Homeschooled child concern

[Southernmiss]

Families can still be close and have boundaries.

 

[Colleen27]

So when does someone intervene? When it's too late to help the kid be successful? Our family must just be closer than most - we do discuss all this stuff, openly, work together on stuff, etc. I'm privy to my nieces' and nephew's lives in ways it seems no one else on this forum is involved in their families. I may have one niece come live with me at one point to do her schooling here. My younger daughter may end up living with her aunt and uncle. Are no other families that close?

So I guess the parents are in the bedroom with her all night while she's on the internet. When do they work, sleep?


Well, if you know how to think yourself... Seriously though, unless the parent is well educated it can be very hard to homeschool past a certain grade level. I'm thinking high school level math and sciences, foreign language, etc. I know many pay for online schooling, but is that even considered 'homeschooling'?

That's the thing about rights and freedom... There isn't always someone holding your hand, making sure you do it right. There isn't for public schools either. There was a study a while back about the functional illiteracy rate of high school grads in underperforming districts that was pretty alarming, and my state is actually arguing in court that literacy is not a basic right in response to a suit over failing schools. But for some reason, people get far more worked up over the *possibility* of homeschooling parents not preparing their children for college or the workforce than they do about the *certainty* that many public schools are failing students in similar ways.

As far as when the parents work and sleep, most homeschooling families I know have an at-home parent or staggered shifts. So one of the parents is probably more or less on the child's schedule. But really, I'm of the opinion that a middle or high school aged kid doesn't need a ton of direct supervision anyway. I didn't hover over my kids' shoulders to keep tabs on their internet use at that age. I had their passwords, spot checked their interactions and histories every now and again (and yes, I'm aware of the limitations of both browsing history and parental controls - my first career was in IT), and keep open lines of communication.

And when it comes to homeschooling advanced subjects, co-ops, online learning programs, and community college courses are all available to supplement the parents' knowledge, in addition to structured curriculum materials. It is still homeschooling, as long as the parents are the ones directing the course sequence and choosing the curriculum and tools to use, even if the parents aren't the ones teaching every single lesson personally.

 

[Disneychick75]

How about parents, as long as they're capable, choose the best option for their own child(ren)? Find a way to support their decisions, not tear them down. This is directed to no one in particular.

 

[cruiser21]

How about parents, as long as they're capable, choose the best option for their own child(ren)? Find a way to support their decisions, not tear them down. This is directed to no one in particular.

You should get a lot of "likes" for this post.

 

[cruiser21]

That's the thing about rights and freedom... There isn't always someone holding your hand, making sure you do it right. There isn't for public schools either. There was a study a while back about the functional illiteracy rate of high school grads in underperforming districts that was pretty alarming, and my state is actually arguing in court that literacy is not a basic right in response to a suit over failing schools. But for some reason, people get far more worked up over the *possibility* of homeschooling parents not preparing their children for college or the workforce than they do about the *certainty* that many public schools are failing students in similar ways.

As far as when the parents work and sleep, most homeschooling families I know have an at-home parent or staggered shifts. So one of the parents is probably more or less on the child's schedule. But really, I'm of the opinion that a middle or high school aged kid doesn't need a ton of direct supervision anyway. I didn't hover over my kids' shoulders to keep tabs on their internet use at that age. I had their passwords, spot checked their interactions and histories every now and again (and yes, I'm aware of the limitations of both browsing history and parental controls - my first career was in IT), and keep open lines of communication.

And when it comes to homeschooling advanced subjects, co-ops, online learning programs, and community college courses are all available to supplement the parents' knowledge, in addition to structured curriculum materials. It is still homeschooling, as long as the parents are the ones directing the course sequence and choosing the curriculum and tools to use, even if the parents aren't the ones teaching every single lesson personally.

I agree with this. I live in Arizona. English is a second language at many schools. My kids are middle school and high school. They get up between 8 and 9 and start their school work around 10am. I go running in the morning and I see kids waiting for the bus at 645 am . I can't imagine how sleep deprived these kids are. I doubt these kids are in bed at 9pm. The JR colleges around here allow high schoolers including homeschoolers to enroll. There's also online schools that are very popular. Education in this country is evolving just like everything else. I'm in my 40's so all this stuff was unheard of when I was in high school. I think 10 years from now online classes may be the norm. I know the number of kids being home schooled increases every year. There is still a lot of resistance. I go to work and listen to other mom's complain about the schools and then when I tell them I homeschool they tell me that's weird. You can't win.

