting kindergarten next year) would be another story altogether.

I don't want to react out of fear. I don't like to let fear and anxiety rule my life. I am planning on talking to the school councelor and see what she says. My husband understands why I am freaking out but he says I am overreacting.

Have any of you parents out there been down this road and can offer some perspective?

 

[mickeyplanner08]

OK, so we never set out to be homeschoolers. We never envisioned we would be homeschoolers, but there we were 2 years ago, homeschooling our 2 kids. Actually, my husband quit his job to homeschool our then Kinder and Preschooler. Christian ed was expensive, public schools were great, but daughter had done Pre-K and learned that "Batman smells and Robin laid an egg" at Christmas, along with a lot of other fun stuff that I didn't really feel was necessary. If he could do it, you can, too. It's not that hard, really. Ours are back in school for this year, but I don't know how long they will stay there. It was just so much easier to have them at home and not have to follow any one else's schedule. Now we have to ask for permission to go to Disney for crying out loud What kind of support is available in your community. We happen to live in an area with lots of homeschool groups, activities and whatever you could want to imagine. It was actually quite easy to overschedule even when homeschooling. Do what you think is best. They are only 6 years old once-that's 1/2 way to 12 when they may have some sort of reason to have a beginning idea of what "sexy" is. Love em and keep them small while you can-when you blink they grow up and move out! Good luck in whatever you and your husband decide.

 

[kimbac3]

Hello!
I've been homeschooling for 12 years now - oldest is in 11th grade (we started with kindergarten)! I don't know if you are a Christian or not but if you are I suggest you pray on it. If you feel led to do it then I say try it!
It's not for everyone but I really enjoy it.
If you decide to homeschool and need help at where to start or support please feel free to PM me. I'd be glad to help. I ran a homeschool support group for years - I enjoy helping people!

Good luck with your decision.

Kimba

 

[Tricia819]

I know what you mean, my 4 year old daughter had two little boys brawling over her at my DB's wedding. My husband talked to them and told them it was inappropriate, but it probably went in one ear and out the other.

At 6 y.o. I seriously doubt the kids that said it even know what it means. They are just mimicking what they see and hear from the adults in their lives and from the T.V. (In kindergarten, I overheard my daughter singing an inappropriate Black Eyed Peas song, we put a stop to that REAL QUICK.) However, if they are chasing her around the playground trying to kiss her there needs to be some intervention on the school's part. The teacher, school counselor, or principal should have a little non-disciplinary chat with them and explain their behavior isn't appropriate for their age or at all in school and send a little note or phone call home to their parents to explain what is going on and could they please reinforce this discussion at home because if it continues disciplinary measures will have to be taken.

Kids are bound to pick things up from their friends whether they are homeschooled or not. Unfortunately, we can't watch them every hour of every day and they have to learn how to deal with situations we'd rather they didn't have to deal with until they were much older.

 

[princessmom29]

I am a high school teacher and mom to a DD4, and i think you may be overreacting a little here. Kids are always going to say and do things that you would personally not wantyour child saying or hearing. Beleive me I have been there with a little boy in my 4 year old's class this year. Let's just say he is exposed to things at home that my DD would NEVER be. That being said I look on it as my resposibility to teach her that just because someone else says or does something that does not make it ok. We talk about things like this and why it iis not ok to say those things on a her level. I look on it as something that is unavoidable. Kids are eventually going to be exposed to it at some point in their lives and they have got to learn to deal with it. Pulling them out of school to reduce the chances of them hearing something off color is simply delaying the inevitable. I prefer for my daughter to be in as good a school environment as possible, and to teach her how to deal with situations where people have different value systems than we do. I can tell you that what she heard today will not have nearly as much impact on the kind of tween/teem you raise as how you handle it. By and large my students whose parents teach them to do the right thing and have empathy for others while maintaining sound moral standards are largely unaffected by the actions of their peers. There are of course exceptions to this rule, but by and large strong families make strong kids, and they generally know how to handle things on their own by middle/high school. The ones I see having trouble with peer pressure either have parents who don't care and provide no moral compass or those who resent having been kept in a bubble all their lives and will do anything to get out.

 

[disykat]

Gear up because you can't protect them from everything - whether you homeschool or not. We have pretty conservative values and have our kids in public school. They are exposed to things I'm not crazy about at times but are learning to deal with them.

Honestly, the worst influence on my sons has been a homeschooled relative. IMO, he spent too much time alone with his teenaged brother and was "educated" early in things he should have had no interest in and certainly didn't have the maturity to handle. He is in private school now and I'm hoping it's really good for him. He'll be with his peers. At home, his older brother was an issue, and in his homeschooling activities all of his friends were much older and usually girls.

 

[allison443]

From what I have read, many/most homeschoolers have their kids in extracurricular activities, like sports teams, dance, scouts, etc. Your child can still come into contact with "those kids" outside school.

That said, I understand why you are upset! I think we have all had to tell our kids that something is inappropriate for them. At that age, my kids would ask to watch a certain tv show or movie, buy a certain outfit or toy, and if I didn't agree with it I didn't allow it, even if other kids did.
My oldest dd is permanently scarred because I did not let her watch Saved by the Bell.
At our house I didn't allow certain words, like stupid, shut up. My kids heard these things plenty of times from other kids. But I had to teach them what I thought was right.
I notice you said the school system is wonderful. That doesn't make your decision easy! Best of luck with whatever you decide.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I can understand some of the stuf fyou might be upset with but most of it I think is just typical kids stuff. Kids tell each other they are going to get married to each other etc. in pre-school! It is innocent. I think it is the adults that make it into something that it isn't. Kids see their parents married and most kids model after their parents so they say things like "I am going to get married to so and so, they are so cute!" Trust me, there was a whole bunch of boys in one preschool class here that all liked one girl. They were not innappropriate. They wanted to marry her, sit next to her etc. It was done in innocence. It's not like they are 16 with deviant thoughts. They see it as a loving thing in a completely child like way. Have you ever said to your children "One day when you get older and get married....." ? I really think that is what it is all about. No, I don't like the language the kid used and no I do not think they should be chasing her to kiss her so that I would address but the whole girlfriend/married thing imo is not a big deal.

 

[SLK1]

If it had been my first, I probably would have reacted the way you are. Having "been there, done that", though, I will tell you you will definitely see down the road that you're over-reacting (not negating your feelings, but it's really innocent kid stuff). My kindergartener had to draw something hot for homework, and her older brother suggested a "hot girl". Yes, we talked to him and told him it was inappropriate, but here is a great kid (the older brother) with a very high IQ, great grades, always polite and kind, and look what he told his sister. You cannot protect them from everything; you can only use "teaching moments" to the best of your ability.

I am not a fan of homeschooling as I believe in diversity, dealing with confrontation and adversity, and learning the ways of the world (as one PP said, they don't have to conform to anyone's schedules, but I just feel that is setting your child up for very unrealistic expectations for the real world). I'm sure the flames are coming after that, but really, it's just my opinion. I live where the public schools are good. I am not a qualified teacher but am extremely involved in my children's education. Kids need to be with kids. They need to learn rules of a classroom, listening amongst various distractions, walking in lines, how to open a milk carton or their own bag of chips...it's all so much more than books and curriculum. They also need to learn to discern right from wrong on their own - how to treat others and how their actions impact others - without the constant hovering of a parent whispering in their ears.

Having said that, you should definitely bring up this stuff to the teacher so the teacher can help diffuse the situation. It's totally innocent playground stuff that is harmless (and I'm going to tell my husband tonight how "sasky" he is!), and trust me, come middle and high school, you will need to learn to deal with much more than this. But, remain a strong and involved parent, and you will guide your child just fine.

 

[YellowMickeyPonchos]

I think SKL1 really hit the nail on the head with her post.

We can't completely protect them or they won't have a clue what to do on their own. They need to see the world in order to know how to live in it. Don't disadvantage them - give them the skills they need to cope with the reality of today's world.

You just have to make sure you keep the dialog going with them in order for them to want to learn and keep true to your value system. Once they shut the door on you and refuse to communicate, you've lost the battle. Your kids need to know they can come to you and tell you things (like what your daughter told you in this instance) and not have you flip out or become judgemental.

You're not alone/being the only person in the world to need to work on this. I know that when my girls go out on their own, it will be a skill I will need to hone.

 

[Chelley00]

Unless you completely wrap them up inside and never let them see the outside world, homeschoolers still learn things from other kids, whether neighbors, homeschooled friends (who learn it from other kids) or on TV. We homeschooled our oldest 2, and every once in awhile they would throw something out that I couldn't figure out where they would learn things like that. It was coming from a boy who they had homeschool gym class with who had an older boy living next door that he played with after school.