 

[Colleen27]

I agree with this. I live in Arizona. English is a second language at many schools. My kids are middle school and high school. They get up between 8 and 9 and start their school work around 10am. I go running in the morning and I see kids waiting for the bus at 645 am . I can't imagine how sleep deprived these kids are. I doubt these kids are in bed at 9pm. The JR colleges around here allow high schoolers including homeschoolers to enroll. There's also online schools that are very popular. Education in this country is evolving just like everything else. I'm in my 40's so all this stuff was unheard of when I was in high school. I think 10 years from now online classes may be the norm. I know the number of kids being home schooled increases every year. There is still a lot of resistance. I go to work and listen to other mom's complain about the schools and then when I tell them I homeschool they tell me that's weird. You can't win.

Even in traditional schools. My daughter will have at least one online class all the way through high school - two years of Japanese, one of oceanography, and an AP section of environmental science. She goes to a private school, but they utilize an accredited online school to supplement their course offerings. The public schools also use online classes for credit recovery, to allow kids who need to repeat a class to do so, and encourage dual-enrollment into the online sections of community college classes in subject areas where the school doesn't have an in-person advanced section. But no one would say those kids aren't still students at their brick-and-mortar school just because they're taking courses in other venues, so I don't see why people feel like it somehow takes the "home" out of "homeschooling".

 

[bethy]

Because she's my niece, and I'm concerned because she doesn't have any friends and is staying up all night on the computer. That wouldn't concern you at all?

NO!

 

[bethy]

.

 

[bethy]

My 13 year old DD has zero friends, and kids at school tell her to go away, they don't want to talk to her. She is in a traditional school, never been homeschooled, not on Facebook, and keeps regular sleeping and eating hours. She also doesn't want to participate in activities, but maybe it's because other kids have ostracized her her whole life. Do you know which came first, the chicken or the egg? Maybe your niece was always friendless, and her parents think it's best for her to learn at home where kids aren't always making her feel worthless. Maybe I should do the same with my DD. As you can see, the answers are never easy, and most parents are doing everything they can for the sake of the child. If you have evidence to the contrary, that your niece is being beaten, or neglected, or abused in any way, then obviously that is a situation that is very wrong, and you'd need to step in. But I don't think you can or should intervene because your niece doesn't have friends or doesn't follow a traditional time schedule at school. If you figure out a way to force a kid to have friends, please let me know, because my DD would do anything to have even one friend.

Big hugs to you and your DD. FWIW she is not alone. My DD16 has gone through something similar. As a result she has been homeschooled since sixth grade. I truly believe that pulling out of school saved her life. She too, would still love to have one friend. Some people assume that making and keeping friends is so easy. Chicken or egg is right.

 

[ELSA711]

ELSA711 said: ↑
I would love homeschooling for my kids for the flexibility of schedules. All 3 of my children have different time clocks and different learning strategies. That IMO is the beauty of homeschooling something that public or traditional schools can not always accommodate.
Click to expand...

As long as they can get that to work in the employment world, a flexible schedule is great. It's hard to find that though. I work with teens who have found it very hard to stay employed when they are allowed to be night owls.

** I think in today's world it's very different ** I work in a global industry and support office from London through Melbourne Australia , I think it's easier to do that most people think. I work in multiple time zones successfully.

 

[because]

You have made your concerns aware to the parents and they have told you that they are fine with their decisions. Now it is time to back off and leave them to their style of parenting. It may not be your preferred style but that is how the world works.

 

[bethy]

The parent is the teacher...so yes that is who assigns the grades. Most parents that commit themselves to homeschooling their kids take it very seriously. I don't know any parent that wants to support their kid after the age of 22. The goal is to get them into college and successfully launched.

Yes, I personally have never met a homeschooling parent who isn't passionate and highly involved in their child's education. Think about it - if you didn't want to deal with your kid wouldn't you send them off to school rather than take on the burden of homeschooling?

 

[DisneyOma]

You do realize there are failing kids in publicschools also. Are you going to intervene in their lives too. I'm not sure if your wanted advice or your just trying to troll to get a rise out of the homeschoolers on this board.

Just to add if you feel inclined to intervene then by all means do it. You don't need our permission, but there is no need to come here and disparage home schoolers.

I do intervene - I work with them every day. I encourage them to get help, encourage them to speak out about negative aspects of their home life (like parents who aren't home, don't care if the kid goes to school or not, etc).

Disparaging homeschoolers? I've only talked about the one situation with the niece, from the OP, and responded to another poster. Questioned who was giving the grades, and if the child had a healthy social life outside of social media. How is that disparaging homeschoolers?