In your situation, you definately need to go to the school and let them know what is going on. The school can control the playground behaviours if they have playground monitors.


And to reply to SLK1, my children were homeschooled and are now in a private school, and when they went to school, they could open their own bag of chips, walk in a line, and even knew to raise their hand during class, and I wasn't there whispering in their ears to behave all day. Some kids who have been in school their entire lives don't always know how to do those things.

 

[Hannahsmom]

Gear up because you can't protect them from everything - whether you homeschool or not. We have pretty conservative values and have our kids in public school. They are exposed to things I'm not crazy about at times but are learning to deal with them.

Honestly, the worst influence on my sons has been a homeschooled relative. IMO, he spent too much time alone with his teenaged brother and was "educated" early in things he should have had no interest in and certainly didn't have the maturity to handle. He is in private school now and I'm hoping it's really good for him. He'll be with his peers. At home, his older brother was an issue, and in his homeschooling activities all of his friends were much older and usually girls.

Funny, my big headache is the homeschooled girl in my brownie troop who keeps telling my daughter that she is going to Hell because we don't go to church and there is no Santa Clause.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm guilty of having a dd5 who "shakes her booty" and such - the hazards of being one of the youngest of 5. I'd be MUCH more upset of 12 year old boys told my dd12 that she was hot and sexy, than a 5 year old telling my 5 year old - I really don't think they have any idea what they're talking about. I remember my oldest dd being quite the flirt back in the day, but now that she's reached adolescence, she is MUCH more shy around the boys - typical shoulders slumped, eyes to the ground, books covering her chest.

In every kindergarten/first grade class I've witnessed, there are always a couple of kids (boys and/or girls) who like to chase the opposite sex around. The school totally needs to talk to them, and explain why it's wrong (personal space).

 

[eeyorefan74]

Have you thought about private schools in your area as a compromise between the current school and homeschooling? DD is at a private Christian school, and I love the values she's learning. Not that I think I can protect her from everything, but it's nice to know she has teachers who are on the same page as I am about how I want her to grow up, and that the classes are small enough that the teacher knows most of what goes on. I realize this wouldn't work out for everyone, but for us the peace of mind is worth sacrificing in other areas to be able to afford this school.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Have you thought about private schools in your area as a compromise between the current school and homeschooling? DD is at a private Christian school, and I love the values she's learning. Not that I think I can protect her from everything, but it's nice to know she has teachers who are on the same page as I am about how I want her to grow up, and that the classes are small enough that the teacher knows most of what goes on. I realize this wouldn't work out for everyone, but for us the peace of mind is worth sacrificing in other areas to be able to afford this school.

I am not trying to sound snippy and I am sure you have a great school, but private schools are no guarantee of anything. When I was in church youth group the Catholic school girls were the worst! They were mean and well, VERY interested in the boys. Now I am not saying that all private school kids are like that I am just saying that it doesn't matter where you go to school. You will meet all different kinds of people. I was a public school kid and I can tell you that I was not like those girls at all. Were there people in public school like that too? Sure. But they are not exempt from them in private school or even homeschooling circles either.

 

[K and K's Mommy]

Funny story - I just had to explain sexy to my THREE year old. It was my fault though! My kids watch next to no t.v., but he was not going to bed because he had fallen asleep at 4:00 and woke-up at 6:00. So, I am watching Dancing with the Stars and he is with me. He asked me, "What does sexy mean?" I told him it was a word for adults. He persisted, "But what does it MEAN?" I said it is when a woman thinks a man looks good or a man thinks a women looks good.

No more Dancing with the Stars for him!! Hopefully, I won't hear about him telling a preschool girl she is sexy!!

 

[mommyof2princesses]

If it had been my first, I probably would have reacted the way you are. Having "been there, done that", though, I will tell you you will definitely see down the road that you're over-reacting (not negating your feelings, but it's really innocent kid stuff). My kindergartener had to draw something hot for homework, and her older brother suggested a "hot girl". Yes, we talked to him and told him it was inappropriate, but here is a great kid (the older brother) with a very high IQ, great grades, always polite and kind, and look what he told his sister. You cannot protect them from everything; you can only use "teaching moments" to the best of your ability.