"Close" is a two-way street, when it comes to families. Presumably your nieces' and nephews' parents appreciate and value your role in their children's lives. Otherwise, they'd cut you out, and they'd have every right to do so. In fact, if they had any reason to believe you were a toxic element in their family's life, they'd have a responsibility to do so.

Also, for the record, I guarantee you are not unique in being close to your family. Other people can disagree on this topic and still have family ties just as strong as yours.



You never "get a say" in how someone else raises their own child, even if they're related to you. Sometimes, if the child is genuinely being neglected or abused, the state "gets a say", but you - as an individual - do not.

The best you can ever hope for is to have your opinions voluntarily listened to and maybe even have your advice followed. But that's not the same as "getting a say".



What teens are we talking about, over the "centuries of humankind's existence"? For most of human history we rose with the sun and went to bed when the sun set, because we had no other option. I'm sure teens living in the far north had all sorts of weird hours, given the varying lengths of the day and night throughout the seasons. Teens working in factories during the Industrial Revolution could work any time of the day or night, and would have slept when they could. Teens who worked nights would sleep during the day. The non-working children of the wealthy probably routinely slept in until noon, because why wouldn't they? I really don't think getting up at 11 and going to sleep at 2am is going to turn anyone into an adult who can't "suck it up" and "just deal". My son keeps those kinds of hours routinely when he's not in university. He'd spend two or three months sleeping in until noon during the summer. But, if he's got an 8 o'clock class, he's up and out the door on time. Not because I instilled rigid sleep habits in him, but because he cares about actually getting to class and doing well.



Correcting someone's grammar on a message board?



When invited to get involved, yes. When welcomed, yes. When told to butt out, families butt out. It's called "Respect".



The child is 12. It'll be awhile yet before her parents hit a topic they can't grasp. And yes, online schooling IS homeschooling.

Where to start - yes, my family appreciates each other, and actually we ask for advice, and discuss family situations together all the time. We're not talking unsolicited advice, we're talking open communication. And not once has it ever been anything close to a "mind your own business' response.

I do get a say in a child's upbringing, because I am a mandated reporter. I have to make a call and file a written report if I suspect abuse or neglect. The state decides to do something (or not) but I have a say, because by law I have to say.

Not correcting grammar, asking for clarification to understand what the poster meant. Typos happen, but typos can mess up intent. What's so wrong with asking for clarification?

My family has always been inviting, so not sure how it is to not be - must suck.

If the child is reading at the ninth grade level, some content may be difficult. Pythagorean theorem, algebra, transformation and congruence, permutations, factorials - that's a bit of 7th grade math. Is the child going back to public school when she exceeds the parent's expertise? And a PP stated that online schooling isn't considered homeschooling. So now, I guess it is?

Did I answer all the questions?

Yes, I personally have never met a homeschooling parent who isn't passionate and highly involved in their child's education. Think about it - if you didn't want to deal with your kid wouldn't you send them off to school rather than take on the burden of homeschooling?

No, you'd keep them at home because you had no discipline, and let them just stay home instead of trying to make them go to school when they'd rather stay up all night playing video games and sleep all day. That's what a parent or two did in our school district. So, yes, some parents do it because they want to control what the kid learns, others do it because they have a passion for education and see it as a way to bond even more as a family, others can't be bothered to parent at all, some want the freedom to go on WDW vacations whenever they feel like it

My guess is you have only seen the ones who are involved because they network to interact. The ones who don't give half a hoot don't go out looking for interaction.

 

[Magpie]

Where to start - yes, my family appreciates each other, and actually we ask for advice, and discuss family situations together all the time. We're not talking unsolicited advice, we're talking open communication. And not once has it ever been anything close to a "mind your own business' response.

I do get a say in a child's upbringing, because I am a mandated reporter. I have to make a call and file a written report if I suspect abuse or neglect. The state decides to do something (or not) but I have a say, because by law I have to say.

My family has always been inviting, so not sure how it is to not be - must suck.

If the child is reading at the ninth grade level, some content may be difficult. Pythagorean theorem, algebra, transformation and congruence, permutations, factorials - that's a bit of 7th grade math. Is the child going back to public school when she exceeds the parent's expertise? And a PP stated that online schooling isn't considered homeschooling. So now, I guess it is?

I'm sure other people, who respect their family members and have sensible, healthy boundaries, also enjoy open communication and discuss their family situations with each other. Again, as I pointed out before, disagreeing with you on whether you have the right to "have a say" in how they parent their children, does not mean their family lives "suck" compared to yours.