I am not a fan of homeschooling as I believe in diversity, dealing with confrontation and adversity, and learning the ways of the world (as one PP said, they don't have to conform to anyone's schedules, but I just feel that is setting your child up for very unrealistic expectations for the real world). I'm sure the flames are coming after that, but really, it's just my opinion. I live where the public schools are good. I am not a qualified teacher but am extremely involved in my children's education. Kids need to be with kids. They need to learn rules of a classroom, listening amongst various distractions, walking in lines, how to open a milk carton or their own bag of chips...it's all so much more than books and curriculum. They also need to learn to discern right from wrong on their own - how to treat others and how their actions impact others - without the constant hovering of a parent whispering in their ears.

Having said that, you should definitely bring up this stuff to the teacher so the teacher can help diffuse the situation. It's totally innocent playground stuff that is harmless (and I'm going to tell my husband tonight how "sasky" he is!), and trust me, come middle and high school, you will need to learn to deal with much more than this. But, remain a strong and involved parent, and you will guide your child just fine.

Apparently you wanted flames by stating such biased opinions. Are you saying that children who are homeschooled can't open a bag of chips? Or wait on a line? Or identify right from wrong? Seems you hold a very prejudiced opinion.

What ways of the world do children really learn in school? Many homeschooled children are atually out in the real world learning about the real world. They wait in lines at the grocery store, at the theater, at Disney World . My 5 year old can prepare her own lunch and make smart choices about what would consitute a healthy lunch. My 13 year old can set her own schedule for school and get it done, and she understands deadlines and how to study on her own without mommy whispering in her ear. When I was very sick, she even wrote up her own lesson plans and went ahead with her school week. She has also a job already.

Now, for the op. I would be ticked if my children were exposed to the teasing your daughter is being subjected to. It may not be a reason to homeschool, though. Talk to the teacher, the principal, the counselor. Get involved in the school. Try to get a bully education program started. We can't control other people's children, but we can try to teach them right from wrong. Just because your child may be exposed to worse in middle and high school, doesn't mean it is acceptable. No sort of teasing is acceptable.

 

[snickerboo]

I am not a homeschooler but, like you, I think about it often. As you say, OP, children are out of control and you can't send your child to school in a bubble. My daughter is an A student, kind, does well at athletics, and we are told often by adults how pretty she is. She likes the same things as the other girls and dresses stylish. Nevertheless, my daughter was toremented by other girls being mean to her in the first and second grades. She was going to sleep crying. I was picking her up from school for lunch to have a break from these girls. Going to the school for social bullying, at least in our experience, is useless. These girls were given very minor punishments and it was not treated as bullying by our school's administration, even though it fit the classic definition of social bullying. They felt that, at that age, they don't understand that it's bullying, which is baloney. To boot, we often have to fight to get her what she needs academically from her teachers. Our school's teachers aren't bad, and the odd one is very good but they are mostly mediocre. I find very few of them enthusiastic about teaching, working with children or doing extracurriculars. I am educated as a teacher myself but choose to stay home so I know that it's challenging being a teacher, especially in today's world, but apathetic teachers coupled with mean girl bullying in the primary grades make me consider homeschooling.

 

[Ellester]

I don't want to react out of fear. I don't like to let fear and anxiety rule my life. I am planning on talking to the school councelor and see what she says. My husband understands why I am freaking out but he says I am overreacting.

Have any of you parents out there been down this road and can offer some perspective?

While we started homeschooling mostly for academic reasons, one of the many additional benefits was having more control over our children's daily interactions. In K and 1st grade, my dd was made fun of for not knowing particular swear words, had her dress lifted so a male class mate could see her underwear, and experienced several other things that we did not consider appropriate for her (or really, any) age. We hold what many would consider conservative views in our house and, in our opinion and our case, public school led a barrage of attacks against our personal viewpoints. Our children are by no means sequestered away from the world at large(between park days, field trips, co-op, tennis, Sunday school, theater class, and simply running errands our schedule is pretty packed with "socialization" opportunities).

I think talking to the counselor is a good first step, I would be very interested to hear what he/she has to say. It will give you a good gauge of how the school responds to these types of incidents.

 

[princessmom29]

Unless you completely wrap them up inside and never let them see the outside world, homeschoolers still learn things from other kids, whether neighbors, homeschooled friends (who learn it from other kids) or on TV. We homeschooled our oldest 2, and every once in awhile they would throw something out that I couldn't figure out where they would learn things like that. It was coming from a boy who they had homeschool gym class with who had an older boy living next door that he played with after school.

In your situation, you definately need to go to the school and let them know what is going on. The school can control the playground behaviours if they have playground monitors.


And to reply to SLK1, my children were homeschooled and are now in a private school, and when they went to school, they could open their own bag of chips, walk in a line, and even knew to raise their hand during class, and I wasn't there whispering in their ears to behave all day. Some kids who have been in school their entire lives don't always know how to do those things.

Funny, my big headache is the homeschooled girl in my brownie troop who keeps telling my daughter that she is going to Hell because we don't go to church and there is no Santa Clause.

Have you thought about private schools in your area as a compromise between the current school and homeschooling? DD is at a private Christian school, and I love the values she's learning. Not that I think I can protect her from everything, but it's nice to know she has teachers who are on the same page as I am about how I want her to grow up, and that the classes are small enough that the teacher knows most of what goes on. I realize this wouldn't work out for everyone, but for us the peace of mind is worth sacrificing in other areas to be able to afford this school.

I am not trying to sound snippy and I am sure you have a great school, but private schools are no guarantee of anything. When I was in church youth group the Catholic school girls were the worst! They were mean and well, VERY interested in the boys. Now I am not saying that all private school kids are like that I am just saying that it doesn't matter where you go to school. You will meet all different kinds of people. I was a public school kid and I can tell you that I was not like those girls at all. Were there people in public school like that too? Sure. But they are not exempt from them in private school or even homeschooling circles either.

Apparently you wanted flames by stating such biased opinions. Are you saying that children who are homeschooled can't open a bag of chips? Or wait on a line? Or identify right from wrong? Seems you hold a very prejudiced opinion.

What ways of the world do children really learn in school? Many homeschooled children are atually out in the real world learning about the real world. They wait in lines at the grocery store, at the theater, at Disney World . My 5 year old can prepare her own lunch and make smart choices about what would consitute a healthy lunch. My 13 year old can set her own schedule for school and get it done, and she understands deadlines and how to study on her own without mommy whispering in her ear. When I was very sick, she even wrote up her own lesson plans and went ahead with her school week. She has also a job already.

Now, for the op. I would be ticked if my children were exposed to the teasing your daughter is being subjected to. It may not be a reason to homeschool, though. Talk to the teacher, the principal, the counselor. Get involved in the school. Try to get a bully education program started. We can't control other people's children, but we can try to teach them right from wrong. Just because your child may be exposed to worse in middle and high school, doesn't mean it is acceptable. No sort of teasing is acceptable.

I think what all of these statements boil down to is this: Whatever our choices on how to educate our children We cannot protect them form everything. My opinion is that we shouldn't protect them form everything. No teasing should not be ok., but it is going to happen. It is impossible to prevent it all. Our kids have got to learn to deal with these situations when they arise in order to be functioning adults in society. It is our reactions to this that shapes their attitude about it. Removing a child for the situation rather than teaching them to dael with it in my opinion sets a bad precedent. Perhaps after talking to your little girl she could tell these boys that it is not ok to kiss her and to stop it. This is what we did in conjunction with talking to her teacher about it so that she coulf monitor the situation. It has not happened since.
I don't choose to homeschool because for my child with the homeschool resources to be had in this area I do not think it is the best choice. I need to work and I enjoy my job. DD loves going to scholol and enjoys seeing her friends. There is not a homeschool group here that I would choose to be a part of. They are either intensely religious to the point of not teaching science adequately and not allowing children to read non-religious literature, or try to keep their kids in a bubble. I have seen homeschool done well. I have seen homeschool done not so well. The same it true for both public and private schools. My DD will be going to a private school next year b/c that is the best choice for us. It is an Episcopal school and we are episcopalian, but they do not teach a religion class. She will be close to my school so that I can drop her off and pick her up and will be getting a top notch education. they have facilities thqat are not available in public school. Not to say that the public schools here are bad, they are not and I teach in a public school. This is just what worked out best for us.
Everyone has to do what they feel is best for their kids, but please think twice about the message you are sending by pulling a child out of school to avoid dealing with a situation like this. I just feel like doing this is sending the message that running from problems solves them.