Also, do you consider the OP's post something you - as a mandated reporter - would be obliged to report?

And because you are a mandated reporter, do you think this status gives you the right to tell your family members how to raise their children, all the way down to the fine details like when they should go to bed at age 12?

Speaking of grammatical clarity, "having a say" is not the same as "I have to say". The first is, "I get to dictate what you do." The second is, "I have to tell the authorities what you are doing."

Are you really saying that a child who is reading two years above her grade level isn't reading well enough? (That's assuming she's in grade 7. At 12, she could very well be in Grade 6, depending on what her birthday is/the age cut off.)

Edit: Just noticed your other questions!

The child may go back to school, when she's ready. Or her parents may engage a tutor. Or use online learning resources. Several people have already addressed the question of "what is homeschooling" and done it well. Me, I consider it parent-directed learning, outside of the private or public schools. What resources the parent uses is up to them.

My own children didn't rejoin the public school system because they'd exceeded my expertise. I had already taught them quite a lot in subjects I didn't know much about, all of us learning together, using the same resources. A big part of homeschooling is learning to learn. I was able to teach them a lot of organizational, research and study skills that stood them in good stead later.

Our kids went back to public school because our son said he wanted "friends who are boys" (our neighbourhood and homeschool group were almost all girls), and because we felt our daughter was turning into too much of a bookworm and needed a bit of a shove out of her comfort zone. Every family's reasons for homeschooling, or not, will be different, and can change from year to year.

 

[PlainJane]

My 13 year old DD has zero friends, and kids at school tell her to go away, they don't want to talk to her. She is in a traditional school, never been homeschooled, not on Facebook, and keeps regular sleeping and eating hours. She also doesn't want to participate in activities, but maybe it's because other kids have ostracized her her whole life. Do you know which came first, the chicken or the egg? Maybe your niece was always friendless, and her parents think it's best for her to learn at home where kids aren't always making her feel worthless. Maybe I should do the same with my DD. As you can see, the answers are never easy, and most parents are doing everything they can for the sake of the child. If you have evidence to the contrary, that your niece is being beaten, or neglected, or abused in any way, then obviously that is a situation that is very wrong, and you'd need to step in. But I don't think you can or should intervene because your niece doesn't have friends or doesn't follow a traditional time schedule at school. If you figure out a way to force a kid to have friends, please let me know, because my DD would do anything to have even one friend.

I'm so sorry about your DD. I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I've learned to hide it, and most people are genuinely shocked to find out that I'm a very shy person. I was in the 3rd grade when this awful girl decided she wanted my best friend to be hers, and she just made my life miserable. I came home crying a lot of days. Even though, it's the other person's problem, it feels like there's something wrong with you. There's something about me that "puts off" alpha girls, and I've had to work around it, but it did cause me a lot of hurt feelings when I was a child and a teen. I hope and pray things go better at her school or she is able to find friends in another way.

I only have a one year old, so I can't relate to having an older daughter, but my heart is breaking over here thinking how much this must hurt you too. We can love them to the ends of the earth, but it's hard for them to not put their value in what temporary peers think.

No, you'd keep them at home because you had no discipline, and let them just stay home instead of trying to make them go to school when they'd rather stay up all night playing video games and sleep all day. That's what a parent or two did in our school district. So, yes, some parents do it because they want to control what the kid learns, others do it because they have a passion for education and see it as a way to bond even more as a family, others can't be bothered to parent at all, some want the freedom to go on WDW vacations whenever they feel like it

I was homeschooled from 4-12th grade (unrelated to the bullying issue mentioned above). I've met all types. Most were very involved and did a great job preparing their children for the future. There are the bad stories and the good stories, just like there are good and bad outcomes in private and public schools. My grades came from various places. Some of my grades were from coursework my mother assigned, some were from co-op teachers, and the rest came from my private math teacher. Homeschooled students know they have to prove themselves to colleges, far more than a public or private schooled student. We know our GPA is questioned.

I did frequently go to Disney World with my mother, with no care for what month it was on the calendar, those were the days! Now, I'm an adult and my responsibilities keep me from going as much. I still somehow managed to get into the very prestigious college that I set my sights on at the ripe old age of 12. I also did well there, so it wasn't just parental grade inflation.

 

[cruiser21]

I'm so sorry about your DD. I've had social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I've learned to hide it, and most people are genuinely shocked to find out that I'm a very shy person. I was in the 3rd grade when this awful girl decided she wanted my best friend to be hers, and she just made my life miserable. I came home crying a lot of days. Even though, it's the other person's problem, it feels like there's something wrong with you. There's something about me that "puts off" alpha girls, and I've had to work around it, but it did cause me a lot of hurt feelings when I was a child and a teen. I hope and pray things go better at her school or she is able to find friends in another way.

I only have a one year old, so I can't relate to having an older daughter, but my heart is breaking over here thinking how much this must hurt you too. We can love them to the ends of the earth, but it's hard for them to not put their value in what temporary peers think.



I was homeschooled from 4-12th grade (unrelated to the bullying issue mentioned above). I've met all types. Most were very involved and did a great job preparing their children for the future. There are the bad stories and the good stories, just like there are good and bad outcomes in private and public schools. My grades came from various places. Some of my grades were from coursework my mother assigned, some were from co-op teachers, and the rest came from my private math teacher. Homeschooled students know they have to prove themselves to colleges, far more than a public or private schooled student. We know our GPA is questioned.

I did frequently go to Disney World with my mother, with no care for what month it was on the calendar, those were the days! Now, I'm an adult and my responsibilities keep me from going as much. I still somehow managed to get into the very prestigious college that I set my sights on at the ripe old age of 12. I also did well there, so it wasn't just parental grade inflation.

Most colleges have an admissions department just for homeschoolers. They cannot deny a child admission based on the fact that they were homeschooled. They look at SAT scores and grades the parents gave them. I don't think it's that much of an issue anymore because most homeschoolers do just fine or excel in college. My homeschooled neighbor got a full scholarship.
I'm not sure what it was like when you were homeschooled, but colleges are pretty welcoming these days.

 

[bethy]

No, you'd keep them at home because you had no discipline, and let them just stay home instead of trying to make them go to school when they'd rather stay up all night playing video games and sleep all day. That's what a parent or two did in our school district. So, yes, some parents do it because they want to control what the kid learns, others do it because they have a passion for education and see it as a way to bond even more as a family, others can't be bothered to parent at all, some want the freedom to go on WDW vacations whenever they feel like it

My guess is you have only seen the ones who are involved because they network to interact. The ones who don't give half a hoot don't go out looking for interaction.

Yes, but a parent or two (or 20) is such a small percentage of school aged children overall. And I can think of even worse situations than you describe above for children to grow up in - no matter where they do or don't attend school. Also I can think of at least 10 additional potential reasons why a family might choose to homeschool - but you got a good list started.

That is wonderful what you do for children on an individual level!

 

[Hikergirl]

Some parents should not be teachers, that is true. However I would wager that there are more actual teachers that shouldn't be teachers than there are Homeschooling parents that shouldn't be.

 

[Nancyg56]

Some parents should not be teachers, that is true. However I would wager that there are more actual teachers that shouldn't be teachers than there are Homeschooling parents that shouldn't be.

Oh my! I have plenty to say about educators who should have either retired or who should have chosen a different profession. My husband's nephew is home schooling his son and I cringe when I think about the level of education he is receiving, but I know that with this family, no matter where the child went there would be controversy. He has already been in two school systems and Dad had "done battle" in both towns. Is it my place to tell him that he is doing a disservice to his son? Nope. The child is not abused, is healthy, and will probably end up with the same level of education his father has, and I made that one go to school until he graduated.

So I know one parent who really is not qualified to teach his child. To contrast that, I know more who are well equipped to provide an excellent educational experience for their children, and each one has their own schedule that is appropriate for their family.

I cannot understand why some people are so invested in "their" way that they cannot see that others have a different method for their own reasons. It is not abuse or neglect to have your own family path. Late nights, and FB use are not what I would use as a threshold to report a family. I also wonder why someone would go out of the way to try to embarrass someone's grammar on a message board.

 

[PlainJane]

Most colleges have an admissions department just for homeschoolers. They cannot deny a child admission based on the fact that they were homeschooled. They look at SAT scores and grades the parents gave them. I don't think it's that much of an issue anymore because most homeschoolers do just fine or excel in college. My homeschooled neighbor got a full scholarship.
I'm not sure what it was like when you were homeschooled, but colleges are pretty welcoming these days.

I completely understand that a college would not deny a homeschooler simply for being a homeschooler. I do think grades are viewed with a more critical eye. To be taken more seriously homeschoolers will often take SAT subject tests, AP tests, community college courses, or just go ahead and get an associate degree first (either after completing high school or completing the associate degree as their junior and senior year of high school). I understand that many "traditionally" schooled students will also do some of the above, but homeschoolers tend to see it as a necessity, even for schools that aren't very competitive. I graduated less than a decade ago, so it hasn't been that long.